• 03 Nov
    Sadaf Ambreen Saiyad

    Parenting Aggressive Children

    parenting aggressive children


    Most of us have heard stories from our parents about how strict their parents were and how one beating session would be enough to bring the children back on track. Life was pretty simple back then, with more leisure time to play instead of spending nights stressing over project assignments and other things young people have to worry about these days. Times are changing, and no matter what kind of parenting our parents got, it just cannot be the same for us or the coming generations. We see little children throwing tantrums at every little disappointment and sometimes they even exhibit aggressive behaviors. While temper tantrums are quite normal, consistent aggressive behaviors can make the parents worried about the child, and at the same time, they have no clue why their child is behaving in such an aggressive manner, or what needs to be done to help them. With this article, I’m hoping to shed some light on the possible reasons and some parenting tips that could help.

    Solution to any problem can only be found when reasons due to which the problem has occurred are clear. Here are some possible reasons that could explain aggressiveness in children:

    • Mood disorders: Children suffer from mood disorders too, and it could be one possible reason to explain the aggressive behavior. Children suffering from bipolar mood disorder are found to frequently become aggressive during their manic episodes. They become really impulsive and often do not have any control over themselves.
    • Psychosis: Certain psychotic disorders can also result in aggressive behavior. For instance, schizophrenic children are usually responding to their internal stimuli and thus behave in an aggressive manner because they aren’t really in touch with reality.
    • Agitation: Children suffering from intellectual impairment or autism can also exhibit aggressive behaviors. Their aggressive behavior is a result of their frustration due to difficulties in dealing with their problems, and also because of their inability to express their feelings in words.
    • Impulsivity: In children with disruptive behavior disorders, such as ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), the aggressiveness occurs due to their impulsivity and lack of proper decision-making. These children don’t really realize or consider the possible outcome of their actions which may come across as callous, when in fact, they’re just not thinking.
    • Conduct disorder: If your child shows aggressive behavior frequently, there is a high possibility that they may have conduct disorder. Conduct disorder is usually diagnosed in childhood or adolescence. It presents itself through repetitive patterns of behavior in which norms related to age appropriateness are not considered and basic rights of others are violated. Unlike disruptive behavior disorders, aggressive behaviors in conduct disorder are not the result of innocence. Here, the aggression, and the maliciousness are well-intended. Lower level of fear is one symptom of conduct disorder. One research shows that negative emotionality or fear can predict a toddler’s level of empathy in response to stressful situations. The findings state that if the immediate caregiver is not able to respond to infant cues and the kid doesn’t learn to handle their fears, they might lash out at others, especially on other children.
    • Stressful situations: Children exposed to extremely stressful situations, those that they aren’t ready to deal with yet, can cause frustration which may lead to aggressive behaviors. The stressors can include unhealthy or harmful environment, abuse, violent neighborhood, neglectful parents, or similar conditions.

    Apart from these reasons, it is also likely that your child just needs a better parenting to teach them about the reasons and ways to keep their emotions in check. Some children behave aggressively just to attract attention. It is very important to understand when you can handle your child’s aggressive outbursts by yourself, and when you should consider getting help from a professional psychologist. I’m listing down certain dos and don’ts that you, as a parent, can use to regulate your child’s behavior. I would like to bring to your attention four major advises that are necessary for you to follow to make sure that your child learns to let go of the aggressive attitude and become a compassionate person. These are: teaching self-control, stopping aggression at the moment, modeling good behavior and connecting with the child.

    aggressive child

    Teach your children self-control.

    • Discuss their feelings: It is important to talk to children when they are young and make them understand what emotion they may possibly be going through, so that when they get a bit older, they will be able to identify the emotions and it will be easier for you to talk to them about it.
    • Set limits and boundaries: Parents need to make it very clear to their children about which behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not. This is necessary to guide their behavior. The set limits must be consistent with no scope of bending the rules whatsoever.
    • Teach coping strategies: Sometimes, aggressive behaviors are results of children not being able to cope with their emotions. In such situations, teach them healthy strategies to express their feelings. Ask them to slowly breathe in and out, or count numbers to ten. This will give them a moment to themselves and they will learn self-control.
    • Identify what triggers the aggressive behavior: Children are usually aggressive when hungry or sleepy. You can keep track of your kid’s aggressive behavior and recognize what triggers them, and then work on it. For instance, if your child gets cranky when sleepy, make sure they follow a bed time routine every night and they have a fixed nap timing for the day.

