• 01 Oct
    Oyindrila Basu

    Follow your ambitions, along with little career insurance


    A professional dilemma is something we all experience once we graduate or pass out of high school.

    What should we do; which field do we choose as our career.

    Most parents want their children to study medical or engineering, as they believe these paths will lead their child to financial security and early settlement in their career roles; however, these days, teachers and counsellors often promote otherwise; they encourage students to be more creative and pursue what they desire, based on the philosophy that if you do not love what you do, you will soon get bored and that will badly affect your self-improvement and development as an individual.


    Ambition is good, however, human desires are changeable; what I mean is, today as a teenager, you may have a deep attraction towards music, rock bands, and the various instruments because you are growing within that culture in colleges, concerts, fests etc. but after 6 years, your interests may change, as a matured individual. It is just like our dress sense changes as we grow. We wear cut vests and bermudas when we are in college, but prefer to move to formals when we are an office-goer, with respect to our personality.


    Hence a decision that we take about our career in teenage, based only on our interests may not always be the right one; if we choose to pursue our ambition, alone, that may not ensure life-long satisfaction always. I know my statement will raise many brows, but it is essentially true.

    • When we choose a career, several prospects need to be kept in mind-
    • Whether the academic field will provide financial stability in future.
    • Whether the course is suitable to my learning abilities.
    • Whether the field has shown gradual statistical progress in the past few years.
    • Whether I will be satisfied with my engagement in it, in future.


    Sounds calculative! But that is a fact; a school teaches us various subjects, including co-curriculum, but when get out of high school, we choose a particular field for specialization as undergraduate course, based on our liking for it and our expertise and comfort in the field.


    When our guardians insist upon taking up a particular profession, most of us are unhappy. We want to do what we enjoy doing; some of us love fine arts, some of us want to pursue music, yet another group wants to be actors and it is great that these days we are having a diversity of career options to choose from, however, while being selective, we should also keep in the mind the career insurance factor, along with our personal choice.


    I do not imply, that all the people are confused about their choices, some are really focused and clear about what they want to do, and such people achieve success in whatever they do, which is appreciable, however, we need to ensure that our professional goal provides a certainty for future, and hence follow it in the right procedure.

    For e.g. if someone wants to be a cricketer, merely having the skills won’t help you reach the level of finesse; you need to be sure that you can give anything for the game, and you can risk anything to represent your country through the game, in the universal state.

    Also it requires a huge about of dedication and investment that you need to do, before becoming #SachinTendulkar you and your family should be prepared for it.

    Ask yourself whether you can bear it all, before taking the final decision; pursuing it because it is your hobby, won’t do much for you or for your future, your passion for it will help you progress.


    Every profession requires some investment and consequentially gives you returns. Now if you pursue an ambition which is not giving you back any returns, you will soon get demotivated, and that is very natural.

    Practically stated, you need to have the bread and butter of survival in order to carry on with your love. When you do not have food to eat, you won’t have the strength to sing or play flute.

    This kind of demotivation can be very harmful for your mental health; if will soon lead you to depression and anxiety, and you will lose all the love you have for the work that you are doing, and that is not good.

    If your career in unpredictable with an ambition; today you have returns and tomorrow it is nil, then just being with your ambition won’t give you happiness.


    The most important thing is to be happy in life, to be in mental peace. Hence considering the security and certainty factors are also equally important along with like, before choosing a career. You have to see that your career is insured with the professional field you choose.

    Being a doctor, engineer or professor is not that bad, if they are providing you with an early career, financial independence and individuality.

    Again, you can always continue your struggle as a singer, guitarist or a film-maker with equivalent passion and dedication to earn bigger goals in life, but whatever you do, you need to ensure that it secures you, because if there is no certainty in your career, you can never be at peace; you will be chasing money all the time, and that can be the cause of anxiety and other health hazards, which will not be anyone’s preference.

