I want to learn some mental exercises or coping skills to deal with anxiety

30 Apr
Name Confidential

During college I experienced a lot of issues that teenagers usally face. I didn't like the way I looked which affected my confidence and self-esteem. It took me sometime but once I started working I felt much better. I knew that once I do my work, people will recognize me for that and not for the way I look.

I worked for a couple of years and then I decided to leave that job to try something new. I don't regret that decision but that new job shattered this confidence that I had built gradually through the years. The office was not being managed well and a lot of people left the company. In spite of that I tried my best to do what I could. My manager suddenly became very mean. He stopped communicating with me and chose to complain about me without even discussing anything with me. I tried talking to him to understand the problem but all I got was silence. I spoke to some colleagues about it and they told me that everything willl be fine soon. But soon even they could see the way I was being treated. I realized that leaving this place soon would be sensible.

I always to go with my instincts but I was feeling low so I just did what I was told. That was a big mistake. I feared that I'll be blamed for nothing and that's exactly what happened. I was told that I was incompetent and was asked to leave. But I didn't go silently. I shared everything in front the HR and my manager. But they obviously didn't accept their mistakes. I finally spoke to the owner of the company who asked me to join back and apologized. But I refused. This happened because of one person and a company that wanted me gone as they had found a cheaper alternative. They decided to increase the workload of other employees. I realized this later but until then I kept blaming myself for losing the job.

I know I was not at fault but the fear of not being able to cope with anxiety or confronting such mean people is still in me. I couldn't apply for a job anywhere because of this fear. I had to stay at home because I have a strict father who doesn't like me meeting my friends. This made things worse. I helped my mother with her small business that she runs from home. I started feeling better. I didn't earn anything but the work made me feel good. I thought I could continue doing this until I feel better. I started applying for jobs again but my anxiety has become worse than ever. I get scared of many things. Not getting a job, being emotionally blackmailed by my father to get married soon, being lonely, etc. All these fears make me so anxious that I sometimes shiver, have shortness of breath, a lump in my throat and an upset stomach. I try to relax or try to think of something happy. It works sometimes but not always. My family thought I was just being lazy and was looking for excuses because I would try to act normal initially. But mother sensed there was a problem. I talk to her more about it.

It has been a while now since that happened. I have been trying very hard to get a job in the last few months but I still haven't found the suitable one for genuine reasons. But I'm anxious that I might have a bad experience even if I find a the right job. The anxiety is also because my father is in a hurry to get me married. He knows I don't want to but he is just waiting for me to get a job so that he can go ahead with it. I have tried speaking to him many times but he doesn't listen. It's like a one-way communication. He's a good person but he's also old-school and narrow-minded.

The unemployment and my father's anger has made me very low. The lowest I've ever been. I was diagnosed with a hyper-thyroid problem and was told it's because of stress and weight issues. I also started eating at odd hours apart from the usual 3 meals because I couldn't sleep early. I know that I'll manage to get a job soon but I can't change the way my father thinks. So I guess it's best to learn how I can cope with this stress and anxiety. I want to be positive and believe that things will work out. I don't know if I can go see a counsellor because my father is scared of what people might think. I don't mind trying it but I'm not sure if I'll be comfortable talking to stranger so I decided to try here. I hope I can get some help. 

Responses 1

  • Dr. Ibrahim Abunada
    Dr. Ibrahim Abunada   Apr 30, 2016 07:42 AM

    Dear user, life is not easy and sometimes it doesn’t go smooth and fine. From your elaboration about yourself, it seems that you have many problems in your daily life, some of these problems are related to occupation, familial, personal, relationships. All of these problems create some sort of low self-esteem, disappointments, worry, scare, upset, restless, frustration and so on. Anyway, I do believe that you need to work hard on yourself to overcome all of these situations. Therefore, I strongly recommend you to try the following things. Try your best to work on your personal ideas and beliefs that everything should go according to your well and desires. Try to be more realistic to the life aspects don’t be pessimistic one. Try to build a relationship with trustworthy people to talk with them when needed. Try your best to fulfill the work assigned to you in the most appropriate way as much as you can. Try to respect the norms of work, life, relationships, rules and regulation of life. Try to work on achievable goals that add significant value to your life. Try to look for a suitable job that help you to be a productive and independent one. Try to be active in social activities in your surrounding environment.  I hope you will try to practice the above proposed things soon and you will find very positive outcomes, moreover, you can consult an online therapist for further instructions and suggestions, and help. Take wise decision.

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