• 28 Nov
    Anjali Khurana

    Understanding the Attraction of Selfies


    Why do  we take selfies

    The internet is flooded with selfies. Although some selfies are taken on certain occasion (work, marriage, victory, achievement etc), most selfies do not even need any occasions. Special filters on apps like Instagram and Snapchat make sure that we use these filters to post good looking pictures of ourselves.

     So why do we take selfies?

    One of the biggest explanations is control.

    • We can control the quality of the picture when taking a selfie. This may not be the case when someone else takes our picture.
    • We can decide from among many filters which one we want.
    • We can choose the angle and the lighting.
    • We can also take multiple copies and then choose the best one. All this is not very likely when other people take our pictures.

    So selfies help us control how we look, at least to others.

     So why do we want to control how we look?

    The explanation lies with the ‘looking glass self’ explanation. This hypothesis contends that in a digital, connected world, the notion of deriving our value from the eyes of others has become very exaggerated. People are frequently posting about what they do every minute. In order to compete with this, even we want to post photos of how our life is ‘happening’ too. We want to show photos in which we look good and happy.

    This is because our self-esteem now-a-days is much more affected by what others think than it ever was before. Not getting enough likes can actually make people lose confidence! Therefore, since people are deriving their esteem and confidence from what others think about them, they want look their best, get maximum people’s liking and attention and feel good about themselves.

    So are we happy now that we are taking so many selfies?

    The research is quite divided. Some studies with women participants have reported that getting likes and positive comments on their pictures has actually helped women feel good about themselves, and their looks and has made them happier.

    Some other studies state that because people seem to rely so heavily on being liked on social media, their self-esteem suffers really badly on getting negative feedback. Therefore, putting yourself out there so much to be judged and liked (or disliked) may actually be damaging for your self-esteem and confidence levels.

    Another explanation for the selfies fad is that people who take too many selfies maybe narcissists, or people who feel abnormal levels of love for themselves. By taking so many selfies, they appease the desire for self-appreciation. However, research also claims that narcissists actually have a grave level of self-doubt, which is why they seek so much appreciation in the first place.

    Regardless of the explanation, one question is the need of the hour: Are we controlling our pictures, or are our pictures controlling us?


    Can you believe that the first selfie was taken in the year 1939 by Robert Cornelius? Here are some facts about selfie:

    Responses 1

  • 01 Jan
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    5 Important Facts About how counselor do Counselling

    5 Important Facts  About how counselor do Counselling

    Counseling or psychotherapy is a process where a client or a user of the services seeks the expertise and services of a qualified practitioner, therapist or counsellor, in order to improve on an area of life or to solve some psychosocial issue that they are facing. Counseling is not just talking and there is a structure to be followed. The structure is often times determined by the school of therapy that the practitioner follows, but generally, it goes like this:

    1.Getting to know the person and the issue:

    Depending on how deep-seated or multifaceted the issue is, getting to know the person as well as the issue they are facing may take from 1 – 3 sessions. A therapeutic relationship is also built in this period, so that the client can trust the therapist and be comfortable with him or her. The client is not completely passive here either. They are involved in the progress of increasing their awareness and maybe given small homework and tasks.

    2.Showing discrepancy:

    Usually, there is a discord in how a person wants to be and how he is currently functioning. The therapist has a trusting relationship with the client now, and so the client is more open to talking about discrepancy. For example, the therapist may say, ‘You told me you would like to be there for your family, and at the same time you have taken on an extra project at work which will keep you busier. I wonder why there is a mismatch here”. Sometimes client aren’t aware of such discrepancies, sometimes they know but do not give it much importance, or sometimes they knowingly push it aside. Such discrepancies help to initiate change, showing that things don’t match up and clients need to work on them.

    3.Change initiation:

    At this stage, the discrepancies are clear, and then change is initiated. The client and the counsellor together find the best ways to bring in change. Often, the therapist teaches some skills that will help the client repeatedly solve problems of such nature, for example, communication skills or time-management skills. Sometimes, if there is a need, psychiatric medication may be given. If the therapist has a medical degree, they may prescribe it themselves. If not, the user may be referred to a psychiatrist or a GP.