    I do not say that people should do what they most dislike, but you should merge your liking with some career insurance while choosing a profession, to ensure life-long happiness and good mental health.

    Image source


  • 08 Aug
    Pooja Sarkar

    Are you in depression?? How do you handle it?

    sad vs depressed 


    Its quite difficult every time to find out whether you are in depression or not. Every time it becomes harder to identify the difference between sadness and depression but for every reader it is a high time to be alerted by knowing that sadness is not depression, its completely different from depression.

    As one says "I am sad, I am not feeling happy, my mood is off today", its natural for a human being to get mood off and becomes sad when any desirable things are not met.

    Depression is an illness, but sadness not. Sadness is like I lost my favorite things, close one’s demise has happened, divorce etc. Its quite normal human process.

    We experience sadness when we come across any unpleasant event in our life. When a normal event occurs in a hurtful way, we become sad. Sadness happens in our life within a short gap even.

    Most importantly sadness is not severe, but depression is. One cannot be sad all the time. A productive person cannot live his/her life fully with sadness.

    Depression is moreover an illness, it needs medication. When one stops living his/her so called normal life, it can be said that the person is suffering from depression.

    Depression is profound sadness, its beyond sadness. People with depression have a pain beyond sadness and it cannot be resolved without medical intervention.

    People with depression lose his/her control over the pain and sadness. One who is in depression cannot live life in a normal way. It gradually becomes slower and withdrawn from every productive work.

    Sadness involve no withdrawn tendency, it always craves for a fun and happy event. But in depression, one tries to withdraw himself/herself from every social program.

    Depression is becoming so important to focus illness, as the researchers say every one person in 5 women, including in India and everyone person in every 10 men suffers from major depressive disorder.

    Suppose every time your neighbor shouts at you on a small matter, a rebellious student smokes in front of teachers, etc. everything is a common cause of depression.


    There can be many symptoms to identify depression:

     Feels exhausted and fatigued easily when working.

     Conduct miscommunication many times.

     Loss of memory, inferior feeling and feeling of worthlessness.

     Pessimism and having hopelessness.

     Lose interest of his/her previous hobbies.

     Lose interest to learn any new thing.

     Difficulty in sleeping or oversleeping.

     Cannot remember easily, getting trouble to concentrate on one thing.

     Appetite habits change, either less eating or over eating.

     Consistent digestive problems, headaches etc.

     Thoughts of death or suicide.


    For the severity, one who is suffering from depression has a risk to commit suicide, because hopelessness, worthlessness makes people cease life fully.

    Then every door is closed one by one to that person. One who has any 5 of above symptoms for two weeks or more needs to go for counselling.

    It can happen also in an episodic way i.e. one can be depressed for 5days or more, it again comes after 1 month or later within 3 months.


    Depression needs medication as well as it involves some neurological changes. Research says that prefrontal lobe and limbic system in the brain are responsible areas in regulation of depression.

    Major depressive disorder involves significant neurological changes. Hippocampus area in brain is also responsible area for regulating depression.

    Nowadays, also depression is like a disorder which has social stigma, many corporate job employees don't want to reveal that they are suffering from depression just because of this social stigma. With handling his/her own crisis, people have to deal with other people's thinking. When one is sad, he/she doesn't need to look upon all these factors.


    Case of Major depressive disorder: 

    One teenage girl (unknown), aged 17yrs, she used to bring up in a nuclear family with her parents. Her father had OC (obsessive compulsive) symptoms and he was under treatment. Her father seemed to dominant always towards the girl and her mother. That’s why her mother felt sad all the time.

    The girl has some problems in adjustment with her peers, she couldn’t even tolerate any middle aged man. Gradually, her parents started facing some troubles with their daughter. She used to hit others anywhere, she even asked for leave to unknown person.

    She had to stop her formal education for maladjustment. The girl always felt fatigue in every work, she always used to lose her interest even in funny things. She had poor concentration capacity along with poor memory.

