• 04 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    In the wake of flood and rains


    In the wake of flood and rains


    Chennai is reeling with the horror of floods and excessive rains. This is a very difficult time for people as their lives are getting disrupted, their properties and belongings destroyed. Some people have lost their friends and family, and everything else they have. The psychological burdens of such disasters are as enormous as the financial and physical ones.

    It can be very disillusioning to go through such trauma and one may forget the basic upkeep required. Following are certain basics you should assure that you have, either on your own or from government and NGO assistance initiatives:

    • Food: Make sure you have food and water for at least 3 – 4 days, as the floods can take time to subside, and for shops to reopen. Using the internet, you can find out where is the nearest to get food packets. 
    • Medical supplies: Make sure you have a medical kit with basic medicines like pain killers, antiseptics and bandages. NGOs are also providing medical help if you need any. 
    • Do not berate yourself: When you are trapped at home waiting for the flood to subside, it can be a difficult time. All the destruction you see around you and that which you hear on the news can make you feel extremely slow and sad. Feeling hopeless in the face of such a trauma is normal. Do not berate yourself but also believe that it will go. Express your feelings of despair and channelize them through support initiatives. If you cannot actually get out of the house and help, simply giving alerts on the internet or making your house available for people to take refuge in can be helpful. It will also give you a sense of purpose and help you feel that you are doing something to manage the situation. 
    • Spend time with family:Try spending time with family, doing things together, even if just having tea or a meal together. In times of distress, it can help to count your blessings. Spending quality time with family or friends is a good way to do this. 
    • Revisit old times: Another tip to help you feel less sad in the wake of such a time is to revisit old times. View old pictures or videos with your family to stir a sense of nostalgia. Thinking of old events also makes you feel that life has both good and bad times and all of them pass, and life resumes.

    If you still feel emotional troubles, unexplained aches or pains, inability to get up from the bed and do required things, or flashbacks, you could be  suffering from acute stress disorder or post traumatic stress disorder.

    To get required help, you can seek the help of online counseling websites like www.ewellnessexpert.com , or call a phone counseling helpline. Make sure to get more help when the floods subside too. Take care of yourself. It is a difficult time, accept that and do what you can, but be assured that this too will pass. Reach out to us for assistance. We will do our best to help you. 

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  • 02 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    A home away from home-Battling homesickness

    A home away from home-Battling homesickness


    Are you away from home for work or study reasons?

    It is quite natural for you to miss home, especially if this is the first time you have moved. A major part of leaving home is not just about home, but also about a change in identity. Where and how we live, as well as our interactions with friends and family are a major part of our identity and it takes some time for the change to sink in and for you to adjust well to it.

    The following could be described as homesickness:

    • If you have feelings of reminiscence or nostalgia for home, a tight knot in the stomach thinking of how this new life will be.
    • If you feel unable to concentrate on the tasks you need to do or get up from bed, because the situation where you have moved to is too unfamiliar and you are not getting used to it despite a month or so having passed.
    • If you are having aches and pains without any physical cause, falling ill frequently, losing appetite or sleep, and live from one phone call from home to the next.


    If you are indeed feeling homesick, then the following tips may be helpful to you:

    • Take care of physical health: When you are feeling a little low and homesick, it is quite easy to ignore your health. Feeling unwell will further remind you of home. So make sure to eat and sleep well and take your doctor’s help for ailments.
    • Go out: Going out with friends at the new workplace or university or visiting places like cinemas, museums, art shows etc when you are free are a good way to spend your time and they stimulate your mind and give you something to think about. They will also help you have good moments, just like you used to have when you were home.


    • Someone to talk to: Often, home means having someone to talk to. Find trustworthy friends or counselors in the new place so that you don’t feel that you need to keep all your emotions trapped inside you because you aren’t home.


    • A new hobby: If you have time on your hands, take up a new hobby or language. The brain needs to pay a lot of attention when learning a new skill and this can help you get over repeated thoughts of going home.


    • Get busy: Try to get your deadlines completed, in terms of school schedules or work. Getting your work done will keep you busy and give a sense of accomplishment. This will help you feel that even though you don’t like being away from home, you are doing it for a reason, and slowly you will adjust better to the new place.


    If after trying all these tips you still feel nostalgic and homesick, you can try arranging a trip home to see if that makes you feel better. You may want to see a counselor or mental health professional if nothing else seems to help.

    home battling home sickness

    Please check this beautiful TED talk for more information.


    Responses 1

  • 01 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Can love happen at first sight?

    Can love happen at first sight?

    Can love happen at first sight? This is a complicated question, one that many a writer, singer, poet and philosopher have asked. With the advent of science and technology, we have investigated love in laboratories, studying the chemicals, the emotions and the behaviour. This has armed us with the knowledge to answer this question.


    Firstly, the arguments against love at first sight: one argument is that it is based on looks and not characteristics,

    and the second is that not enough time has been spent with the person to know them well enough. As can be seem, both these points are also somewhat connected.

    Logically, these arguments seem valid. That when you first see someone,

    it is probably how they look that attracts you. You have no idea whether their personality and yours match. There are many people who can give anecdotal evidence from their lives that they indeed did not have a good relationship with the people whom they fell in love with at first sight.

    They feel that perhaps not acting on impulse and spending time with the partner would have helped them make a better choice.

     However, the assumption here is that time, or knowing the person makes a difference to the level of love that one feels.

    But that is not true. When we love someone, at first sight or not, we are usually very reluctant to accept their faults and see them in a sort of hallow. So love does make us immune to the faults of other people. However, it does this regardless of whether it was love at first sight or not.

    Secondly, there are two concepts that are often confused: length or longevity of a loving relationship, and the intensity of the love.

