I enjoy self-pity

26 May
vinay upadhay

Self pity

Whenever something bad happens, I start self pitying as if whole world is bad and I am victim. I cry and feel sad, still I always do this. How can I get out of this loop?


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Responses 7

  • Manaswini Venkateswaran
    Manaswini Venkateswaran   Jun 03, 2017 10:02 PM

    It's good that you've recognised a pattern that could potentially be harmful to you. Kudos to you for that! However, just know that it is perfectly normal to be upset after bad things happen. It always takes time to move on from things and being sad and letting out your emotions is a part of the healing process. If you try to speed it up it may lead to emotional repression, which isn't healthy. 

    Make sure that, even if you are going through a hard time, you don't let your life come to a halt. Feeling down is perfectly normal but the moment it affects your daily routine and the things and the people you care about, it's a problem. Make sure you know the difference between when it's problematic and when it's not.

    If it's really that important to you, you could always try to increase your feelings of self-worth by helping those who are less privileged than you are. You could volunteer at an orphanage or an old age home. This might make you feel like you are making a difference to someone's life and you won't feel as bad as you do now.

    I hope this helped you. All the best! 

  • Satinder kaur
    Satinder kaur   Jun 03, 2017 04:04 PM

    Hey..everything happens for a reason. When something bad happens, if you have done it or you are involved in any way then you should make it right. It's in your hand. There is nothing good in crying. Of course, you will get the people sympathy but they will outcast you as weak and will never trust you with the strong decisions. You have to get out of the bubble. Try to help others, anyone and at the end of the day, you will have something to be happy about. Try to write your feelings when you feel shady. Read some good books. Do best in your carrer. Because with hard work comes the confidence. Try to see everything with the good heart that whatever happens the end would be good if it is not seeming good now. Pity is a very strong word and it is used for the victims of some major life ripping incidents and for people who have lost someone special. I hope you haven't suffered from any of these. Because always try to relate your situation to the ones who have suffered much harder than you. So stay happy and don't pity yourself because God god hasen't give such an amazing life to you to just for the pity. Live it with your heart and be happy. Try to read the inspirational stories.

  • Aparna Kanmani
    Aparna Kanmani   May 27, 2017 01:37 PM

    Self pity is a comforting feeling considering the real life scenarios. It is very common in children and at times, travels through adulthood too. It works as an escape mechanism where you can shun away responsibilities on your shoulders. People enjoy the attention and care they get from others' sympathy. It's easy isn't it. You can easily blame others or external happenings than take it on yourself if something goes wrong.

    You probably like to talk about your worries a lot and expect others to pity you. These are mere reflections of your insecurities. You might feel like others don't care enough and you need to gain their attention. But understand it is just your misconception. You are creating negative vibes for yourself.

    Self pity occurs mainly because of two things. When you need constant external validation and when you possess low self-esteem or self worth. These two make a classic combination that will get you caught in this endless loop of negative thoughts.

    Slowly release yourself from the need for validation and gain control over your decisions. Be sufficient and confident with what you do. You don't need anyone's approval to be yourself. Boost your self worth. Nobody can love you enough like you. You are making a great progress. Appreciate yourself. You a braver and bolder than you believe are.

    Change the nature of your thoughts. If you feel you fell down and hurt your ankle while running, don't drown in the attention you get and live with the pain. Rather, think how fast you could run and how far you were able to achieve before the fall. Appreciate the efforts you put into that and encourage yourself that you can do better next time. Be conscious of the thoughts that might drain your motivation and actively change.

    Never generalize situations. Drop thoughts like "I don't deserve to... I will never get it right... Why does it happen only to me..." etc. Attribute it to the situation in hand. Tell yourself this time it didn't work out. Probably with few improvements you will succeed next time.

    Pity gives a subtle happiness in being cared for. Believe that people already care about you. You just want to hear it from them constantly. Once you trust that people around you are well-wishers, you will stop seeking unnecessary attention.

