Am I afraid to commit?

12 Aug
Name Confidential

My ex cheated on me. It took me a very long time to get over it. But even when I am over it, I have a very difficult time committing to people. I am so afraid of commitment that I start ignoring them as soon as I realise I have started getting attached. I don't let myself get attached. Even if I do get attached, I get really possessive and jealous of any girl the guy talks to. I want all the attention and importance. I get insecure about myself and keep doubting the guy's feelings about me. I get upset if he doesn't act affectionately or doesn't reply on time. I don't say anything to me because I don't want to badger him my constant insecurities all the time. What can I do? Should I give up on relationship for the time being and wait for the right person to come on its own?

Responses 7

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Aug 14, 2017 09:23 PM


     Hope you are doing well. I can clearly understand about your concern. TRUST=It’s the powerful word and attitude to attain in a relationship. If there exits the trust between both in the relationship then there’s no valid reason or problem to break up. And also possessiveness, you should never be sensitive with the person. Like, not replying in time may be can have some urgent work. And also the attention during you were upset. Everyone will expect more from their, loved ones, and it’s the only reason for many break up’s in a relationship. If you expect less or nothing, then what you get will make you feel satisfied and can live happily in life forever.

    If you find a guy who can really take cares you and most importantly trust you, then he is best choice in your life. Also, you should trust a guy and expect nothing. As a proverb says, EXPECTATION ALWAYS HURTS”. Be yourself, and stay happy without expectation in a relationship.


     Hope, it helps you!!!

    Take Care  :)


  • Rasi M Sethia
    Rasi M Sethia   Aug 12, 2017 11:46 PM


    I hope you are doing well. Break-ups always leave an impact on us either positively or negatively. Your commitment issue at present is beacuse in the past you were cheated. You have to be strong and try to overcome this. Please understand that not all men are same. If you got cheated once that does not mean that you will get cheated always. Let loose of this issue and go with the flow where life takes you afterall life is all about ups and downs through which you grow. If at present you like someone and want to be in a relationship with him, go for it. It will not be easy to overcome your commitment issue at first but slowly you might if the guy is really nice and both of you put in efforts to make the relationship work. Since your last relationship you have groen and have become more mature so, this time whenever you get into a relationship, you will handle that maturely. Don't be afraid of breakups. See the positive side of breakups. A relationship ended because both the people were not meant for each other. I know we get attached to the other person but it happens for good. Live your life freely, go into realtionships, find out what kind of a partner you really want. If your relationships end, get over them fast thinking that he was not the right guy, the right guy is just out there and you will meet him definitely.

    Stay strong and happy :) 

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Aug 12, 2017 08:58 PM

    Hey there!

    Hope you are doing well.

    Please know that there is nothing wrong with such a behaviour,at all. 

    We all have been through this phase once in our lives and we intend to get over it easier than possible.I would suggest you to not rush things over and take time.Time is the best healer,what you can really do for the while is sit back and relax and not over think the situation since that ruins a lot of things and does not help at all.Everything takes a while and nothing happens overnight.Letting go of something is a timely process and let's not rush there. For the while,it will be hard but not impossible to start believing again.You will have to begin from somewhere but it will be impossible without trying.See if one person was disloyal that does not mean everyone will be.Please let life explore new chances.If you will not trust again then how will you find your better half? It is always that a person grows by new experiences and by falling.The break up is always hurtful but be glad that it is over and you are not stuck in that ugly phase.Do not let that stop you from exploring life and find yourself a fresh start.

  • Anjali Deshmukh
    Anjali Deshmukh   Aug 12, 2017 06:54 PM

    Hello dear. Before discussing about this issue I would like to say that I congratulate you for being strong enough to discuss your issues. Very few people can let themselves out in this way. First thing I would like to say is that please remove this thought from your mind that you are afraid. Because you are not. If you were afraid you wouldn't have been talking to us. You are a very strong and bold girl who is going through a emotional turmoil. A similiar incident has happened with me too. I too had a bad break up. Initially I was lost, but time healed everything. You have moved on dear and you don't need to be afraid anymore. Don't feel insecured. If you think you can trust your boyfriend then you should definitely open up to him. He will understand you and make you feel better. Love is something which makes life beautiful. Don't ruin yourself for these insecurities. Trust me you will have a beautiful life ahead. Try to come out of your past and step into your present. I know that talks alone cannot heal the pain of past but definitely this will help you to see things better. Whenever you feel like talking to any of us, dont hesitate. We are your anonymous friends ready to help you out. All the best girl!! Go for your happiness.

  • Priya Parwani
    Priya Parwani   Aug 12, 2017 05:47 PM


    Hope you are having a good day. I can totally understand your feelings. The feeling of breakup is one of the bad feelings and dealing with it requires lot of strength and courage. It may take few months to years to get over the bitter feelings and the this thing has lead you to become insecure because you don't want to feel the same bitter emotion again. But don't let your insecurities rule over you because if they are left untreated, they will harm only you. You should gather more courage and start believing in yourself, be positive and give time to the person with whom you get attached. Spend time together, don't be quick in making judgements about him and try to build trust towards him slowly. Give yourself some time and make him your good friend and then think of keeping the bond further, if you initially give your bond the name of relationshi, it will create unecessary pressure and expectations. So firstly know him completely well and then think further.

    Moreover, don't expect anything or don't keep any expectations from anyone because if they are not fulfilled, they hurt us the most. Always remeber that the get the love you think you deserve. So be positive, strong and good things will happen to you for sure.

    Hope this will help. 

  • Shreya Narayanan
    Shreya Narayanan   Aug 12, 2017 03:40 PM

    Hey there,

    I think you're right,you need to wait and wait for the right guy to show up at your door and make vanish all your insecurities and worries which you're having at the moment with other men.

    Yes,you are being afraid to commit again and that is the reason you tend to ignore people who come across your path and start getting attached to you. You shun them away before they can even express their feelings to you because you don't want to go through the pain and chaos again in your mind.

    I totally understand that and I want you to know that you've been brave enough not to do anything harsh to yourself. This itself is admirable.

    Now,coming back to your insecurities,I know it will take almost years together to overcome that,to get rid of that feeling whenever your lover is away from you at that moment,but you need to stay calm yet strong and not let your imagination take a toll on you. Stay mentally strong and look forward to newer and exciting things in your life. Stay connected with your loved ones, and do things you love.Trust me,when you are sure of your man,it'll be a grand day for you,and I hope it comes soon. Best wishes. 

  • Minaish Dhabhar
    Minaish Dhabhar   Aug 12, 2017 02:39 PM

    Hi there,

    Yes, I do think your past experiences have made you a little bit fearful of commitment. It's easy for us to avoid anything that could potentially hurt us, it's like a defence mechanism. However, if you keep letting this end your relationships or potential relationships, no amount of waiting for the right time is going to change the fact that you fear this.  

    Just like any phobia, you've got to accept you have it and then go ahead and live your life anyway. You recognize it as fear - just an emotion - don't let it control your life. Relationships happen, and sometimes end. Badly. A lot of people go through this. You have to remember that all the people you see who've had "happily ever afters" have faced a bunch of bad endings before that. You can never know what's going to end badly or not. But if you never rewrite the story, you're not going yourself the chance. 

    I know it will seem uncomfortable at first, allowing yourself to go ahead with your emotions in a relationship, being vulnerable again. But live outside your comfort zone for a while and it'll make a world of difference. Eventually, what was uncomfortable for you will feel normal. 

    Good luck. Don't worry, I know you went through a lot but it truly is always darkest before the dawn. 

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