• 20 Jun
    Manaswini Venkateswaran

    Dealing with Hyperactive kids- Play therapy and Home remedies

    parenting adhd

    Some children seem like they’re heaven-sent, don't they? Quiet, obedient, and attentive. And somehow, those children are never yours.

    If you’re a parent with one or more unruly child, you’d probably relate to the above statement. Your life is a constant state of one eye on the steering wheel, and one on your little monster (just kidding).

    In the middle of giving repeated instructions to your child to put their toys away, stop fighting with their siblings, do their homework  or just be quiet, you might have wondered whether your child’s behaviour is typical of most children his/her age or if there might be another, more serious cause which is going un-investigated.

    With the increasing number of children diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), it’s important to be on the lookout for signs of a problem. However, before jumping to the conclusion that your child may have ADHD, consider whether the unruly behavior may be due to the following –

    • Failure to understand tasks or instructions
    • General defiance and oppositional behavior
    • Normal growth and development
    • Another medical condition (such as thyroid imbalance)
    • Plain old immaturity

    Having considered all this, if you suspect that your child might have ADHD or ADD, keep reading.

    ADHD is characterized by two major categories of symptoms – inattention and hyperactivity/impulsivity. In those with ADD, the hyperactivity element is absent and they only experience problems with attention. The two symptom clusters are as follows:

    Inattention: Some examples of inattention may be as follows

    • Making “silly” mistakes on tests and homework and a high level of inaccuracy in tasks. 
    • Difficulty concentrating for a long time such as in lectures, conversations, reading or studying.
    • Does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
    • Fail to complete chores and homework. When they start a task, they get sidetracked easily and are unable to finish it.
    • Losing things necessary to complete tasks (such as pencils and notebooks for homework)
    • Easily distracted by external stimuli, such as sights and sounds.


    Hyperactivity/Impulsivity: Some examples of hyperactivity/impulsivity may be as follows

    • Fidgeting, tapping hands or feet or squirming in his/her seat 
    • Running around and climbing even when it’s inappropriate or they’ve been told not to.
    • Leaving one's seat in situations where it is inappropriate
    • An inability to play quietly
    • Excessive talking, 
    • Trouble with waiting his/her turn and often intrudes on or disturbs others (for e.g. butting into conversations, using other people’s things without permission).

    The symptoms clearly affect the performance of the child in various areas, such as academically and during interactions with others

    Now that we know what the problem is, what is the solution?

    Even though a majority of children benefit from medication prescribed to treat ADHD, there are a number of therapies that help manage the symptoms of ADHD. Some children do best with a combination of treatments.

    A popular form of therapy used to help children with ADHD is Play Therapy.

    Play therapy is a way to help children learn social and problem-solving skills through activities that keep them engaged and are enjoyable.
    A traditional cognitive behavioral therapy would not work for someone with ADHD/ADD as they would just see it as one more boring activity to sit through.

    So what better way to help them than to teach them through play, an activity that comes so naturally to children?
    During play therapy, the children are encouraged to play, either on their own(under the supervision of a parent and the therapist) or with other children. The games that are provided to them aim to achieve the following:

    Staying with a string of tasks long enough to reach a conclusion: For e.g. telling a story using soft toys or dolls can encourage them to think about a sequence of events and a definite ending. This can teach them to complete tasks without deviating and engaging in another one.

    > Using information they have to solve problems: 
    Games like Scrabble and other word games where children have to use a limited number of letters to form new words teaches them to use the information they have to explore new possibilities and solutions.

    > Strategy Over Trial-And-Error: Patience is always an issue with children who have ADHD/ADD and games which need strategic thinking to win rather than trial-and-error can encourage them to stop and think and not act in haste. Games like chess and checkers simply cannot be won by fluke.

    > Learning Social Skills: Group play encourages cooperation, compromise, mutual helping and playing by the rules. Failure to follow the rules and always trying to put your own preferences first will result in being left out of group games. Learning of social conventions can occur through group interaction during games. 

    The main issue that parents of children with ADHD/ADD face are inculcating discipline and maintaining order. 

    Apart from therapy and medication, here are some things parents can do to make the child with ADHD/ADD’s life easier as well as make sure the child grows up to be well-behaved.

