• 23 Jan
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Less Busy, Less happy

    less busy less happy

    Be it Lincoln or Gandhi, great leaders have always known to have managed their time well and more importantly, keep busy. Whether a working person, a student or a homemaker, there are a lot of duties and tasks we have to do.


    In fact, emptiness almost always results from not having something meaningful to do. A lot of work can be stressing but nothing fun or engaging or important to do can be depressing.


    Work or something that takes up time gives meaning to our life. Our self-concept comes from what we do for most of the day.


    This is why, it is not advised to take up a career you are not interested in. Going against our unique skills and strengths is not a very intelligent way of spending the rest of your life.


    In fact, when you get used to your work, such that it does not challenge you anymore and has become routine and repetitive, that’s often when midlife crisis happens too.


    Both marriage and work tend to have nothing exciting to offer at that point. That’s coincidentally also when a lot of people start their own companies or start-ups. In the hope of seeking something to fill their time at their age, some make work challenging, some have another child, some grow a hobby.


    For those who are not able to do that, there is a sort of vacuum inside. This leads them to feel less meaning in life. They are also unsure of their worth. Almost all of us feel that if we have talents and skills, we should be able to use our time to fulfil those and learn more things. Emptiness brings useless worries to the forefront and leads to high levels of anxiety too.


    Even for depressive disorders, the major challenge is to get the patient to start doing tasks again. In depression, there is a high level of conviction that one is useless, or no matter one does, it will not make a difference. As much as we think we want or need a break, we do not do really well when completely free. And this is independent of a source of income. That is, even if we are financially secure, we still feel the need to do something productive with our time.


    That is why, some of the highest earning individuals are also the busiest. Otherwise, they have enough money, then why should they bother? For example, Shahrukh Khan starts his day at 5 a.m., in the morning! Of course, they take vacations too and can recuperate and come back to work, a luxury many can afford.


    However, you can take small breaks so that you do not burn out and keep feeling energized. But completely being free is not such a great idea. Having something to do is the guiding light in our lives and life would indeed be dark without it.


    So what can you do if you have a lot of free time which makes you feel despair?


    Find a hobby or a good cause and use your time well. Or, help out someone who is overburdened. The solution is as simple as that :)


    Responses 1

  • 22 Jan
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    6 tips to identify a professional mental health counsellor?

    prefessional mental health counselor


    A lot of countries do not have regulated mental health practice and because of this, sometimes people who are not professionally qualified might practice counselling or psychotherapy.

    There is a great deal of harm in this as a client would be disclosing deep emotional material to someone who is not fit to handle it.

    So, how can you tell if your counsellor is a professional?


    Some helpful tips are given here below.



    Usually, professionals tend to display their qualifications so that it is easier for people to find the right person. You may see their title next to their name or hung in their office. Try going to a person with a masters or at least a one-year diploma. Someone with a doctorate is of course better. If it is not openly displayed anywhere, then ask them their degree. It’s your right to know so don’t be shy.



    Sometimes, despite having the degree, some people are not professional in their behaviour and may not last in the field. Therefore, if someone has some years of experience, it means they know what they are doing. Not only should you look at what experience they have, but also whether their fee is commensurate with the experience.


    3.Code of conduct:

    A professional counsellor will follow strict etiquette in terms of fees, appointments, therapy notes, scheduling and rescheduling and other such aspects. If they conduct themselves in a haphazard manner and sound so unsure of themselves that they do not inspire any confidence in you, then they are not professionals.


    4.Depth of knowledge:

    If you feel that your counsellor only keeps telling you common sense things and does not really tell you about aspects of your mind or emotions that you do not already know, then they may not be professionals. At the same time, if they throw a lot of technical jargon at you and are not able to break it down for you, that’s not very thorough knowledge either.


    5.Therapeutic skill:

    Do you feel heard and understood by the counsellor? Have you made any insights or learnt any new skills? If not, then you may not be seeing a professional counsellor. It will be pretty clear within 2 or 3 sessions whether you are being helped by the sessions or not.



    As a rule, a good counsellor is a busy one and often sought after. Therefore, is your counselor’s schedule packed? Are there always appointments before and after yours? If yes, then they may be professional with a good skill set, which is why people are seeking them out.


    Perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is where you got the reference of the counsellor from.

    Did you get from a trusted doctor or website? If yes, then you may want to give it a shot of 2 – 3 sessions to see how it feels for you.

    A professional counsellor should be able to make you feel heard and understood.  

    Image source

    Responses 1

  • 01 Jan
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    3 facts about choosing the right career

    choose the right career

    Let us take the example of a fish, a bird and a dog. If all three are asked to become swimmers, the fish will do really well, the dog might just scrape through and the bird will be unemployed. All three have different strengths and should not be asked to follow the same career.

    But this is exactly what we are doing to our children and youth. We want them all to become engineers, doctors and managers regardless of what their own unique strengths are.

    Three aspects which should help change this decision are:

    Health of the individual: When we like what we are doing, even if it is challenging, we experience positive stress. However, if we are forced to do things we neither like nor have the ability and aptitude for, day in and day out, we experience negative stress, burnout and many more problems. Good, engaging work is a good outlet for our energies, but work that we dislike and which confuses us, makes us feel stupid and have low self-esteem. Right from the time a child enters 5th or 6th standard we make him or her work (in the form of schools plus classes plus tuitions) for 14 hours a day, or more. Children who have had no free play time will grow up to be fidgety and unhappy adults stuck in the wrong jobs.

    The adverse effects of this are seen in the form of school-related stress, exam stress and work stress. Effects are seen on health in the form of hypertension and heart problems. Diabetes and cancer are also known to be mediated by stress. Fatigue, aches and pains and a general sense of ill health pervades. This is added to by the consumption of intoxicants undertaken in order to distract and reduce stress. Psychologically, there is a lot of anger, hopelessness and mood disturbance.

