• 05 Oct
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Social Anxiety and How To Deal With It

    Social Anxiety and How To Deal With It

    Anxiety of all kinds is one of the most common mental health concerns reported by people. Of these, social anxiety seems to be the most prevalent and intrusive. There are many different forms of it, or rather, in a given individual, some components of social anxiety maybe more prevalent than others.


    Commonly, there is a fear of public speaking that involves going up on a stage, giving presentations or talks, heading meetings and so on. Another component is general sociability – the person is not able to connect with a lot of people in his life – friends, family and so on. This is different from introversion because there the person willingly chooses to stay away from people. The third kind has to do with attractiveness and romantic partners: the person flusters when approaching someone for a date, alliance or proposal.

    There are many different reasons identified by these, both by social convention and by research: some put genetics to blame, some say that one bad incident has conditioned the fear, while some attribute it to faulty parenting methods. Regardless of what the cause may be, the fact remains that there is a problem and it needs to be countered. There are some ways of thinking and behaving and need to be changed to behaviour and thoughts that are helpful.

    The following techniques and methods are effective for more or less all components of social anxiety:

    • Relaxation: A major component of anxiety which people find stressful is the physical effect of it. There might be fast heartbeat, palpitations, heavy breathing, sweating, shaking, trembling, flushing and so on. Relaxation helps to counter this. Outside of the anxiety provoking situation, the person should think of the situation and try to relax at the same time. This will reduce anxiety in the actual situation. Use progressive muscle relaxation and breathing techniques.


    • Rethinking: Our thoughts also add to the problem. If you think that one bad speech or talk means you are a total loser, such thinking adds to the pressure you feel and makes you more anxious. Instead, replace such thoughts with helpful thoughts like ‘I would like to perform the speech well, but it is not the end of the world if I don’t’. By reducing the drastic consequence from your thoughts, you will inspire more confidence in yourself.


    • Rehearsal: Since you have to acquire these new skills, it is important to rehearse them. Prepare the speech well in advance, mark out the pauses and breaks. Speak in front of the mirror and then in front of family members. You can also rehearse by yourself, the strategies required to talk to friends and family.

    Apart from these three methods, it is also important to remember that if anxiety has a medical cause then you would have to seek the help of a professional. Sometimes, mild antianxiolytics can help if the techniques are useful or sufficient by themselves. Be sure to go to a qualified mental health professional.

    Responses 1

    • ritesh chaudhary
      ritesh chaudhary   Dec 28, 2015 11:53 AM

      Since social phobia is "the problem to deal with other people", it cannot be solved by oneself alone. There must be someone that can help, be it taking me to a gathering, picking at my behavior, confronting me, or coaching me what to do as a start. Those people are necessary compass, to show me what social relationship is really like.

  • 05 Oct
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    4 Things About Interaction Your Home Boss Wants To Know

    4 Things About Interaction Your Home Boss Wants To Know

    With smaller families and both parents’ working, there is an increasing need to address conflicts at home in a brief and specific way. Teachers tend to call parents to school and lecture them about the lack of involvement, whereas they don’t acknowledge how stressed and stretched the parents are with the upkeep of the child and other responsibilities. So are there any steps parents and children can together take for lovable and happy interactions at home?

    Most definitely there are. Psychological research shows that what children value more than materials like toys and games is the parents’ time. Although in a mall or a shop they stubbornly ask you for an expensive toy, they are just falling prey to a marketing gimmick, just like we adults are often duped into buying things we have little use of.

    The first step in the right direction is

    1.Acceptance of the problem:

    Acknowledge there is a problem and make the child a part of the plan to solve it. Of course, this has to be done in age appropriate ways or else it may back fire. So, to a child of 3, you may say “You and I are having lots of katti, how can we turn this into batti?” Children are intuitive and ingenious and the solutions they suggest can usually be applied easily and be highly useful as well.

    2.Fix family time :

    Once a form has been planned, like having some ‘family time’ everyday during dinner – no TV (again, explain to the child in an empathic way why this step was taken and don’t just dictate it), then everyone needs to make the commitment to follow it. The child and parents can make a chart with boxes, where the child can tick each day ‘family’ time was observed. Doing such activities together increases bonding and makes the child feel he is an important part in decision making.

