In our Indian culture, a big fat wedding takes place with the grandeur of gold and diamonds; with the sweetness of 55 varieties of high calorie sugar treats and 200 expensive orchid branches, however, the key components- bride and the groom are often lost in all this hoch poch and hence they are made to shine with the best designer sherwani and the best saree or lehenga for THE DAY. Also they should be remembered by everyone and themselves for centuries, so they are shot in multiple poses by the best photographers in town.
Now after so much expenditure and cost settlement, which fool will ever dare to forget or ‘care’ less for ‘the day’ or partner even though they do not know each other!
In other words, marriage in India is a thought embedded by the society through its rituals and customs and once you are through the fire circles, you are bound to be committed not only to your partner but to his/her entire family.
Hence arranged marriages in India have their own history and perhaps for our previous generations, they marked 90% success rate.
However, this percentage is slowly falling. Modern day relationships including marriage, is failing in keeping up the stronghold on future, be it in India or abroad.
Places like America is less likely to be successful in setting a trend with arranged marriages because of certain reasons like:
- Independent thought process in case of personal choice.
- Dominance of romantic love as a cause for marriage.
- A lack of history and cultural background for arranged marriages.
- A lack of community support in pursuing such a thing as getting married first and love later.
However, in this context, India is leading as arranged marriages have been the only truth 100 years from now, and even today, society gets you hitched to someone approximately suitable, at a particular age if you are unable to find a match for yourself by then. Yes, today you are given the scope to look out for your choice at least, and that is the only difference.
The concept of arranged marriages are so popular in India due to the following reasons:
- Cultural belief in the purity and sanctity of marriage- marriage is considered to be the gate pass for any other form of physical or emotional contact between two persons, hence marriage should take place first and then love should develop. In fact, love between unmarried people were considered to be a crime till one point of time.
- Rationally, two unknown persons starting off a new life together seems thrilling- when two unknown people get married and start a new life together, they tend to discover the experiences together. They share the joy and sorrow of each new moment which is unexpected and unexperienced by both. You discover about each other; you discover about the relationship. There is a mystery; there is a newness; an adventure; it is like a thrilling joy ride when you get something unwarranted every moment hence you enjoy the marital life.
- Lot of gifts and present exchanges- arranged marriages give the families scope for exchanging gifts and presents so they are happy too.
- Fore selection by parents- in the Indian culture, man and woman do not choose partners, their parents do it for them; that is the right thing; respect is inevitably maintained.
The practice continues even today, however, no form of marriage love, or arranged, cannot guarantee the success rate of the relationship.
We have discussed the cultural benefits of arranged marriage in our country as compared to that of America, however, there are several standard reasons why an arranged marriage is sure to fall apart in today’s date even in India, where societal boycott for breaking commitment no longer remains a concern for couples to maintain a love-lost relationship:
- Arranged marriage calls for commitment; for care and responsibility. But we wonder whom to care for? The other person whom we are married to is kind of a stranger. We do not share any strong emotional ties initially, so why to care! The person we have to care for, we realise we do not know him/her. That causes a kind of duality in thought.
- We do not want to make the compromises or try hard for the person whom we just don’t know. Any relationship calls for a certain amount of compromises. You have to try really hard to make a relationship work amidst misunderstandings and differences in opinions. We want to try when we love the person, but why should someone try at all if he or she doesn’t care?
- The closeness created by an arranged marriage is not something that you can rely on. It can thrill you instantly, however, the tie is less likely to survive a fatal disaster in the face of relationship.
- When there are hard times, an arranged marriage couple feels each other, as burden.
- Friendship takes time to develop. Knowing each other becomes a slow process in case of arranged marriages and people do not have that amount of time today.
- Also marrying for the sake of marrying and not marrying the specific person is a kind of insult to the partner, and when this fact comes up time and again, neither of the partner, complies to it and arguments and misunderstanding start off.
Success of a relationship, especially marriage lies on commitment and understanding. It is upto you whether you develop that understanding with love or with marriage first. It also depends on your holistic approach towards relationships.