Total 226 Blog Posts

  • 16 Feb
    Oyindrila Basu

    Make your Retirement a new beginning

     Make your Retirement a new beginning

    "It took me a while to figure out who I was. It was a difficult transition. At first, I literally couldn't say the words — 'I'm retired.' "- Nancy Schlossberg, a professor of counselling psychology at the University of Maryland.

    Most of us are heard speaking big about retirement. “Oh! Finally, the holidays will arrive; I am waiting for them," “after retirement, will take a trip to Las Vegas," and things like that.

    But when the day actually is about to arrive, and the convocational flowers and cards start reaching your desk; it is not easy.

    You get nervous, slightly excited, that till date, you have worked for making farewells successful, and tomorrow, it's going to be yours, But you are not happy.

    Besides money, it is more of an emotional combat to deal with retirement.

    You, worked for almost 30 years or more, in office structure, meeting colleagues, sharing lunch together, and coming back home at a fixed time, retirement means a shift of identity.

    The next day of your retirement you won’t have any of the activities, you have been doing for nearly half of his lifetime. An emptiness, that suddenly reminds of the last day of school, or the convocation ceremony day in college. But it’s a part of life, and you have to take it as it comes.

    Finance: Retirement causes a kind of insecurity and anxiety in most people, of how they are going to survive without a regular monthly salary!

    Researchers have found, that a common man requires 90% of his pre-retirement income to maintain the same lifestyle when he is no longer working.

    Well of course, retirement should not mean compromise for you. Make your financial plans much ahead.

    Start saving, continue saving from your salary, while you are still working. Invest wisely in company retirement policies, reliable insurance firms and with banks, to keep funds coming into your accounts recurrently, even when you are at rest.

     

    Psychological preparation for retirement: Mostly, the sense of retirement brings boredom along with it. A fit and fine person is suddenly told to be at home one good morning, and it is going to be a continuous process now.

    Often it creates a kind of frustration in the mind; you want to break-free, though you have been hoping to rest so long, this rest period doesn’t seem agreeable to you, because it is never going to end. In the USA, retirement generally doesn’t come before 70, while in India, retirement age is 60 in general.

    A retired person may sound agitated or rude in the initial days, but it is important to keep a check that the frustration does not exceed the limit, beyond which you feel yourself to be worthless.

    Keep yourself ready for the situation. Mentally start accepting, that after the prescribed date, you will leave your old monotonous life and start a fresh chapter, an unknown episode in your life.

    Plans for retirement: Make retirement, a new beginning for you, instead of calling it an end.

    Life is long, and time is short, so utilize each moment to the fullest. There are many more exciting things beyond your 9-5 job.

     

    • Get yourself engaged in your hobbies, they have been ignored so long. If you are a writer, start your new book with #TheDay. You never know, this practice can actually lead you towards a brand new profession.

     

    • If financial security is not an issue, start preparing for trips with your partner, and go all #AroundTheWorldInEightyDays. There are so many places in the world that you have wished to visit, but time had never permitted you. Start afresh with the ones near your reach.

     

    • If you have wanted to do something of your own, today is the day to start up a fresh business plan, or invest on your interest to find a new genre for yourself.

     

    • Increase your contacts. Meet your friends and relatives at regular intervals, or organize get-togethers and parties at home to keep your social life active.

     

    • If your parents are there, and you have unintentionally ignored them, being employed, it is the day to compensate. Make them feel once again, that you love them, spend time with them. Do some small things every day, that can give them joy.

     

    • You can also employ yourself in some social work, that will always keep you in positive spirit.

     

     What you should not do:

    • Do not brood over your old days in office. Stop re-uttering, “I have been an expert in my office; everyone appreciated my work” or “every afternoon the lunch hour used to be a gala time."

     

    • Do not let your ego overshadow the appreciation for good work. Many a times, it happens that you have been in a very senior role at the time of your retirement, which stops you from accepting any decent work in future, because there is someone senior overseeing you. Always keep yourself ready for service, if it suits you.

     

    • Manage your temper. Do not vent your frustrations on your family. That can ruin your personal relations when you most need them.

     

    Sometimes you should not plan anything; life will come to you with surprises. Let yourself adapt to each new day. If you are hyperactive, you can start planning for a jungle ride with your old friends who is also retired, or may be a safe and short trek. Basically, enjoy your retirement, as a long and good vacation like we used to do for our school summers.

    When you enjoy each day, whether you are working or not, you will be healthy and hearty.

     References: 1 2 3

     

     

  • 12 Aug
    Oyindrila Basu

    Your Hands can do Wonders.

    sleeping baby

     

    In our blog Psychological tricks to help you progress in life. we had discussed how you can persuade someone into agreeing with you by nodding your head while asking the question. There are several tricks which you can use in a positive way while interacting with people and I bet, you will never fail to impress.