    Stop aggression at the moment.

    • Don’t let things escalate: Yelling or hitting the child when they’re behaving aggressively might seem like a good idea, but it’s not. When you hit your child or shout at them, they will feel that it’s okay to yell at or hit someone whose actions they didn’t like. Instead sit down with them and talk empathetically with a calm voice.
    • Discuss their behavior: Sometimes all it takes for the aggressive behavior to come to an end is to just point it out that their behavior is hurtful to others. Tell them, properly, the right way to behave and redirect them to the coping strategies that you’ve taught them. Maintain eye contact and touch them in an empathizing way as you do so.
    • Change the environment: If your child doesn’t seem to calm down, just take them away from the current environment to help them reset. Go for a walk or a short ride with them. Or if you’re in a situation from which you cannot walk out, like a funeral, give them a snack to munch on or some game to play on your phone. It might help in distracting them for a while.
    • Encourage making amends: Encourage them to apologize when they have acted aggressively and make amends with the person involved. By learning to repair the relationships, your kid will develop a conscience which is important for long term relationships.

    Be a good role model.

    • Try not to show aggression: When your child sees your aggressive outbursts, they begin to think that it’s okay to be that way. Instead of yelling or shouting, keep your tone calm and even. Don’t hit your children on behaving aggressively because they might start thinking that it’s okay to hit others.
    • Teach them how to interact in a healthy way: Interact with others in a kind and respectful way so that when your child sees you, it becomes an unsaid expectation from them to behave similarly. You can show them that hitting isn’t necessary to resolve conflicts.
    • Be respectful towards your child: Children learn to behave by seeing how you treat others and them. Addressing your children in a calm and respectful tone will make them feel compelled to do so also. Being angry or frustrated with them often isn’t going to help, if you feel frustrated take a few deep breaths to calm yourself first before addressing them.

    Connect with your children.

    • Spend time with them: Lack of attention can also result in aggressive behaviors sometimes. Spend time with them to make them realize they are loved and cared for. Do fun activities and play together to strengthen your bond.
    • Don’t expect too much from them: As growing children, they are meant to make mistakes, so don’t be angry when you experience setbacks. Stay calm and teach them again and don’t think of it as a failure on your part.
    • Criticize constructively: While discussing behaviors, make sure that you are being constructive. Praise them for their good behaviors first and then when it comes to their mistakes, suggest ways that they could have done better and what the child needs to do to rectify that mistake now. Don’t tell them that they are a bad person for behaving in a certain manner, make them understand that it is not acceptable, but at the same time, they are still loved.
    • Physical contact is necessary: When you’re talking to your child about their behaviors, make it a point to hold their hand or put an arm around their shoulders in a loving manner. It will help keep their attention on you.

     If you feel these parenting tips aren't working, and your child must be suffering from a mental illness, visit a psychologist immediately.

  • 01 Nov
    Sadaf Ambreen Saiyad

    Significance Of Communication In Relationships

    communication significance

    Relationships are a huge part of everyone’s lives. Everybody has a different role in different people’s lives and to be able to survive in the big bad world, we need to keep relationships healthy.

    We live in an era where technology is so overpowering that it has started to control us instead of it being the other way around. It has many benefits, no doubt about it, but technology being a friend, or a foe is a highly debatable topic which is going to continue as long as technology keeps on advancing. The value of face to face communication has almost vanished because of other, more convenient ways like texting, voice calling, and video calling. People have started to text someone that they are outside their home instead of just ringing the doorbell. Everything, from our clothes to food, whether we are studying or partying, whatever we do has to be uploaded on social media.