    • Patience and a Positive Attitude:
      Dealing with a child’s constant inattentiveness and refusal to comply can be challenging but you need to remind yourself that the behavior is a result of a disorder and refrain from being excessively harsh and negative with your child.
      Your child is not ‘slow’ or ‘lazy’, it’s just that his/her mind works in a different way. He/she has just as much potential to succeed as his/her classmates without ADHD/ADD.
      Refrain from name-calling and constant negative feedback, as this can severely harm the child’s self-esteem.

    • Behaviourism To Encourage Desired Behaviour:
      A basic reward and punishment system can be effective in encouraging favorable behaviors among children with ADHD.
      One way to do it is to create a Token Economy, where you hand the child a ‘token’ (such as a marble or a slip of paper – these can be stored in a jar or box) every time he/she does something correctly (such as finish homework or get ready on time) and take away tokens every time they fail to do the task or do something bad (such as forget or refuse to do chores and other tasks).
      At the end of each day or week, the tokens can be exchanged for things the child wants, such as extra TV time or a particular treat like ice-cream.
      Another way to make what is expected of the child clear is to put up a list of the rules to be followed at home (for e.g. using the appropriate tone and volume while speaking, not running around inside the house) and the punishments for failing to follow them as well as the privileges that the child can have for adhering to them.

    • Structuring Their Activities:
      Children with ADHD find it much easier to remember things and complete tasks if there is a particular sequence in which things are done and these sequences are predictable.
      Putting up lists around the house about things to be done, say, before the child goes to school, can make the whole process a lot faster and smoother.
      Such a list could include activities like getting dressed and eating breakfast as well as items that the child needs to remember to take before leaving the house, such as a lunchbox, bag, books, pencils, etc.Keeping these items in the same place every time, maybe the night before creates consistency and repetitions can make them easier to remember.
    • Lifestyle Changes:
      A healthy diet and regular exercise can be especially beneficial in regulating some of the symptoms of ADHD. A balanced diet can leave the child feeling satisfied and hence, less antsy. Cutting out certain items like caffeine and sugar can bring down hyperactivity.

      Participating in sports and outdoor activities ensure that the excessive energy that kids with ADHD have is put to good use. Group sports can also indirectly teach social skills and values like leadership, patience, and teamwork.
  • 20 Jun
    Swayamprava Pati

    Gratitude : A gift of happiness


    “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”

    —Gilbert K. Chesterton


    The word gratitude originated from the Latin word gratia, which means goodwill, favor, or pleasing quality. In some ways, gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful expression of appreciation. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies partially outside themselves. Gratitude also helps people connect to other people, nature, or a higher power. All of us can think of times in our lives when we’ve expressed heartfelt thanks to others for their time and effort. Being grateful feels good.

    People who consciously feel grateful feel better about their lives. They are more optimistic, energetic, enthusiastic, determined, joyful and generous. Gratefulness touches every aspect of our life. It will give us more happiness, better health, deeper relationships and increased productivity. People feel and express gratitude in many ways. They can apply it to the past; remembering positive memories and being thankful for past blessings, the present; being grateful for the present situation and good things, and the future; maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude. Regardless of the current level of someone's gratitude, it's a quality that anyone can successfully cultivate further.

    What happens in our brains and bodies when we feel gratitude? An attitude of gratitude upgrades our hormones, from oxytocin to cortisol, and our neurotransmitters, including dopamine and serotonin. The ventral tegmental area is a part of the brain associated with reward and motivation. The hypothalamus is associated with basic tasks such as eating, sleeping, hormone secretion and stress. The septum is associated with bonding. When we feel and express gratitude, these parts of the brain light up. “Research shows that gratitude is linked with feelings of reward, improved sleep and decreased depression and anxiety,” Ferguson said. “There are measurable benefits to mental health and interpersonal relationships when humans feel gratitude.”

    So how do we apply this science of gratitude in our lives? Here is how:

    Keep a gratitude journal. Take a moment before bedtime to write down the things that happened throughout the day for which you are grateful. Anything that made you feel uplifted or that brought a smile to your face. You can make yourself happier by writing a gratitude journal expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of daily events. Make it a habit of writing thoughts about the gifts you've received each day. This journal helps you look at life in a positive and concrete way, reminding you of its interconnectedness and how much others add to the quality of our life. It forces you to focus on what went right instead of the things that went wrong. It also enhances your self-esteem.


