Is it infatuation or love?

30 Jun
Name Confidential

I like my close friend's brother who is 9 years older to me. He has shown signs like he likes me too but the I'm not able to make a move because my very own friend won't like it family aside. I know that we have age gap and a status gap too (he is also rich) but I dont want his money or anything I'm genuinly interested in him. I guess he has a girlfriend too but he won't marry her as he says. I havent felt lke this before like I feel around him.What should I do? Can anything happen between us?

Responses 6

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 05, 2017 05:17 PM

    Hello there!
    It is important that you differentiate between love and infatuation.
    If what you are feeling is infatuation then let me break it for you, it's rare for it to last. You can let it go now before giving it a thought.
    Considering how there are so many family and status difficulty ahead of you, it would be unwise to continue with this infatuation.
    He hasn't even left his girlfriend yet, how can you be sure he feels the same way? Are you willing to risk things for this?
    You need to talk to your partner and ask him clearly about his feelings and if he is genuinely interested in having marriage plans with you.
    If both of you feel strongly for each other and want to get involved then I suggest you gather the confidence to talk to each other's parents. I am sure they will understand your feelings because love prevails everything.

  • Rinkle Jain
    Rinkle Jain   Jul 02, 2017 01:00 PM

    Hey there,

    It is important to know what you want before knowing if it's possible or not. Firstly, there is a age gap of 9 years. Are you okay with that age gap? Secondly, what do you plan to do about your infatuation because it is not love. You can't be in love with someone you are unsure about. If you were sure that you want him, you wouldn't have asked this on the forum. Are you looking for a long term relationship or just a fling to see what it feels like. And you should find out about the girl friend because you wouldn't want to get in between of something. When you have asked yourself these questions and you automatically understand what is the right thing to do. If you are not okay with the age gap, you will definitely not move forward with it. If you are looking for a long term this guy is probably not a right choice because the age gap is always going to last. If you are looking for a fling I guess there is no harm in trying, but then you will have to understand that it is just a fling. And lastly, about your friend. Honestly, no friend is happy about their friend hooking up/being in a relationship with thier siblings so she is never going to be happy about it and it is natural. But whatever relationship you develop with the brother, make sure you both are on the same page and no one ends up getting hurt because that will ruin your friendship. 

  • Aishwarya K
    Aishwarya K   Jul 01, 2017 12:49 AM

    I understand that you are in a very confused state right now. So let’s take this one by one. You mentioned that he has shown signs that he likes you. Well, let me tell you, if he has a girlfriend yet he is giving you these signals, then that is not a right or fair thing to do. He would be emotionally cheating on his girlfriend IF he is giving you these signs. At the same time, I would suggest that you don’t depend on these signs to decide whether he likes you or not. You should try to confront him and ask him if those signs meant anything. You don’t need to make a move, you could just indirectly ask him what he really meant by doing what he did because you were a bit confused about it. That should help you understand whether he really likes you, or if there was a misunderstanding between the both of you.

    Secondly, it doesn’t matter whether he will marry his girlfriend or not, because the important thing to focus on here is that currently they are in a relationship. It makes no difference whether he is her husband or her boyfriend; the emphasis here is that he is currently in a relationship.

    So these are some important things that you should first think about which might help you to clear up your confusion and to decide whether or not you should make a move on him.

  • Shruti Gupta Dehradun
    Shruti Gupta Dehradun   Jun 30, 2017 08:51 PM

    Hey,

    The first thing you should do in your situation is talk to your friend about this and ask her straight whether his brother is actually serious with his girlfriend. Try to make your friend understand the whole situation from your point of view and take her honest opinion about this whole situation. Ask her if her family is conservative or will they approve of your relationship with her brother. She might feel uncomfortable but once she understands that your feelings are true for him and you are genuinely interested then she will help you the best way possible. She being the third person can also help you to understand whether your feelings for him are just infatuations or you feel something serious for him. This anyway, should be the first question you should ask yourself too. A mere liking for someone is not love and hence, you should realize that before you take any step. Also, anlayse the character of her brother closely. He might not actually be interested in you and might just be playing around. If it is so you should try to control your feelings rather than make a fool out of yourself in front of your friend or her family. All the best.

  • Minaish Dhabhar
    Minaish Dhabhar   Jun 30, 2017 07:56 PM

    Look, it's honestly not about being love or infatuation. These are things that we too often try to define, but they are social constructs and are subjective so trying to choose between theme shouldn't bother you too much.

    More importantly, the rest of the situation needs to be cleared up first. I suggest starting off by talking to your friend, if she's close enough to you. She may feel a bit uncomfortable with the situation but if she's truly a friend, she'll find a way to come to terms with it and advise you better on what may be going through her brother's mind. 

    Next, I advise you to give this some space until he has a girlfriend. Regardless of whether he's going to marry her or not, him being in another relationship is going to cause nothing but problems. 

    Finally, don't worry about things like status and wealth as much as you should prioritize your friendship. Your feelings for this individual may or may not be permanent, but your friendship with his sister is something you've already got going on in your life - you can be honest with her but consider her views and thoughts and try to give importance to her comfort levels as well.

    Good luck to you.

  • Rashmi Kalra
    Rashmi Kalra   Jun 30, 2017 05:29 PM

    Honestly, I think we have all complicated our lives so much that it's become a mesh of thoughts begging for us to solve and untangle them.

    First, no other person can tell you if what you're feeling is love or infatuation. It's you who has to decide what you want and how you feel.

    Once you're clear with your feelings, you're good to go.

    Next, let's say the guy's been dropping hints but you have a doubt that he has a girlfriend. Here in this case, you can do two things:

    1. Just try to know about the girlfriend and then get yourself out of whatever you're feeling for him. It's not going to be easy. Really. But you have got to do it, no matter what intentions he has with the girl.

    2. If he doesn't have any girlfriend and it's just a doubt you have in your mind, then go tell him how you feel. It's not really a crime for a girl to take the first step. It will be fine!

    Now let's suppose the repurcussions of a scenario where he waves away the subject and you realise that he doesn't like you, and you were just imagining things. Then, it's going to be really painful. It's not going to be easy for you to let go of the embarrassment. I have been in this situation too. The guy was my brother's collegue and 10 years older than me. At first I decided to let the crush die with time but then when I couldn't take it anymore, I told him how I felt and what he did next was the most horriblly embarrasing thing ever; he laughed at my face and called my brother, told him and I quote, "Looks like your baby has grown up,huh?" ( I was 19 then, so really not a baby)

    I cannot forget the day!

    But anyway, at least I got my answer. He didn't like, like me. I had been imagining things.

    It took me a while but I moved on.

    And if the guy is really interested in you, then the only roadblock you'll have is your friend, who by the way will not understand initially, but will come to terms with it after a while. He/She is your close friend and it's their duty to help you and be there with you wherever and whenever you want them! :)

    All The Best!

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