Total 226 Blog Posts

  • 24 Jan
    Oyindrila Basu

    BULLYING IN VARIOUS FORMS!

    bullying

     

     

    Bullying can come anywhere in any form.

    Laughing at a common man, who has tripped on the banana peel, is bullying.

    When your classmate has forgotten her homework, complaining it to the teacher is bullying.

    In corporate sectors, declaring someone else’s credit as own, is bullying.

    In sports grounds, partiality on one athlete (by the federation or coach), is bullying for the other.

    At the bus stand, gossiping about the lady in short skirt (only because I myself cannot look equally hot) is bullying.

     

    So we can see, this term is almost an entity for psychosocial ties, whether someone has been subject to it, or has witnessed it, or may be themselves, doing it.

     

    Let us speculate through some of the very common forms of bullying that we come across every day:

     

    1.Bullying in schools-

    We have discussed earlier, that ‘bullying’ can refer to an action of repeated harm, or imposition of power, and psychological pressure on the weak individual who finds it difficult to defend himself in such a situation. School consists of children, who are young and tender at heart and mind. Each one is unique, and it’s the phase of character development. At this stage, bullying can be very harmful for formation of mental fixity. Bullying by your own classmates or teachers is a very common trend down the ages. Mocks and ridicules from others on your looks (because you are either fat, short or thin, or of dark complexion) is bullying, and this is a regular phenomenon.

    Ritisha Basu, a young lady from Calcutta (a student from Calcutta Girls’ High School), admits that in her tender years, she would enter the classroom, and her friends would normally address her as “elephant Basu”, because of her slight overweight. And she was also used to taking it lightly and laugh it out with them. That was her survival strategy.

     

    This kind of psychological pressure in increasing in gravity day by day, so American have informed that bullying is one of the biggest and widespread crimes which goes unreported, so they are making measures to involve the police for investigation and remedy.

     

    2.Bullying in the field of sports-

    Athletic bullying is a serious issue where members in a game team gather up against a particular player of the group, to torment him/her. Bullying amongst sportspersons or athletes, happen, like tagging a player with inappropriate named, abusive languages or ridiculed communication because the latter may be physically weak. Gossiping, excluding the player from group while playing, can be other forms of expression. #GangBeating of an introvert player is a serious problem in #AthleticBullying.

    In higher levels, like national or international level of games, bullying takes a different perspective, when coaches or trainers exclude a talented player from participation, because of personal ego issues, or for other interests. In such cases the Government can be approached for resolution.

     

    3.Workplace Bullying –

    A survey from SHRM (The Society for Human Resource Management) declares that 56% of corporate places do not elicit any law or policy on bullying, however it is true that 35% of the US workforce have reported, being bullied and harassed at the workplace.

    #CorporateBullying ranges from a simple note “files lao, jaldi”, from your boss, to segregation of place in the staffroom of a school (if a teacher is unpopular amongst others).

     

    4.Cyber Bullying –

    This is a new kind of harassment strategy, that has become immenselypopular in the recent years. Abusive texts on phone from unknown numbers, inappropriate mails, spams on social sites are a few. This is mostly done by kids or teenagers, who resort to electronic medium for bullying their friend. But the difference is that, mostly the bully’s identity is hidden which creates an impending panic within the victim. Also if this harassment continues publicly on social media, it means loss of prestige and reputation of the victim, so it is serious.

     

    5.Bullying in transport services –

    Bullying in trains and buses is our daily habituation. Recently 23-year old #Barkha Menghani says “every commuter who is harassed on local trains should stand up and bring the bullies to book”.

    On Monday, she was harassed by a group of ladies on local train, where one of them, came and sat on the lap, and the others started laughing and clicking pictures.

    You want to know what did she do? Continue reading our next articles. 

     

    But there is a slight difference between bullying/hazing and ragging. Though both ragging and bullying are somewhat similar to each other, in the sense that, both are practised for harassing and abusing others, but ragging is more of a serious kind.

