“Namit, are you serious! You can’t even drop your washable clothes in the proper place. There is the laundry bag, why do you throw it here and there? It’s disgusting! I can’t do so much…
Namit replies, ‘How can you talk to me like that Megha! I am back after a long day, I expect you will greet me with a cup of tea, and you start fighting over my shirt, that’s ridiculous! My mom was right! You can never be my proper wife’”- Anonymous.
This is a common picture which signifies the beginning of a rift in a relationship. Do focus on the word ‘proper’ in the conversation.
This is one of the major causes why relations often lead to a failed consequence.
- Over Expectation: We always want that we will be with the ‘right’ person. Our society influences us to nurture this belief, that if we are married to a person, he/she must be the ‘right’ one, hence develops the concept of perfection in our mind. We feel our partner should be exactly like I want him/her to be. If it happens that way, means everything is ‘proper’, any deviation from that set pattern of expectation leads to despair. The created image of our partner in our mind distorts, and we start accusing “I never thought you were like this," and things begin falling apart, once you feel the person is not the right one. The moment the perfect picture in our mind is broken, we start finding faults with the other person. Small things lead to a big issue. Now we do not like anything about the person we live with.
- Lack of trust: if we do not trust each other, we cannot be with each other. Trust and reliance on each other are important factors for a relationship.
- Lack of time: if partners do not have sufficient time for each other, both feel ignored at their own levels. Each one feels the other is not concerned. Over a long period of time, this leads to argument, and breakup, because both feel there is no reason to stay together.
- Over-possessiveness: bothering too much about your partner is disturbing to the other. Possessiveness is good, and it is required, but if it continues overtly, it can actually harm your relation, for your partner will feel you don’t trust or respect him/her.
- Lack of understanding: we often talk about compatibility. It is more about understanding each other. Most of the times, partners get self-obsessed and are not in a position to view the alternate perspective; this is the major harmful ingredient in a divorce recipe.
- Ego: last but not the least, an inflated ego in a relationship can burst the balloon of love.
How can you keep your relations from falling apart?
- Try to understand that there is nothing called perfect. In a relationship, two individuals are two different human beings. They cannot be like each other. So do not set your expectation that your partner will comply to all your opinions are wishes.
- Do not interfere with small things of your partner. Have faith at a certain level. You cannot control his/her life, if you try to do so, it will only alienate him/her further from you.
- Always try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. It is difficult, but do it, to understand the alternate perspective, once you do so, arguments will die down.
- If there has been a conflict or problem, talk it out and solve it, don’t let your ego come in between. No-one is a superman; everyone has flaws, do not hesitate to accept if you are at folly.
Break ups are a major reason for stress. And stress can damage your mental health badly.
Hence there is no point of getting inspired with #LoveBreakupsAndZindagi, show your care when it is required.
With advent of globalisation, what is lacking most is the time. However, if you want to be happy and keep your partner pleased, take out some quality time of your busy schedule and plan something for yourselves. Alternatively, you can just utilize that time to talk to each other. Maybe on the various issues that have disturbed you, but you could not say it. May be on the different problem you are anticipating, but you can’t always share it.
If nothing like that, then just talk for the sake of talking. Laugh together, and that will refresh your mental health. It will also act as a stress buster in your work life.
Keep some self-time as well. Too much time with your partner is also unhealthy for your relationship, you tend to get bored quickly. Have space and give space.
Respect each other’s ideologies. Yours may not be the same as hers, but if you cannot follow it, respect it, and let her follow hers.
If you find something out of place in the household, try rectifying it yourself, rather than blaming your partner for the small small things.
Life will become much simpler and relationships will stay healthy, if a little sensibility is implied.