how to deal with destructive people ?

30 Jun
Name Confidential

My  parents are no longer with me, they died few years back . I live with my patternal uncle and aunt. My aunt doesnt want me and my little brother to stay with her . she always finds ways to upset us . She wants me to get married soon and is finding a groom too. I dont want this  I first want to build up my career and live my life before I share it with someone else. she wants to seperate my little brother from me.  I can't go against my uncle, he loves us too much but it is difficult o deal with my aunt.what can I do in such a situation?

Responses 5

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 05, 2017 05:15 PM

    Hello there! How are you holding up?
    I understand this must be the most difficult phase of your life and I hope you are trying to recover.
    It's really disheartening to see how few people lack humanity and are unwilling to help others at times of crisis. How your aunt is behaving is quite upsetting.
    I don't know if it will right to blame her for this or not, she might not be aware about how she is hurting you and your brother. Maybe you need to talk to her directly instead of bottling up these feelings. She might realise what she is doing wrong or you might get an insight of her side. After you have discussed this problem that you are facing with her, you could ask her how she wants to resolve it. If she is kind and understanding, she will not make you or your brother suffer but if she wants you to leave then I am sorry to this, it's better to live a separate life where things might be hard but you will have your brother with you and you will be happy. Everyone has to be independent at sometime or the other, why not now?
    You can start with talking to your Uncle about this. Let him know how situation is at your home and ask him if he can help you financially. Your uncle loves you, I am sure he will do everything he can to provide you.
    Be strong, friend. Things will be okay soon.

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Jul 01, 2017 01:01 PM

    Hi!!!

      Hope you are doing well!!.I can understand your bitterness and your plight situation.It's too hard to live in this world without our parent's.But,whatever happens life has to move on.Don't be depressed of your aunt's behaviours.Stay strong and fight for it.The only solution to all your problems is you can better talk with your uncle and decide about your life career.Yet,you have mentioned that he loves and cares about you.You can also talk with your aut when she is calm and in kind mood.

      Ask your aunt to think you and your brother as their children.Ask also your uncle to talk with your aunt.If she finds way to upsets you don't be depressed stay calm and deal with it.you can also purusue your career and build up it.Whatever the obstacles you should be strong and should break those with a courage.If you feel down,just think of your brother sisters are always the second mother for the little brother.So have the responsibility to take care of him.Live the life with determination and satisfaction.

    Hope,it helps you!!!

     

    Take care   :)

  • Shriya Naidu
    Shriya Naidu   Jun 30, 2017 10:39 PM

    Hi,

    I’m sorry to hear about your parents. I hope you stay strong. Thank you for your question.

    I think most families have issues like these and it’s saddening to see that some people feel the need to be hurtful towards others. Your aunt and uncle might be thinking that a husband would be able to take better care of you hence they might be actively looking for a groom. I’m not too sure of your financial situation but that might also have a role to play with your uncle and aunt deciding to find a groom for you. Maybe if you talked to them about this with a clear plan of your future studies, they might listen to what you want to do. For instance, make sure when you talk about your studies, you tell them what course you want to pursue, which college you would want to go to, what scholarships are available that you can apply for so you might be able to take care of yourself financially etc.

    Your aunt maybe finding it hard to suddenly adjust to the two of you at home and she may be exhibiting her discomfort through the actions you have described above. If she makes you feel bad about yourself then you can undergo few counselling sessions to build yourself as a person so you aren’t too hurt by her actions. You can also try talking to her about it but judge the situation for yourself before doing that.

    All the best for your future endeavours!

  • Shruti Gupta Dehradun
    Shruti Gupta Dehradun   Jun 30, 2017 08:40 PM

    Hey,

    I am so sorry to hear about your parents. There is no one in this world who can take the place of your parents in your life. But we have to move on in life. It is very hard to deal with unacceptance in life. If you face communication issues with your aunt, they can only be solved when you talk to her and clear her misunderstandings. Make her understand that you need time to settle and promise her that you will do your best to satisfy her but marriage is not something that you want right now. You should explain her that once you settle down with your job you can move out with your brother but till then she should cooperate with you and not make your life difficult. Whenever your aunt says things to you that are distressing for you recall all the good things your uncle does for you. It will automatically bring a smile on your face and will also give you the courage to deal with your situation. Keep your focus on your career as your brother only has you as a pillar of support. You need to be strong for him and if you cannot tolerate all the marriage talks about you, you should talk to your uncle about this. He might help you with this. All the best.

  • Rashmi Kalra
    Rashmi Kalra   Jun 30, 2017 05:03 PM

    The situation you're in isn't easy to handle but for you to live in peace and for the betterment of you and your brother, the only way to handle this is for you to talk to your aunt.

    You and her have to find a common ground. It's not going to be easy, since you say she doesn't like you much but she can't get you married just because of whatever issues she has with you.

    One more thing you can do is to talk to your Uncle. You say he loves you, then definitely he'll understand your wish to hike up your career first and then get married. 

    And trust me, after discussing things with him... you'll feel alot better and since he really loves you and your brother, he'll understand your wishes.

    Look at it like this, there's a road and no one's ever really walked on it and anyone who has, has always failed. Everyone tells you that it's not easy and they tell you maybe it's not even worth the hassle. But the reward at the end is really promising, the prize will help you live in peace.

    What would you do?

    Your first instinct will be to let the path be and find another way out but after a while, when you'll think it through... you'll realise that the hardest roads offer a beautiful future ahead.

    If talking to your aunt and meeting her in the middle eases up your life, then why not?

    And even if she isn't going to be a help or if she's not ready to cooperate, go to your Uncle and explain him your point.

    All the best!

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