• 24 Nov
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Love or Lust

    Is it love or lust

    It is common to be confused between love and lust, because a lot of the signs are indeed similar. They both include having strong feeling for the person, thinking about them a lot, and the general romantic feeling. But many a times, love at first sight is actually lust. So how do you tell the difference? These questions below can help.

    1. What do you like about the person?

    If your liking of the person is only limited to physical attributes like looks or their social status, then it might be lust. Love has a more encompassing nature, and you like the person for their overall nature or personality, including their good features and bad ones. If you are unsure, think whether if your partner or crush suddenly had a disease or looked very different than they do, would you feel the same way? If no, then it’s lust.

    1. How important is the sexual relation?

    Usually, sexual relations are also an important part of a love relationship, but in a lust relationship, they are the most important. For example, if your partner was incapable of having sex or sexual contact due to medical or other reasons, would you still be with them? If you are in love, then you would be by their side even if something unfortunate like this happens. It is difficult, but love makes you stay. If you feel you would not want to stay with the person, then you feel lust for them.

    1. How forgiving are you of their faults?

    When you love someone, you accept them for both their good and bad attributes. You may fight and you may lose patience, but you are able to forgive their faults and love them. If you keep losing patience over the faults and only want the ‘good parts’ of the relationship, then it may not be love, because if you are in love, you are also ready for the struggle of faults and forgiveness.

    1. How good is the trust in your relationship?

    Can you trust your partner with some deep secrets you haven’t told anyone else? 

    Can you tell them about some embarrassing incidents from the past without losing respect?

    Can they do the same with you?

    If not, then there is not a lot of trust in the relationship. Trust is the cornerstone of love, and if you cannot trust the person, there is not a high possibility for love either. 

    1. Would you meet each other’s parents?

     If for some reason, you or your partner had to meet parents of each other, would you do it? Meeting the partner’s friends and family means the relationship is serious. If you or your partner doesn’t see that happening, not even in the future, then it probably isn’t love.

     The video below has an amazing TED talk differentiating the two:


    Responses 4

    • sania khan
      sania khan   Dec 24, 2015 01:30 PM

      True love with respect and trust to eachother is something special
      Its going so deep with feelings so great to feel

    • sobha vanshal
      sobha vanshal   Dec 24, 2015 01:29 PM

      That's just not how it works. There's nothing wrong or sinful with lust. You don't cure it with prayer. God doesn't forgive it because there is nothing for him to forgive.

  • 23 Nov
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Anxiety Before Exam And Results

     How to handle Anxiety Before Exam And Results


    Tips to control Anxiety before exam and results


    Anxiety before exam and results is an increasingly prevalent phenomenon in students of all age these days.

    Even if the student has worked hard for the exam, they still continue to be anxious.


    The problem is a big one, with high number of student suicides around board exams. As a community, as parents, teachers and students, we can all help to manage this issue.

    Here are some tips to control anxiety before exam and results:


    1. When preparing for the exam, make sure to use efficient study tips like mnemonics, breaks, a proper study schedule, and note-making, in order to increase your retention.


    1. Revising will boost your confidence. Sleep is very important in making sure that you remember what you have learnt and also in keeping anxiety under control.


    1. When you have anxious thoughts, talk to yourself about how you have done the best and whatever you could. Anxiety provoking thoughts if extreme can be dealt with the help of a counselor.


    1. As parents, siblings and friends, make sure not to pressurize the examinee to get good marks or make them feel that they will not be respected or loved if they get less marks.


    1. It is important to give a clear message that an exam is just an exam and nothing more, and their performance on one exam does not equate to their self-worth as a person.


    1. A lot of relatives have the habit of calling up students around the time results are being announced or the day the results are announced. Ordinarily, since they do not call on other times but only for the result, the student can feel judged, especially if the result is not what was expected.


    1. If you can, as a parent, keep the child’s contact with such relatives minimal, or talk to your child about not taking such relatives seriously.


    1. The most important part is to address the fear of exams and results, by dispelling the myths and by providing love and concern, and by nor pressurizing or judging. There should be other conversations with family and friends, apart from just exams. Talk about hobbies, interest, skills and people.


    1. Make sure to spend time in doing fun activities like games, outings and picnics. Once we give the student the assurance that they have tried their best and if after that the result isn’t great, it’s OKAY, that life goes on and that there will be many more achievements to make, then the anxiety will automatically go down.

    Anxiety is nothing but the thoughts that crowd the mind with regards to a fear of failure. Remove the fear and anxiety will go down, making the student more efficient and productive.

    Image source:


    Responses 5

  • 19 Nov
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Psychological Techniques To Reduce Stress And Be Happy

     How to reduce stress and live happy life


    Much of the stress and tension we feel these days is too much for our fragile minds. Our minds were not meant for such a fast paced lifestyle. Our life has become too fast whereas our mind has not evolved as much to catch up with it. Although we have a marvelous brain, evolutionarily, only in recent history have we started to live in civilizations. This blog will talk about three key techniques that can reduce the artificialness of our existence, which while by default fix many of the problems and pave the way to happiness.

    The techniques are explained below:

    a. Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the single most important skill to being happy. Mindfulness means non-judgemental acceptance of what happens. A lot of our psychic energy goes in denial of our circumstances. Acceptance does not mean resignation to these circumstances, in fact, acceptance is the first step to change.