    She had a craving for food, she used to have large amount food every day. Her mother worried and took her to the psychiatrist, after assessing it was diagnosed as a Major depressive disorder.

    Though depression is a mood disorder, if one feels these symptoms over a certain time, then he/she should be alert, and go to the expert for consulting. Depression is treatable and curable; you just have to diagnose it at proper time in proper way.


    Image source

  • 08 Aug
    Pooja Sarkar

    Separation anxiety among kids makes parents worried

    separation anxiety

    For a kid, his/her most familiar shelter is with parents. Home is the secure and comfort zone for all kids. They can fulfil all their primary needs of their home place. Socialization is one of the important activities for every kid, and it begins from the second home i.e. the school.

    The school is one institution where one can, not only get an education, but can also learn values, it’s a place to socialize with unknown people. It’s also a place to get to know cultural values.

    Nowadays, people drop their child at an early age, in today’s scenario most of mothers are working and staying in a nuclear family. So kid drops in school at an early age. Due to upbringing into a nuclear family, the child cannot get much exposure to mix up with many. So the child only knows his/her parents, mostly few relatives.

    When the time comes for going alone to school, he/she must feel afraid or less confident amongst unfamiliar places or people. Sometimes, it occurs excessively among children in recent days. They are even afraid of becoming separated from his/her family. A child expresses his/her fear of separation by a cry. Separation anxiety can begin before the child’s first birthday, and it may occur suddenly at the age of 4yrs.

    The intensity and timing of this separation anxiety vary from child to child. It’s quite normal to get afraid when parents say goodbye to a kid, but it’s becoming difficult for one who cannot stop being anxious after parents’ best firm and consistent effort.

    Though it is quite difficult for parents to handle sportingly with a child’s tears, still separation anxiety has some positive aspects. It indicates a healthy attachment bond with the caregiver. It can be handled by parents delicately as parents can make the child understand that they will return on time.


    When you should worry about separation anxiety?

    When you see your child’s anxiety becoming extreme, beyond control, the child is gradually facing different physical problems for the anxiety, then it’s the time to think over it.

    An excessive degree of separation anxiety is not normal for healthy development. It’s an emotional problem characterized by extreme distress for the fear of being separated from caregivers.

    The child gets afraid to go to school or mix up with peers. When a child refuses to go to sleep for the nightmare of separating and when the child has an unrealistic fear of separating from the close ones, then the parents should be alert.

    Sometimes these kids are thinking of being kidnapped from parents. Anxiety builds up from unknown things. For the child the school will be the first day experience, he/she doesn’t know anything about the school, what will happen there, who will be there, why mamma, papa will not be there etc.


    What should parents do in this situation?

    • Every time, for everything, practice makes things perfect. When your child goes to school and it’s new to him/her, it’s better to do previous practice like to keep your child alone with his/her grandparents for some time, and gradually make it for a whole day.


    • Try to make your child understand what he/she will face after going to school what will be the best or the worst part of school.


    • Role modelling is very much useful for every kid, parent should be pretended as a child and the child will be a mother and play each other’s role thinking of the first day in school.


    • Make a star chart, the day he/she will give up crying, he/she will get a star mark for that as a positive point, for every 5 consecutive star marks, the child will get a reward.


    • Teach your child ‘good bye’ ritual, it will be helpful for the child to understand the concept of going and coming back.


    • Make new environment familiar, the parent must keep the surroundings familiar when possible and make the child accustomed to the new one.


    • Tell your child interesting and fantastic story about school, don’t tell the child negative scary things about school, reassure the child that it is going to be beautiful on the very first day.

     Image source

  • 08 Aug
    Oyindrila Basu

    How to get liked instantly?

    how to get liked instantly


    We all want to be popular amongst the masses, right. We want ourselves to be liked by others, we want to be celebrated.


    Follow the following angles, and you will notice a significant change in you 

    Lisa Haisha, therapist, discusses communication under three significant parameters i.e.-

    Verbal messages- the words we say.