    Say “Thank You”.  Just Say thank you to someone who has done something nice for you. You can find many occasion where you will get a chance to express your gratitude to someone. If you don’t get a chance to verbally thank someone, then mentally thank the individual. Gratitude, when expressed to others, almost always comes back around. People who feel appreciated are more willing to make an effort for those who make them feel valued.

    Count your blessings. The practice of gratitude takes only a few minutes a day, but it needs consistency and dedication. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your blessings, reflecting on what went right or what you are grateful for. Sometimes it helps to pick a number, such as three to five things that you will identify each week. As you write, be specific and think about the sensations you felt when something good happened to you. After each situation for which you feel thankful, write down why it was good for you.


    Look around you. What is going right? What is looking beautiful? Who is making you happy? What is the thing you can appreciate? Who is contributing to your growth? What is making your life easier? Find something to be grateful about. Always look at the positive side of your life. Reach out to someone who needs your help. Share something with others. A small gesture towards others costs you nothing but can bring many benefits. All these actions increase your opportunities to feel grateful. Gratitude has the power to bring magical transformation.


    “Feel Grateful”

    Image source-oviyadesignstudio.com

    Responses 2

    • Sanjna Verma
      Sanjna Verma   Aug 31, 2017 06:59 PM

      I likes this topic of gratitude towards each and every thing in our lives. In our class our professor made us do to write things which make us happy. All of us had to think about what made us happy. We are grossed with negative things around us that we forget all the happy events happening in our life. I think being grateful is all about being happy always, no matter what. Life is full of twist and turns, it is our mindset, our approach towards those happenings which make us a better person not just physically but also mentally. Everyone should go through this.

    • Radhika Goel
      Radhika Goel   Jul 22, 2017 08:45 PM

      We feel elated when someone thanks us and shows us appreciation for being there for them or helping them out. Hence, we should never shy away from thanking or complimenting others around us. We should always try to spread positivity in the lives of those around us which will impact us too. If people feel good around you, they will express happiness too. I have noticed a difference in my life when I force myself to not frown at any circumstance but give a smile and power through. Hence, thank you for writing this. Having gratitude makes us humbler and happier.

  • 19 Jun
    Alveera Sheikh

    Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage – What is Right for You?

    love marriage or arranged marriage

    Marriage is a very important social institution. Every individual wants to have a perfect match. The idea of arranged and love marriage are 2 sides of a coin. It is believed that arranged marriages are what the Indian society traditionally follows and accepts even in the modern ages, whereas love marriages are something that the West indulges into. This, however, is a myth. Due to the changing dynamics of the world today – we see both prevalent all around us. But it is up to a person to think of what is best for them. Some still prefer to follow arranged marriages, whereas others indulge into the realm of love marriages, discovering multiple people until they find the right one for themselves.


    Arranged marriages, if seen from one perspective, are rather the coming together of families than the coming together of the to-be spouses. Although seen as repressive towards women, this myth is not true. It has been proven that arranged marriages have higher rates of stability than love marriages. A lot people prefer arranged marriages for the fact that they believe the ‘elders’ (parents and relatives) of the family have the ability to decide what is best for them and will find someone suitable as well.

    A factor that contributes to the success of arranged marriages is the fact that while match-making, it is seen to it that both the bride and the groom come from a similar economic background and social standing. Invariably, people falling in love also tend to choose partners with a similar personality, background and attitude.

    However, arranged marriages have an element of commitment, which is more than only falling in love. Although the latter is important and tends to occur in the process either way, commitment is what actually keeps the relationship going. The commitment to trust, to help, to understand and to accept is central in arranged marriages.

    Dr. Robert Epstein from Harvard has studied the subject of arranged marriages for eight years that focused on arranged marriage practices among Indian, Pakistani and Orthodox Jewish communities. Here is an extract from The Daily Mail UK that talks about the findings of Dr. Robert Epstein. 

    He has interviewed more than 100 couples in arranged marriages to assess their strength of feeling and studied his findings against more than 30 years of research into love in Western and arranged marriages. His work suggests that feelings of love in love matches begin to fade by as much as a half in 18 months, whereas the love in the arranged marriages tends to grow gradually, surpassing the love in the unarranged marriages at about the five-year mark.
    Ten years on, the affection felt by those in arranged marriages is typically twice as strong.
    Dr Epstein believes this is because Westerners leave their love lives to chance, or fate, often confusing love with lust, whereas those in other cultures look for more than just passion.


