What to do about fights between your children

13 Aug
Name Confidential

Hi guys,

I haven't seen much being asked about children here, but I know this is a very common topic in general. I wanted to know, when children fight, especially siblings (which they're bound to do), what should a parent do, ideally? Because you have the parents that get involved, yell at one of the children, help the other, depending on whose fault it is. This can teach the child right from wrong. You also have the set of parents that choose not to get involved in the fights, and this does make sense to me too. 

So according to psychology, what's the best way to deal with this?

Responses 3

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Aug 16, 2017 09:33 PM

                   Hope you are doing well. I can clearly understand about your concern. Parent’s has the main role in every child’s life to shape them and build them a bright future. Children will learn from the attitude and the character that is done by the parent’s. until they become adolescents, every child’s role model is their parents. So, they should be perfect in attitude and character to make their child perfect. To handle up the children, parent’s should take care of both child and should not hurt one.

                    Say something like, If two children were quarreling and fighting for a ball rather than making a single child happy with a ball. Parents should make them calm and should play with them and  later leave the place to make the children to play with the ball. So, no one will get hurts  and depressed. If a child get hurts  during some situations the kid may feel inferiority complex and feels down. So, Parent’s should handle with care.

    Hope, it helps you!!

    Take Care :)


  • Reshma Venugopal
    Reshma Venugopal   Aug 15, 2017 02:48 PM

    hi there ! 

    Thank you for your question, and hope you doing alright. 

    Coming back to your question, siblings are naturally required to fight and be a part of feud. The reason why this happens is because there are two people trying to fight for the same resources. This is a more technical way to put it, but I'm sure you can understand. If you have children of different ages, the first one is bound to feel like he is about to lose his rights and attention his or her parents give and that causes a sense of rivalry between the younger child and the older. Hence feuds happen. So really there is no concrete way to find the right way to make sure children aren't fighting. 

    They will fight and parents have to be a better judge of it to see wether or not it is serious, going to be serious, or has any deep rooted frustrations or anger that caused these fights. 

    If there are deeper meanings to it, then that's when you need to learn to completely break it off because those can be really dangerous. 

    So in this case, parents should be able to break the fight and give the children individual attention. Talking and communication can help a great deal. From a younger age, make it a point to make sure that the children play together and learn to cooperatively share resources. This will create a better understanding. Let them do tasks together like; chores. Let them spend time together. 

    If the fight gets really bad, then give them each a time out. Some space to think about what they did. Let them no the damage caused, and children will be able to forgive and move on more quickly. 

    As for the parents who don't involve in these things, that's a choice and way if their parenting. It isn't always 100% good to leave the fights opened, because kids don't know what's right or wrong. If they don't prefer yelling then doing the methods I suggested can build a better rapport between parents and children and the children themselves. 

  • Nimisha singh
    Nimisha singh   Aug 15, 2017 11:51 AM

    Hey there.

    I really appreciate your for concern and i am really happy that you brought up this issue.

    children fight over everything, they want everything that their sibling has and its completely normal as they are at their learning stage. Being a parent is a huge responsibility you should have good parenting skills as children learn a lot from observational learning and so our actions creates a major impact on them.

    While solving the conflicts between your children you must take care that you tell them what is right and wrong but in a polite manner. Ask them to exlpain their feeling, let them use "I" statements (for eg:I felt sad") instead of blaming their sibling.

    Your are the role model for your child they look up to you, try to explain them that filght is not the only solution explain them the concept of mutual understanding.

    I hope this helps 


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