    Paraverbal messages- the way the words are said.

    Non-verbal messages- which means our body language.

    Today, we will also discuss how improvisation on the above factors, and develop your personality such that you will be liked instantly.

    • Firstly, it is important to mind what we are saying. In the vicinity of others, it is better to be a good listener, than a good speaker, because, everyone loves themselves, and they want to discuss about themselves, or their own ideas. So if you keep speaking out your ideas and about your stories, soon the people around you, will tend to get bored. So let others speak. Try to agree and be interested in their stories, appreciate it, encourage more stories out of them. They will just love you.


    • Be humorous but don’t be stupid. Cracking jokes, or deriving humour out of a general conversation is a very attractive quality, And always remember, shift the focus from you tactfully towards others in the group. Non-stop jokes from your side alone, can again make others bored and distracted.


    • Positive words in a conversation is very important, especially when you are meeting someone for the first time.


    • Also in the above case, enquiring “how are you? hope you are doing good”, kind of gestures can make the other person comfortable and happy, though you may not be at all concerned about his health. J


    Now we should know the way we speak.

    • Feel what you say. It has been observed in researches, that paraverbal messages account for about 38% of elements that we communicate. The tone, pitch and emotions linked to our speeches for very important for communicating what we actually intend to say. So attach emotions to your speech rather than just narrating or orating something without any punctuations.


    • Use a clearer pitch while you speak.


    • Use pauses and halts. Also emphasize on important sections by repeating and prolonging them, which you want to be noted by others.


    Third and most important factor for a developed, likable personality, is our body language, which is non verbal.

    • You smile can do wonders, whether you are greeting someone stranger, or a friend, use you smile to attract others.


    • Focus on your body movements. Use your hands and arms to convey your emotions during a discussion with your peer group. It actually captivates the senses of others.


    • Maintain a firm eye-contact with you partner in conversation. "Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner's with sticky warm taffy," Lowndes advises.

    Even after the conversation is over, don’t be in a rush to remove your eye-contact, do it slowly. Your glued eyes on your partner, will make him feel that you are not distracted, and that you are interested in what he is saying.

    • Be prompt in your replies. Whenever someone asks something, (you may have not been listening so closely), but be quick to reply, so that he doesn’t feel that you are ignoring him.


    • If you want someone particular’s attention, remember to look at him or her during a group conversation, at intervals. It is a way of conveying your interest in what he/she is saying or reacting.


    • Do not fidget when you are speaking. Too much unsettled movement can convey that you are confused.


    Lastly, try to make your friend comfortable. If you are meeting a stranger, easing the conversation is your responsibility, if you want to be liked by others.

    Make him comfortable with your friendly gestures. Imagine, you have known him long.

    Harp on some interesting private talks which relate to both of you, so that he feels friendly too.

    Try little flirting, if applicable, because people love romantic attention.

    Just be yourself, and adapt a few of these, and surely, you will be liked instantly.


  • 06 Aug
    Oyindrila Basu

    Why sex is turning out to be the least important thing in our daily lives and relationships?

    couple on smartphone

    It is shocking isn’t it? In an era when we are getting exposed to sexual education and its implications everyday, sex itself is losing its importance and priority in our activities.

    Statistically, it has been proven, that amongst 16-44 years age population,  it found that women were having sex an average of 4.8 times a month and men, 4.9. Ten years ago this was 6.3 and 6.2, and 10 years before that, 6.1 and 6.4.

    Sex is something that helps us in many ways;

    It makes us feel good about ourselves

    It gives us satisfaction

    It is a productive medium for reciprocating our amorous feelings for our partner

    It also keeps us physically fit (taking into account that regular diseases like cough, cold, influenza, asthma and hereditary infections can be cured with having a regular healthy sex-life)

    It is a vital step for procreation, though we are not inclined to discuss that at the moment as we are talking about sex and good mental health.