    Bullying can happen amongst same age group also, when a target victim is humiliated or made to face embarrassment in public for fun, or self-satisfaction. It is milder in nature.

    Ragging has prolonged effects of harm and danger to the psychological state of the victim. It is generally practised by the senior or higher class group in an institution to #ReapTheBenefits of the lower class of it.

    There are several laws in India and abroad that strictly moves towards barring ragging, but unfortunately, hardly we have any for bullying.

    References: 1 2 3 4 5

     

     

  • 24 Jan
    Oyindrila Basu

    BULLYING – AN ACTUAL SURVEY.

    bullying

     

     In my first article on bullying, we had left the case of Su at a precarious stage, where she acquired two new friends.

     

    Did she get solace then? No, there was no change in her situation, these new friends of hers found some new opportunity to insult her publicly, and because of her feeble nature, she could do nothing but cry.

     

    Every year a huge number of such bullying cases take place all across the world, some of which are registered, but most are overlooked.

     

    The primary statistics could not appropriately record the exact number, but approximation could be done based on the available reports, that 38% of young people are affected by cyber bullying, where in form of abusive texts or mails. A counselling institution by the name of Child Helpline International records that out of 126 million #TelephonicChildCounsellorConversation 4million were based on abuse and bullying.

     

    Here are some of the instances taken from real-life experiences of people which signify that bullying is a horrible thing-

     

    #Sarah Lynn Butler from Hardy, Arkansas was a promising, young lady, who committed suicide because she was constantly stalked and irritated with disturbing messages on her #MySpace page. According to her mother, she recurrently kept checking on her account to ensure the absence of trash messages, and finally she disjointed herself from the social platform, but when that did not help, she finally hung herself. This is an incident of #cyber bullying which is growing highly in the recent years.

     

    We have already discussed that letting out what you see and feel within and help you cope with your grievances, but what if the institution heads don’t take your words seriously?

     

    This is what happened with Inaya, the daughter of Rehema, when they moved to a school of London. We take up what she actually quoted in her biography:

    “The school thought that she was just not making an effort to settle in. Even the teacher would joke about how she was keeping herself to herself. It got out of hand very quickly. At one point, she was being called a “bounty” (white in the inside, black on the outside). This group of girls initiated a competition about how many jokes they could do with the word bounty in it. No one in her classroom was talking to her really”. ………………………………………. “Inaya did not even feel she could complain to her tutor because from day one he had been part of this. I think that him joking about my daughter in class had in some ways opened the door to the bullying.” 

     

    It is sad, that bullies are all around us in different forms, sometimes, people whom we think as our developer, our mentors start tormenting us, in order to satisfy their ego, and insatiate their lives’ fun element.

     

    I can recall the year, when I was in the fifth standard, and I heavily suffered and paid the price of being bullied by my teacher. (name not mentioned) She somehow did not like me, because she could not make me praise or butter her, or do as per her choice. My personal decisions have always been my own, and I never wished to follow the guidelines of others when it came to decide on friends, food, clothing, and other such personal decisions. I would never obey someone, and break my friendship with a classmate, only because my class teacher would suggest so. Thus followed the consequences, and she would not miss a single opportunity to humiliate me in-front of the class, or punish me unjustly.

     In fact, once when I was on a 7days permitted vacation, she made it a point, that no one (be it from my section or the other) should give me the study materials for the period that I was away, so that my mid-term exams could fall on face. If someone dared to do so, she scolded and humiliated that girl as well.

    She had the derogatory mind to compete with an eleven-year old kid. Bullying satisfied her. She gained pleasure if she could defeat me round wise.

    When there is a loophole in the system itself, it is difficult to stand against it, but fighting spirit is the last word. The spirit to acknowledge, that though the world be against you, but you are right, gives you an inner strength to prove yourself, to prove your point, and be assertive to your decisions, as it did in my case.