    Love marriages, on the other hand, occur when both partners are understanding in the relationship and are in it by their choice. The volatility of love marriages might be the question that bothers a lot of people – as people do tend to fall out of love (which occurs in arranged marriages too) but what is important is that is the commitment to make things work out before the partners agree on marrying.

    What comprises love marriage is the very fact that before marriage, both of them know each other well enough hence giving the early days of marriage a great head start. The head start is due to the fact that the process of understanding and accepting is something that has already happened before, and now the goal for both the partners is to commit themselves than spend time understanding and accepting each other’s strengths and flaws.

    Although love marriages tend to have higher divorce rates – there are many stories of success within the realm of love marriages.


    According to the 2014 UNFPA Survey, as women's education levels increase in South Asian countries like India,  the proportion of women meeting and understanding their husbands before marriage is increasing. This does not necessarily mean love marriages but rather indicate free choice in selecting a husband. It means family no longer holds the reigns when it comes to marriage. In fact, even rejection from the women’s side has started to gain social acceptance.

    The idea of love and arranged is wrought with their own differences. The example above gives a glimpse of how choice is gaining its own stand in today’s world. But what is important is the fact that couple commits themselves to keeping each other happy and giving each other the support system they require. If there is any reason as to why marriages fail (be it love or arranged) – it’s because of lack of understanding, security, and support. Commitment comes a long way in the story of successful love and arranged marriages. So if you indulge either of the both, always remember the common element is commitment.

    Responses 3

    • Sanjna Verma
      Sanjna Verma   Sep 27, 2017 08:37 PM

      This is an interesting topic and the article is well-written. The thing is that the current generation (including myself) felt that love marriage is the best thing that ca happen for a couple about to get married. But I get your point and I completely agree with you over the fact that irrespective of whatver kind of marriage you have, it is important to support each other when required and the important thing is commitment without which any relationship cannot survive.

      I think that the divorce rate is lower in arranged marriage also because of the fact that there is a familial pressure on the couple to be together and if you consider India, there is a fear of what society thinks as well. It was interting to know that how gradually arranged marriages become no less than a love marriage, maybe because of the fact that they begin to understnad each other better as they get into relationship. It may not be possible in love marriage because it is merely based on romantic attraction.It is important that both of them care and respect each other's needsand opinions.


    • Sanjna Verma
      Sanjna Verma   Sep 27, 2017 08:37 PM

      This is an interesting topic and the article is well-written. The thing is that the current generation (including myself) felt that love marriage is the best thing that ca happen for a couple about to get married. But I get your point and I completely agree with you over the fact that irrespective of whatver kind of marriage you have, it is important to support each other when required and the important thing is commitment without which any relationship cannot survive.

      I think that the divorce rate is lower in arranged marriage also because of the fact that there is a familial pressure on the couple to be together and if you consider India, there is a fear of what society thinks as well. It was interting to know that how gradually arranged marriages become no less than a love marriage, maybe because of the fact that they begin to understnad each other better as they get into relationship. It may not be possible in love marriage because it is merely based on romantic attraction.It is important that both of them care and respect each other's needsand opinions.


  • 16 Jun
    Parnika Jhunjhunwala

    Sharma jee ka beta

    parent comparing child with other
    Thuje arts lena hai? Sharma jee ka beta toh engineering le raha hai.Usmai bahaut scope hai. Dus saal ke baad tumhe bura lagega jab wo bahut kamayega aur tumhare pass koi kaam nahi hoga.
    Here is a concerned neighbour who caught me on his way to the grocery store. People have enough interest in my life than myself. Which is fine by the way, as long as 'Sharma jee's son' is not involved. 
    Social Comparison Theory, proposed by Leon Festinger centres on the belief that there is a drive within individuals to gain accurate self-evaluations. The theory says that individuals evaluate their own opinions and abilities by comparing themselves to others in order to reduce uncertainty in these domains and learn how to define the self. Thus, we often compare to seek cognitive and emotional clarity of our own self.
    However, knowingly or unknowingly we indulge in Social Comparison Bias where we tend to dislike and compete towards something that is seen physically or mentally better than yourself. We mostly make such comparisons in our peer group or with whom we are similar and this bias often leads to feelings of insecurity, jealousy, anger and envy. These days, our society and family tend to live on Social Comparison Bias and most frequently target students, in the field of academics and career.
    comparision quotes

    Sadly, our parents never understand either. “Sharma Jee ke bete ne toh top kiya” is something that we have become so used to hearing. Maybe our parents want to use Sharma jee ka beta as an example, so that their kids are more encouraged and inclined to study; maybe...who knows. What they fail to understand is that comparisons are almost always a discouragment and not a motivation.