    4.Addressing road-blocks:

    Unhelpful behaviour has been maintained for years and so it won’t go away as easily. Therefore, beyond just a course of action, roadblocks in the form of psychological and emotional fear and stubbornness are continually addressed and removed, so that whatever hiccups come in the way are not detrimental. This is a vital step of therapy as this is something the client cannot do themselves and therapist needs good insight and strong communication to get through to the client.

    5.Termination and relapse prevention:

    After the change has been addressed and any roadblocks removed, it is time to put in steps to ensure relapse prevention, i.e., client going back to their old ways. Relapse prevention differs from problem to problem, but in general it is about anticipating what may trigger a relapse and having the relevant strategies in place. Sessions become less and less frequent and therapy is finally terminated. However, client is free to come back in case of any issues that crop up.

    Image credit

  • 01 Jan
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    6 things That You Should Know About Group Therapy

    6 things That You Should Know About Group Therapy


    1.Who founded group therapy:

    Group therapy is an ingenious and cost-effective format of psychotherapy. The format became famous in many different places at almost the same time, and although many people are to be credit for it, two noteworthy names to be reckoned with are Carl Rogers and Irvin Yalom. Carl Rogers was the founder of person-centered psychotherapy, where the focus of therapy as well as the power, was shifted back to the client, from the high-and-mighty expert role. He ran encounter and teaching groups for counsellors and that started the idea of group therapy. Yalom on the other hand, writes extensively on group therapy, how to conduct it, and how it may be beneficial.

    2.Minimum number of people in group therapy

    In group therapy, there are 6 – 8 clients or patients who may have more or less the same agenda, and one or two counsellors facilitating the group. Sometimes, more people are taken but 6 – 8 is an ideal number for it not to be too small or too big. It can be an open group where anyone can join and drop out, or a closed one, where the members stay fixed.

    3.Group purpose to help each other

    Groups may be formed for many purposes, like to learn something new, to control an unhelpful behaviour, to get better, or simply because all the clients live in the same social reality and their solutions to the common problem may end up helping each other, for example, survivors of domestic violence. The role of both the counsellor and the client is very different from one to one therapy.

    4.Counsellor observe person’s behaviour during group interaction

    In group therapy, learning and healing happens as much from group’s social interactions, as it does from the content of what is discussed. Tuckman believes that people enact their family pattern in a group setting, someone taking a dominant role, while someone else taking a passive role, and so on. Then, it is the counsellor’s job to simply observe these patterns at first, and later to correct them, but very subtly. If it is too obvious, the clients may not absorb the change and take it out into the real world.

    5.Specific content discussion

    The other aspect of group therapy is of course the content to be discussed. Groups may be run for anger management, for learning assertiveness, for social skills, or in order to reduce anxiety, depression and so on. If a counsellor is seeing one or more of these clients in one-to-one therapy as well, they have to be careful not to let those interactions resurface here, and to remain unbiased.

    6.Counsellors plan series of stages in group

    Lastly, a group has to be well planned. A group goes through a series of stages, and right from who will be allowed to join the group, to what will be discussed and in what manner, how will the group be closed, and will the clients meet outside of the therapy or not, all has to be planned very well and very much in advance by the counsellors facilitating it.

    Group therapy is ideal for the Indian setting because we are social by nature, and it is less intimidating and less costly than one to one therapy.

    Image credit

  • 24 Nov
    Anjali Khurana

    How to have meaningful communication with your teenager child

    Meaningfull communication with your teen child


    It can be supremely difficult to parent a teenager at times, because they want to do just what you refuse them to do. It is a challenging period of life, not only for you, but also for them.

     A teenager is physically and psychologically going through a lot of changes, as well as dealing with increased pressure of studies, school and career decisions.

     Puberty leads to a lot of hormonal changes, which may explain why teenagers tend to be moody at times.

    The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain which helps in making decisions, is still developing for them, and therefore, their decisions might seem risky and impulsive, and may also be dangerous at times.

    A few tips that can help in communicating with a teenager are:

    Here is a beautiful video with 3 tips for the same.


