Am I being too clingy?

17 Aug
Name Confidential

i like a guy. He is my friend. He says he likes me too. None of us wants a relationship. Yet when he is online and doesn't talk to me, I get jealous and think of what all he could be dying. I get insecure. I expect too much and then overthink. I can't be clingy and ask why is he not talking to me etc. What can I do? How to divert your mind from this?

Responses 6

  • Aishwarya K
    Aishwarya K   Aug 21, 2017 01:32 AM

    Hey it sounds like you do want a relationship if you want him to be committed to you. This topic has been discussed many times and I believe it’s a very difficult question to answer because an outsider can never judge a relationship and decide what’s best for the couple. Even for those in a relationship, it can be very difficult to decide what the right decision should be. When is the right time to let go? Should they keep trying to make it work? Will it be worth it? Is there a future?

    There are so many questions like this. I believe once your partner stops respecting you or once you start to lose respect for your partner, it’s a clear sign that things are not the same anymore. At the same time, if you start losing respect for yourself because of the relationship then it is time to end it. One should never compromise their self-respect for anything. It is very important that our self-respect stays intact because that is where our confidence comes from. If our self-respect is lost, it will shake up our confidence in our self which can lead to other psychological issues. Relationships can be very tricky and mutual respect for each other works as a base. If there’s mutual respect, it will be easier to deal with further complications in the relationship.

  • Priya Parwani
    Priya Parwani   Aug 20, 2017 01:52 PM


    Hope you doing good. Lot of youngsters pass through this situation where they are insecure about their friends but this thing can be solved through the following tips:

    1) You should learn to trust him and have faith in him. If he is your friend then you should believe him.

    2) If he is not chatting with you doesn't mean he is cheating on you or don't like you or is avoiding you. Maybe he is busy or having any important conversation with someone else.

    3) Try to have a general conversation and then put your point which you have and accept his answer or understand his situation.

    4) There is nothing wrong in taking first step, you can always start the conversation as he is your friend and in friendship there is no space for awkwardness. Don't think twice before being the first to start conversation.

    5) Have an open mind and control your thoughts and take step to solve the problem by having meaningful conversation.

    Hope this will help.

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Aug 19, 2017 11:41 PM

    Hey there! Hope you are doing well.

    I appreciate how you have come up and seeked help.Please know that liking and developing feelings for someone is absolutely normal and nothing to worry about.It is a part of life since we all have a natural tendency to get attracted to the opposite gender.However,the problem arises when the feelings being shown are not mutual.It is nice to know that you both kin dof like each other and have been talking.Also,the best part is that both of you intend to first be sure about each other and then commit to anything.

    Here are few things that you can do that might help you relax and calm down about feeling jealou or over-protective.

    1.Try talking to other people in your life,those who also matter.This might help in drawing your mind away from the overly affection.

    2.Try relaxing about such things and do not over-think.

    3.Talk it out with him if you feel this way.You never know how things might turn into good.

    Please know that feeling for someone is very normal and if you both are sure of not developing anything furthur then feel fee to back off or invest your energy in something productive elsewhere.

    Hope this helps!

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Aug 18, 2017 07:49 AM

    Hello there.

    It is all good if you both do not want a relationship. You can still be very good friends with the person.

    But as far as his behaviour of not messaging is concerned, there is nothing to worry about. Maybe he is busy with something else or maybe he's chatting with some other friend or he did not see your message. It can be anything. And if he likes you,then he will definitely not get into some other relationship. So you can just boost yourself that way. 

    Being insecure or jealous over the fact that he is not texting you when online, is too far-fetched. Such feelings will harm you only. He won't be able to realise what you are going through, right? I saw in one answer over here somebody mentioned that you can initiate the conversation by messaging "Hey, what's up?"

    Don't over think. You might be creating a situation which does not even exist. Also it should not affect your other priorities like career. Stay happy always. Hope this helps.

  • Rasi M Sethia
    Rasi M Sethia   Aug 17, 2017 07:29 PM


    I have been through this and most of us go through this. This is because of the excitement of talking to that person. You are not being clingy. You just want to know him better and talk to him and when he doesn't messege you on being online, you worry. Don't over think. He might be busy with something. When he is free, he will text you and if you really want to talk you can always take the initiative of messaging first. But don't do that always, or else he will take you for granted later. At times let him take the initiative. You don't have to ask him why he is not talking to you straight away. You can rather text 'hey whats up' or 'are you free?' 

    Prevent yourself from overthinking. Overthinking will affect you only. Distract yourself by talking to a friend, watching a movie or a video, reading or anything that you like and enjoy. Whatever kind of realtionship you both are having, try to keep it simple and not complex. Try to avoid misunderstandings, clear out stuffs as soon as possible. And don't let this affect your other things (career and studies). Stay focused too.

    Be happy and enjoy :)

  • Shreya Narayanan
    Shreya Narayanan   Aug 17, 2017 07:22 PM

    Hi there,

    You say he's your friend and he likes you too,so I don't see any harm in asking him directly as to why isn't he chatting with you?

    I mean, it's common that when two people like each they're already texting like crazy and talk about all the things in the world. Basically,turning them into mobile addicts. He doesn't text you back,which is very weird and unusual.

    Or another reason could be, he's either shy or he doesn't want to take it ahead. Shyness can be erased once you ask this question in a direct way, because either which ways you'll get the answer to your query. 

    Not asking something because you think it's being clingy,and that too to someone who is your friend and whom you like, is stupid. Friends do stupid things,and asking silly questions is one of them.

    If he is really not interested in taking this forward then it's okay. You guys can still be good friends and chill out. That way things can work out too. But do get a confirmation on this. 

    Hope this helps,have a good day.

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