    I could not possibly complain to anyone else, when my teacher was against me, and her perspective, turned my parents against me.

    But I stood up against this misdemeanour. I would not take this wrong doing with me.

    I decided to work harder, even harder, so that I could bring up excellent results, even without her suggested study materials.

    I dealt with this situation with courage, I slowly began ignoring her harsh comments, and that worked. She was letting loose now, she knew, there was no way she could scare me any further. I knew what I was doing, and she is not the ultimate #Sovereign.

     

    Bullying is very much prevalent in the fields of sports, corporate houses, government sectors and competitive exams where every individual tries to overtake the other, by inappropriate means.

     

    Bullying is also viewed in our daily meagre life-style, like in buses and trains.

     

    #Padma Shukre, a regular local train passenger of Mumbai reported that often in long distance journeys, normal passengers have to face bullying in local trains. Those who recurrently travel in the long distance routes, bully the new ones, by blocking the seats with newspapers. And if someone new, by chance manages to take a seat in these trains, they are threatened such that they are forced to leave the so called reserved seat.

     

    Imagine! Local trains, which have thousands of people hanging themselves from the doorways every day, denies seat to someone, who luckily manages to find one. So how can the crowd be conformed and managed. Unfortunately, such issues remain unresolved, unless you put up your strength. But proper method is required.

     

    There lies the secret, as to how you can use this strength with positivity is a question.

     

     Further reading 1 2  3

     

     

     

     

     

    Responses 1

  • 24 Jan
    Oyindrila Basu

    BULLYING! – THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECT

    bullying

     

    “Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke”, Benjamin Disraeli.

     

    Bullying is a distinctive behavioural trait of some individuals, to dominate or threaten others by mentally pressurizing them to an extent that they become morbid and submissive to the coercive pain.

     

    Who is a bully?

    A bully is not born a bully. It is a psychosocial character trait that attributes to various factors.

    Most individuals blame their past for their self-transform into a bully. They are often heard saying, that what they have faced from the society and others, forced them to exert the same on poor individuals who have replaced them in their shoes. In other words, what happened to me, I will do with the next generation. A genuine force of vengeance that draws them towards achievement of this negative self within them.

     

    This kind of bullying is not only very common in our #SaasBahuSerials but also true to the actual real-life situations where there is a very ‘cordial’ coexistence between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law (for truth is stranger than fictionJ )

     

    Often we find, a newly wedded bride of the 21st Century, finds herself in a never-so-imagined position, when she is asked to veil herself in-front of elders. In this way, family elders constantly tries to train and educate their daughter-in-law into a perfect bahu, for they feel that the latter is too young to understand the calls of a family and relationship, and she has many things to learn from the experienced brain.

    And this is a family heritage that gets carried down the ages, like a legacy.

    Each element of this reaction chain are victims of bullying themselves, so they wish to avert their painful souls by inflicting the same vehemence on their next generation, be it in case of family elders, or seniors in a school or college. They want to bully, because they have been bullied.

    But contrary to this situation, many individuals are violent and contriving in nature. They want to achieve a powerful position by exerting fear and dominant pressure on their peers. This quest for being negatively popular and powerful, turns a normal wise person into a bully. They use their talent and wisdom negatively in cooking up wrong things and disrespect others, for they feel that can gain them respect from others.

    They tend to equalize fear with respect.

    Again, another aspect can be viewed at this stage. A lesser successful person in terms of education or intellect or professional growth, but who is extrovert and smart, often develops a kind of jealousy towards other talented and academically successful people. And in order to cover-up for their inabilities, they target a soft, introvert person (more so if he is better than the former) to attack and mock, to shatter their self-confidence.

     

    “We focus so much on the differences, and that is so much creating, I think a lot of chaos and negativity and bullying in the world. And I think if everybody focused on what we all have in common-which is-we all want to be happy.” – Ellen De Generes.