    Don’t command, collaborate: Often times, teenagers want to be taken seriously, as people with their own minds and opinions and don’t want to be told off like children.

    • It is necessary to respect the autonomy of a growing teenager so that they have the required confidence in themselves when they become adults.
    • Make sure that whenever a decision needs to be taken, you talk to them like an equal, like you would talk to your own friends or colleagues.
    • If you respect your teenager, they will respect you too and things will be much smoother.

     Practice what you preach: Teenagers are highly critical if you tell them not to do a certain thing (e.g., lying) but you keep doing it in front of them.

    • They feel betrayed that you are trying to teach them something that you don’t believe in and that which you do not follow in your daily life.
    • Therefore, the best thing to do to teach good behavior is to teach by example. Show concern: Show loving concern as a parent for their school and friends, their dreams and aspirations. Make sure that you are approachable in case they want to talk to you about something.
    • Try to adjust your views so that you can accommodate the views of your child.
    • Especially when the child reveals any hints of abuse, do not accuse them of lying, but take them very seriously and address the issue as fast as you can.

    Get help: If you seem to be fighting too much with your partner, that may affect your child and the respect he or she has for you. For both couples and marital problems as well as with the child, you can seek counseling to reduce the fights and struggles and make the communication better.

    Image source


    Responses 2

    • sania khan
      sania khan   Dec 24, 2015 03:06 PM

      children who are growing up outside of their parents’ home culture- make sure you discuss each move with your child and prepare them for it.

    • atul shrama
      atul shrama   Dec 24, 2015 01:00 PM

      Its an excellent article and the ideas in it is good enough..thank you

  • 24 Nov
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Love or Lust

    Is it love or lust

    It is common to be confused between love and lust, because a lot of the signs are indeed similar. They both include having strong feeling for the person, thinking about them a lot, and the general romantic feeling. But many a times, love at first sight is actually lust. So how do you tell the difference? These questions below can help.

    1. What do you like about the person?

    If your liking of the person is only limited to physical attributes like looks or their social status, then it might be lust. Love has a more encompassing nature, and you like the person for their overall nature or personality, including their good features and bad ones. If you are unsure, think whether if your partner or crush suddenly had a disease or looked very different than they do, would you feel the same way? If no, then it’s lust.

    1. How important is the sexual relation?

    Usually, sexual relations are also an important part of a love relationship, but in a lust relationship, they are the most important. For example, if your partner was incapable of having sex or sexual contact due to medical or other reasons, would you still be with them? If you are in love, then you would be by their side even if something unfortunate like this happens. It is difficult, but love makes you stay. If you feel you would not want to stay with the person, then you feel lust for them.

    1. How forgiving are you of their faults?

    When you love someone, you accept them for both their good and bad attributes. You may fight and you may lose patience, but you are able to forgive their faults and love them. If you keep losing patience over the faults and only want the ‘good parts’ of the relationship, then it may not be love, because if you are in love, you are also ready for the struggle of faults and forgiveness.

    1. How good is the trust in your relationship?

    Can you trust your partner with some deep secrets you haven’t told anyone else? 

    Can you tell them about some embarrassing incidents from the past without losing respect?

    Can they do the same with you?

    If not, then there is not a lot of trust in the relationship. Trust is the cornerstone of love, and if you cannot trust the person, there is not a high possibility for love either. 

    1. Would you meet each other’s parents?

     If for some reason, you or your partner had to meet parents of each other, would you do it? Meeting the partner’s friends and family means the relationship is serious. If you or your partner doesn’t see that happening, not even in the future, then it probably isn’t love.

     The video below has an amazing TED talk differentiating the two:


    Responses 4

    • sania khan
      sania khan   Dec 24, 2015 01:30 PM

      True love with respect and trust to eachother is something special
      Its going so deep with feelings so great to feel

    • sobha vanshal
      sobha vanshal   Dec 24, 2015 01:29 PM

      That's just not how it works. There's nothing wrong or sinful with lust. You don't cure it with prayer. God doesn't forgive it because there is nothing for him to forgive.

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