What is the right time?

30 Jun
Sameeksha Pavaskar

As the kids are hitting puberty at a very early age.The parent's are trying to figure out the ways to actually handle the problems which the kids are facing.With the increasing exposure to media and the uncensored material which is easily available online.When should the parents actually introduce the biological needs like sex,so that the kids can develop a positive attitude towards the same?What are the various ways in which the parents can help the children understand the various changes which the child will undergo in the near future?How can they prepare the child for the same?Can the parent and child take the help of the counselor for the same?

Responses 4

  • Minaish Dhabhar
    Minaish Dhabhar   Jul 02, 2017 05:52 PM

    Hi, I think it's less about the right time than it is about than it is about the right way. 

    Parents should encourage a warm, friendly, open environment at home and develop a relationship with their child in which the child is able to discuss a range of concepts with the parents. Encourage them to ask questions, be broad-minded. This way, when the children themselves come across such concepts, they aren't afraid to talk to their parents about it and their parents can then clarify these matters for them. 

    Not only is the timing naturally appropriate then, but this leads to children dealing with sensitive matters with maturity as well. 

    The taboo that these topics are considered to be is what causes problems. Parents being open, responsive and accepting of their children acknowledging and discovering these topics is what reduces the stigma, and what helps the parents understand the child dynamically and really connect with their child's maturity levels which in turn will on its own let the parents know when the right time to explain certain things are. 

    Good luck. 

  • Rinkle Jain
    Rinkle Jain   Jul 01, 2017 04:27 PM

    Hey there,

    Personally, I think kids today mature way early then we used to. By the age of 12-13, they are pretty much aware of the biological changes happening in their and body and also about their sex drive. They dont feel the drive until they come of age that is around 15-16 years but by the age of 11-12, they are aware of it. This  is mostly because of the exposure to media, peer group, education etc. However at this age, they find the entire concept of sex utterly disgusting as they don't have the urges. Hence, it is very important for the parents to explain the entire concept to the kids before someone else does it. When kids learn about sex off the internet or from their peer group, they have a more of wrong approach towards it. For example a group of male friends often end up teaching their young male friend to objectify women which obviously doesn't end well and most of the female friends end up scaring their young female friend from the idea of sex because of what they have experinced. Such early concepts changes a child take on sex. Hence, it is very important for the child to learn about all this from his/her parents because that is when they get full and proper knowledge about it. It is very important for the society to understand that sex is natural urge just like the urge to drink water or eat food. The more we condemn the idea of sex, the more kids find out from different sources which will ultimately lead to wrog concepts. It is always best when they learn about it from the parents or siblings. The appropriate age depends upon your child's knowledge on the topic. If the child is already aware then you have to discuss it with them and if not 14-15 is the appropriate age. 

  • stuti kumari
    stuti kumari   Jun 30, 2017 11:31 PM

    For decades, movies and sitcomshave presented a caricature of the sweaty -palmed ,birds and bees conversation and best the condom ads in which a dad stammers through a convulated description of sex to a preadolescent child- who inturn knows all the details already. The humor arises from the tension most parents feel about discussing sex with their children-"What if we tell him too much?" "Will it rob him of his innocence?" etc

    What isn't too funny the reality that too many children learn about sex from everyone but their parents.From playground slangs to porn materialon tv and internet provides child with a jarring glimpse of sex.

    The best place for a child to learn about sexuality is at home from people who care about him the most. Anyone can taech about the basic facts about reproductionin an hour or two or reffering to several books, but you are in the best position to put this information in proper context and give it the right perspective over a period of years.

    Parent's need to provide information about this to their children and understand that this will not rob him off his innocence,and if the child asks questions you dont know the answer to then be honest with then , do some research and come back.

  • APOORVA PANDEY
    APOORVA PANDEY   Jun 30, 2017 09:15 PM

    Hey,

    I remember that a few days back only, I along witha few of my friends,were discussing something related.In the course of our discussion , I was really shocked to know that many of my friends' parents never actually discussed these matters openly with them. They never informed them about the changes that were going to take place in their bodies once they hit puberty, but at the same time expected their kids to 'figure it out' on their own. Well, I believe that shouldn't be the case.

    The average age by which kids hit puberty is 13 for boys and 11 for girls( if I am not wrong). May be it is before kids attain this age, they must be conveyed the necessay information by their parents.

    The first  and the most important step in this is to create a free space between the parents and theor children so that questions and answers can be raised and mutually solved. Children must be given freedon to raise questions and parents must noy shy away from answering them appropriately.  Kids must be informed that the changes happening to them are all 'normal' because that is the kind of reassurance they need from their parents. If necessary, hep of a counselor may also be taken.

    • Sameeksha Pavaskar
      Sameeksha Pavaskar   Jun 30, 2017 09:49 PM

       I know a case wherein the girl has hit puberty at age of 9 years old,at the age of 11 years she looks like a mature girl.Her mom thinks that she is still very young to actually talk about things like sex.Is this really helping the girl in any way?What do you think?

      • Shriya Naidu
        Shriya Naidu   Jun 30, 2017 10:29 PM

        Hi, 

        I guess in today's genereation the children are reaching puberty at a younger age. There is also more of sex talk everywhere from school to media. We see young kids having boyfriends and girlfriends in 4th or 5th grade. Since the age barrier is shifting (drastically) I suppose it's time for us to accept these changes and take measures when needed. Since we can't wait for them to reach the right age the parents have no choice but to talk to children about it. The right time is when the childrent have already encountered the topic of sex or say if girls are already experiencing mestruation, it's better to let the child be more aware of what is happening to them than to let them explore.