Does she love me?

28 May
atul shrama

Friendzoned

My female classmate used to talk with me on phone for hours daily. She will also chat on Whatsapp and send good night messages daily. This went for few months and when I proposed, she said "I never thought about you like that, you're nothing more than a friend". Did I misunderstand her or she is just being shy to accept?

 

Image Source

Responses 10

  • Priya Ratti
    Priya Ratti   Jun 05, 2017 10:43 PM

    It seems like you misunderstood her.

    Sometimes friendships can get a little messed up. One person thinks its leading up to something, while the other just treasures the bond. If your friend has clearly stated that she does not think of you as anything more than a friend, then I suggest you believe her. It was wrong of her to send to you such signals that made you think she thought of you as more than a friend, but if you put yourself in her shoes, talking for long hours on the phone is what you could say friends do. There is no substantial indication that she liked you. You should have considered the state of your relationship before deciding to propose to her.

    Now that she has told you that you’re nothing more than a friend, you should accept her decision. Something like this must have taken a toll on the equation the two of you share. But I suggest you shouldn’t make anymore advances towards her. Leave it be. If she decided to spend so much time talking to you, then you must mean something to her. Doesn’t matter if its just as a friend. You should remember that. Sometimes more than anything in the world, we need a friend, a person to talk to. You should be happy that you were that person to someone.

  • Rhythm Makkar
    Rhythm Makkar   May 30, 2017 07:41 PM

    Hello. I hope you're doing well.

    Sometimes, people just click. They start talking and realise that they have a lot in common, enjoy each other's company and love talking to each other. It's wrong to mistake this feeling with love. You can have this feeling with your friends, parents or siblings. There are less chances that your friend feels shy and won't accept that she has feelings for you. It is more likely that she really just liked you as a friend. I'm sure you loved her company and loved talking to her too. Even if you have your doubts, you should talk to her clearly about it. You should not assume things on your own. I'm sure she will be honest with you, assuming that you guys are very close and talk throughout the day. It is important to always think about the other person and their side of the story, even if it is hard for you to believe. Such misunderstandings are normal but should be solved by communicating with the other person. You should try to talk to her and make things right otherwise you might lose a really great friend of yours. I hope my response helps you. Have a nice day! 

  • Chaitali Tiwari
    Chaitali Tiwari   May 29, 2017 02:48 AM

    Hey 

    I know it would hurt your feelings but I think u need to understand that the reply she gave was clear and justified.I think she is not confused or shy about her feelings and if you will ask the same question again it would irritate her.I know you have feelings for her and if you genuinely want her to understand that give her space and prove your love by your actions.Be supportive and tell her that you value your friendship with her and you respect her and her views but you feel different for her and you want to be with her so that you can love her as much as you want.Don't feel broken or sad if she rejects your proposal,Be prepared and first sort yourself,ask yourself what exactly do you want?Will you be able to manage friendship with her?if yes then stay friends and let time decide your destiny and if you can't manage friendship then be clear and tell her about it.It would hurt a bit but this will not lock your door for future opportunities and you will eventually move on. Respect her decision and be strong.It is very important for you to value yourself and love yourself otherwise she won't be able to love you.All the best .

  • Rachna Lakhanpal
    Rachna Lakhanpal   May 28, 2017 10:12 PM

    There's a lot of differences between the way in which females act with their friends and the way in which males do. 

    Let's take a look:

    In a study conducted recently, it was found that: 

    1. Women tend to disclose more about themselves in relationships than men do in general
    2. Men disclose more things to their female friends than to their male friends
    3. Men disclose the most to their romantic partners

    So, when you look at why your classmate used to talk to you for hours on the phone, that's simply because she was being a friend to you and that's just how women are when it comes to friendship or any relationship. 

    In a similar study as before, the following data was found regarding the gender differences in the concept of friendship: 

    • Males like to "go out" and indulge in activities with their best/close friends 
    • Females prefer staying in talking to their best friends (more disclosure) 

    So you see, for a woman, a good friendship is where she can "talk" to her friend and communicate more. And you misinterpreted her friendship for attraction---a common mistake males tend to make when they think a girl is being over-friendly!

  • Prasha saggu
    Prasha saggu   May 28, 2017 09:36 PM

    We all have a need for belongingness and we all seek people who we feel close to and wish to stay in contact with them as much as we can. A person's gesture of texting you all time and talking to you indicates their concern for you and the fact that they relate to you in a very healthy manner. It must be noted that not all such relations and gestures are a portrayal of love. Even our friends are a home to us that provides us comfort and love and from where we seek support, care and love.

    If the actions in some way indicate to you that the other person has certain feelings for you, it is good to clarify such things to avoid any problem in relations. One can directly talk to the person concerned or develop strategies to unveil what the true feelings are. Many a times we tend to confuse love with friendship and friendship with love, this may create collosal problems. Therefore, it is essential to identify and understand the basis of a relation and misinterpreting it. 

    Friendship does entail love as well. And if you really love her, it is better to continue with your friendship and stay happy because love in any form is pure and divine and wil keep you happy. 