    3. Listen your child:

    When getting a complaint from the teacher about the child, don’t start with an assumption. Say “the teacher was saying there was a fight between you and the other boy. What happened?” instead of “Why did you hit the other boy?” By doing so, you give the child a chance to explain the whole story, after you which you can talk to him about his role in it, and gently explain correct ways of addressing a difference of opinion with a classmate.

    4.Do what you say:

    Lastly, demonstrate. Children may not listen to a lot we say, but they never miss a thing we do. If you advise something to them and you do not follow it in real life, then they get confused. They are less likely to follow it. If you tell them “do not lie”, but you ask them to tell a colleague you are avoiding that you aren’t home, when you are home, is hypocrisy. Children stop taking their parents seriously if they see repeated instances of parents not following their own advice.

    Armed with all these tips, putting them into practice, your interaction with your child are bound to improve a lot!

    Please feel free to ask questions and post comments.

    -eWellness Expert

    Image source

  • 05 Oct
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    5 Stages Of Motivation Everyone In The Startup Industry Should know.




    Be it weight loss, or trying to form a new habit, or trying to abolish a bad one: you must have noticed one thing. If you know other people who are aspiring or have achieved the same goal as you are on the path of, the levels of motivation are always different.

    1. Some people start off with great pomp and shore but fizzle out somewhere along the line.
    2. Others begin moderately and then pick up the pace.
    3. Still others begin slow but get really enthusiastic as they start achieving success.
    4. There may also be some who start itself half-heartedly, and may have given up at the next turn.

    And these are only some of the permutations and combinations.

    So, what is it that causes people to be differently motivated?

    Is there a different type of motivation to initiate something?

    And another type to maintain it?

     Within the field of psychology, huge amounts of research have gone into motivation. It turns out that there are myriad numbers of factors that lead the greater or lesser motivation, and initiated and maintained motivation. These factors can be:

    1. Personal
    2. Situational
    3. Interactional factors


    Personal factors would consider aspects like our temperament, biological make-up, certain psychosocial variables, personality, what kind of patterns we have solidified due to our upbringing, what sort of friends we have, what sort of multimedia material we engage with and many such factors. Basically, these are all the factors that we use to inform ourselves and form patterns of reacting to the environment. Therefore, if a person suffers from a very debilitating disorder, their motivation to become an athlete would obviously waiver.

    Situational factors are attributed to presence or absence of cues and factors in the environment that may help us hinder or pursue the goal. For example, availability of junk food in the environment may hinder the goal of healthy eating, while an incentive-based system at work may push employees to do their best. These are present or absent in the situation or situations in which the person is seeking to make the change.

    Interactional factors are the effects of interaction of personal and situational factors. For example, someone with high-self esteem getting a lot of extrinsic motivation from the situation in the form of encouraging friends and family is much likely to achieve the goal they sought. Therefore, we do not exist in a vacuum.

    That said; is motivation a product of destiny or uncontrollable factors?

     As it turns out - no it isn’t. Miller and Rollnick have worked extensively with people who had addiction problems in order to boost their motivation to quit the drug.

    Stages Of Change

     They believe that there are 5 stages of change:

    1. Precontemplation
    2. Contemplation
    3. Decision
    4. Action
    5. Maintenance

    Being stuck in a stage is a product of ambivalence: the situation, though not the best, does have some benefits, which is why we choose to stay there.

    The key: resolve ambivalence. Convince yourself constantly that change is better than status quo – not just at the start, but every day of the process.

    Please feel free to ask questions and post comments.

    -eWellness Expert

    Image source 1 2

  • 05 Oct
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    7 question every parent should answer.

    Are you an angry parent?

    All over the world and especially in India, it is believed that the parents want the best for their child. While that may be true for a large number of parents, there are some who this may not be true for.

    There are two main reasons for this:

    One is that there is a huge difference between what parents think might be best for the child and what is actually good.

    The second reason that the parent is unable to control their emotional issues and despite knowing what is good for the child are not able to provide it.


