Should I adjust my standards to accept others?

12 Aug
Name Confidential

I am very picky about people. I like people who reciprocate as much as I give. I want equal respect and importance. Few people give me as much as they can but it's still not enough for me. I expect more because I give more. Should I expect less even if I do more just so it becomes easier for people to  stay in my life? 

Responses 6

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Aug 14, 2017 09:18 PM

    Hi!!!

    Hope you are doing well. I can clearly understand about your concern. I think, you follow  give and take policy in your life. Whatever you do, is not replicated always. Some will do, and some may not get the correct situation to help you. Doing something and expecting something will make unworthy of what you have done to them. If you help other and expect more from them then it’s not the helping attitude. It’s a business, you do. “EXPECTATION ALWAYS HURTS”, is the proverb as truly said.

    If you expect much and it becomes worse then your expectation then the lose is only to you. If you haven’t expect much, whatever you get is much for you and also makes you to be in satisfaction of what you do and attain. So, I suggest you to adjust with people and don’t expect from others of what you give. Expecting in the respect is the correct attitude. “Self-respect” is the most important  thing to hold in our life  forever. If you lose your self-respect then you can just come across and may reject  the person from your life.

     

    Hope, it helps you!!

    Take Care  :)

     

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Aug 12, 2017 09:16 PM

    Hey there! Hope you are doing well.

    It is so nice to see how sorted you are and how interested you are in seeking furthur clarity in interpersonal relations,furthur. It is very important to discrimate between the right and the mean people.Not everybody comes in our life forever and some want to use us.We must always try to beware of such people but it gets tough with people wearing the mask.I would never suggest you to adjust according to society standards.It is so nice to know that you are giving person and there is nothing wrong in expecting love in return as well. We accept the love we think we deserve,so it is nice to see that things are sorted on your part.You have a clarity of thoughts and know that you have nice to people so there is nothing wrong in expecting the same behaviour in return.There is nothing wrong in seeking in return  what we are giving,nothing less ,nothing more. So here,make sure that you know how much you are giving and how much does the person deserve.This is the only hack to healthy and stress free relations.If you think that you are wasting time and energy on people who do not care about you,do not hesitate to step back.

    Hope this helps!

  • APOORVA PANDEY
    APOORVA PANDEY   Aug 12, 2017 06:55 PM

    Hey,

    I agree that each one of us has certain preset standards in our minds according to which we decide with whom to remain with and with whom do we not. However, such standards should never be based on the principle of reciprocity. No relation can ever sustain if you start measuring everyone's importance and their 'contribution' yo your life on a measuring scale. There is a point where we need to stop.

    Obviously our evolution has shaped so that we look up to the company of those who can be of our help when we need them. there's nothing wrong with that. The problem arises when such a tendency gives rise to a strictly gie and take relation. How do you assess that the person is not doing much for you? How do you come to know that you are much more invoved with the person than the other one being involved in you. there are different manifestations of an individual's care towards you. If you think of it in only one terms, say in material terms, oyu are being unfair to the other person and thus losing out on important relationships in the bargain.

    It's not saying that you allow others to take undue advantage of you. but you need to keep your this tendency under a bit of control.

    GOOD LUCK!

     

  • Priya Parwani
    Priya Parwani   Aug 12, 2017 06:25 PM

    Hello.

    Hope you are having a good day. I can completely understand your situation because it's we all have in some point of our lives have expected so many things from others and my friend this feeling of expectations ruins the thing. Expectations from oneself is good or I say necessary but from having others and from the bond that a person share with other is not good because in the end expectations leads to disappointments. It's good that you give your best efforts but to expect the same response from others is not good. Maybe an individual who is in your life gives his/her best [which can be lesser than you] because it is all that he/she can have. Don't quantify the love you get from the people because it's an emotion not a mathematics unit. One needs to be loved no matter how less or more.Moreover don't make the relationship and friendship as a Barter System [give and take] because we are people not commodities. So it's good to choose people to have a place in your life but during that process don't expect anything because this will hurt you only. Always remember that vibrations are important, if you find an individual with resonates with your frequency or with your vibes, then it's worth keeping the person in your life.

    Hope this will help. 

  • Shreya Narayanan
    Shreya Narayanan   Aug 12, 2017 04:07 PM

    Hey there,

    I'm glad that you are picky when it comes to choosing friends because most of us just blindly follow whomever we admire which isn't right.

    And now about love,why treat it as some equal value exchange commodity. By trading more love with less love,you're doing injustice to the sheer concept of love.

    I do agree that there is a bond which connect us all that if one person does something for some other person,the other person in return has to help his helper. This is a natural law. But my question is,why to expect love out of someone,when you can put your heart and soul in loving a person. True love is loving someone without expecting anything in return,by expecting more returns,this is as material as barter system.

    I don't understand as to how do you quantify more or less love,love is love. I mean,you don't say "mom,today I love you 635 times more than yesterday",or "I loved her till x raised to the power infinity."

    What I suggest you is find time for your loved ones and spend time with them. Why care whether they return it or not. But I know,people who genuinely love you,will always find a way to be near you,love you and make you feel loved.

  • Minaish Dhabhar
    Minaish Dhabhar   Aug 12, 2017 03:20 PM

    Hi there, 

    It is human nature to kind of compare the amount we give to the amount we receive and base our relationships on that, however, that shouldn't overrule your social interactions. When you say "give" and "take", what exactly do you mean? When you say expectations, what would your ideal expectation of a friend be? Ideally. It's good to have a think about that. 

    As for my advice to you, it isn't about expecting less so it's easier for them. I think it's about deciding what expectations are right to have, though. I think instead of expecting less or more, it is important to expect in terms of their intentions. Judge not by their acts but by their attitude. If someone cares about you, if you know someone has all the best intentions with you, then regardless of the amount they give you, they're worth keeping around. Some people are not as expressive as others but you may really miss out if you don't give them a chance. 

    I think, just realign your expectations, not lower them. And you should find yourself with a bunch of people who make you genuinely happy, and that's more important than anything. 

    Good luck, take care. 

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