Help-My dad is a bully

26 May
atul shrama

Bully dad

My dad has been bully to me and my siblings for my entire life. He bullied all of us terribly all our lives. He is a control freak and thinks only he is always right. He treated us terribly when we were children, to the point where I am now having a lot of problems with anxiety and depression. I cannot stand confrontation in any form, and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. I hate him now. Please help me.

 

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Responses 7

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Jun 20, 2017 05:11 PM

    Hey Hi!!

        I can understand your situation.First of all,the bond between father and son is really a wonderful and amazing bond.Being a father is just making their children a better man to the society.every father should remember that one day his son will follow his examples rather than his advices.A father loves his son unconditionally and thinks about them which they can never understand.Being bully is just to make you to realize your strength.

       Try to calm down from your anxity and depression.It will only end up with waste of precious time.Make some exercises daily like medidations for 10-15 mins a warm up and walking about 10 mins.Listen some peaceful musics and spend your time peacefully.Don't allow your father to say a little mistakes about you and your activities.Every father is a son's real hero.You can't understand the value until you lose it.

       Try to contol your depression and anxity.And,your anger on your father.Being angry gives you anything and builds nothing but destroyes everything.

    Hopes,it helps you

    Take care    :)

  • Sayantani Dey
    Sayantani Dey   Jun 01, 2017 02:04 PM

    Hello dear, I can understand how tough time you have faced.But time is always changing.Life is all about good and bad.According to you, your daa had a tendency of bullying which always annoyed you.Very fair thought!

    But there may have some causes why your dad behaved in that way

    Firstly, he might have a lots of pressure.Like, he had a lots of family responsibilities and he was always worried about it.

    Secondly, he might have a huge amount of workload.For giving you a better life and a secured future,he was always busy.

    Thirdly, he may had a lots of expectations from you and your siblings and you were not fulfilling it properly.

    So,basically, he might be going through a lots of things but never expressed.

    Don't hate him.He need love and support.Talk to him.ask him if he wants to share anything.

    And it neitherr was your fault nor him.So stay happy and healthy.

  • Aparna Kanmani
    Aparna Kanmani   May 28, 2017 12:03 PM

    I understand your distress. I have a controlling parent myself. Children with controlling parents often turn out to be anxious. Considering you have given only your perspective it would be more clear if you mentioned what act of your father disturbed you?, how many siblings you have?, How do they feel about your father?, How would your mother respond? How old are you? etc. 

    Parents try to control their children to discipline them. If it crosses a limit it is definitely not right. You have a lot of pent up emotions that are waiting to burst out. Talk to a person you are comfortable with, could be a professional, friend or even your mother. Let your emotions out. You will feel light. 

    Remember, there are people around you who love you and wish well for you. Imagine how devastated they would be if they knew you ended your life because you couldn't stand your own father. Understand that it's your father. He definitely has a soft corner for you. Try to make peace with him. Open up and communicate how you feel. He probably has no deep understanding of his actions from your perspective. Even if there is a confrontation, it is a worthy effort. You speak not only for yourself but you siblings. Your action is intended to bring peace in the family, it is all the more worthy reason why you have to try!

    Definitely consider consulting a professional. They will be able to relieve you from the anxiety and depression that is taunting you to negative thoughts. Stay well!

  • Nandini Ajay Kumar
    Nandini Ajay Kumar   May 27, 2017 07:52 PM

    Independence and autonomy are what you want. You have always been controlled by your father and now you need to feel empowered and accomplished. What happened to you was in every way very wrong and he must be punished for that. However, what you need to accept now is that what has happened is in the past and now you have the power to either stay in the past and keep crying over what has happened or take control of your life and show them that you can achieve the great things in life.  

    Having episodes of anxiety and depression is completely normal in this situation. You need to vent out your actual feelings to the ones who are dear to you. It is very important to resolve this issue as you might have trouble in maintaining relationships in future. Consider taking therapy as this is indeed a grave issue and such cases differ from individual to individual. 

  • Arushi Adhikari
    Arushi Adhikari   May 26, 2017 11:47 PM

    In this case, you are the one who can help yourself, first of all calm down relax. I can understand what you are suffering from. You need counselling and meditation, for now what you can do is relax your mind, before going to bed and after waking up do meditation atleast for 15-20 minutes. Try to talk with someone whom you are close to like any other family member, your friend or any other person. Try to share your feelings with that person and try to talk as much as you can, do not repress your feelings. Involve yourself in some kind of physical activity so that it can divert your mind from all these suicidal thoughts. See if you want to overcome your anxiety, stress and depression you need to forget the past and start living in present. I understand that few things are not forgettable but it doesn't mean that you cannot overcome them. Be strong and confident, accept the fact that it was your past and it was worst which happened with you and you won't let it happen again in future. Try to live in your present or else you'll ruin your present and future as well. Problems are the part of life and where nothing works there 'karma' works, so one day definitely it will do what it wants to. You just boost up yourself, trust yourself, be bold, confident and do not let it happen again with you or with somebody else. 

  • Swayamprava Pati
    Swayamprava Pati   May 26, 2017 09:15 PM

    Hi, 

    I can understand your situation and the kind problem you are facing. I need to know more about you, your father and your family, so that I will be able to provide a proper solution to your problem. Please let me know in detail about your age, education, job, siblings, your hobbies and interests, your friends, your father's occupation and family background etc.

    Thanks,

    Swayamprava

  • Rachna Lakhanpal
    Rachna Lakhanpal   May 26, 2017 07:53 PM

    Your parents have an extremely big role when it comes to the development of your personality. They play an extremely important role in your emotional development and essentially make you what you are. 

    You can't go in the past and change the way your father has treated you and your siblings. His behaviour, however did have a long lasting impact on you and that's something you must strive to change.

    Your father's behaviour has had a huge ipact on your self-esteem and your feelings of anxiety and depression aren't something that will go away qucikly.

    You need to work on them. 

    My biggest advice would be that you seek professional help with your anxiety and depression so that you can like a happy life even though you've had a rough childhood. 

    That being said...

    You should try and resolve the issues with your father and let him know how he made you feel when you were a child. Here's a thing, though. In most cases, toxic parents do not change. 

    In that case you must stand up for yourself and tell them that all of the criticism and bullying is enough. I would also recoome that you surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, secure, and loved---like a group of closed friends. 

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