    Mindfulness is a way of life in which you do only one thing at a time, and do not put your mind through the frying task of mult-tasking. Doing this makes sure that there is the best possible outcome of that task, and it is satisfying too, plus the mind is not hassled or stressed.

    b. Gratitude: In a culture of materialism, it may always feel like we do not have enough. Study after study has shown that activities that encourage gratitude have made significant differences in clinical disorders like depression. Make a list of aspects of your life that you hold dear to yourself, that if gone, would make you unhappy. If it is people then make sure you tell them that you are grateful for them in your life. Having an attitude of gratitude makes sure that we do not devalue our life and it’s cherished aspects the moment something bad happens. Not only does it make us more happy in general but also takes care of the stress levels

    c. Real interactions: We are on our phones and other devices for too long, not wanting to miss out on anything. But so much news about our friends and acquaintances triggers a deep-rooted social comparison which makes us unhappy. Instead, time should be spent in real-time interactions with not only trusted people, but with hands on hobbies, walks and other interactions with nature, with helping out people and animals and making sure that an experience was had, a time well-spent and not just a click-worthy moment. Many of us are busy, and the trick is to not squeeze as much as life as possible in the free moments, but to do one thing or two, but do it completely, satisfyingly and well.

    Image source


    Responses 1

  • 19 Nov
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Dialectical Behaviour Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder

    Dialectical Behaviour Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder


    Borderline personality disorder is a major concern and affects much more women than men. Having BPD can wreck havoc because untreated it can lead to many problems, including suicidal behaviour.

    The person’s mood is horribly affected, and they flit from one mood to another in a matter of seconds. They themselves keep feeling extremely out of control and this affects their happiness and self-esteem.

    Maintaining relationships and keeping employment become very difficult. Criminal records are also likely as some moods lead to rash and impulsive behaviour.

    Dialectical behaviour therapy is based on a school of thought that believes that dialectics, or wanting/feeling/being two opposite stakes and oscillating between the two is okay.

    This kind of a paradigm assures that the afflicted person is not continually forced to think ‘which of my two versions is the real me?’ Therefore, it gives the person the chance to accept dual realities, not only with themselves and of their own personality, but also within others, within life situations etc, even with the therapist.

    One of the falls of having BPD is that one has a black and white view of life. Either things are all good, or all bad. Therefore, even a single fault by a person would colour their entire personality in their eyes. With DBT, this black and white view of the world is challenged.

    Mindfulness techniques are built into DBT and this makes sure that the person slowly embraces the ideology of acceptance. DBT was propounded by Marsha Leinehan when she worked with women with suicidal and parasuicidal behaviour, but she saw that it also helped with the mood and acceptance part of BPD along with self-harm.

    Now, there is a huge body of research supporting the efficacy of this treatment model not only with BPD but also with other personality disorders. Along with mindfulness and dialectics, another important aspect of this therapy is the behaviour therapy. Within that, a predictable structure is given because wildly varying routines from day to day also add to mood issues. Tasks are assigned in the form of hierarchies from the easiest step to the hardest step, and timelines are assigned to it. Many other behaviour techniques like relaxation and contingency management are also taught.

    The behaviour therapy aspect makes sure that a person feels a sense of achievement as these tasks generate tangible outcomes. This increases their self-esteem which is a core problem in BPD. Slowly, the learnings from therapy are applied to relationships, employment and other concerns. It takes a while, but people with BPD benefit immensely from undergoing dialectial behaviour therapy.

    Image source-(http://www.ccdbt.com/)

    Responses 1

  • 17 Nov
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Why is it that our heads ache after a fight or when we are stressed?

    How to know Somatoform Disorder


    Could it be that our minds and bodies are linked and therefore, our psychological tensions manifest as physical pains and aches? Turns out that that is what happens. A study claims that up to 70% of the cases that general physicians see in their practice have a major component of stress-induced pain. 

    There is also an actual psychiatric disorder called Somatoform disorder, where the chief concern is localized or spread body pains and aches without any apparent physical or biological cause. The treatment can be difficult at times, because when the person afflicted finally comes to a mental health professional, he has gone through rounds of the medical system and his resistance to doctors and professionals maybe high.

    Why does this disorder develop? There is some research which indicates that children learn when growing up that the sick sibling gets more attention and is given relaxation in terms of work or school. If a family does not spend quality time together, the only way for a child to have the attention of the parent that he craves is by being sick. This also saves the arduous work and school homework etc. Therefore, the child grows up learning to like the sick role.

    Another explanation is that of unawareness. In some cultures and families, psychological problems and issues are not considered as important or serious and are brushed away, saying that it is only the weak who have them. In such places, people are highly unaware of the psychological tensions generated by their life situations. Therefore, their psychological health does not get any attention at all. Thus, when this becomes too much for their mind, then it manifests the trouble in terms of bodily pain, so that the person takes some time off to rest, ponders and realizes something is wrong and tries to fix it.

    Regardless of whether the problem is physical or psychological, humans often heal when they have love, care and support. Research also shows that the prognosis for any disease is much better if the person has sources of joy and at least one fulfilling and connected relationship.

    Therefore, when we know this, it fits why the mind would transfer psychological tensions to physical pain. It makes sure that we get the love, support, care and rest we need. However, this becomes maladaptive when this continuous and when one takes no effort to resolve the psychological causes of pain and physical discomfort.

    In counseling and therapy, the therapist goes to these causes and slowly brings awareness to the person. The therapist also gives the client new coping skills, because their old coping skills are not good enough to address the psychological tension they face. Research shows that with an efficient therapist, one can see great improvement for somatoform disorder in 10 – 12 sessions.

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