31 Jul
Aparna Kanmani

How to deal with a cheating spouse?

Life can turn upside down when you know your spouse is cheating on you. The heartbreaking moment would bring the harsh reality into light while shattering your trust and belief, in not just one but all domains of life.

My friend, from where you are right now, the life ahead is not going to be the same. It all depends on you, whether to choose a new life or bargain with the existing one. The reason why he or she shifted attention may be many but what is important is to sense that things are changing around you two. 

  • F‌inding faults in everything. If you were picking on every single thing they do may be it's time to realize that you have nothing in common. That's okay as long as both are willing to adjust and adapt. If that level of tolerance breaks then there is no point continuing a dead end relationship.
  • ‌Forgotten love. Think of the last time you told him or her “I love you” or the last time you had a heartfelt talk during dinner. If you have forgotten its existence, then your life has, unfortunately, become monotonous. There is nothing more exciting in life you both follow the same old routine which you don't care to change.
  • Misunderstandings.Every time you say or do something your spouse takes it the wrong way. Small misunderstandings may be talked over and resolved then and there. If you have been piling up complaints towards your spouse over a period of time then it ought to burst out one day or another.
  • No efforts to make each other happy. Each one's expectations from the partner are different. What is important for one may seem negligible for another. An empty dissatisfied relationship can pull the spirit out of life and make life disappointing.
  • Avoiding staying around. Impulsive urges, when acted upon, can twist a healthy relationship. One may not be able to resist the pleasure available from a source other than the spouse. This may be an intentional or unintentional (impulsive) act but leaves a deep scar that cannot be undone.

Whatever the reason may be, you have been cheated on and it's not fair; but remember, life doesn't end there. The cultural and societal pressure is only dust's worth. The fear of tolerance may press you to stay where you are forcing tolerance down your throat. But think. No one other than you is going to be the victim. What has happened has happened. Future is completely in your hands.

Here's what you do next to find peace for yourself.

1) Evaluate the relationship: Take a moment and think about your relationship. All the ups and downs you have been through and how much the other means to you. You need to know where the relationship was going and is it worth taking it forward.

2) ‌Talk to your spouse: Confession time! This is the hardest part but you need to talk to your spouse and give them a chance to explain themselves. The motto is not to dig the past and find faults on each other or mark your sacrifices in the relationship. Just understand where they are standing and how willing they are to take this forward.

3) ‌Understand your feelings: Once you know what they have in mind try to figure out what you want. ‌Would you like to give the relationship another chance or break away? Be sure of what you are feeling.

4) ‌Be practical and not emotional: Patient thinking is key. Don't make hasty decisions out of anger or distress. Being too emotional may hide your weakness and strengths which will cost you the future. If you are not an earning member and you choose to end the relationship think of how financially independent you can be in the future.

5) ‌Think of your children: Things become more complicated when you have people dependent on your well being. Children (or old age parents) should be considered before making any quick decisions. They are too vulnerable to manage.

6) ‌Make a decision: Considering all the above things make a wise decision. You can take help of a trusted friend or a therapist to make sure you don't take unreasonable steps towards the future and also to comfort yourself that moment.

“For men may come and men may go, but I go on forever...” -Alfred Tennyson

Whatever happens, life goes on. You have a million reasons to live for. Among them, your spouse's love and attention are only one of them. Your children, career, or parents may be where you find direction in your life. Never make hasty decisions in anger and depression. Talk to a professional if you don't trust anyone or choose not to disclose your personal worries. Although, it is really good to pour it out to at least one person so that these thoughts don't suffocate you.

With the rapidly changing world, we are losing the value for one's emotions. There is a lack of commitment and adjustability in the budding relationships. While some being too dependent and the other being too independent, we lack a balance where the two fall in place. Every person is beautiful in their own way. However, some may fail to recognise that and realise it only when it is too late.

Be bold; Be confident; The world is yours; Go out and call it a day. 

Responses 1

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Aug 26, 2017 06:12 PM

    All the points in this article bring out the fact that the comfortability level with the spouse is very important. Expressing yourself is important be it in terms of expressing love or explaining if something is making one feel uncomfortable.

    I liked the point where in you mentioned that in today's time people are lacking in emotions. I believe it is because of the fact that in this age of technology, people do not have time for anything and want everything as quick as possible. This is why they do not have time for commitment for long term relationships.

    I don't understand why society views something like divorce so negatively. It is their own choice whether to live together or live separately. I reckon they never view marriage as associated with sentiments but as something without which life is incomplete.

Book an appointment