    You are more valuable than you think you are. Take care :)

  • Arushi Adhikari
    Arushi Adhikari   May 26, 2017 11:08 PM


    Self pitying is the most disgusting and worst human behaviour. It basically means sadness for oneself as the person thinks he is the one who is suffering from all the problems. Sometimes it breaks the person mentally as well as emotionally because after certain time the person starts blaming himself and criticising himself for his bad luck and for his destiny. This kind of human behaviour leads to stress, anxiety and other mentally disturbing problems which makes the person weak emotionally, mentally and socially. For avoiding such things we need to be confident enough and stop blaming our destiny for our problems, and we should accept the fact that problems are the part of life, one cannot run from them after a period of time they have to face them. We should learn to fight and tackle our problems. If you are mentally and emotionally weak and start crying whenever you are in problem first of all do not make yourself weak, try to be strong and confident you need to learn to face your problems, till when you will run from them? From every problem and failure we learn something new. What if we fail ? Don't worry even if you fail for a no. Of times but after sometime you'll definitely come up with new confidence and success. What you need to do is 'believe in yourself' you are the one who can fight from all these things, no one can help you out, you need to learn that how to face your problems. Second what you can do is if you feel emotionally weak or ruined try to talk to someone whom you are close and comfortable with. You will definitely find happiness and solution as well. Just let your emotions come out do dont repress them, And then think logically and act positively. Try to have a positive view towards everything you'll definitely come up with a beautiful life.



  • Rachna Lakhanpal
    Rachna Lakhanpal   May 26, 2017 09:13 PM

    Self pity is one of the most destructive behaviours for human beings.

    Not only does it encourage a lot of negative behaviour, it is also a sign of low self-esteem. The problem is that anything negative that you face in life you tend to attribute to internal causes. Lost a job? Maybe you aren't good enough. Going through a breakup? It was you, not them. 

    And this behaviour of attributing all failures to errors in yourself and all your successes to the external world is the problem. 

    So, what can you do? 

    You can go one of two ways: 

    1) Become the victim of circumstances 

    As a victim of circumstances, your feelings of self pity with just escalate as time passes. In this, you will find that things don't seem to go your way and that life is unfair to you. 

    Example: Your car stops working in the middle of the highway. Instead of it being a laughable tragedy, you'll feel that somehow the Universe is against you and that all bad things happen to only you.  

    2) Take control of your life

    In this, you'll have to make yourself realize that you're behind the steering wheel of a car which is your life. That you are in control of everything that happens to you. 

    This also means that you'll have to teach yourself that the Universe doesn't have a hidden agenda against you! 


    All in all, the kind of life you want to live depends totally upon you and no one else. 

  • Nandini Ajay Kumar
    Nandini Ajay Kumar   May 26, 2017 01:39 PM

    Self-Pity means excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one's trouble. To get out of this loop of self-pity, there are some very important things is to understand -

    1) Whatever happens, happens for a reason.

    2) To understand and totally accept the fact that whatever is happening in the present or whatever will happen in the future, is or will be because of my decisions in the past. We need to accept this fact and never regret it.

    3) Though there may be some times when we might end up regretting our decisions, but at the end "IT WILL ALL BE OKAY".Things will lead us somewhere, some doors close while others open.

    4) According to one of the Indian philosophy, Karma-Yoga is a construct that has been widely discussed in the Bhagwadgita. It says one of the way to live your life happily is by selflessly doing your duty and by not expecting anything in return. If its meant to be it will come your way. And to accept the fact that whatever actions we take is in some way a repayment of the past debts.

    Life is too short to whine over something. It drains the energy out of us and hinders us from accomplishing other important things in life.

    We just get one life, live happily!

  • vineeta singh
    vineeta singh   May 26, 2017 11:57 AM

    It seems you always think in a negative way. Firstly stop thinking that whatever bad is happening around you is because of you. Every individual knows what they are doing and very well know how to control their feelings and actions. So don't you ever think it's because of you. You need to change your point of view about the word if you think word is bad it will be bad but of you think it's good it will seem good to you. You may think this because the surroundings​ you are surrounded with may not be good for you. Start interacting with new people around you,start making new friends,start indulging in some hobbies you like. Be around with people who seem positive and stop being with people who always tend to make you feel low or bad about things happening around you

    Human being the most intelligent animal on the planet who have the capacity to think. So it's better you think good about yourself and about what is happening around. You will tend to again things in a way you think.As I have said earlier every individual has the power to change their thinking and control their actions so why not make better use of it instead of just blaming yourself.

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