    Love at first sight is all about the intensity, whereas love over the years is about the length of loving relationship. However, these two concepts are not neatly separated and one builds into the other.

    Just because it is love at first sight and may not last very long, does not mean the validity or the intensity of that love needs to be doubted. Similarly, it does not mean that a long relationship has for sure become boring has no intensity left.

    Therefore, in the light of these findings, we can say that we are not entirely sure why we get attracted to one person only, when there may be many more good looking people around.

    If the looks are behaviour of that person in the span of minutes does indeed inform us well (as is tested in speed-dating competitions), then the question is not whether love can happen at first sight, but how to make that love last?

    Often, regardless of a slowly developed relationship or love at first sight, people often lose track of their partner. They do not care or communicate like they used to and that leads to falling apart. So apart from just falling in love, we also need to learn how to be in love.

    For more information click this video:

    Responses 1

    • amit kumar mishra
      amit kumar mishra   Dec 24, 2015 01:14 PM

      I don't know if this still counts under love at first sight but when we first talked to each other I knew from that moment it was love...It was an amazing feeling since I had never felt that way before and at first I did not believe in it. In many famous stories such as romeo and Juliet for example romeo falls in love when he first sees Juliet and sine so many people have felt this way too love at first sight must be true

  • 22 Jan
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Know all about family therapy.

    know all about family therapy


    Family therapy is a different form of therapy than just one-to-one therapy.

    The format and the approach are all very varied from traditional therapy.

    Within therapy too, there are many schools of therapy. Although family therapy is conducted with all or most members of the family, it can even be conducted with one person.

    Family therapy started as a reaction to the diagnosis of schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders where the person himself or herself was blamed as the reasons for the symptoms.

    Family therapy research suggested that children from families that gave mixed signals when communication tend to be much likely to develop such disorders later in life.

    Of course, this was a very extreme position to take and they did mellow it down later, but they had made a case for the role of dysfunctional family patterns.

    Family therapy contends that the fault is systemic although there may be only one ‘identified patient’.

    However, if the identified patient has to truly get better, then the whole system needs to change. They may have one or more faulty communication patterns which may lead to faulty subsystems and inefficient boundaries, which eventually lead to mental health disorders in one or more people.

    The family therapist tends to talk to the whole family, and encourages them to talk to each other as well, and identifies the communication gaps and issues in them.

    Once noticed, they correct the pattern there in the session itself, and slowly these changes are implemented later outside the therapy room as well. Boundaries are to the level which one subsystem is differentiated from the other.

    Parents are one subsystem, children are another subsystem and so on. If the parents are overly involved in the child’s life, it is called an enmeshed boundary, whereas if their involvement is haphazard, it is called a diffused boundary.

    Once these boundaries are known to be unhealthy, they are gradually improved by commenting and practicing alternate behaviours, in the therapy room and slowly later in life too.

    When the whole family is not able to come, then the remaining members are asked about the patterns in the family, and asked to change their response in the patterns so that these effect the other person and in return, the whole system becomes healthy.

    Family therapy is found to be especially effective in relationship issues like divorce cases, or when there are special children in the family.

    When there is recurrent drug abuse of psychopathology that relapses too often, it is believed that the person is not able to give up the old behaviour because of the family, and in that case too, family therapy is attempted.

    Family therapists require special training in order to understand family systems and successfully observe faulty patterns.

    The family is a much more difficult clientele than a single person as fights can and do erupt within the therapy room itself and therefore the therapist needs to be very skilled to be able to control such situations.


    Image source

  • 30 Nov
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Why do different people like different colours?

    Why do we like different colours



    Why do different people like different colours?

    Colours are a very important factor of our daily lives. Colours are used very carefully in marketing in order to increase sales. It is definitely proven that different colours have different effects on us.

     But what is the exact mechanism for it?

     There are few explanations for it.

    • One explanation is that we usually tend to like colours that indicate freshness and are important for our survival. Therefore, we like colours of fresh fruits and vegetables, as well as blue and green that stand for an open sky and clear water. This may be the reason why not many people’s favorite color is brown as it may stand for rotten foods or faeces.
    • However, when colours are associated with objects, then people report liking even brown, because it stands for chocolate, an object they like. Therefore, colour liking is not random. Often, we like colours because of what they signify or represent in our minds.
    • Studies have found that colours are associated with, and provoked by certain moods and states of mind. This is related to the wavelength that the colour induces and how much the brain has to process to see the colour. For example, red is usually an alerting, stimulating colour. That’s why we have red lights and red public transport.
    • Red is an emotionally stimulating colour and is used to garner sales for materials like Valentine’s Day cards and the like. Red is also found to stimulate appetite and may be used in décor of restaurants.
    • Some colours like blue are associated with a low or depressed mood state. If someone likes blue a lot, it’s not necessary that they are depressed though. It could just mean that they are reflective and think a lot. But it could also be that the jersey of the team they support is blue, and therefore they like blue. Therefore, even though certain moods and personality traits are associated with colours, research is still going on to say anything clear. But there is not just one meaning for colour liking. For example, yellow-orange spectrum colours signify outgoing, lively and extrovert nature, but everyone who wears clothes of these colours may not feel that way.
    • There are also cultural differences in what colours people like. For example white is the colour of purity and is worn by brides in western cultures, whereas in India, widows wear white. Therefore, the culture one grows up in also has a major influence on colour preference.

    Therefore, what all these findings indicate is that universally, in all humans, certain colours evoke certain reactions by stimulating the brain, and so they are thus used in marketing and advertising. But individual colour preference is highly unique and depends from person to person, on their culture, objects of their liking and their personality traits and mood.

     Image source:(http://www.colormatters.com/color-and-design/basic-color-theory)


    Responses 1

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