Losing my relationships

Responses 8

  • Aparna Kanmani
    Aparna Kanmani   May 25, 2017 05:44 PM

     

    Detaching yourself from the people you love is common among people who have trust issues. Broadcasting your mind and opening up to someone is very hard when you don't trust them in the first place. A person with detached personality tends to avoid sharing feelings due to the fear of being judged, pointed out or criticized and eventually move away. Some people simply don't like having others comment on what they do. So the more they find someone getting closer they tend to avoid them. But most of them don't realize what they do. It is good that you have understood the issue and come forward for help. 

    Learn to trust the people you live with. Believe that they think well of you and are ready to help you. Disclosing your emotions need courage. It's like your mind is metaphorically naked. Step up and start by opening up to just one person you trust. It could be your best friend, spouse, parent, or sibling. If you aren’t comfortable directly speaking to someone, take it slow. Consider writing a diary or a blog regularly express your feelings. Remember that you are worthy. Shun away thoughts like 'I'm too awkward', 'I'm unappealing', 'people don't like me' etc. When you know you are self-sufficient, your confidence will build to face the fear you hold. 

    Most importantly, consider therapy. The therapist would be able to walk you through your inhibitions and weaknesses and help you harness them for better. It would also enable you to open up easily to a trusted person.

     

  • Madhuri Marathe
    Madhuri Marathe   May 26, 2017 05:06 PM

    Emotional distance or emotionally drifting is a common event which tends to happen in relationships. This distance does not happen in a day, it’s a slow and gradual process which is identified only when it becomes significant. There are various reasons for this distance between relationships. Some reasons could be within you, and some could be external. If you introspect you can find some reasons within you. 

    Trust issue could be one of these. First, start believing in yourself. Talk about things bothering you, without any inhibitions or alibi. You may not talk to everyone about your problems, but one friend or a relative would surely help. Do not think your problems have no value. Every person has problems in life, and different issues have different importance in different people’s life. Maybe writing a diary or a Blog every day or every week might help.  But those entangled emotions out of the system.

    If you feel, the problem is getting very grave or worsening you may consult a psychologist. Sometimes you don’t need an advice, all you need is an ear to listen and with time as you open up all things get sorted on its own. Just notice what bothers you, and give it time and thought. 

  • Nandini Ajay Kumar
    Nandini Ajay Kumar   May 26, 2017 05:21 PM

    This can be due to various reasons and it varies from people to people. So its best to consult a psychologist for the same. 

    It can be due to any kind of fears, past events, trust issues, lack of understanding and lack of communication.

    One of the very common reasons can be that you no more find the other person interesting and you are no more happy with them, but you still care for them and still love them. But because they no more keep you happy, you start distancing yourself from them. It is completely okay to feel this way. Sometiemes we just need to spend some time with ourselves and spend all our resources on ourself. Miantaing a distance from others does not mean that you are bad or wrong in anyway, rather, it just means that you respect yourself more.

     

  • Arushi Adhikari
    Arushi Adhikari   May 27, 2017 12:00 AM

    It mostly happens when things doesn't work according to ourselves and when we start expecting alot of things from the person we are close to and they doesn't stand up to our expectations. Expecting is the worst thing which everyone comes across, it gives us nothing except of anxiety, stress and other problems. One reason of your getting distant from people whom you love can be, if you yourself are suffering from some kind of stress or problem or something which you want to share with them but you cannot because you think it may lead to break ups and as a result it is coming out in the form of anger, stress and letting you distant from the one you can't live without, These could be the possible reasons. What you can do is try to calm down yourself, sit and try to think why you are doing all these things ? Is there any problem which you are worried about. Try to confront it with the person you are in love with. Sometimes hiding things creates more problems and misunderstandings. Try to talk to them as much as you can don't hide anything, just let your emotions, feelings come out. You'll definitely feel better after this.

  • Anamika Das
    Anamika Das   May 28, 2017 09:54 PM

    Hi! smile

    I understand this feeling – the kind in which we often feel emotionally distant from people who we have been extremely attached to. I feel it would help you if you try and introspect on certain other things that are taking place in your life at the moment. It is only after becoming aware of as well as understanding other social and personal contexts in our lives, that we might further understand the possibilities that lead us towards feeling this way.

