how to help my friend

12 Aug
Ayushi Jolly

Hello everyone!

A very good friend of mine is dating a boy from her school since the past four years.Luckily,they are in the city for college also. However,I have often noticed how the boy manipulates her and dominates her.Like if it is about the kind of clothes she wears,if he does not like it,she will not buy them,no matter how much she likes them.So is the case when it comes to making friends.Whereas,he himself is friends with a lot of girls and wants freedom but says that she is too sweet and the world is not so he wants to keep her safe. This is sheer stupidity and I believe abuse as well. She has become so introvert and lost confidence because she does not talk to many people neither does she have her own space.They have broken up many times but get back equally soon.I don't know how to explain to her that it is no good to be with such a person and that she needs a break for her own good. Please help! I have tried talking but doesn't work,even most of our friends have.

Responses 5

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Aug 15, 2017 10:26 PM

    Hello. I can understand how difficult it would be for you to convince your friend in this situation. But the only thing I can think of to advise your friend is to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her about her boyfriend and how he tries to control her in unnecessary ways. There might be two things here. One, maybe your friend is enamoured of that guy rather too much or maybe she feels that her boyfriend 'treats her like a princess,' and there is nothing wrong how her boyfriend is treating her, which is why she is not at all ready to listen to you and  your friends. Try to break these two notions.

    Make her realise that she is harming her own health as she is not at all interacting with others and she should try to remove the root cause behind it. As a friend you cannot see her being dejected like this. Try to explain as to how relationships are about trusting and understanding each other, not about dominance and obedience and how her boyfriend meets the latter criteria. Also she does not need to be with someone who is causing nothing but pain to her and she should have the audacity to go in front of him and assert herself otherwise she would be stuck forever. Hope this helps.

     

  • Priya Parwani
    Priya Parwani   Aug 13, 2017 10:12 AM

    Hello.

    Hope you are doing good. It's the situation which most of the girls come up with in a relationship where they are unable to do things which they want because their boyfriends doesn't allow them which is not right as both the partners have equal right to live as they want, wear what they feel is correct for them and do what they like. No one should intrude in one's life if he is his boyfriend also. No  boyfriend should restrict his girlfriend towards any activity which she considers is right for her, in the name of protecting her. A girl  is capable of protecting herself and is sufficient to solve any problem on her own. Your friend should be realised that if her boyfriend is imposing so many restrictions on her then she should leave him without giving it a second thought because if he is not letting her to live her life on her own terms, then how she can expect to support her towards the ups and downs of her life. She have to become confident and learn to respect herself.

    As a friend you can slowly boost her confidence and tell her that the boy his not worth her if he doesn't believe her and is insecure about her. Make her realise that she is worth and should not be suppressed by a boy. She is strong and should be realised that.

  • Anjali Deshmukh
    Anjali Deshmukh   Aug 13, 2017 09:07 AM

    Hello!!!

               Good morning. I know how helpless you are feeling right now. You can see your friend's plight but cannot help her. They say that love is blind but in this case it seems as if the lover is blind. I am damn sure that your friend is one of those committed lovers who can sacrifice evrything for their boyfriend. But the boyfriend should be worth the sacrifice.

                                           This kind of relationship comes under emotional abuse. I can say that this guy isn't the right one for her. No girl wants to be caged, or ordered to do stuffs. She is an individual and she has her own rights to speak with anybody she likes, to wear what she wants and to do what she likes. Nobody can stop her from doing this. And if her boyfriend is stopping her then its time that she leaves him.She has become dependent on her boyfriend and this has become a kind of addiction. The only way to bring her out of this trap is to show the true colours of this man. You as her friend can help in removing the blindfold of love from your friend's eyes. She won't believe it till she sees this man's behaviour from her own eyes. Give her the support and love to come out of this mess.

    Give her a proof of her bofriend's actual colour and she herself will dump him. Don't worry dear, your friend will soon be fine and out of this relationship.

  • Anjali Deshmukh
    Anjali Deshmukh   Aug 13, 2017 09:07 AM

    Hello!!!

               Good morning. I know how helpless you are feeling right now. You can see your friend's plight but cannot help her. They say that love is blind but in this case it seems as if the lover is blind. I am damn sure that your friend is one of those committed lovers who can sacrifice evrything for their boyfriend. But the boyfriend should be worth the sacrifice.

                                           This kind of relationship comes under emotional abuse. I can say that this guy isn't the right one for her. No girl wants to be caged, or ordered to do stuffs. She is an individual and she has her own rights to speak with anybody she likes, to wear what she wants and to do what she likes. Nobody can stop her from doing this. And if her boyfriend is stopping her then its time that she leaves him.She has become dependent on her boyfriend and this has become a kind of addiction. The only way to bring her out of this trap is to show the true colours of this man. You as her friend can help in removing the blindfold of love from your friend's eyes. She won't believe it till she sees this man's behaviour from her own eyes. Give her the support and love to come out of this mess.

    Give her a proof of her bofriend's actual colour and she herself will dump him. Don't worry dear, your friend will soon be fine and out of this relationship.

  • Minaish Dhabhar
    Minaish Dhabhar   Aug 13, 2017 04:39 AM

    Hi there,

    I know how frustrating this can be especially when it happens to someone we care about. Honestly, she needs to really see the effects that this relationship has had on her. You guys could try pointing out examples of what's changed and how it should not have. As a friend, it's your job to be completely honest with her about what the boy is doing. 

    However, the thing is, once she knows, once you've spoken to her, the decision is still hers. You can't force someone to do something she doesn't want to do. She's still going to have to WANT to make a change, whether by talking to him or by letting him go. A lot of the times, we keep trying to change a relationship without the actual people trying to, and that only frustrates us. 

    So encourage her to stand up for herselbon the relationship or leave it because it's becoming very unhealthy, be honest, as a friend, she actually needs you guys to be as straight-forward and honest than anyone else. However, if she doesn't seem to be doing anything about it herself after that, realise that you probably can't do too much for them either. 

    Take care. 

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