    Each of us have different capabilities and our own set of strengths and weaknesses. What Indian parents never realise that they are comparing the weaknesses of their own children to the strengths of their neighbour’s kids. I fail to understand how it can be even slightly motivating for the kid. All he can see is that he is being pulled down by his own parents in front of the world, how do you think he will take it? Some parents rarely appreciate their kids for what they are good at, but sure as hell point out their weaknesses very categorically and worse, by comparison. Their kids then feel that maybe it was only they who thought that they are good at something. They don’t feel appreciated or acknowledged for their skills. After all. When their own parents are saying that what they are doing is not “good enough”, then they must be right.

    Moreover, majority of the parents want their kids to do something that they consider to be good enough,  because if you are following your passion and want to become, say a cruise ship entertainer, then “log Kya kahenge?”
    comparision quotes

    Sharma jee ka beta IAS kar raha hai, tum bhi try karo beta. Bohot respectable profession hai. Aur secure bhi.
    I am sure all of us have heard this in our life sometime or the other, but few of us are lucky to do what we really want to do; if we are clear with our ambitions and goals about what we want to do. Although parents and children try to reach a negotiation, if they fail to do so; they have to do what their parents tell them to. This unfortunately enough, leads to butchering of their interests.

    Comparison also leads to a feeling of inferiority in the children. They start feeling that the others are much better than them, and they will not be able to achieve anything in life. This can also lead to depression. As it is, we keep hearing of the students committing suicide so often, just because they didn’t score well enough as compared to the others. This happens because such students have never been given the security that they can be their own person. They have never been given the space to spread their wings and fly according to their own comfort and space. They have always been suffocated with expectations and comparisons. This leads to a shoot up of their frustration levels and pushes them into depression. Comparison has never made things go right.

    Another problem is that children feel that their parents don’t accept them for who they are and neither do they wish to understand, that they are different from Sharma jee’s son. The lack of understanding between parents and children can also lead to unnecessary differences between them. The differences don’t end there. Due to the continuous comparison, the children also develop harsh feelings against “Sharma jee’s beta”. This obviously leads to disharmonious societal relationships.

    What we have always been encouraged is to do better than the neighbours son. But, we have never been told to do better than ourselves. We should have a competitive spirit, but the competition should be our own self. To be better than who we were or who we are.

    You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but still there’s going to be somebody who hates peaches.

    So instead of comparing your sons and daughters to those of the neighbours, I request all parents to please encourage their kids to compete with themselves. To be better versions of their themselves.
    The relationship between parents and children can be improved ofcourse, but efforts have to be made on both sides.
    • Parents need to encourage their children, accept them for who they are and allow them their space to be the best versions of themselves.
    • Parents should also try to spend a little more time with their kids to understand their preferences, their interests, their weaknesses and strengths.
    • Just by observing their children, they will understand their insecuritites and that will help them in dealing with the kids more wisely and sensitively. 


    • Children on the other hand need to cooperate with parents too. They must try to talk to their parents reasonably instead of just lashing out.
    • If their parents compare them, then they must try to talk it out and explain them gently that they don't benefit much from such actions.
    • They should understand that their parents are well intentioned. They don't mean to make you feel inferior to anybody else. 
    At the end of the day, you don’t have to live with Sharma jee’s son; you have to live with your own self. 

    PS- There is no intention of mocking or hurting the feelings of any Sharmaji. The phrase has been used only because it is used very commonly. 

    Responses 5

    • Sanjna Verma
      Sanjna Verma   Sep 20, 2017 09:17 PM

      This is really a well-written piece and I love the way you have explained what happens when parents constantly engage into comparison of their child with that of the neighbourhood child or any other person in general who has performed well in exams or in life. The child always looks up to his parents toward any other decision taken in life and it can have a major impact on the mind of the child and affect his self-esteem. Also, as it was mentioned the problem also emerges in terms of choosing the right career of oneself. Nothing is a small atsk. The job of a designer will not be no less than that of an engineer but they believe that such things can be taken as a hooby, not as a profession which is so wrong. This has killed so many dreams. If parents see their child struggling in their careers, instead of reprimanding them and comparing them wth some other acquaintance can be discouraging. Parents should realise that every child is different and it is important to understand their capabilties and for children to understand their parents views as they are those who are their best ever well-wishers. 