    Amidst all this, somehow, we have forgotten the importance of effective communication. Because most of our conversations are done by the means of social media, it is quite easy to ignore someone, and this privilege is being exploited to a great level. People start ignoring their friends or partners after getting into a fight rather than being mature and talking everything out and resolving the issue. Since we are looking at the negative side of how social media affects us, I would also like to point out that there are many social media celebrities that are being followed by thousands, or sometimes millions of people, majority of them being youngsters. Among these celebrities are celebrity couples who post pictures portraying themselves as the perfect couple, and while it’s not their intention, them showing off their relationship creates unrealistic expectations in youngsters.

    People, especially teenagers, are now living in an illusion where they believe that relationships should come easy, they enjoy it in the beginning but as soon as they are faced with a slight inconvenience with regards to the relationship, they take the easy way out and flee instead of being mature and talking it out. People are so focused on taking the perfect selfies, to posing for fake candid pictures, to writing the perfect message for their partners for captioning the pictures, that they forget to look up from their smartphones and have an actual conversation with the person they are supposedly in love with.


    Communication is the key to any and every successful relationship, be it with your family members, friends, or your significant other. Lack of effective communication will always lead to a downfall of relationships. Here, I am going to talk about why exactly communication is so important and how it can help us manage relationships efficiently.

    Good communication leads to better understanding. When you have a good rapport with someone, when you are comfortable with having all sorts of conversations with them, when you can share everything about you with them without any inhibitions, you start to develop a certain level of understanding with them that will only strengthen your bond.

    Communicating is the best way to ward off misunderstandings. The major reason for most misunderstandings is lack of communication. You misunderstand when you assume something and don’t clarify it with the other person, or vice versa. Sitting down and talking it out, explaining yourself and letting the other person explain themselves is the best and easiest way to clear misunderstandings. It can save relationships from a terrible doom.

    Communication leads way to better trust and respect. When you have a great communication with your partner, it automatically leads to building of honesty between you two. With honesty comes trust and vice versa. You know that a person is trustworthy when they are being honest with you, and you know your partner is honest with you when you’ve established trust between youselves. And inevitably, there will be a great degree of respect for someone you can trust and be honest with. Honesty, trust and respect are all interdependent and equally important in any relationship.

    It makes you a great listener. Communication is a two-way thing. You speak, but you also listen, and good communication demands rapt attention when you are on the listening end. When you pay attention, it enhances your listening skills. You become good at understanding emotions behind the spoken words, and you also understand what is left unsaid with the emotions that a person shows.

    It becomes easier to express your feelings. When you have a healthy communicating relationship with someone, you find it easier to express your emotions without any hint of awkwardness or anxiousness about what the other person might think of you. Just like you can express your feelings, your partner too is equally inclined to share their emotions with you.

    Problem solving gets ten times easier. There are problems in every household, between every couple, and among all groups of good friends. Sadly, more people tend to avoid the problem for as long as they can until it’s too late to mend things. If instead of avoiding the problem, we start addressing them, it will become very easy to solve the issue and you can go back to the way you were without doubts.

    I believe everyone should encourage and establish communication in all their relationships, and since  relationships are a huge part of our lives, everyone should try and keep them as healthy and fruitful as they can because when the burden of the world gets too much, it is your loved ones who help you take it off your shoulders and you would not want to lose them just because you had not established a communicating relationship.

    Responses 1

    • Vinny aggarwal
      Vinny aggarwal   Jan 26, 2018 05:57 AM

      It's very motivating if someone has about to lose all confidence in a relationship !!!! There're huge misunderstandings between me n my partner ... just bcz of lack of effective communication . I hope I will make my relation more healthy after reading n crashing the main idea of this paragraph . Thank u ewellnessexpert

  • 26 Oct
    Sadaf Ambreen Saiyad

    How To Take Care Of Your Mood In A Busy Schedule

    happy face

    How often has it happened that you had to cancel an outing with your friends that you were really excited for, just because you had a lot of work to do? Has it ever happened to you that all of your cousins are together enjoying at a birthday bash and you are sitting at home completing that assignment which is due the next day? We all know how frustrating it gets to keep our social lives at an arm’s length because we have deadlines to meet and projects to be submitted.

