How to help a friend move on?

03 Sep
Name Confidential

My best friend ended her 2 yr long relationship. She hasn't gotten any closure yet. It just ended one day. The guy has blocked her from everywhere. It's been months but she hasn't been able to get over it. She asks us to keep a check on her boyfriend and his social activity. One day we acknowledged that he is dating a new girl. My friend got more upset. How to help her get over this guy? How to help her move on? Should we ask her to date other guys? 

Responses 7

  • Name Confidential
    Anonymous   Sep 17, 2017 08:17 PM

    This topic has been discussed many times and I believe it’s a very difficult question to answer because an outsider can never judge a relationship and decide what’s best for the couple. Even for those in a relationship, it can be very difficult to decide what the right decision should be. When is the right time to let go? Should they keep trying to make it work? Will it be worth it? Is there a future?

    Whether a relationship survives or not depends on countless factors. Firstly, it depends on how strong the bond is between the couple. What forms the base of their relationship? I believe the relationship must be built on trust, loyalty, mutual respect and openness rather than physical attraction and chemistry. Apart from that, it depends on where each person is living, their environment, whether it is a positive environment or whether they have personal problems to deal with. It also depends on how much time can one give their partner considering it’s a long distance relationship and he/she might have other work. In long distance relationships one really has to make an effort and take out time to talk because it’s quite easy to meet and spend time when a couple is together.

    These are just some things to consider. Apart from this, there are several other aspects that one has to keep in mind. So you should try to have this conversation with him and discuss the various factors which will give you some clarity.

  • Name Confidential
    Anonymous   Sep 06, 2017 09:08 PM

    It is sad to hear that the guy didn't give any reason of ending the relationship. When people do that, somewhere the other person hopes that things aren't over and he will come back. Tell your friend that he didn't deserve her. Everything happens for a reason. That relationship ended because may be there is someone else for her who would truly love her. Tell her to forget him and move on by keeping herself busy in activities and focusing on herself and her life. Tell her to indulge in activities which will help her grow. Spend time with people who sre worth and build your career. I personally think that dating someone else is a bad idea. She needs to properly move on, spend some me time, be single and figure out whar she wants. Don't get into dating just for the sake of guy companionship. Life is not just about relationships. Let her take her own space and enjoy life. You learn about yourself more when you are single. Let her cherish herself. When the right guy comes, the ideal partener then go for it. 

  • Upasana Sengupta
    Upasana Sengupta   Sep 06, 2017 01:32 AM

    Hi! Sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she recovers soon.

    Keeping aside whatever the guy has done, you need to remember that we can never 'un-love' someone. Never (not days nor months nor years, never). We just learn to live without them and if lucky, learn to love someone more. 

    Dont force your friend to move on. Sometimes we dont need a closure. Let her speak of her pain, be it everyday and everytime she meets you but allow her to vent her emotions. Yes, do try and gradually stop stalking that guy because it will worsen her health but let her obsess over him once in a while or else she may have a breakdown. 

    Dating someone else is not even an option. Dont rush her into stuff, otherwise she can never be in a healthy relationship again. Any new commitment will only haunt her with her past memories. 

    All she needs now is a few months and some good friends. Explain it to her that she does not need to forget him, just accept the fact that he has. 

    You along with her other friends need to constantly counsel her as there might be a phase where she will want him so badly that her self respect will take a backseat.

    Be a constant reminder of what a beautiful, confident lady she is and give her some personal time to collect her thoughts. Keeping her engaged will keep her distracted but if you want her to win this obstacle, you need to keep faith in her and give her time to work things out.

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Sep 04, 2017 06:41 PM

    Hey there. Hope you are doing well. I don't think letting her date others guys is an appropriate solution. I reckon that if he has blocked her from social media and also the fact that it has been many months which has passed. It means that the guy is not willing to maintain any relationship with your friend. Or it can be accidental also, you may never know. But making her date someone else is not a wise option, also because it might not reduce her stress. Her problem is because of that particular guy and even if she finds someone else, it will be of no good even for that person with whom she plans to get committed.

    I think the best thing to do at this time is, as a friend you should help her cope with this because you have been witnessing how hard it is to move on from a relationship and as one of the answers here have been mentioning about taking your friend to a short trip to a beautiful place which would provide a change from daily life and something to cherish for her.

    There is no need to stalk that guy, there are chances that he does not want to be with your friend. You cannot coerce him. Advise her to do things she want to and become a better person. People may come and go, whatever stays, is that particular individual and his/her own identity. Hope this helps.

     

     

  • Name Confidential
    Anonymous   Sep 04, 2017 04:53 PM

    Hi there! 

    Personally I don't think you can do much about helping a person move on. 

    Dont forget we are talking about feeling here. It doesn't happen overtime. It takes time. You need to stay patient. 

    It will only make things worse for your friend if you pressurise her into getting over her past. Trust me thats all she wants but she doesn't know how. Be an understanding friend, try to empathise. Tell her how you are there and it's okay if she is taking her time because it's tough. It's tough to get over people and it's okay as long as she is determined to get over her. 

    No, I won't suggest that she starts dating a new person. It will not only disturb your friend but it's also unfair to the guy she w

  • Name Confidential
    Anonymous   Sep 04, 2017 04:53 PM

    Hi there! 

    Personally I don't think you can do much about helping a person move on. 

    Dont forget we are talking about feeling here. It doesn't happen overtime. It takes time. You need to stay patient. 

    It will only make things worse for your friend if you pressurise her into getting over her past. Trust me thats all she wants but she doesn't know how. Be an understanding friend, try to empathise. Tell her how you are there and it's okay if she is taking her time because it's tough. It's tough to get over people and it's okay as long as she is determined to get over her. 

    No, I won't suggest that she starts dating a new person. It will not only disturb your friend but it's also unfair to the guy she w

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Sep 04, 2017 12:19 AM

    Hey there! 

    I hope you are doing well.

    It is sad to know how your friend had gone through so much in one go. It was really wrong on the guy's point of view to have left her abruptly and without any prior information. They both were in the relationship so one person does not have the right to end it like this. Howevet,what is done is done and we can hardly do anything about it now. The least to say is that we must give our best in helping your friend get over the situation. The following can be adapted for the Same-

    1. You must be with her,as much as possible and not leave her alone since that will decrease her lonely thoughts or anything that happened in the past with him.

    2. All the friends must stop stalking the boy and it should be a atrong reason to hate him for moving on like this.

    3. You all must help her to move one and maybe take her out for a dinner or a day off or a trip,if possible.

    4. Please make her realize that it is not the end of life and you all love her equally, in fact,even more than any boy can.