Why do I seek approval so much

05 Feb
Name Confidential

Hello, 

I am curious what your insight is to people who seek approval or attention of others. I have found I do not know how to simply be friends with men. The moment a friendship has developed my brain crosses the line & thinks, or wants to believe that there is more to the relationship & that the other person is romantically interested. The excitement of feeling liked by someone, or the "game" of figuring out if they actually like me or not is exciting & makes me feel good about myself. Where my confusion comes in is why I struggle with this. I am in a great relationship & love the man I am with, with all of who I am. When I get into places where I am excited to talk to another man I feel horrible, to be clear. The relationship I have with my co-worker is in no way innapropriate, however my motives in the interactions is what the issue is. Why do I not seem capable of being friends with a man without going elsewhere in my head? I do not even think people are attractive & will can get consumed with the "game" of flirting without being obvious that, that is my intention. I in no way want to behave like this, I want to be loyal both in thought & deed to my boyfriend but I have found I struggle greatly with this and am not sure why. I feel like I like who I am to a degree, I know there is growth needed there, but It is not like I feel horrible about myself or anything. I just feel like it must be something deeper & psychological becuase I'm having no luck just simply turning it off.

Responses 1

  • Dr. Ibrahim Abunada
    Dr. Ibrahim Abunada   Feb 06, 2016 03:56 PM

    Dear, it seems that you have some fantasies is common with many other persons, but with you these fantasies are somehow more exaggerated. You can overcome this situation by: try to talk to yourself more positively and reasonably.

    Don't underestimate your strong point and aspect in your personality.

    Demonstrate the strong points in your personality

    When you talk with anybody trust your capabilities, ignore any negative feelings passing in your mind.

    Think how to demonstrate your gentle attitude, welcome attitude, draw smile on your face.

     Talk with yourself using positive terms such as I am strong, I can pass this situation without any bad feelings, I am attractive person, I am not weak or feel horrible right now.

    Try to ignore any negative words or attitudes from the others toward you.

    You can discuss your feelings with psychologist to have some suggestions how to pass like these situation peacefully. Take care.

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