     

    But bullying can stand out only when it is encouraged. if we tolerate this growing stigma, it will proliferate its branches in various fields of our society, i.e. bullies could not exist without victims.

    Individuals who suffer from a #LackOfSelfConfidence who are in-assertive of their words or decisions, who cannot face their weaknesses are often the prime targets.

    Poor individuals who are already petrified with several forms of panic or fear, even before they actually come across bullying are more vulnerable.

    In Bengali, there is a term called “bheetu”, which means scared, defines such people correctly, who cannot stand up and speak for themselves out of some kind of consequential fear.

    This is very dangerous. Worrying before anything occurs is a habit.

    People who suffer from such anxiety attacks and panic disorders are often set back by bullying activities that are going on around them.

    It is primordial to get rid of this fear and anxiety, and gain a proper assessment of oneself, which can, in return help to gain a self-confidence.

    Self-help strategies can often work positively in such cases.

    Try to collide with situations or people, which/whom you are afraid of, rather than avoiding them.

    Self-conversation, and reasserting yourself is effective way to deal such situation.

    If you are unable to do it by yourself, talk to mental health professionals.

     

     

     

    Responses 2

  • 24 Jan
    Oyindrila Basu

    What Is Bullying?-A Social Stigma

    bullying

     

    Do you get something in common with the picture above?...

    Good...

    you got it right.

    The next day when you find a new episode of #SavdhaanIndia portray a #DamselInDistress, because she is being bullied over internet, or a man at his workplace being bullied with extra workload, waive your hands to the fullest, and say a big “NO”, to this stigma, BULLYING....

     

    From #Virus, bullying his engineering students, to #KhiladiKumar pulling the pony tails of college girls in “Khudko Kya Samajhti Hai…”,riding a bike and teasing the girls- each time, bullying has evoked a big laughter among the audience, i.e. us… all of us seem to adore these qualities of our Hindi film heroes, because eventually the heroine falls in love with the hero, because he had bullied her :) (Poor Virus! Better luck next time you lose some weight)

     

    So why the nation has turned suddenly, against this word “Bullying”? probably because, it is no longer practised in fictions, but in feel.

     

    Now what this bullying actually is?

     

    All of us, at some point of our lives, have been a witness to this term or activity called “bullying”. This apparently seeming light term, has been explained by wikipedants as a kind of force, threat or coercion exerted to dominate others.

     

    Mocking, abusing, harsh patting, ridiculing are all different expressions of bullying, i.e. making the laughing stock of another person, by ganging up together in a group, who is not rough and tough, and may bear some physical or emotional weakness, may be termed as bullying.

     

    If we put it straight away, whenever a jolly good #Dude tries to pull the ass of a poor #Geek (please pardon my language) this #EmotionalAtyachaar is called bullying, though this may not receive so much of TRP on #UTVBindass 

     

    #ClassroomBullying is a very common issue, which generally does not receive the terminology of a problem, because, it ranges from simple pulling of hair, patting on the back, verbal irritating to beating up or stealing for scaring the other person.

     

    Each one of us have been a subject to this kind of experience in our schools, where the girl on the next bench would scare us by saying “I will complain to the teacher that you were cheating”, when you were actually not doing anything of that kind, or “give me your tiffin, or I will smash your face”and you numbly do so in fear of walking the corridors with a swollen face.

     

    In such a situation, what should a peace-loving child do?

    1.Adhere to the regular pressures and traumas?

    2.Avoid going to school?

    3.Change school or atleast change section of your class?

     

    No, that’s not the solution. Bullying can be a prolonged situation, if you are a silent receiver. It can come anywhere you go, or in any form, if you are passive to it. In a positive institution like school (where the first seed for a master brain, is often sown) this kind of misdeed should have some strict punishment, else it can leave a permanent mark on the character building process of the child.

     

    But children should first learn to speak for themselves. Teachers and administrators are there to solve your problem in school, and your bullying senior or classmate is not the #UltimateSovereign in the institution, subjects of bully should first realise that.

