Hi, I am 21. I have had a bad break up from a relationship which, I do not know, whether I can acknowledge as a relation at all. But I know that I was serious, really serious. I could apprehend this day long time back when he was ignoring me; not receiving my calls; unwilling to meet me; treated me as if I was a stalker and he wanted to free himself. However, I ignored all the symptoms as wanted to give some more time to the relationship; may be he was not being able to realize his actual feelings for me....I thought may be there was still hope..........
I am still lingering with my hope, probably some day he will come back and confess that what he has done is wrong. He wants to be with me again.....Is this possible?
My days are passing off. I go to college, do my assignments, discuss with my best friend on my problems, well when I share my situation with her, I feel that I am not alone. But the moment I am back home, I am lonely once again. This task is getting very difficult; I have to constantly pretend in front of my parents that I am OK, no way can I reveal my distress for there will be no humiliation worser than this. I am already ashamed that I have not informed them about my relationship; many a times I have lied to them to go out of the house to meet him and now I am paid off like this! this is my fate, but I just can't accept it. I feel humiliated, disgusted, insulted; sometimes I am just hating myself for my foolery. Am I so stupid??? Am I blind that anyone can trick me??
Songs are my solace; I keep listening to the songs that have once given me joy (which I generally used to hear when I was in the relationship) and now the same songs break me into tears and I persist on that. Sometimes, I feel so tired that I cannot get up at all. Am I intentionally trying to hold on to my depressed mind???? what should I do or think so that I can completely forget this chapter of my life?? Is it so easy to forget an insult from someone you loved and cared for??