    Your hand movements and their postures and actions can do a lot in your communication, especially when you are with strangers or less-acquainted people.

    A slight touch can convince someone to your call, who would otherwise have turned down your offer.

    You do not believe it? Yes, it is true. In our day to day life, we are faced with several requests from all sides, especially the ones like “would you like to opt for a life insurance with us?” “would you like to try our new product for free?”, “would you like to check our new scheme?”, so on so forth, to which we generally say a polite “no, thank you”.

    However, sometimes, we are motivated to apply for a new charge-less credit card or may be a new dress which we haven’t planned to buy, and we do not really remember what made us agree with the sales person.

    Well it generally happens to be a heavy discount or most probably their hand gesture and ‘touch’.

    Yes, the magical touch, which when given the right way can crack a million-dollar deal for you.

    But there are a few rules for giving the right touch in the right way, being cautious when you are doing it with strangers.

    1. You need to study the body language of the other person to know whether he will welcome your hands to reach his/her body. If a person is sitting with crossed arms, it is clear, he is not open to any form of touch, not even a handshake.

     

    1. Do not use force while touching a stranger with your hand; well that might just end up getting you beaten, as because it will appear like a poke or a pinch, or something assaulting.

     

    1. When you are with strangers, and what to use your hands on him, do it on the upper arm, that is the area between shoulders and elbow.

     

    1. You can also end a conversation with a handshake, especially when you need to say thank you.

      

    1. Your touch should go unnoticed, so do not do it more than a moment. This can be the biggest tool of persuasion.
    1.  

    Now why is this important?

    Do you remember saying please while asking for something? Also holding the hand of the other person in your palm while saying so? Yes, we do it, especially with close ones, friends, family, relatives. Now what difference does it make between, “Can I borrow your pen?” and “Can I borrow your pen, please”?

    The word ‘please’ shows your earnestness and makes sure, that you are not demanding the help; also, it ensures that you really need it.

    Similarly, the touch of your hand shows your sincerity, genuine pledge and somehow makes the listener feel comfortable with you; and once a person feels comfortable and familiar with you, he/she cannot generally refuse your request. But make sure, you follow the golden rules, to deliver that touch in the right way, which will be formal, yet appreciated.

    Image source

     

  • 10 Aug
    Oyindrila Basu

    Demystifying Mental Healthcare Bill 2013.

    parliament

    Finally, India is progressing towards a stigma-free society. Last day, on Quora, a person asked me, that she doesn’t like people with Asperger’s Syndrome, so is that wrong. I explained to her how she was building up a stigma within herself, and how it was not good for her mental health also; I referred to her an article on A Clean India, free from taboos, stigmas and misconceptions and hence someone commented on the post with an acute sarcasm, “A Clean India? Haha…you have centuries to go”, well I was really embarrassed to find what people conserve about India and their attitude towards a social cause.

    But today, I can proudly answer the person, that it won’t take centuries anymore to preserve and emancipate the rights of mentally growing population of our Nation; stigma is gradually getting down-marked with the ink eraser of law.

    The Mental Health Care Bill, 2013 was passed by Rajya Sabha on Monday, and is expected to be discussed in Lok Sabha soon.

    This bill intends to replace the Act of 1987 which is found to be inadequate for people with mental health challenges, in the present scenario.

    This is a very progressive step towards securing a position for this particular population, which, though not correctly measured, should be 6-7% of Indian population according to the statistical reports of 2005.

    Till date, people suffering from depression, stress or anxiety feared to voice their problem openly as because the society could call them ‘mad’, if they opted for treatment; even 1-2% who were severely affected by schizophrenia or PTSD found no help in their locality, as because good mental health treatment and psychiatric therapy was not common in all clinics, hospitals and the like areas.

    The picture we had in mind reflected, that people with any kind of disillusionment were sent to the asylum where they were given electric shocks to pacify activity, irrespective of diagnosis.

    However, the new bill passed, guarantees every individual the right to access mental health care facilities irrespective of caste, creed and colour.

    The Bill states thatevery person the right to access mental health care and treatment from the government. This right includes affordable, good quality, easy access to services such as minimum mental health services in every district. Persons with mental illness also have the right to equality of treatment and protection from inhuman and degrading treatment.”

    The Bill also ensures that every individual have the right to protect themselves from “inhuman and degrading treatment” and establish “right to equality of treatment…. and complain regarding deficiencies in provision of mental health care”.

    So this is a huge step towards fighting social stigma and attitude towards mental health. When the law declares a behaviour as nuisance and punishable, it automatically reduces in volume; we all remember how dowry and domestic violence on women, had to be legally declared as offence, to protect women’s rights; we have not been able to eradicate it completely, however, the society cannot practice such things freely anymore.

