Total 228 Blog Posts

  • 28 Oct
    Oyindrila Basu

    Ownership in a relationship can do miracles.

    husband saying sorry

    Here ownership doesn’t mean being the boss of the house; it doesn’t mean that you will be the ruler in the relationship and everyone will listen to you and do what you say; it doesn’t mean taking authority over your partner, but it means taking authority of a situation to solve it.

    Relationships are delicate and very very complex. There are misunderstandings; there are communication gaps, differences in opinion; we fight with whom we love and that creates rifts and trenches in relationship.

    The selfish self often comes in between two people who are in a relationship, the individual brain overpowers the rational heart and what results, is trouble in paradise.

     

    In such a situation, the most important thing, is to give up the ego and mitigate the differences.

    It is this ownership, that we are talking about.

    You should be the one, to take the first step in solving your differences.

    Just saying a ‘sorry’ to your loved one can change everything.

    Admitting your mistake makes you more agreeable to your partner, and the gaps are easily bridged.

    A difficult relationship is completely destructive for mental health such that you cannot focus on your work, you daily life as well as your personal communications; it is difficult for both parties.

    In such a case you take the move and apologize for what happened, for you know that two hands clap together, it was both’s fault and hence there is a dent so you be the first one to repair it and hold the ownership in the relationship, for both to be happy.

    This might sound quite manipulative for some, but ultimately the relationship matters and your mental peace and happiness. Your genuine expression of apology won’t make you small, instead it will infuse respect for you in your partner’s heart; he or she will melt down the anger ball which was cold as ice.

    Also be a good listener; before putting forward your viewpoint, know what the other has to say.

    If he/she is complaining, that “you are bad, jealous, hypocrite, cold, ignorant etc etc.”, these might sound really cruel, but stop and think, that the complains will help you fix up the issues. You may not feel that these exist, but of course your partner can see it and that’s making him/her unhappy, so you should consider that; when your loves one is happy, you will be happy.

     

  • 28 Oct
    Oyindrila Basu

    Parent-Induced Wastefulness is harmful for growing children.

    working child and mental health counselling

    Parents are often over-protective about their children and that is a natural trait, and they claim it to be love.

    Parents think that they are responsible for everything about their children, what they will do, or say; what they will think, good or bad; and of course for the best that they should get.

    Parents strive a lot to provide the children their best childhood with all the luxuries and comforts that they could think of, even if that means, going beyond their abilities, and this is how children become materialistic fools, who think the world is all glossy and nothing beyond drones and racing cars.

    As a matter of fact, children in such protected place, become nagging and demanding; they are far from realities; whenever they are into some adverse situation, they just want to run.

    In the growing years, proper training is required for children from their parents. They should be more exposed and open, and they should be given the freedom to think and analyse situations in order to act.

    Few months back, at a station in India, I found a child having her own small suitcase, she was about 8 or 9 years old; she was pulling her trolley and it had not been a while, that her grandparents rushed to her, snatched her suitcase and handed it over to the coolie; she was shocked for a moment, then continued to walk. Especially in India, parent-induced wastefulness is a problem for young people; they won’t let the child learn anything for him/herself. Labour is cheap, hence they will hire someone to do it, even if it means carrying a suitcase as light as feather.

    When these children will grow up and have to go to different cities for education or work, they will face huge difficulties, in terms of household chores, shopping, cooking, washing, and many other practical tasks like paying the bills etc. as they have not been used to doing these things.

    The immunity system to the real world gets destroyed with parent-induced wastefulness.

    Even at the age of 30 years, an Indian boy is called and treated as a child in the household, and parents do believe that he is not capable of handling serious tasks, and that it is their duty to arrange and do it for him. Even any lifetime decision making is the duty of the parents, the latter believes.

    This can really be shattering for the self-confidence of the individual. Growing kids in such possessive environment do not learn to trust themselves, they are always in dilemma, when it comes to doing something important in life.

    They are just used to material pleasures and they think that is the reality which is important for reputation.

    They are adjusted to a larger than life lifestyle which can be boring but they cannot step out of it.

    Such children always fear challenges and losing; they are not used to refusal or loss and hence they think the world will do as they say, because their parents have done so, and they have done according to parents’ wishes. Stepping out of the home, gives them shocks are set backs.

    Let your child grow in his natural environment; he will extract the best from what naturally is available to him, be it knowledge or resources; do not try to be too particular about providing; let him seek and find.

    A growing child is more inquisitive than you can think, hence answer his queries and let him learn on his own; stop spoon feeding, let him do his work and small family responsibilities too; that will give him confidence and self-esteem.

    He will have a knowledge of the real world. Let him get the essence of survival and grow as a complete individual.

    Image source

  • 28 Oct
    Oyindrila Basu

    Driver’s aggression is the cause of future anxiety, blood pressure and depression problems.

    driver aggression

    Busy cities are represented by heavy traffic; too many cars; too many horns; too much noise.