    Good luck. 

  • Arushi Adhikari
    Arushi Adhikari   May 28, 2017 08:31 PM

    See there is a major difference between love and friendship, considering what she said it doesn't seem like that she is shy or something, talking for hours on phone or chatting on whatsapp doesn't mean that the person you are talking with is in love with you, even you too are not in love, maybe it is just a temporary attraction which we start considering as love, but it's actually not. If a girl is talking to you it doesn't mean she wants to be with you or is in love with you. I respect your feelings and emotions but considering her reply you should respect her decision or else you will end up your friendship. We can't have something forcefully, so better if she is not interested in the relationship you want from her, so better not to force her. Just let it be and move on, don't make her feel uncomfortable while she's with you. I appreciate that you didn't repressed your feelings and shared with her which is a good sign. But for now Try to be a good friend, definitely things will be better. ♥️

  • Nandini Ajay Kumar
    Nandini Ajay Kumar   May 28, 2017 05:27 PM

    Considering her reply, it does not seem like she is shy to accept the proposal. Moreover, if someone really wants something and then he or she gets in a situation where they are getting what they want, it is highly unlikely that they won't accept it just because they are shy! 

    So try to understand, you must have been an amazing friend to her, but she just could not see you as her lover. And it is completely okay as both of you dealt with it with maturity by keeping your thoughts in front of each other. This way your friendship will grow stronger as things will get clear between you both. Misunderstandings and miscommunication are a part of every relationship, whether a romantic one or a friendship. But wise is one who communicates and clarifies all his doubts and thoughts, instead of acting without any logic.

  • Aparna Kanmani
    Aparna Kanmani   May 28, 2017 04:36 PM

    What differentiates love and friendship is not the number of hours you depend together but the intensity of feelings involved. Friendship is very casual. You care for the other person, you show affection, you wish well for them, you spend enough time talking and going out and yet, it is casual. If it is love, there is a need for making a good impression. There is an intense feeling that runs between both lovers. 

    Considering how she has responded, it is possible that you have misread some signals as beyond friendship. I'm sure the last thing she wants to do is hurt you. Be glad she was honest with you and don't maker feel bad for being honest. Remember, a girl knows when she is in love. It is strong feelings in the mind and body that keeps her preoccupied from work. When things are moving beyond friendship she can sense it. 

    Attention: She might have give extensive attention to you. Laughed at all your jokes. But that does not mean she loves you. The relationship is very casual. Lovers cannot stand being unattended. They want to be involved with each other always. Check how she reacts when you don't attend to her. Lovers tend to be restless and possessive in such cases

    Priority: Friends are given enough priority but again, in the casual sense as they love hanging out with each other. Lovers tend to cancel out all their plans just for each other, even if it makes their work harder. 

    Arousal: A casual hug is normal among friends. It doesn't give any awkward or conscious feeling. In lovers there is undue excitement and enthusiasm even at the sight of their partners. It is a tingly feeling that makes them conscious of how they act in front of the other. There is no such formalities with friends.

    Emotion: Lover is rather too emotional than friendship. There is a need for commitment and a constant check of how the relationship is working out. Friends are always there for you. They share a strong bond but there is no need for it to be emotionally expressed now and then. 

    Openness: This differs for different people. Commonly people are more open to their lovers regarding all matters of family, finance, career etc. Friends hang out a lot but don't discuss openly on such personal issues. However, there are people who feel the other way around too. 

    I understand you like her a lot but not sure if you love her in the true sense. I hope you understand how a thin line differenciates friendship and love. I'm sure you guys will work things out.

     

  • Mariyam Abbas
    Mariyam Abbas   May 28, 2017 04:31 PM

    You guys used to talk daily before proposing her, you must have gained knowledge about her likes and dislikes. You can utilise this knowledge and try once again when you feel it is the right time. This might help you to find out her true feelings and would answer your confusion also.

    If you really have strong feelings for her. Stay positive and respect her feelings too, whatever they turns out for you.

     

    Warm Regards,

    Mariyam.

  • Aanchal Setia
    Aanchal Setia   May 28, 2017 01:48 PM

    The question now should be more of what you would be doing in this situtaion rather than trying to decode her actions. If your friend has explicity stated as you have stated above that she doesn't see you anything more than a friend, then it might be true. The only thing you can do is come in terms with your feelings. Let us suppose that is how she feels. Then, there are several questions that you need to address. Will you be comfortable to stay friends with her even though you have feelings for her? Do not answer this in haste and mix this answer with the feeling of loss that you might encounter on losing her. Will you be comfortable enough to see her dating someone else if you guys decide to be friends? All you can do is have a serious talk with her after coming in terms with these answers. If the answers to the above questions are yes then it might not be more than a fling for you too and you will be able to move out of this situation and become good friends.
    However, if the above answer is NO then you need to tell her that you won't be able to remain friends with her so she needs to reconsider seriously about this. Remember it is possible for you guys to not have mutual romantic feelings towards each other. And sending messages daily is not enough to estimate her feelings. I would recommend you to have a healthy conversation with her again.

Book an appointment