How to pay condoloscences?

17 Aug
Name Confidential

My moms close relative died 20 days ago. She is not doing well. She says she is fine but we can see the sadness. What can I do to make her feel better? My mother and I aren't very close,we don't express or communicate feelings. Should I even say anything, or should I let her process the loss the way she wants to?

Responses 5

  • Priya Parwani
    Priya Parwani   Aug 20, 2017 02:01 PM


    Hope you doing well. Really sorry for the loss and my condolences to your mom's relative. Losing someone is very tough and the loss makes the other people especially the near and dear ones to suffer a lot but death is a life's truth and everyone has to face it. So your mom will be fine one day but right now you can do the following things to support her during this tough time:

    1) Help her in the household chores or try to talk to her regarding general stuff.

    2) Take her for walks or keep her busy in some productive activities which are somewhat entertaining also i.e will make her happy.

    3) Don't let her sit alone for a longer period of time or don't talk much about the realtive as this will only makes her more sad.

    4) Make her listen to some soothing music so that she can release her stress.

    5) If she wants to cry then let her as this will help her a lot.

    She will be fine.

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Aug 19, 2017 11:46 PM

    Hey there! I hope you are doing well. I am sory for the loss.

    Here,you can really help your mother out of this situation.No matter how much you talk or connect with each other,during such times,one just needs a person with whom he or she can sob his sorrows away.You must lend your shoulder to her.No matter what,she is your mom and if she is suffering,you must be the first one to calm her down.Here,what you can do is,go to her and start spending time with her.Make her realize that she means to you and that you are there for her,no matter what.Then,you can actaully,after much interaction find out the real cause of her sadness.I mean is it the death or the affection  she has with that person or some other bond that is making her feel so broken?Also,you can take her for an outing,if not now ,thne sometime,soon in near future so that she feel a change and thereby better.Also,you can involve your sibling or father or other relatives with whom your mother feels comfortable with and shall nto hesitate in expressing her state of mind.

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Aug 19, 2017 06:13 PM

    Hope you are doing well. I can clearly understand about your concern.  People will never know about the value of something until they lose it. I can clearly understand about your plight situation. Your mom is feeling sad of your relative and you were so sad of your mom’s state. It is a chain of love.  Love makes life beautiful, but when it is lost our life is lost. If someone leaves us, it’s not like we should also leave, one day our life will be happy. Stay strong and make your mom strong. Console her with your kind words, distract her from that sad incident.

    Have a family trip, and enjoy yourself. Also, make your mom do some yoga and meditations regularly to stay calm. Have fun with your mom like shopping, watching movies. As we know the valid reason for the problem, find the solution else forget the problem. If your relative is back she feels good, but it’s impossible so forget and distract her.  Don’t let her to stay in depression try to rid over from this as soon as possible, As it affects both her mental and physical health.


    Hope, it helps you!!

    Take Care :)

  • Reshma Venugopal
    Reshma Venugopal   Aug 19, 2017 05:59 PM

    hey there. 

    Firstly, my condolences to your moms friend. It is a difficult time for anyone to overcome, it is afterall a loss of someone close to them will always be a tough time to get through. It's sad. And it's not something anyone else can help with much. 

    A death of someone can trigger multiple feelings in the person. The person may feel abandoned depressed, not motivated, anxious, and in simple sadness. Maybe they might feel more sad because they used to share some integral parts of their lives with them. Maybe they communicated in a way not everyone understood. Maybe they were just best friends and special to each other. And obviously the loss of someone like that is not something to be happy about. 

    Its just 20 days. Some people may be upset about something like this for months and years. And it gets harder as they lose someone in an older age. They themselves might be going through a million feelings, and fear that they might end up in the same way. As they grow older there is lesser people they can safely count on. Their children have probably moved on with their careers and lives. So everyone has a different time to get over someone's loss. 

    I guess the best you can do is try to communicate after you've give her some space to get over it. Maybe a month or so, and if you feel like there is nothing that cheers her up even after that, then perhaps stronger measures can help. But for now, let her be. Make sure you let her know that you are always going to be there for her and who knows ? Maybe you guys can start getting closer together? It's always good to have your mother close to you because trust me they always have the best advice to give. 

    So let her in when she wants it. Try to cheer her up with small things. And let her have her space. 



  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Aug 18, 2017 08:01 AM

    Hey there.

    It is sad that your mother has to go through all this. Loss of someone you love can be full of grief and I see that your mother had very close relations with your deceased relative.

    I think that you should spend time with your mother. Don't talk to her about the relative or death in general, you can go on and help her in household chores or talk with her about some funny incident happened in your school, college or office. Keep her motivated to be able to enjoy her living. You should try to be more open towards your mother as you said you're not so. She feels deprived of the companionship of the relative so you can maybe try to somehow fill that space. 

    It may happen that after a month or so, she will not think about it. But if she has trouble towards everyone around her or the sadness is not making her function according to the present situation, you should take your mother to a counsellor.

    More power to you and your mother.

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