• 23 Feb
    Oyindrila Basu

    Why Relations Fall Apart?

    Why Relations Fall Apart?


    “Namit, are you serious! You can’t even drop your washable clothes in the proper place. There is the laundry bag, why do you throw it here and there? It’s disgusting! I can’t do so much…

    Namit replies, ‘How can you talk to me like that Megha! I am back after a long day, I expect you will greet me with a cup of tea, and you start fighting over my shirt, that’s ridiculous! My mom was right! You can never be my proper wife’”- Anonymous.

    This is a common picture which signifies the beginning of a rift in a relationship. Do focus on the word ‘proper’ in the conversation.


    This is one of the major causes why relations often lead to a failed consequence.


    • Over Expectation: We always want that we will be with the ‘right’ person. Our society influences us to nurture this belief, that if we are married to a person, he/she must be the ‘right’ one, hence develops the concept of perfection in our mind. We feel our partner should be exactly like I want him/her to be. If it happens that way, means everything is ‘proper’, any deviation from that set pattern of expectation leads to despair. The created image of our partner in our mind distorts, and we start accusing “I never thought you were like this," and things begin falling apart, once you feel the person is not the right one. The moment the perfect picture in our mind is broken, we start finding faults with the other person. Small things lead to a big issue. Now we do not like anything about the person we live with.


    • Lack of trust: if we do not trust each other, we cannot be with each other. Trust and reliance on each other are  important factors for a relationship.


    • Lack of time: if partners do not have sufficient time for each other, both feel ignored at their own levels. Each one feels the other is not concerned. Over a long period of time, this leads to argument, and breakup, because both feel there is no reason to stay together.


    • Over-possessiveness: bothering too much about your partner is disturbing to the other. Possessiveness is good, and it is required, but if it continues overtly, it can actually harm your relation, for your partner will feel you don’t trust or respect him/her.


    • Lack of understanding: we often talk about compatibility. It is more about understanding each other. Most of the times, partners get self-obsessed and are not in a position to view the alternate perspective; this is the major harmful ingredient in a divorce recipe.


    • Ego: last but not the least, an inflated ego in a relationship can burst the balloon of love.


    How can you keep your relations from falling apart?

    • Try to understand that there is nothing called perfect. In a relationship, two individuals are two different human beings. They cannot be like each other. So do not set your expectation that your partner will comply to all your opinions are wishes.


    • Do not interfere with small things of your partner. Have faith at a certain level. You cannot control his/her life, if you try to do so, it will only alienate him/her further from you.


    • Always try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. It is difficult, but do it, to understand the alternate perspective, once you do so, arguments will die down.


    • If there has been a conflict or problem, talk it out and solve it, don’t let your ego come in between. No-one is a superman; everyone has flaws, do not hesitate to accept if you are at folly.

    Break ups are a major reason for stress. And stress can damage your mental health badly.

    Hence there is no point of getting inspired with #LoveBreakupsAndZindagi, show your care when it is required.

    With advent of globalisation, what is lacking most is the time. However, if you want to be happy and keep your partner pleased, take out some quality time of your busy schedule and plan something for yourselves. Alternatively, you can just utilize that time to talk to each other. Maybe on the various issues that have disturbed you, but you could not say it. May be on the different problem you are anticipating, but you can’t always share it.

    If nothing like that, then just talk for the sake of talking. Laugh together, and that will refresh your mental health. It will also act as a stress buster in your work life.

    Keep some self-time as well. Too much time with your partner is also unhealthy for your relationship, you tend to get bored quickly. Have space and give space.

    Respect each other’s ideologies. Yours may not be the same as hers, but if you cannot follow it, respect it, and let her follow hers.

    If you find something out of place in the household, try rectifying it yourself, rather than blaming your partner for the small small things.

    Life will become much simpler and relationships will stay healthy, if a little sensibility is implied.