    The two most important aspects of this Bill are on decriminalizing of suicide and providing health insurance benefits for mental health treatments; these are revolutionary changes which was very much required.

    “A person who attempts suicide shall be presumed to be suffering from mental illness at that time and will not be punished under the Indian Penal Code.  Electro-convulsive therapy is allowed only with the use of muscle relaxants and anaesthesia. The therapy is prohibited for minors.”

    The fact that mental health therapies will be covered under medical insurance is a great news for online mental healthcare providers as well as seekers.

    This was one of the top FAQs on all online mental health clinic sites, that whether mental health services are covered under insurance, and it is a great relief that Indian Government at least ensures on this with their new Bill.

    • “Every mental health establishment has to be registered with the relevant Central or State Mental Health Authority.  In order to be registered, the establishment has to fulfil various criteria prescribed in the Bill.
    • The Bill also specifies the process and procedure to be followed for admission, treatment and discharge of mentally ill individuals.  A decision to be admitted in a mental health establishment shall, as far as possible, be made by the person with the mental illness except when he is unable to make an independent decision or conditions exist to make a supported admission unavoidable.”

    Hence a lot of queries regarding mental healthcare therapies are already answered.

    However, the Bill is delegated to a few challenges in implementation as well. The Bill doesn’t include any specification on the guardianship of a mentally challenged individual; what will be his rights and duties towards the individual etc. hence a person with severe mental health problem may not get a secure guardian for survival and guidance.

    Also it doesn’t discuss the financial source for the treatment facilities which will be provided to people with mental health deviations. Hopefully, both Houses will discuss on the matter to divide funds for these procedures between Centre and States.

    However, the Bill is a form of motivation for every Indian citizen and we can breathe a sigh of relief as because this a global measure towards promotion of awareness and good mental health.

     

  • 09 Aug
    Oyindrila Basu

    Name their Emotions and Understand them, Better.

    girl helping other girl

    “You know, I just can’t stand this anymore. How dare he talk to me like that! I am going to break up with him soon………Please tell me what to do”….

    These kinds of words we are used to hear daily, either from our friends, cousins or close acquaintances; heightened emotional conversation about something that is going on in their life.

    How do we usually react to such versions? Maybe we say “you should have thought before getting into the relationship”, or “great! Just quit, he is not worth your attention”, or just “see what you want to do”.

    However, we do not realise that our friend expects us to be like a sounding board which will absorb all the vibrations and will only leave a positive aura.

    Surprised! That is true.

    When someone shares a problem with us, they want us to understand them; they want us to relate to their ideas and emotions and then opt for a solution.

    It would be so much better, if in the above situation we could say “Don’t worry, I can understand you feel disappointed and depressed”; when we say this, we are naming his/her emotions and that makes the other person feel that you do understand them, and that you are actually listening.

    We all want to be understood; without it, how much ever friends we have or we communicate with, we are alone. But for that, we should always take the first step towards others.

    Understanding others may not be that easy, but we can always try.

     

    Rule 1- Words mean nothing.

    We should first understand, that what a person is saying, doesn’t mean anything literal. For e.g. my mother is very angry because I have returned home at 11 pm in the night and she comes forth with a rolling pin saying “I will kill you today.”

    Does that mean, that she will literally do it, or she even wants to kill me? No. Isn’t it? She is just too much upset with me because I have not followed the usual prescribed norm of the household; she was also worried and anxious about my safety; (such that she felt she herself could die of that tension :) ) she is depressed with my negligent and irresponsible behaviour towards her and hence all these emotions accumulate and come out as anger. So look beyond words; sometimes, some gestures, eye movement, hand movements, voice etc. can express much more than words of the tongue.

     

    Rule 2- Put your predicament at the back shelf while listening to your friends.

    Sometimes, we are judgemental about a particular situation. Our assumption of a situation, develop from our own experience and emotion, and this overlaps with the emotion of our friend.

    For e.g. my friend is talking about a small fight between her and her boyfriend, who had arrived late for a movie; if I have had a breakup soon, it is not difficult for me to conclude that there is a serious problem in their relationship as well, and I react “All boys are the same, they will betray today or tomorrow”.

    Now this reaction can really be harmful; my friend who is currently frustrated with her boyfriend’s behaviour may get influenced with my sour words and affect her relationship; it can also be true, that my friend think that I am just blowing my own broken flute and not trying to communicate with her situation. Hence whenever you are listening to someone, put your own agendas aside which can influence your perception.

     

    Rule 3- Reciprocate their emotional expressions.