    • Chaitali Tiwari
      Chaitali Tiwari   Jul 06, 2017 05:29 PM

      What exactly is peer pressure? Most of us would say it is a teenage problem but no it is not only a teenage problem. It is a problem faced by many of us, peer pressure is basically getting influenced from members of your group. It could be anything , like when your friends force you to join in for a drink and you can’t deny because you think it would ruin your image or your friends would think that you have changed .Now let me tell you there’s nothing wrong if they think you are changed, accept it with pride that yes I have changed and I have responsibilities, I have commitments and many other important stuff needs to be taken care of. This was just an example, peer pressure is a very common issue and more than half of the world’s population takes decisions under peer pressure and then most of the time they regret when they face the real world challenges. See what I am trying to explain is that peer pressure is not malaria or anaphylactic shock  that even after taking precautions you fail to avoid it. It needs will power, self confidence and conscience to overcome such sort of pressure. Whether it’s school friends forcing you to bunk some classes or your college friends asking you to taste beer for the first time or office mates forcing you to indulge in any sort of plagiarisms and not letting your boss know, ultimately you end up doing something which you wouldn’t have done on your own but did because some people who pretend to be your close colleagues forced you to do so. This is not you my dear friends, ask yourself who are you? and what exactly do you want to do? Do you really want to follow them or you want to do what needs to be done.Definetely your inner voice would guide you in the right direction, it would somewhere let you know that you have responsibilities to fulfill and you have that potential to change the world. Now let me tell you why do we get trapped under this pressure, just imagine when you first time step into the swimming pool, how to you feel? Or the first time you make a dive into the pool, you get under the water with pressure but it’s you who comes up with even more pressure than that the water exerts and starts swimming your way, from where do we get so much of strength? We get it from our inner self, our will as we really want to live, we really want to come up and swim and that’s why we are able to do that. You are a strong person, your inner will can achieve whatever you want and self confidence is nothing but awareness of that strongness that you have. You will realize that no one in this world can force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. That you can come out of every situation with ease and efforts. Self confidence and self appreciation are that helping tool which make you aware of your inner self. You know why do people exactly exert such type of pressure because they know that if you will not fall into their trap you will perform better than them and take any field, irrespective of where you are, It’s just a human psychology that even if your peer wants you to succeed they don’t want you to do better than them and they did fall into this trap and so they force you to do the same.


      The consequences of peer pressure are devastating, people lose their self control, they end up taking drugs, gets addicted to alcohol, smoking and that too in early teens.

      I was really surprised when I came to know that in foreign countries, teenagers bully their friends if they are still a virgin, they ask you to lose your virginity and they think it’s a cool thing. I think that is the most stupid thing I have ever heard. You know why government has restricted sexual interaction’s age and why they consider a person of 18 years and plus as an adult? Not because they have some customs and other sort of strings attached but because they know that when you reach that age ,you are physically and mentally mature to take your decisions, your consciences are developed and you can decide what is good for you or whether you truly want such relationship or not. See even I am a modern girl and I appreciate freedom but what I am trying to explain is that you should not take any decisions under peer pressure because they will not defend you when you will face consequences for what you did and those who will defend you will never ask you to take such actions. You are responsible for whatever you face in your life, it’s not your luck or your destiny and don’t take it negatively because if you are responsible then you are also the one who have all the powers to change your life and your destiny.

      Do whatever you feel is right for you, don’t let others influence your decisions because this life is yours and you need to make it large. People will come and go, it’s you who will stay with you forever and see all the shades of life. I am not saying that don’t enjoy your life , we should enjoy each and every moment but if you want the enjoyment to persist longer you need to take right decisions . Focus on your ambitions.

  • 15 Jun
    Manaswini Venkateswaran

    The Importance of a Healthy Self-Esteem

    i lovemyself

    The word ‘esteem’ means respect and admiration. Self-esteem essentially means the respect and admiration that you hold for yourself.  In psychology, self-esteem refers to one’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. It is the extent to which you view yourself positively.

    It is stable and enduring and can involve a variety of beliefs about the self, such as our opinions of our own attractiveness, capabilities, and strengths. Our self-esteem levels seem to dictate all our thoughts feelings and actions.