    So why is it, that the current generation, which is so open about relationships and partner choosing and reluctant to have sex?


    Is the progeny turning out to be bearers of under-active sexual hormones? No it may not be so.

    Today, out television programs, films and documentaries are much open about sex and sexual procedures.

    Earlier, films depicted sex in a very creative way (especially in Indian cinema), a picture of two flowers mating, or bees uniting with their parent flower, which is toady considered to be unrealistic and foolish, and it is true.

    Today, every culture is progressing where creation of art is considered. Visual arts like cinema is becoming a medium of message, education and propagation of social awareness. Actions are much more realistic, especially love-making scenes are bold practically structured.

    Documentaries and articles are discussing daily on the human body, its biological constructions and their implications on sex.

    This has been aimed towards an open culture and proper knowledge.

    But on the contrary, it is making us over thoughtful about sex and its procedures.


    Factors contributing to these facts: 

    When surveyed, it has been found that most people open up about their sexual anxieties which is mostly associated with satisfying their partners. People are too much concerned about the right procedure to accomplishing the perfect sex and this is the reason why, they lose the desire before engaging in the action. Things are becoming too technical, and nowadays, a couple chooses to learn a lot before doing something, ‘research’ is becoming more important than actual experience.

    A gynaecologist is an expert on human bodies, especially the female body, and many of them, across different countries of the world have reported that they lack the lust towards their wives; there is nothing hidden from them, there is nothing new to discover, it is a part of their profession, hence for others, sex acts as a relaxation while for them, it is more of culturing with the human body, again, hence they feel lesser urge to have sex with their partners. If their wives are gynaecologists as well, they do understand the psychology.

    The same theory can be closely associated with the attitude of the present generation towards sex, though not fully.

    More knowledge and education, instead of making people comfortable and progressive, are making them more fearful and anxious towards sex and sex-life.

    Besides, media, social world etc. are becoming so active that its making our personal lives inactive.

    We are behaving like robots these days, checking our Instagram and whatsapp on phone while having dinner with friends and family; is this a good practice? We come back from work and start scrolling through the Facebook posts, photos and videos not knowing what we are actually looking for.

    We check through the vacation photos of our friends and comment lazily on them, instead of planning a vacation for ourselves, we keep playing the #Asphalt game mechanically instead of talking to our spouse for a few minutes, or if we have nothing to do, we just switch on the TV and keep surfing the channels, communicating comes as a second thought, if we at all have time after such productive works, and sex being a part of that communication with your partner also comes as an afterthought; you can just miss it if you are sleepy.

    Earlier, when there was not so much around to entertain us, in fact, those ages, when electricity would run out in India after evening time, communicating with your partner in the most creative ways was the best form of entertainment and it kept your relationship healthy.

    But now, we are becoming progressive, we are advancing, but we are losing on important things in our life, our personal relations, friends, family, life-partner; we do not have the time.

    As a result, we are becoming stressed out, we are having headaches staring at digital screens for 22 hours/24 in a day, more physical diseases, ill-health, poor mental health, and funny thing is, we do nothing to change it.


    So what is the solution?

    Please realize social network is weakening your social skills, it is stealing away your time of personal interactions. May be your partner feels neglected and hence he/she is indulging in these mechanical mediums too.

    1. Everyday, spend five minutes in the morning sitting quietly doing nothing.
    2. After coming back from work, engage in making the evening coffee with your spouse instead of turning on the TV.
    3. Surfing and scrolling on social networking sites should not take more than half an hour of your day, promise yourself.
    4. Stop watching weird videos or photos on sex.
    5. There is no need to flip to every article on sex.
    6. The more time you spend with your partner, the more desired you will feel towards him/her.
    7. Discover yourselves daily with new surprises with each other.
    8. Go for a net-free vacation with him/her.

    Sex is natural, it is healthy for your heart and mind, it will come naturally, do not overthink it. It can be a great stress buster.

    Image source


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