    References 1 2 3  

    Image source

  • 22 Feb
    Dr. KV Anand

    How to tackle Dementia of your loved one

    How to tackle Dementia of your loved one



    Mid-to-late stage Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease frequently displays challenging conduct issues and behavioral problems.The anger, paranoia, sadness, fear and confusion that people with the disease are experiencing can result in oppositional, aggressive and sometimes violent speech or actions.


    Living with the elderly people who are affected by Dementia is challenging. Understanding Dementia is the key.

    Dementia is a chronic or persistent disorder of the mental processes caused by brain disease or injury and marked by memory disorders, personality changes, and impaired reasoning. Dementia is a general term for a decrease in mental capacity sufficiently serious to meddle with day by day life.

    About Dementia

    Dementia is not a specific disease. It's an overall term that describes a wide range of symptoms associated with a decline in memory or other thinking skills severe enough to reduce a person's ability to perform everyday activities.

    Alzheimer's disease accounts for 60 to 80 percent of cases. Vascular Dementia, which occurs after a stroke, is the second most common Dementia type. But there are many other conditions that can cause symptoms of Dementia, including some that are reversible, such as thyroid problems and vitamin deficiencies.

    Dementia is regularly inaccurately alluded to as "senility" or "senile Dementia," which mirrors the earlier far reaching however mistaken conviction that serious mental decline is a normal part of aging.

    Memory loss and other symptoms of Dementia

    While symptoms of Dementia can vary greatly, at least two of the following core mental functions must be significantly impaired to be considered Dementia:

    • Memory
    • Communication and language
    • Ability to focus and pay attention
    • Reasoning and judgment
    • Visual perception

    People with Dementia may have difficulty with short-term memory, keeping track of a book, pen or a spectacle, paying bills, planning and cooking meals, remembering appointments or taking a walk out of the house to the neighborhood.


    Understanding Behavior Caused by Dementia

    At the point when a friend or family member begins experiencing mid-to-late stage Dementia, the resulting changes in behavior can be overwhelming for family members who up until that point have been the person’s primary caregivers.

    Dementia causes the sufferer to show flashes of anger, sadness, paranoia, aggression and confusion. Now and again, the individual can even get to be violent.

    How you react to your cherished one can have the effect in in their behavior management.

    How to Respond to Aggressive Speech or Actions

    DO – Rather than responding to your cherished one's forceful discourse or activities, attempt to discover what is bringing on their conduct.

    Make sure they are not putting themselves or anyone else in danger and then calmly try to divert their focus to something else.

    Speak in a calm and reassuring manner. On the off chance that your cherished one's conduct keeps on exacerbating, then ensure they are unequipped for hurting themselves and leave the room to give them the space they need to calm down.

    DON’T – Never take part in a contention with somebody who is in an episode. You ought to additionally abstain from attempting to coercively control them unless it is totally vital for their safety.

    How to Respond to Confusion about Place or Time

    DO – In the event that your adored one gets to be confused about where he or she is, attempt to give them basic clarifications about where they are. You can follow this up by showing them pictures and other tangible reminders.

    On the off chance that your adored one is going overboard to their new helped living surroundings, you can attempt to redirect their consideration by taking them for a walk or taking part in an activity. In some cases, when your loved one asks you what time they will be leaving to go home, you may have to tell them a “therapeutic lie,” such as “we can’t leave until traffic lightens up some,” or “it’s too late to leave tonight, we’ll stay overnight and leave in the morning.” Ultimately, you need to make sense of what to say that will convey solace to your adored one.

    DON’T – Abstain from going into long clarifications about where they are and what you're doing. This will just serve to confuse them significantly more.

    How to Respond to Poor Judgment

    DO – If the adorable elderly person is exhibiting poor judgment, for example, the failure to ensure their bills are being paid, then you can offer to help organize your loved one’s home. This will help you pick up an ideal opportunity to look over their accounts and guarantee that their bills are being paid on time.

    DON’T – Maintain a strategic distance from out and out scrutinizing your loved one about their capacity to deal with their records or checkbook. On the off chance that your adored one supposes you are blaming them for poor judgment, then a contention will normally result.
    Communication with the affected person could be challenging.

    Try following the rules.

