Its utterly shocking and depressing for parents when they come to know that, their child is suffering from some psychological problem, for the first time.
Till the child is 6 years old, you cannot predict his/her behaviour, because children are different from each other and may take time in responding or reacting to things, so many parents are under the assumption that may be with time things will get right, but when parents come to know that their kids are suffering from some kind of special abnormality, they almost shatter, they cannot accept the fact, sometimes they are angry, sometimes despaired, hopeless and sad, and they tend to vent it on the child initially.
Teacher asking to Antara-“How much is 25+7? Antara! Antara! Can you hear me? Speak up”,
The teacher fidgets to push the child and make her answer, she doesn’t respond.
Principal-“Mrs. Anuradha, we are really sorry but Antara cannot study with us, she will has to go”……….
Anuradha upset and despaired runs to her child’s doctor from where she discovers
Doctor-“Antara is not normal, as the results are concerned, she seems to be autistic, it is a special mental condition, please keep your courage up”…………….
Anuradha is in tears, she never could have imagined that her child will not be normal like all other children, she is in shock, trauma, but she cannot express it to her 5-year old kid who cannot even understand what is going on with her.
She promises her child: “You don’t worry, mama is there, I will give you all the happiness of the world, you won’t ever feel neglected, you will grow up with all other kids, it’s your mama’s promise.” Aap Ki Antara-Zee TV, episode 2.
Here are a few cautions and tips for parents as to how they will cope in such a situation, where their child is in some kind of special mental health condition:
Do not vent your frustrations or anxiety on the kid- if you are upset with the discovery, do not vent it upon your ignorant child, he doesn’t understand, but he/she can feel the emotions, the vibes. Your anger or depressed attitude towards your child will negatively impact him/her. Instead to curing, you are adding to his/her discomfort.
Always keep yourself composed: Dealing with a child who is different from others is a complex thing. Your job is significant, but it is difficult too. Do not lose hope. Things will be better when you want to make it. Keep yourself healthy first, only then can you help your child. Keep your mind on track, be composed, practice it through meditation.
Read and learn more about the Psychological disorder your child is going through. As your knowledge increases, your mental health will be restored.
Do not blame yourself: Often parents blame themselves for their child’s suffering because he/she is born out of them, or they feel that they have not trained the child properly from the beginning.
They also hold themselves responsible for not discovering the problem earlier.
However, it is important to note here, that psychological problem is never inherited genetically, it is a natural psychological condition with which the child may be born due to some biological dysfunctions or just acquire it after birth due to external socio-environmental factors.
The parents have hardly any role in causing the child a mental health problem, unless and until they are attacking the kid regularly with assaults of some kind.
Be compassionate with yourself: You have to be in a stable mental health first. Use your compassion and sensibility towards yourself, then can you be compassionate towards the needful child.
Even if your child bears similar symptoms which you reflected in the past, even then there is no point blaming yourself for it.
If you have to change the situation, you can only do it towards betterment. What had to happen has happened, you did not do it on purpose, so proceed towards a solution.
Guide yourself through similar case studies and enlighten yourself. Feel yourself special, that you are adorned with this big responsibility.
You have a lot to do, and you are the best at it, and you will do it.
Seek compassion from others: Just sharing your situation with some close friends can help you keep calm. A few words of condolence can cheer you up again. Just the statement “everything will be all right”, can create the magic. You will start feeling better all over again.
Involve the family: Taking all the responsibility on your shoulders can affect your mental health badly.
You can be depressed, or anxious about your role. You may also suffer from the fear that if you are unable to help your child, the society will blame it on you.
Involve other members in the family in your situation. Their mental support will guide you, and knowledge and advice from different sources is always helpful, though you will decide what is best for your kid.
Be tactful while dealing with your teenager: If your child is a teenager, and is having behavioural problems, their sudden outbursts of anger and frustration can also affect your mental health gravely.
You can feel humiliated, insulted and be in pain, but do not put yourself in this state, rather ignore the reactions, and focus on the causes.
The more you ignore their outbursts, the better you can work at understanding them.
Merely caring for their words will only make you aloof and reluctant.