    Horns of cars in the streets are really annoying and disrupts our normal communication. We have known that exposure to high end industrial noise, approx. 85–90 dBA, especially over lifetime, can impair your hearing senses, however, some people claim that they are not much disturbed or affected by excessive noise or loud music, but that does not essentially mean that the noise is not harming their health.

    Loud noise or music in a continuous pattern can increase possibilities of future blood pressure, stress and anxiety in a person.

    Drivers in India are prone to using horns more often than required, as everybody wants to move fast and they have least patience for the traffic to clear out; they keep pushing the button with the cranky noise, not to alert or prevent accidents but to abuse other drivers to clear the way.

    Drivers in big cities use horns as a mode of venting frustration and agitation on each other; as the noises articulate within the scene of a roadway, the level of violence overpowers beyond normalcy, resulting in every car blowing their horn unnecessarily. They don’t realise, how badly it is affecting the environment! A normal pedestrian crossing the road gets a shock hearing the honkings, their auditory senses are disturbed, as because the noise is kind of an unexpected stimulus and the brain is not prepared for it; this can be the reason for panic attacks in future.

    Drivers spreading violence and aggression through noise pollution are more prone to anxiety, blood pressure and depression problems than cool and casual people.

    Driving needs to be rationally handled, but most people tend to exhibit their heroic moves through this action and hence they need to move fast. This unrequired desire to beat everybody gives rise to an unhealthy competition among drivers on streets, and this is very bad for their physiological and mental health. Increased heartbeat, pulse rate, racing mind, frustration and panic are the results.

    Moreover, the noise pollution impairs hearing sensations slowly over time for drivers, but they seldom realise it.

    Exposure to high intensity noise in industry has been linked in some studies to raised levels of noradrenaline and adrenaline

    Noise can have predictable short term effects on cardiovascular activities. A study was conducted around major airports in the world and it was found that a sudden intense exposure to noise may stimulate catecholamine secretion and precipitate cardiac dysrhythmias. Peripheral vasoconstriction results from recurrent exposure to extreme noise.

    Sleep disorders are also quite common for people who are aggressive and bear noise pollution at will.

    In the Civil Aviation Authority Study around Heathrow and Gatwick airports, the relative proportion of total sleep disturbance attributable to noise increased in noisy areas but not the level of total sleep disturbance. In effect, the work suggested a symptom reporting or attribution effect rather than real noise effects. There is both objective and subjective evidence for sleep disturbance by noise. Exposure to noise disturbs sleep proportional to the amount of noise experienced in terms of an increased rate of changes in sleep stages and in number of awakenings.

    Sleep disturbance can also be a cause for blood pressure problems and heart diseases.

    Studies of children exposed to environmental noise have consistently found effects on their cognitive performance.

    Hence #Horny aggression from drivers is not only harming their health but also other inhabitants in the environment, physically and mentally.

    We should really be careful and bear some responsibility for earth and its users. Our aggression can destroy our mental peace and well-being and at the same time bear negativity on others’ minds. Waiting will do us no harm, but aggression will and the noise we make will hamper the quality of living.

    Image source

  • 22 Oct
    Oyindrila Basu

    How to accept emotional and behavioral issues like common cold and seek help.

    world mental health day

    Last day, I was encountered with an old friend, and she is currently working in a Multinational Company. Her day begins at 5am in the morning and ends at 1.30 at night, and that too she finishes a professional call at that time.

    She admitted that it is painful for her to bear the stress; she is single, her family is coaxing her to get married, but she doesn’t want to enter an arranged marriage just like that, she is in unresolved dilemma and feels she is going into depression with coming pressures from all side-

    I feel I am going into depression; I lack energy, I cannot find motivation in anything; I am 28 and still do not have a boy-friend, I feel quite bad on special days, when couples celebrate love, I find my friends engaged on those days, no one have time for me, I am upset, low in mood, I think I want to get married but do not have a relationship; I am struggling with my work life too. The pressure is immense, and sometimes I am losing my cool, feeling powerless and making mistakes; I am dampening my reputation myself and I really hate myself for it.

    I badly need professional help, but unfortunately, I am not being able to tell it to anyone; I feel I need a friend and counsellor, but my family should not know, because if they know my neighbours and relatives will know too and there will be lot of ‘mad-shaming’ about me.

    I go through some of the articles posted on facebook and other places, I think I will contact them, but I am scared what they will think of me; What will I do I don’t know, I feel frustrated”.

    I tried consoling her and comforting her as much as I could, but it is true, in order to work properly and lead a healthy life, she needs someone to treat her immediately with patience and understanding; she is suffering from mental health issues but cannot reveal it, due to social stigma and taboo associated with mental health issues.

    A lot of discussions are going on across the web, where people are shouting out that mental health issues require treatment and it doesn’t mean you are mad, however, the wrong notions and meaningless fear associated with the idea have not left people.

    Psychological disorders are still treated with unscientific names like possession and such other things.

    Anybody visiting a psychiatrist is looked at with a special gaze, and people will whisper, that he/she is mad, behind the back.