    • Converse with the individual in a manner of speaking that passes on respect and dignity
    • Keep your clarifications short. Utilize clear and adaptable language.
    • Maintain eye contact by positioning yourself at the individual’s eye level. Look directly at the person and ensure that you have their attention before you talk. Always start by identifying self and clarify what it is you propose to do.
    • Use visual signals at whatever point conceivable.
    • Be sensible in expectations
    • Observe and endeavor to translate the individual's non-verbal communication.
    • Paraphrase and utilize a quiet and consoling manner of speaking.
    • Speak slowly and say every word unmistakably. Use strategies to diminish the impacts of hearing impairment.
    • Encourage discuss things that they are acquainted with
    • Use touch whenever found appropriate.

    • Talk to the person as if you are talking to a child.
    • Use complicated words or phrases and long sentences.
    • Glare at the person you are talking to.
    • Begin an assignment without clarifying who you are or what you are going to do.
    • Talk to the person without eye contact, for example, while scavenging in a drawer to choose attire. Try and compete with a distracting environment.
    • Provoke a disastrous response through unlikely desires or by requesting that the individual accomplishes more than one task at once.
    • Disregard your own non- verbal communication.
    • Disregard talk that may seem to be rambling.
    • Shout or talk too fast.
    • Interrupt unless it would not benefit from outside intervention.
    • Attempt to touch or invade their personal space if they are showing signs of fear or aggression.


    Though difficult to garner the co-operation of the loved people affected with Dementia or Alzheimer, the list of do’s and don’ts should go a long way in providing guidelines for the caregiver.

    Image source

  • 21 Feb
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Types of Mental Health Professionals and their roles

     Types of Mental Health Professionals and their roles


    Mental health is a complex phenomenon and needs a holistic approach in order to be holistic. There are so many layers to the mind – of thoughts, of feelings, and the effect of our social and physical environment.

    There is also the biological base in terms of brain growth and neurochemical balances.

    Below some of the main mental health professionals are mentioned along with their role.



    This professional is perhaps the most well-known because of Sigmund Freud and movies.

    A counsellor or a therapist has received some training in psychology and/or human development and tops it up by learning counselling skills.

    There is a debate whether counsellor and therapist means the same thing, some say that counselling maybe for shorter periods and everyday issues, while therapy is long-term and intense, and may look at deep-seated issues.


    Clinical psychologist:

    Clinical psychologist deal majorly with psychological testing and treatment of a range of psychiatric diagnoses.

    They receive special training in testing and psychopathology. They are more likely to work in clinic or hospital setups.

    For example, for a person suffering from depression, they may give them a test to see the level of depression and design the intervention according to it, like working on the negative thought cycle, behavioural activation and so on.



    Psychiatrists have a medical training, a general MBBS followed by an MD or a relevant degree.

    They study about the brain and its mechanisms in detail, as well as the various disorders and psychiatric medicine and what it would help with.

    Ideally, psychiatrists work along with psychologists and counsellors so that both the thinking patterns as well as the biochemistry can be tackled.


    Occupational and speech therapist:

    Occupational and speech therapy may be required for certain mental health concerns, especially those which affect children, like autism, ADHD and other pervasive developmental disorders.

    These professionals work on the fine motor and gross motor skills of the child so that he gains more control on his limbs and muscles and also manages all the excessive energy in case of ADHD.

    Speech therapy helps to tackle issues that may occur with regards to language and speaking because of slow brain development


    Psychiatric social worker:

    Psychiatric social workers help to get people with mental illnesses their rights, including jobs and self-respect.

    They know about organizations that work with patients of mental illness and help them out.

    Often, they may also tackle the family and let them know what their duties and responsibilities are.


    Psychiatric nurse:

    They help in the care of someone who may be extremely affected by mental illness and is bed-ridden or not functional.

    They are trained in how to take care of a person who is suffering from a mental illness.


    Couple and Family Therapist:

    These professionals work with the communication patterns and boundaries with a couple or a family.

    They do not look at any one person as sick but rather, they think of the system as faulty and try to change the system from within for everyone’s health.