    However, if I may speak of certain possible reasons that may cause such a feeling, they might be:

    • Stress: Very often due to an overwhelming amount of work surrounding us, we feel emotionally distant from the people we have loved. The physiological fatigue caused by work often results into emotional fatigue also, and starts affecting our personal lives as well. It may also happen if and when we do not enjoy our work. Since we spend maximum hours of the day doing the work we do/studying etc., it becomes essential that we are able to derive pleasure out of it. Otherwise, it may definitely cause a work-life imbalance, further resulting in stress. If this is the case, then it is best to speak to your organisation/institute, and negotiate with the amount of work you feel you may enjoy. If not, you may also choose to look for other places.
    • Occurrence of an emotionally stressful rift: Very often a rift caused between two people who have been extremely attached to each other emotionally, can cause an episodic disbelief towards the notion of ‘attachments’ itself. We may not realise it but conflicts that occur with people we are attached to often affect us in many different ways. As a method of coping, a seemingly natural emotional distance may occur between us and the people we considered close.

    I have just stated two possible reasons which may give rise to such a feeling. As I said, it would help a lot if you try and take into account, recent events that have happened or are going on in your life. Moreover, if it is happening to you for the first time, it is mostly episodic and temporary. So do not worry! smile

  • Alveera Sheikh
    Alveera Sheikh   May 30, 2017 11:35 PM

    Detachment is common in any relationship, be it friends, family, spouses and so on. Detachment could develop due to various reasons such as fear and not being able to give enough attention to your relationship. It is important to introspect and ask yourself what is causing the problem. Is it the fact that you both aren’t doing enough for each other or is it that you are holding back your emotions? Although you might feel that your relationship with others is falling apart, but it could be a sign to do things differently. To go beyond what is already there. Some few pointers that could help you out with the issue are:

    • If your friends/people you love ask you to hang out, or do something they really want to do – go along. Even if it isn’t your cup of tea. This will help you in reviving what you feel towards them eventually and will give you the opportunity to interact with them deeply.
    • Try asking them questions that you need to ask- the questions you fear asking them. Sometimes, fear of your loved ones leaving detaches us from them.
    • Find a peaceful place and then think as to why you are feeling his way. This will allow you to look deeper into the matter and gauge into the problem.
    • Talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling. Disclosure might help you feel better and help you in letting out the fears and troubles within you. Maybe you just need a vent to your emotions and talking to someone will provide that.

    Gradually, this may help you in regaining the feelings you had for the people you love, although it is a slow and gradual process. Sometimes, you have to keep trying several ways till you find the right one that will help you regain the love you have within you for others.

  • Priya Ratti
    Priya Ratti   Jun 05, 2017 11:07 PM

    Sometimes we find ourselves distancing away from the ones we love, and there can be many reasons for it. Getting emotionally distant from loved ones could be a defense mechanism through which you’re trying to conceal your true feelings and emotions from those who care about you. You’re probably either insecure about them or afraid of the effect they might have.

    The key to ensuring a healthy emotional bond in any relationship is communication. You should share your thoughts, feelings and opinions with your loved ones so that they know how you feel about things in general. This would contribute to their knowledge of you and add dimension to the way they perceive you as a person. So make sure you communicate with all the people who you feel you’re getting emotionally distanced from. Just talk to them.

    There can be certain barriers to this communication that may magnify your problem. A primary barrier can be stress. If you’re too occupied with work, or stressed about a life problem, taking out time to talk to someone feels like a chore because we often overthink during times of stress. But talking to a loved one during stress can not only lighten our mood, but also help us lighten our emotional burden.

    If nothing works, you should get professional help so that they can guide you better.

  • Vaishnavi Pradhan
    Vaishnavi Pradhan   Jun 06, 2017 01:08 PM

    Sometimes we build a shield around ourselves to prevent anyone from getting close to us. We usually do this because we are afraid they might hurt us or that we may do something wrong and end up ruining the relationship. Now we may not do this consciously so it is important to reflect on the real cause.

    It may also be possible that you have a lot of other things on mind and fail to put efforts in your important relationships, not noticing that you’re doing so. If that’s the case then deal with your stress before handling your relationships. An understanding partner will help you do so if you try to explain your situation.

    If the underlying cause seems to be your feelings of insecurity, you need to acknowledge it first. While it may be possible for you to get stuck in the past for finding the reasons of this insecurity, try not to do so. What you can do is try to resolve these feelings instead of finding the root cause. And frankly, that’s the only thing that’ll help.

    You need to learn to trust yourself and your partner. There may be problems in your relationship but this vulnerability for your feelings that you’re avoiding is what truly brings happiness. It is caring for someone that truly makes you appreciate things. It is what makes us human.

    Ghosts of girlfriends past

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