    Mental health problems doesn’t get the normal acceptance in society as cough and cold which requires treatment and gets ok.

    But this is getting more and more hazardous for the society itself. People are overly affected with stress these days; work pressure, balance in lifestyle, relationships, break-ups, gains and losses, demand and expectations are mounting up quantitatively and it is getting difficult for us to maintain composure and a balance mental health; as a result, anxiety and depression are finding their way to us.

    What is the remedy, but psychotherapy? But we fear to be judged and hence we keep our problems to ourselves; we don’t even share them with friends, imagining they will set a taboo against us.

    We like, post and comment anonymously on the internet over various such issues related to mental health, as because we feel, we can express our ideas independently, but only without a name, we need a vent and we use the social media and the web pages as modes of expression.

    That is not the solution, we are unwell and we will be unwell unless we opt for a treatment. Psychotherapy and counselling services are widely available, even the new Bill on Mental Health by the Government of India, becomes revolutionary in providing insurance for mental health treatments, but alas! The society is comprised of people who are common and commonly believe that mental health issue means a person is mad; a person requires counselling means he or she is abnormal.

    Healthy people require counselling too in order to understand themselves better and move towards success with better motivation.

    Hence counselling services are definitely not meant for ‘mad’ people.

    There are a couple of days in the calendar which are dedicated to mental health celebration; well we have a day for every other thing on earth, now, so where is the special place for mental health?

    We are yet to develop a deeper learning about mental health and its problems, we are yet to modify our attitude towards those who are mentally unwell at the moment; ‘mad’ is a wrong term which misinterprets genuine health hazards, literacy should bring our knowledge and emancipation in society, and this can happen only when more people come out with their problems and discuss them in public, when more people opt for psychotherapy to have better lives and now with true identity and name.

    We need a society where mental health will be accepted as a normal topic regardless of time and place, field days and social media campaigns, which fade out after a few bubbles.

    Celebrities are taking a positive step towards rectifying the situation; Deepika Padukone, Illeana D’Cruz and Karan Johar have been very sporting in coming up with their stories of depression and anxiety, and we hope more of common people will come up with their health stories too.

  • 21 Oct
    Pooja Sarkar

    Is lying healthy for children??

    child lying

    Sana, 12-years old girl, was playing with her cousin when her mother asked me to take out her notebook, she told her mom that she left it at school. When her mother checked it was inside her bag only.

    Her mother suddenly found her lie, and as usual it made her angry, frustrated and betrayed as well. But the recent research says, lying is good for a child’s intellectual development as she starts to understand the logical scenario where to manipulate and how to manipulate to protect herself.

     Young children start making stories during the age of 4-5yrs and tell tall tales.

    This is normal activity as they like to hear stories from adults and try to imitate them as well. Young children may blur between reality and fantasy. When young age children start learning to protect themselves from offence or deny something bad which they did, they start lying.

    So here is a basic science which says that, children with high cognitive skills start lying at an early age. Child development refers all his/her biological as well as mental development. As the primary role models in children’s lives, parents play an important role in showcasing honesty.

    Recent experiment says, children lie to explore themselves or sometimes to get more attention from others. Lying needs them to think in different manner, by which they can get rid of trouble from their lives. Sometimes to be gentle, they lie.

    Children tend to be denial often when they create something undesirable, so it is very normal for young age children. Children who can’t even manipulate their words when needed rationally, they tend to suffer from some cognitive impairments as research says.

    Scientific research over the last 50 years has carried out millions of MRI scans, EEG, and brain mapping test to find that ‘lying’ is produced by activity in the frontal lobe of the brain. It includes many behavioral changes as well, stealing, cheating, aggressive or showing temper tantrum. Fear is common motivator for lying, as while children afraid on something, they start lying.

    Fear introduces few neurochemical changes in the brain and often the behavior they start showing is lying. Through constant practice, lying becomes habit for children. Habitual lying is often strengthened by holistic confrontation. Children become liar to follow their role models also, if they listen from their dearest one a lie they start imitate it.

    ‘Pathological liar’ refers to a liar who constantly lies either impulsively or compulsively. Children sometimes lie to get attention from other, when someone feels aloof, he wants to get attention from other as human instinct. To make an individualization from parents’ children start lie. Some children lie to avoid confrontation, punishment etc.

    When you start feeling that your child has started lying, it’s time to get a look into this if it affect others. Don’t give lecture to your child for what to do or what not to do. Make it free to ask their queries to you. Plan ahead of time how to intervene with the specific problem. Discuss with your close family members how to start with the specific problem.

    Every child is lying, this is so natural, so it’s not the thing for worrying but to understand that your child wants to communicate with you.

    Do reduce the power struggle by saying your statement by saying ‘I don’t believe you,” rather than saying “you are lying. Don’t try to rationalize with your child to deal with the lies. Don’t make rules or don’t threat your child to say that next time you will punish him.

    Do realize transforming lying behavior takes time. Don’t tag your child as liar. Don’t think whatever your child says is a lie.

    Image source