    When you are listening to someone, you should first identify your importance. You need to understand the other, and it is essential you realise that first. Your friend may say, “I am fine”.

    Observe the expression of your companion. Read through the gestures; see whether she is smiling, blushing, tearing, pulling back her breath or exhaling hopelessly to understand what he/she actually feels at the moment.

    Hold your friends hand or pat his/her back, or just say “I understand” with genuine expression, to reciprocate the same emotions. Your wise behaviour will actually strengthen your friend with moral support.

     

    Rule 4- All of us are lonely.

    We are social animals, and we need someone to pour out whatever we have in our stomach, hence all of us feel lonely at some point of time or the other, and need a person to share our thoughts with.

     

    Rule 5- We all have short memory.

    This is a simple thing we all should remember. Most of us expect that our friends, companions and well-wishers will remember each and everything about us, from birthday, to anniversary, to 3-month anniversary to weekly anniversary, our favourite colour, food, cosmetic etc. etc.

    But this is an impractical approach in any relationship. We all forget; names, phone numbers, birthdates and many more things, hence if a person forgets our birthday and says ‘sorry’ later, it is very clear, he/she did not forget it on purpose, it is in human nature.

    You do it, I do it, we all do it. But again, to develop this understanding, we need to put ‘ME’ behind.

     

    Rule 6- Identify and name the emotions.

    While someone describes events to you, hear his/her voice. Does it sound agitated or calm? Identify it. That is important.

    Often we try camouflaging our sentiments and emotions with bold statements; we feel safe that way in a social structure, but a true friend needs to see through those house-guards.

    If your friend describes her day at the University waiting for some selection results, saying “It was a huge queue; we all waited for 3 long hours, so that we could go forth and submit the final documents for our admission, but as we reached the door, we were informed that I have not been selected for the course; but I have very good results, I will get in some other place”, it is clear that she was disappointed and upset, so just name her emotions to make her know that you understand her.

    Your reaction should not be “Don’t worry, you will get something”, she knows she will get it, rather you should say, “I know you have felt disappointed with these results, but it’s great that you are so confident of yourself; your confidence will surely give you success”.

    When you name the emotions, ‘disappointment’ and ‘self-confidence’, you act as a true friend and confidant. Even if your friend wasn’t so confident, she will be so now.

    Image Source

  • 16 Feb
    Oyindrila Basu

    You are worthy, love yourself, everyone loves you for what you are


    You are worthy, love yourself, everyone loves you for what you are

     

    “But I have that within which passes show”_ Hamlet.

    If you are thinking that you are just not the right one to exist, you are a failure, you are worthless, you are of no good, think once again.

    Ponder on the various moments of your achievement and love yourself.

    Think of the moments people have thanked you and love yourself.

    Think of the moments you have thanked others and love yourself.

    Loving yourself for what you are, is important. Self-assessment is essential in every single step of our lives. To know, what ‘I am, what I can do, what are the goods in me’ is necessary.

    Each one on earth is precious, and is there for a purpose, for imparting love and wisdom to the world, so there is no reason why anyone will be worthless.

    When you respect yourself, you will respect others.

    If you love yourself, you will love others.

    You do not need to chase love or worth, that will automatically come to you if you are-

     

    Confident: your inner confidence is reflected in your attitude. If you are sure of yourself, you talk straight, you walk straight.

     

    Positive: your positivity is very effective, not only for you, but it can also charge up others, as your positive spirit gets infected in others. When you know you can do it, it reflects your courage and perseverance, others automatically appreciate that about you.

     

    Honest: Truth and honesty are the biggest qualities of a person. It is said, no one can live truthful and candid for his entire lifetime at a stretch. However, if you can do it, that will be enough reason for you to love and respect yourself. When you are upright in your opinions and decisions, people will love you, respect you, even if they do not acknowledge it always.

     

    Passionate and creative: if you love your work, and use your creative ideas in it, you will have no lack of engagement. More work, happier. Moreover, if you create something unique yourself, you can’t stop admiring it, your love for your work will give you joy and ultimate pleasure of achievement.

     

    Careful of your looks: Do not dress up to impress others. Dress up, deck yourself for your own sense of pleasure and admiration. You can use make-up of your choice, or go for a salon massage, or a new haircut may be, but that should not be as per what others are expecting from you. You should do it because you like it, and you would love to see yourself that way in the mirror.

     

    Humorous: your sense of humour will always do good for you and others. It is easy to make others cry, but if you can make others laugh; you are the best person. Your jokes will efface the sorrow of another person; your laughter will keep your heart healthy too.

     

    Smile: your smile will make wonders. Accept the challenges of life with a smile. Forget your fears and worries with a smile. Hardships will come and go, but keep your smile immovable; others also rejuvenate with your smile.

     

    Image Source