    School students, college students, working men and women, nobody is spared. Everyone is being bombarded with excruciatingly large amounts of work which often puts us in stressful situations. And being in stressful situations leads to moods of frustration, feelings of helplessness, getting mentally tired, irritation towards absolutely everything, and so on.

    In the midst of our hectic schedules, even if we do get some free time, we invest it in taking rest because we now realize its importance. But being put under constant stress can reduce our productivity levels, reduce our work efficiency, affect our physical and mental health, and we experience constant low moods. Because of lack of time for socialization, we gradually lose interest in socializing even when an opportunity hits us because we are so tired and we are in no mood to make the effort to meet people. Also friends and family members being sarcastic about you finally remembering them also does not help. We have all been at the receiving end of that one.

    Do you not feel the need to do something to elevate your mood despite your packed schedule? I am sure most of you do but are not sure how to go about it. I am going to list down certain things you can do, or habits you can form to keep your mood regulated:

    • Exercise: Exercising releases endorphins, which are also known as happy chemicals. These generate feelings of happiness and euphoria in you that instantly elevates mood. Exercising, even for half an hour, on a daily basis can help in improving your overall mood with the added benefits of increased productivity and better physical and mental health.
    • Organize: Organizing things, be it your work schedule or your desk or your home, gives a sense of clarity to your thoughts too. Once you start organizing everything and working accordingly, you will realize how most of your stress was self-inflicted. Once you realize this, it will be easier to manage your time and stress, and reduced stress levels will automatically lead to lighter mood.
    • Plan outings: Go for outings, at least once in a month, either with your friends or family. Shut off all your electrical devices and focus on enjoying the moment. This will give you a change from everyday monotony and refresh your mind. You can try some adventure sport, or go to an amusement park if you like the thrill of an adrenaline rush. Or you can go to some resort and spend some quality time with your loved ones. You will return to work with a better mood and lifted spirits.
    • Smile: It might seem like a trivial act and hold little significance, but smiling helps a lot in improving ones mood. Try it especially on those days where something caused you to be in a sour mood. Smile at someone, be it a stranger or an acquaintance, even if it is a fake smile. Their genuine smiles in return will instantly make you feel good and elevate your mood. Additionally, the act of smiling itself has been found to trick your brain into thinking you are happy. It functions essentially, like a placebo.
    • Fix a ‘me time’ everyday: Take out at least 15 minutes from your schedules, it can be any time that you see fit, and spend it with yourself. Reflect on your life and choices, evaluate yourself, or think about happy memories, anything you feel like doing that day. Even cry, if you wish to. This simple exercise can help you  feel lighter and better about yourself.
    • Stretch: After every hour or so, take a stretching break. Stretch your limbs, crane your neck, or do similar exercises in between work. It will help in releasing muscle tension and refresh your mind for some more work. It works better than coffee and is definitely better for your health too.
    • Pamper yourselves: You work impossibly hard every day. You deserve that chocolate cake you have been avoiding for quite some time. Treat yourself. Buy that dress that you have had an eye on since last week. Now is the time to get that camera you have been wanting for some time now. Pamper yourself once in a few months. It is okay to splurge on yourself sometimes. It lifts up your spirits and you will work harder, even if it is only because you look forward to your next splurge.
    • Live life as it comes: Being achievement motivated is a great quality to possess, but let us not forget that this life is limited and there is only so much time that we have. Live it wisely. Work for your goals, but don’t forget your happiness along the way. Youth and health are gifts that you should not waste, because in the end, it will be the memories that will matter more than the money that you made.
  • 25 Oct
    Mansvee Singh

    How to deal with a Suicidal Person?

    Picture of a noose

    Suicide is one of the most taboo ways in which a human being can die and to me, it does make sense that it should be this way. Why would something as terrifying as a person harbouring a secret wish to die and having the nerve (to call it courage, is controversial at the very least) to actually attempt to kill themselves not be taboo when things a hundred times more benign then suicide end up being taboo subjects in human society?

    Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to spare more than a passing pitiful thought to a farmer with more debt than he should have earned or a student unable to see the potential of his/her own life beyond the college degree that had promised to be the key to the only life he/she ever wanted.

    However, many people do not have the luxury of being average in this manner because life brings them face to face with a suicidal person that they love or care about. The fact of the matter is that each successful suicide affects 6 people on average and for every successful suicide there are 25 unsuccessful attempts. For all the people who attempt to kill themselves, there are bound to be much more who think about it every-day and some of those who do are bound to reach out at some point (even though many chose to carry that burden all by themselves).

    The question is when confronted with a suicidal person, “How should you react?”. Is it even possible to help a person who feels this way? If so, how? What can you do as a friend or family member or simply as someone who cares?

    I will attempt to answer these question but before I do that let me just say that a little compassion and empathy can go a long way.

    Is it even possible to help a person who feels this way?

    Being suicidal is not always the result of a mental health issue, though it most certainly can be. Sometimes being suicidal stems from being unable to cope with life, be it financially, socially, emotionally or even physically. It is not for an outsider to decide (an outsider being everyone but the suicidal individual) what events can acceptably induce feelings and thoughts of suicide. Similarly, it is not an outsiders place to decide on the inevitability or likelihood of the occurrence of a successful suicide. What the outsider needs to do is provide any help she or he possibly can.

    How should I react?

    When a person tells you that he or she is suicidal it is important to remember the following things:

    • It took a lot of courage to tell you. Suicide is taboo like I have already said and most people are deathly scared of how someone they care about will react to the news. In fact, it might be scarier than death given where they are at and telling you might have been the bravest thing that they ever did.
    • This person trusts you. This person trusts your judgment and additionally trusts that you care about their well being. Do not break this trust, no matter what you do,
    • Being told by the suicidal person of his or her suicidal feelings is a sign that the person still harbours hope and a symptom of reaching out for help. Never assume that the person is seeking drama or attention because the result of such an assumption may be irrecoverably harmful.

    An ideal reaction will be based on the things that I have mentioned above in addition to being a calm, non-agitated reaction and one that is laced with understanding and a steady assurance of love and support. It will involve listening to the suicidal person in a non-judgmental and thoughtful manner. Being suicidal is a profoundly isolating experience and telling someone should alleviate the suicidal person’s loneliness. If this happens then you have most certainly done something right.

    What should I do?

    What you do will depend on the severity of the circumstances, so naturally, the first step is to figure it out.

    Do this by asking. Asking shows that you care and are able and willing to help. If you were calm and empathetic in talking to them and have created an ambience in which they feel safe, they are more likely, to be honest with you.

    If you are nervous, as you can be safely expected to be, let me assure you that talking about suicide is not going to result in intensifying their feelings or their resolve. In fact talking about it is the first step to prevention.

    It is very important to be proactive at this point.  You need to tell the suicidal person that there are options other than suicide. If they try to make you promise to keep their suicidal thoughts a secret it is vital that you refuse to make such a promise. It is also important to not assume that they will get better on their own or seek help by themselves just because they said they will.You need to take action that is necessary to keep them safe. One thing that you can do for them in order to achieve this is finding them professional help like a psychologist, psychiatrist or a college/school/workplace and see to it that they receive it.

    If the plan that the suicidal person made has been revealed to you, you should try to remove the means to achieve that plan if you can. You should also try to not leave them alone. You can also enlist the help of the psychiatric team at your local hospital.

    Lastly, I will say that dealing with a person who is suicidal is hard emotional work and it is important to not neglect yourself in the process. Identify your own needs and make sure they are being met.Suicide is an extremely difficult thing to deal with but there is always more hope than you anticipate.

    Responses 1

    • Sadaf Ambreen Saiyad
      Sadaf Ambreen Saiyad   Oct 29, 2017 10:07 PM

      Great article! Time and again, it happens that we are confronted with someone who is seriously considering suicide, and we are at a loss as to what should be done. Your article would be of great help to such people.

