“I am such a loser; I can just never get the sums correct…. I had practised them so many times; yesterday too I have been struggling with them, especially the one with 10 mangoes, but I got the same error! How could this be? I mean am I nuts or a bull! Had there been a devil’s trance on me in the hall? Why was I getting the same answer to the sum again and again till the bell was gone!!! I am a horrible fellow. I can never do maths; I deserve to be kicked out of the class, maybe the school.”
These are the possible kinds of thought that haunts us, when we cannot achieve a desired score in maths exam, or cannot be amongst the first three in sports. Self-criticism is good for your development; it helps you to persevere, try harder for perfection and achievement. However, don’t you think the inner thoughts described here are too loud?
When you cannot remember anything but only worse things about yourself, know that it is getting too harsh and can be detrimental to your health.
If you constantly provoke yourself with discouraging thoughts, you will soon start believing them, and soon lose hope thinking you can never achieve what you desire.
So basically, your self-criticism which is supposed to be a booster gives an opposite effect of a dominator, and you behave negatively rather than moving positively towards the goal.
Too much of dissatisfaction with self can damage your confidence, you start fearing your goal; gradually, you fear to attempt the task any further.
But if something gets into the head it is difficult to get rid of it.
Too much of self-criticism will make you a maniac. You will start hallucinating that people are laughing at you; they are mocking your failures, even though nothing of such has happened. Slowly, you will be forced towards the periphery of a good social life.
So how to fight this? How can you control being a freak?
- Remind yourself of the good things that you did in life. This can charge you up whenever, you are disturbed with the provoking thoughts of your failures. A person cannot be full of follies; we all have our list of achievements and we love to cherish our merits.
- So next what you can do is take out your medals and certificates and look at them all over again to cherish the memories of your greatness. Feel proud of your successes. Laugh at the moment you won the awards.
- If you are pulled down with too much of criticism in your mind, navigate the reason behind it. Try to find out why you are being so critical. Is there anything seriously wrong with you, which needs to be rectified immediately? No, we do not suggest that you accept your mind’s words as true, but try to look out for scope of improvement. When you try to focus on the causative factors, and the remedies to the criticism, the actual thought will slowly vanish from the mind. Kind of practising mindfulness.
- Read more books to keep yourself active, whenever your mind tells you that you are worthless. Reading will give you a feeling of fulfilment, that you are knowledgeable.
- After any kind of failure, criticize yourself, but to prevent being overburdened with the thoughts, practise rewarding yourself. “I shouldn’t have been so dumb, this is not the right way; the match was really important, if I could only beat her by 5 minutes, I could win it”, this is self-assessment which will help you improve, “but anyways what is gone cannot be retrieved, I have to try my best for the next match, but I am really fatigued, let’s go for a strawberry golla first and then a #SalmanKhan movie at the town hall”, this is the reward.
- Self-conversation is a good way of resolving disputes with yourself, however, if the self-critic in you gets vehement, it will be like someone else is trying to prove day as night to you. you find it difficult to manage your plight. You keep blaming yourself for the failures, the mistakes. In such a situation, start talking to others. when you know what others think of you, how they assess you, confidence will be regained. Even the fact that they acknowledge your mistakes and are compassionate towards your plight will help you express yourself better, and talking out will remove the ugly thoughts.
Develop a compassionate awareness of yourself and you will be able to move towards your goal with a fair pace.