    Performance at work: When you do not play by your strengths, you are not very likely to be good at your job. The stress of this will spill into your workplace relationships, your self-esteem and your general happiness level. Even if you somehow force yourself to perform average or even good, since you are not using your strengths and are constantly feeling insecure about your abilities, it will show in your health, in aspects like new projects, promotions etc and in your satisfaction attained from work life.

    How to choose right career

    Money/income: Most people, especially parents tend to feel that the above negatives are fine as long as there is a steady and good income. But the job market also has an economy of its own. Jobs in engineering/management/medicine are limited and so are the seats. This raises the price of education, reduces its quality and floods the market with bad labour. This in turn raises unemployment. Recently, 75,000 engineering graduates applied for the post of peons. Would a parent really want to see their child in such a situation?

    Instead, if the child is allowed free play time to develop his/her personality and to find out what suits him and what are his strengths, he is much more likely to be happy, healthy and financially sound.

  • 25 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    The unconventional guide to get liked by girls

    get liked by girls


    The face or looks, the personality and the soul have a complicated relationship. The biggest question, in fact, is where does personality end and soul begin?  If you say that soul is about spirituality or religion, then it could be said that being a good person or doing good deeds is part of your personality. Given that we believe that soul and personality are linked and somewhat hard to separate.

    what is a soul

    ultimate guide for dating

    Can we get clues for soul and personality from faces, or overall looks?

    Many researchers do indicate that participants are successfully able to identify some personality traits of a person by just looking at him or her. In one study, participants were supposed to rate each other on extraversion and openness to experience, by sitting in silence with each other for 15 minutes. Therefore, it is not possible that the person talked and revealed his or her personality. It turns out that people were able to give very accurate judgements. This was cross-checked by our personality traits!

    The unconventional guide to get liked by girls

    Personality traits of leaders

    As we have seen, certain looks as well as personality traits are also preferred in leaders. Leaders, who look trustworthy, competent and dominant, are chosen both for companies and countries. People with softer and rounder features can be found in caring professions. Is this mere coincidence?

    The unconventional guide to get liked by girls

    Role of testosterone in leadership or aggression

    One plausible explanation is the role of evolutionary psychology and the chemicals and hormones linked with it. For example, testosterone in a person can mean either aggression or leadership. It essentially acts as fuel for high-power tasks. Testosterone also means that a person has higher cheekbones and wider jawbones. This could be because the in the hunter-gatherer days of humans, those men who needed to go hunting, needed wider and stronger bones as well as the chemical fuel of testosterone to do their task well.

    We intuitively know this connection and therefore we attribute aggression and dominance to men whose faces meet the above characteristics. We perhaps know this because in the Stone Age days, knowing that the person you meet is aggressive or not could be very helpful and a great deciding factor in your own survival.

    What type of face women choose for dating?

    Women tend to prefer men with both masculine and feminine features, like a mix of hard edges to the face and sensual lips or soft eyes. This, to them, suggests the perfect level of aggression required in a mate, not too much, not too little. Similarly, we are also able to tell when a person is young and healthy, from their skin tone, the glow of their eyes and their general features. From the view of mate selection, this is important knowledge.

    “If you are searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.”

    So in conclusion, some personality traits and soul characteristics are indeed linked to the way we look. However, most of this is due to human evolution and the role of certain chemicals in the same. But human beings after all, are very complex, and a minute relation of each aspect of looks to each aspect of personality has not been made yet and does not seem likely. It does not look like everything can be inferred from face or looks.

    Image source 1, 2

  • 22 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    4 modern signs you feel strongly for them.

    4 modern signs you feel strongly for them


    Loving another human being and feeling the strong connection of love is perhaps the most cherishing aspect of human life. So what do you do when you are not sure whether what you feel is true, long lasting love or just an infatuation?

    There are many common aspects to love and infatuation, which can make the distinction confusing. For example, in both love and infatuation, you think about the person a lot, you want to spend time with them, and you feel strongly for them and so on. However, as the old adage says, the biggest test of love is indeed time.

    Research suggests that since infatuation is based on passion and not long lasting aspects like sense of commitment, infatuations do not last the test of time. Pretty soon, once the novelty of knowing the person and of the relationship is over, you may have no special feelings for the person. So one step you can take to assess whether it is love or infatuation is to give it some time.

    You can also ask yourself a few questions about the relationship, your feelings and your partner. Answers to those questions can also help you decide whether it is love or infatuation. Some of these questions are described below

    Do you see a future with your partner?

    Do you feel that the relationship would last long enough for it to be permanent? Can you imagine living each day with your partner and sharing your joys and sorrows, your good and bad days, your beautiful and ugly days with them? If not, then it is probably infatuation.

    What do you like about your partner?

    When you think about the partner, what comes to mind first? Is it their looks, their personality or other superficial elements, or is the connection you have with them, their honesty and their trustworthiness? If it is superficial elements that come to mind when you think about the person then what you feel for them is probably not love.

    How do you feel when you think about your partner?

    When you think about your partner, or when you are about to meet them, do you think about how you look and whether the person will like the way you look or do you feel that regardless of how I look today, I will have a good time with him/her? If you worry about your appearance too much and don’t think of happiness or commitment when thinking about the partner, then it is probably infatuation.

    Can you trust him or her with your secrets?

    In love, it is required that you are vulnerable to the other person. Can you tell your partner your secrets honestly and believe that they will not break your trust? If you cannot answer this question with a ‘yes’ with full confidence, it is probably not love.

    Relationships always change and develop. What is an infatuation now, may become love later. Let it stand the test of time, and you will get your answer.

    Image source

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