  • 21 Oct
    Pallavi Madan

    Life with Anxiety




    We all might feel anxious or nervous when speaking in public or right before giving an important exam. But what if I told you those feelings of self-doubt, stress, restlessness and racing thoughts would never leave you alone. Anxiety would not just be limited to some exam or a public performance but would be so persistent that a random everyday event would trigger the same amount of anxiety. Imagine feeling that way all the time with an inability to stop the negative thoughts which in turn disturbs not just your eating or sleeping pattern but rules over your entire life.

    To live with anxiety every day is a challenge. It is a challenge that most of the people around us deny the existence of. Every day seems like a battle. The aim is to win and the first step to win is to accept, confront and commit.


    The first issue is to know what normal anxiety is. When the anxiety is adaptive, limited in time and serves to improve the functioning or well-being of a person attached with some crucial event, it is considered normal. Whereas, if the anxiety is persistent and not always associated with an obvious challenge, tends to interfere with the normal functioning and has adverse effects on quality of life it is condition that demands treatment.

    Thus, normal anxiety would motivate you to perform better on the test but anxiety as a condition that needs to be treated would interfere with your study.

    It is important to note that anxiety is not a single disorder. It is an umbrella term covering a group of anxiety conditions under it. These anxiety disorders have their own set of signs and symptoms. Therefore, generalized anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, social phobias, etc are all different anxiety conditions. Symptoms like chest pain would be more common in panic attacks than in OCD.

    However, there are some common symptoms like excessive worry, feeling nervous or tense, the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety but inability to do it, trembling, concentration problems, feeling overwhelmed, shakines hyperventilation, muscle tension and tiredness. This does not mean that other symptoms are not accounted for by anxiety. In fact, there are symptoms unique to individuals who face anxiety. These are some of the most common ones.

    Anxiety has been misunderstood without understanding its severity. No, it’s not “cute” neither is it something that vanishes with time. It can make you feel like you’re trapped inside your own head. You drown in your own thoughts; in scenarios that don't even exist.

    To live with anxiety is a horrible experience. It’s feeling tired all the time no matter how much you try to stop it. The thoughts follow you dressed up as your worst fears. To live with anxiety is a battle in itself.



    Symptoms and signsbrainprick.com



    Here are some self-treatment measures to overcome your thoughts or at least make them less anxiety-inducing:

    • Accept the thoughts are there and understand that you are not your thoughts. Accepting them and agreeing with them are two different stances. The first step to overcome any challenge is to accept it.
    • There are certain things that trigger your anxiety. On a basic level, you can try to identify these. It could be a certain event or a person or even a food article. Try to notice and remember these when you feel your thoughts getting worse.
    • Exercise releases chemicals that help in producing positive feelings and keeps your mind busy.  Try to exercise to remain physically active. It is proved to help with anxiety.
    • Studies show that people who are anxious tend to breathe in their upper lungs which is upper chest with shallow and rapid breaths, instead of breathing into their lower lungs which is lower chest. This contributes to hyperventilation. Breathing techniques show significant decrease in anxiety. Take deep breaths and exhale slowly. Count with each exhale or say the word relax. Keep your eyes closed to relax your mind and body.
    • Try to replace the negative self-talk with coping self-talk. There are always some positive aspects of a situation that your anxiety does not let you see. Focus on the positive thoughts that could replace the negative thoughts.
    • Take a warm bath. This does help! It helps you relax and gives a sense of relaxation. The next time you feel caught up with your anxious thoughts, take a warm bath and notice the change.
    • Talking to someone you trust or someone supportive can also help. Getting it off your chest can give you some sort of relief and help you analyze your anxieties better. You can keep a diary to keep note of all the experiences and identify your anxiety pattern and also record the good things that happen throughout the day. If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone in person, there are various online platforms like eWellness Expert where you can easily talk and it will all be confidential.
    • Complementary or additional therapies like meditation, yoga, aromatherapy and herbal treatments seem to work for many people. Try and see if they work for you.


    If the self-treatment doesn’t work, seek professional help. Consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Different things work for different people and recovery is a journey. If you have decided to overcome your anxiety, nobody can stop you.

    Responses 1

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