    You might have heard the saying, “It matters not how others see you but how you see yourself” and to an extent this is true. The respect and value for yourself affect the way you function in important areas of life, be it work, school or interpersonal relationships.

    Logically, it would seem that the more positively you view yourself, the better you are in all aspects of life. However, there can be too much of a good too. Extremely high self-esteem can sometimes be unrealistic and border on narcissism. While low self-esteem can lead to feelings of dejectedness and depression. To strike a balance but still function at an optimal level, a positive view of the self with a realistic picture of one’s shortcomings is ideal.

    Abraham Maslow, a renowned humanistic psychologist, also opined that self-esteem was a vital need that had to be fulfilled before achieving self-actualization (reaching one’s full potential) and thus, included it in his most celebrated theory, The Hierarchy of Needs. He stated that along with the need for respect from others, we also need to respect ourselves.

    It’s also important to note that the concept of self-esteem includes confidence regarding who you are right now and does not cover beliefs about chances of success in your future pursuits.

    Our individual levels of self-esteem are a product of a complex interaction between genes and the environment. In other words, we inherit traits that may make or break our self-esteem but it also depends on how we are raised. Growing up in an atmosphere of harsh criticism will most likely make one end up with low self-esteem. A supportive and accepting environment will have the opposite effect.

    Self-esteem (or its lack thereof) place a huge role in determining our success in various domains of life as follows: 

    • Achieving Goals:People with a healthy self-esteem are more likely to achieve their goals and are a lot more productive than those without. If you have high self-esteem, you are more in tune with yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. You tend to set realistic yet challenging goals and believe in your ability to achieve them.
      People with high self-esteem are also confident in their decision-making skills. They know what they want and exactly how to get it.
      In contrast, people with low self-esteems may set less challenging goals and never know what they are capable of. They may also set unrealistically high goals in order to prove a point and then beat themselves up over failing to meet their own expectations.
    • Interpersonal Relationships:
      When you know your worth, you tend to look for people who give the level of respect you deserve and avoid relationships that are unhealthy or draining.
      You are not afraid to be yourself in any kind of social setting and express your views and needs openly. Hence, people with high self-esteem form more secure and honest relationships.
      However, when you don’t respect yourself, you tend to let others disrespect you. People with low self-esteem, often don’t think they are deserving of respect and satisfaction in relationships and tend to stay in bad relationships more often than others.
      A good self-esteem also ensures that your expectations of others are realistic. Accepting your own shortcomings can make it easier to accept and forgive the shortcomings of others, while still demanding a degree of common decency.

    • Adversity:
      People with high self-esteem are better able to deal with stress and setbacks in their lives. If you are confident in yourself and your abilities, you are more likely to see the setback as the temporary hurdle it is and less likely to give up and think that all is lost. You are also more likely to view your problems objectively and take personal responsibility for the right things.
      Someone with low self-esteem is more likely to take too much blame or none at all and see every setback as the end of the world. They don’t have enough will to power through it.

    • Personal Happiness:
      It should be no surprise that people with high self-esteem are happier than those with low self-esteem. People with low-self esteem are more prone to feelings of worthlessness and guilt. They also tend to blame themselves more for things that are not actually in their control.
      Moreover, the way in which their self-esteem levels affect the dimensions mentioned above (achievements, relationships and coping with setbacks) also plays a role in their levels of happiness.


    A healthy self-esteem can go a long way in enabling increased productivity, better interactions and higher levels of overall happiness. Ensuring mental wellbeing is an essential part of healthy living. It is as important as eating healthy food, exercising, and maintaining good relationships.  

    Responses 5

    • Shruti Gupta Delhi
      Shruti Gupta Delhi   Jun 24, 2017 07:33 PM


      Self esteem varies from person to person, for obvious reasons. It has the ability to take someone to the road to success or pull them away from it. High self esteem is very essential in one's life. It builds confidence and makes one discover their potential. Your blog was very helpful and very well researched. Thank you for the required information and advices!

    • Sayantani Dey
      Sayantani Dey   Jun 24, 2017 03:37 PM

      Hi dear, a very well written material you have presented here. A self-esteem is preferable which is neither too high, nor too low, intermediate between them. A person with a well balanced self-esteem is independent, as well as confident, positive thinker, helpful, energetic,emotionally stable, trust others and trust worthy.

      This qualities are the key features to become successful in life. Thanks for the article.

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