     

    First day in school or college, filled with incidences of ridicule from your seniors, in-front of your co-mates, can be persuasive enough to quit speaking.

     Fear of the child is the key to the ravening claws of bullying. Once you come across such an incident, immediately, bring it to the notice of your higher authority, in case of educational institutions, to your teachers. Yes, you might feel worried, that complaining might have adverse effects on the next day, but winning over your fear is the #PrimeJob then can you proceed further towards a solution.

     

    Silence does not guarantee that this kind of mental shock won’t occur to you again. So it is better #SpeakForJustice and face what may come.

     “Bullying started for me when I was in first grade, I had no friends. I would always try to fit in but they would always push me away. In second grade it got worse. Then I had 2 "friends" but after they started to insult me………………………” (Su, to The National Bullying Prevention Centre)

     

    Responses 1

  • 15 Jan
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Therapist is neither a magician nor God


    therapist

    There are many misconceptions about therapy and counselling, which lead to the therapist being seen as an exceptional magical figure. These high expectations are bad because they give the untrained and nonprofessional counsellor to be inefficient and not answer any questions by the client, at the same time claiming hefty fees for inadequate services. What this notion also does is that it makes the clients inactive in therapy as they expect solution and respite to come from the counsellor.

    Therapy is a collaborative process:

    Client is expected to be equally involved and regularly giving feedback. When the clients feel that the therapist is some God figure or a magician, they take the therapist’s suggestion as foolproof advice when has to followed at any cost. Therefore, there is no discussion and elaboration and therefore, therapy gradually becomes one-sided and redundant.

     

    Therapy means real interchange of ideas and feeling:

    As a person evolves within therapy, his thoughts and feelings undergo a change. If he thinks of the therapist as God and is too awed by him to disclose any of his ‘imperfect’ feelings and therefore, the whole interaction can start to be fake. The client is just nodding yes to all of the therapist’s advice and suggestions, therefore, no real interchange of ideas and feelings can happen.

     

    Discuss together the best possible route to a solution:

    Similarly, just by talking to the therapist, all the problems will not disappear. They have unique listening skills which can make you feel really heard and light-hearted, but that does not mean that there is nothing that you won’t need to do. Talking about the problem is just the starting point. You will have to discuss the best possible route to a solution, try to implement it and then discuss the roadblocks that you face.

     

    Trust is needed for real theapy:

    Thinking of the therapist as all-knowing and way too superior to you means that you cannot really have a true trusting therapeutic relationship with the therapist. This hampers any real progress, because unless the power is equal, misgivings and shortcomings are not openly discussed, and those are what truly need working on.

     

    Clients need to improve unequal power dynamics:

    Besides, research suggests that clients who kind of put the therapist on a high and might pedestal are also likely to do that with other people in their life. That is, they are likely to give inordinate power to others in a relationship, as a result suffering from low self-esteem. Thus, this may be a repetitive pattern of unequal power dynamics that may need improving on and the counselling relationship will be a good place to start it.

     

    Therapist is your guide or knowing friend:

    In thinking of your therapist or counsellor, you should think of a wise guide or a knowing friend, who is there by your side, knowing the way slightly better than you so as to guide you, but where you are free to tell if you are uncomfortable with a particular road, you can and should collaboratively change course. The most important aspect is that both need to walk, and both need to do it together.

    Responses 2

    • leena mittal
      leena mittal   Jan 04, 2016 03:45 PM

      meri shadi hue abhi 2 sal hi hue hai lekin aaaye din mera mere pati ke sath ladai hoti rahti hai kya kare kripaya uttar de bahut bahut dhanyabad

    • ramesh sonker
      ramesh sonker   Jan 04, 2016 03:42 PM

      मेरी पत्नी मेरे ऊपर हमेशा ही शक करती है क्या करे की उसको  मेरे ऊपर विश्वास हो जाये