    Although there are many emotional problems that an adult can have, many do get noticed and hopefully this means that parents get help and treatment before it escalates to the level that it may harm the child. However, anger and depression go unnoticed for a very long time. People think that the child’s naughtiness or problems are causing the parent to be angry. However, the likelihood of not only having an emotional problem but also giving it to your child due to social interactions is quite high.

    So are you wondering if you fall in this category?

    Then look at some of the questions below:

    1. Is your child scared to speak his mind with you?
    2. Do you beat your child very often?
    3. When you are angry at the child, is it in proportion to the error or mistake they made?
    4. Do you take any efforts to reconcile with a child after yelling at them?
    5. Is your child also starting to show signs or angry or sad mood for long periods of time?
    6. Does your child have his meals on time?
    7. Does your child have his books, toys and other materials as and when he needs them?

    If you answered yes to any of the first five questions and no to the last two, there may be a cause for concern. It is likely that you did know till today that you had any issues, and you probably got it from your own parents’ faulty style of parenting too. Anger and depression can interfere with relationships making them strained and brittle.

    It’s still not too late. If you identify yourself as a parent who may be angry, depressed or otherwise emotionally affected, now is the time to make it better. Remember, it’s not just a question of your health, but your relationship with your child as well as significant others. Relationships at both work and home with get better if you work on this.

    The best way to deal with emotional concerns is to see a counselor or psychologist who works in these areas. It is better to go to someone who specialize in parent-child relationships. Just self-help books or articles over the internet will not solve the problem completely. It is imperative that you work on yourself and on the relationship you have with the child – with an expert and actively undo the damage that’s been done.

    Please feel free to ask questions and post comments.

    -eWellness Expert

  • 05 Oct
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Why Kundan Had An Obsessive Love For Zoya?

    Relation between attractiveness and popularity

    Anyone who has seen a "Ranjhnaa" movie will know how much attractiveness matters to teenagers. However, there is no doubt that attractiveness may give people an edge and they may sometimes use to others’ disadvantage. But is it only among teenagers?


    As it turns out, that’s not quite true. Attractiveness plays a huge role in mate-selection and marriage partners throughout life. It even impacts political campaigns and careers.

    We already know how it affects the world of acting.

    But why is it that we prefer attractiveness?

    Is there something to this beyond the ‘good look’ aspect?

    Or is this just socialization, that is, we were raised such that attractiveness has a high social value, and it is so ingrained that we believe in it?


    A lot of research has been done independently on attractiveness and popularity as well as combining the two together.

    In a nutshell, popularity research suggests that there actually are 2 kinds of popularity.

    1st is likeability, or how much people like you.

    2nd is social dominance or how much access to resources you have.

    It may seem like the same thing but there is a subtle difference. The latter means you get what you want, and the former means people find you nice and approachable. The latter kind is what becomes really important from adolescence onwards.

    Babies also prefer ‘attractive’ faces.

    Research on attractiveness shows that babies who do not actually have any exposure to media or socialization that may gear them towards attractive, also prefer ‘attractive’ faces. But aspects of a face that make it attractive are symmetry and pleasantness (no frowns, more smiles). When researchers averaged faces using software, the more faces they combined for an average, the more attractive it looked to respondents.

    Therefore, attractiveness suggests symmetry and averageness – which suggests safety and health.

    Evolution suggests that a person with a healthy genetic trait (as inferred by attractiveness/symmetry) is more likely to be a good add to one’s potential gene pool. A pleasant face is also less likely to belong to a person who may not harm us. However, there are some social traits that go with attractiveness when it comes to adolescents and adults.

    Theorists suggest that because attractiveness makes us prefer attractive people more, these people get more attention from parents, other children as well as other adults, which gives them a lot more practice is social skills than others who are not perceived as attractive. So if attractive people do have better social skills that take them places (money, status, promotion, power, a wealthy life partner) – it’s simply because they got more practice!

    What does it boil down to?

    Yes, attractiveness is important. But, it is NOT what teen magazines stress. Attractiveness is about pleasantness and symmetry in face, posture, dressing and behaviour. So the old ‘be presentable’ adage your parents and grandparents would speak about? It’s totally legit. Attractiveness, for the most part, is presentability.

    Image source


    Responses 1