    These professionals are not very common unless there is a memory deficit or coordination issue.

    They do the testing for memory and coordination and then help to address these issues.

    They may work with traumatic brain injury, dementia, parkinsons’ and alzheimers, among others.

    Image source

    Resources 1 2 3

  • 20 Feb
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    4 reasons you should not worry about lack of work experience as fresher

    4 reasons you should not worry about lack of work experience as fresher


    A consistent fear for most freshers is the rejection based on the lack of work experience.  In fact, there are so many memes and jokes on the internet about companies wanting great levels of experience and excellence of work with very less pay.


    So why does everyone care about work experience so much? How important is it?


    There are certain job roles where a candidate would get better with experience.


    Some common examples are of managerial and diplomatic roles. Understanding people, managing workload and the adjusting to the nitty gritties of the job gets better with time and experience in such roles.


    However, this too is not entirely sheltered from the need of new and fresh ideas which may be much more easy for a fresher or a person just starting out.


    1.Most successful startups have young entrepreneurs.


    You are at the right age for venturing out on your own.


    You have a great need to prove yourselves, without the inhibition that may come with age. You are able to think of good products and unique marketing strategies because you are not seasoned yet.


    If you were, it would be difficult for you to overcome the conviction that comes with experience and try something new.


    2.You have ability to reach the right audience.


    The ability to put yourself in the consumer’s feet is an ability that is needed if one has to reach the right audience.


    This was not so important in the traditional setup because there were not too many players in the market with finances at their disposal for trial and error marketing campaigns. However, that is no longer the case.


    3.You have ability to think from consumer’s point of view


    Marketing and advertising have become very expensive. One needs to get it right in the first shot. In that case, it really matters how much one can get into the minds and hearts of consumers and think from their angle.


    This can be very difficult for someone with experience as they have gathered knowledge over time, and this shapes their thinking. They may not be able to suspend it easily and think like the consumer does.


    4.In education field young teachers likely to try new teaching strategies.


    In fact, even for the traditional roles where experience would matter a lot, for example, in teaching and education, studies are finding that younger teachers are more likely to try new teaching strategies and likely to look at children in terms of holistic development, and not just grade or marks.


    This means that the student feels much more cared for and understood by the teacher, and tries their best to do better.


    This would have a more sustained result than the older methods of penalty and punishment. However, an experienced teacher may be so convinced of these methods that they may never have the kind of perspective required to try new things.


    So, is experience important?

    Yes it is in some fields, to a limited level.


    Do freshers need to be apologetic about the lack of experience?

    Definitely not, this makes them much more capable of thinking openly, coming up with amazing ideas and approaching a problem without the apprehension of failing.


    If an experienced person fails, they cannot psychologically take it, because to them it means all the experience was a waste.


    This apprehension will never haunt a fresher, making them the right candidates to bring in the ideas for a brighter tomorrow.

    Image source

  • 20 Feb
    Oyindrila Basu

    Tips to deal with Sibling rivalry

    Tips to deal with Sibling rivalry

    Sibling rivalry can be described as the ‘dysfunctional relationship’, between two humans born of the same parents, socially named brothers or siblings.

    Rivalry means that the two or more kids in the family, are always trying to get the better of each other, by any means and prove themselves as best.


    It can be between brothers or brother and sister duo, or sisters. Statistics say that this rivalry is more prominent in families, which have two kids than which have more.


    And most of the times, this kind of rivalry leaves a long-term impression on the minds of the children, and even after they grow up, they tend to hate each other, while the issue may be different for adults (e.g. property share, relationship rights, etc.) but the notion is common- each one wishes that the other was never born.

    “Samir was completely broken when his own elder brother turned his biggest enemy and was brainstorming his wife and child to leave the paternal home, as Shishir wanted the entire family property for himself.

