“Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke”, Benjamin Disraeli.
Bullying is a distinctive behavioural trait of some individuals, to dominate or threaten others by mentally pressurizing them to an extent that they become morbid and submissive to the coercive pain.
Who is a bully?
A bully is not born a bully. It is a psychosocial character trait that attributes to various factors.
Most individuals blame their past for their self-transform into a bully. They are often heard saying, that what they have faced from the society and others, forced them to exert the same on poor individuals who have replaced them in their shoes. In other words, what happened to me, I will do with the next generation. A genuine force of vengeance that draws them towards achievement of this negative self within them.
This kind of bullying is not only very common in our #SaasBahuSerials but also true to the actual real-life situations where there is a very ‘cordial’ coexistence between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law (for truth is stranger than fictionJ )
Often we find, a newly wedded bride of the 21st Century, finds herself in a never-so-imagined position, when she is asked to veil herself in-front of elders. In this way, family elders constantly tries to train and educate their daughter-in-law into a perfect bahu, for they feel that the latter is too young to understand the calls of a family and relationship, and she has many things to learn from the experienced brain.
And this is a family heritage that gets carried down the ages, like a legacy.
Each element of this reaction chain are victims of bullying themselves, so they wish to avert their painful souls by inflicting the same vehemence on their next generation, be it in case of family elders, or seniors in a school or college. They want to bully, because they have been bullied.
But contrary to this situation, many individuals are violent and contriving in nature. They want to achieve a powerful position by exerting fear and dominant pressure on their peers. This quest for being negatively popular and powerful, turns a normal wise person into a bully. They use their talent and wisdom negatively in cooking up wrong things and disrespect others, for they feel that can gain them respect from others.
They tend to equalize fear with respect.
Again, another aspect can be viewed at this stage. A lesser successful person in terms of education or intellect or professional growth, but who is extrovert and smart, often develops a kind of jealousy towards other talented and academically successful people. And in order to cover-up for their inabilities, they target a soft, introvert person (more so if he is better than the former) to attack and mock, to shatter their self-confidence.
“We focus so much on the differences, and that is so much creating, I think a lot of chaos and negativity and bullying in the world. And I think if everybody focused on what we all have in common-which is-we all want to be happy.” – Ellen De Generes.
But bullying can stand out only when it is encouraged. if we tolerate this growing stigma, it will proliferate its branches in various fields of our society, i.e. bullies could not exist without victims.
Individuals who suffer from a #LackOfSelfConfidence who are in-assertive of their words or decisions, who cannot face their weaknesses are often the prime targets.
Poor individuals who are already petrified with several forms of panic or fear, even before they actually come across bullying are more vulnerable.
In Bengali, there is a term called “bheetu”, which means scared, defines such people correctly, who cannot stand up and speak for themselves out of some kind of consequential fear.
This is very dangerous. Worrying before anything occurs is a habit.
People who suffer from such anxiety attacks and panic disorders are often set back by bullying activities that are going on around them.
It is primordial to get rid of this fear and anxiety, and gain a proper assessment of oneself, which can, in return help to gain a self-confidence.
Self-help strategies can often work positively in such cases.
Try to collide with situations or people, which/whom you are afraid of, rather than avoiding them.
Self-conversation, and reasserting yourself is effective way to deal such situation.
If you are unable to do it by yourself, talk to mental health professionals.