    Each day in the house passed like a nightmare, usual fights between Shishir and Samir (where Samir mostly willed for peace) turned the house into a marketplace. What was damaging is that these regular fights were now creeping within their children also, who unknowingly started harming each other, with the belief that they belonged to opponent parties. Samir often wondered, was it just the property? Maybe not, possibly the roots of this disaster lay in their childhood, where began this brotherly rivalry…… elder son Shishir always tried to prove himself the best as against Samir, who was moderate but fairly simple in conduct."


    In most cases, this competitive attitude is never resolved inside a household for several reasons:


    Sibling rivalry can start between brothers, sisters and the like, because the parents do not understand their responsibility.


    When there are two or more children of same lineage, parents unintentionally develop biasness towards one or the other child due to some reasons (usually because he is the first child, or the youngest child, or may be the best looking one, or best in academics).


    So consequently, parents tend to pamper the favoured child more, all the time, appreciating him/her every time and rewarding him/her with gifts and toys, in such situations the other child feels that parents love his brother or sister better than him, and this leads to a subdued anger within the neglected child.


    Comparison in family is a stigma. Each child is unique and has his own abilities. But parents often fail to realize this, and very commonly they bring in comparisons between their children.


    They try to exemplify one of their kids to the other and ask the other to become perfect like him, when they themselves do not know what is ideal. “Mom always tells me, try to be like your brother Ravi, else you can never become a doctor or engineer. Oh God! I want to be a cricketer like Dhoni," says Abhishek Mittal, a student of 12th standard in Delhi.


    Unequal attention to children can be the cause of sibling rivalry. If parents are not always giving equal attention to each of their kids, it can cause deep dissatisfaction among them. Sometimes, a family may have a special child, or a physically weak kid, who the parents feel, require more care and attention, and in order to do their duty well; they forget their other kid/ kids who they feel are abler and can take care of themselves.


    This causes a kind of dissatisfaction within the other kid being ignored, and he / she develops vengeance for his/her sibling, because they cannot do anything to their parents.


    Recent film #HideAndSeek portrays this kind of rivalry significantly, where elder brother Abhimanyu hates his younger brother Om, because he was mentally unstable since childhood, and their parents cared for the latter more, so he conspired to send his brother off to an asylum.

    When relationships between the families are not healthy enough, children can develop hatred for each other too.


    If one of the child is bored and frustrated, he can bully his/her sibling to gain attention from everyone.


    After all, human beings love themselves first. One who loves themselves can develop love for others, but self-love also leads to selfishness, and this is the major cause of sibling rivalry, where an individual tries to navigate and establish his/her identity.


    Sibling rivalry can have long-term effects, and even when the children have grown up with each other, this hatred remains in their hearts, and gets expressed in real-life situations like if both siblings are in love with the same person, or siblings are fighting for their rights on ancestral property, or rights on their parents.

    This eventually creates impact on the next generations, as well as on the old parents, who are in mental pain, seeing their children fighting. Sometimes, this can also have drastic consequences when siblings try to kill each other, as it happened for conjoined twins Anjana and Sanjana in the horror flick #Alone.


    This can happen if the issue is ignored by parents, stating as ‘normal’ in their childhood.


    How to deal with it?


    Parents, please understand that rivalry is not something ‘normal’ or healthy. Only because it is commonly found in most families, does not make it acceptable. However, there is a way of handling everything.


    • If you find one of your kids bullying the other, instead of protecting the bullied child immediately and bashing towards the bully, understand that both are kids. Talk to the kid whom you found bullying the other, try to know his perspective behind his attitude. Try and make him understand that this behaviour of him is not acceptable, and henceforth if it continues, he will miss on his rewards.


    • Also make your bully child realize, that if he was bullied instead by any other kid, how he would be feeling.


    • Stop comparing your children. Encourage each one individually for their respective talents.


    • Please understand that nothing will automatically get rectified as they grow, be an active problem solver and infuse the maturity and wisdom in your kids, rather than expecting them to acquire it ‘naturally’.


    • Reward them equally, revive yourself from any kind of biasness.


    • When there is healthy relationship within the family, a congenial atmosphere prevails, and kids or learns to respect in other in the same family and outside as well.

    Image source

    References: 1 2 3 4  


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