How can we avoid judging others?

30 Jun
Aishwarya K

We often judge others based on their appearances without any prior interaction with them. We also judge others based on their actions and get disappointed or angry very easily without understanding their side. Honestly, sometimes I find myself also judging others based on very minor things. I try my best to be as non-judgmental as possible but sometimes I feel like it's beyond my control. I understand that being judgmental is a part of human nature, but this aspect of our nature creates countless misunderstandings which could be avoided. It creates differences between people which could very easily be avoided. What are some ways that you think it could be avoided? What measures do you personally take to avoid judging others?  

Responses 9

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 05, 2017 04:54 PM
    It is rare that a person lives a life without being judgemental. But who said being judgemental is wrong? It's okay to judge certain things for your welfare. However, there is a limit to it. Sometimes we judge people but keep the judgement to ourselves while sometimes we spread our judgements to others and influence others judgements as well. This needs to stop because then you are damaging other person's image. To avoid a situation where judgement is required, you can critically analyse it. Look at things from different perspective, try to understand it from others point of view, try to step into that person's shoes to have better knowledge. There is a fundamental attribution theory which talks about how people assess others on their internal dispositions while assess oneself on external dispositions. You know, how we say she failed in exams because she didn't study but when it comes to us we say our stars weren't right. Yes, this error influences our judgement towards other people. Also, hallo effect where people are different to us are viewed negatively. Therefore, if you do not know a person and think that he/she is different from you, you are more likely to view them negatively. Avoid such pre-judgements. If nothing can be done just keep your judgement to yourself and try hard to not let those judgements have an impact on your behaviour.
  • Minaish Dhabhar
    Minaish Dhabhar   Jul 02, 2017 05:33 PM

    Hi there, this is a really good question.

    I think it actually has a lot to do with empathy. Put yourself in their shoes for a second and try to think of all the reasons their behaviour/actions could be totally valid and justified. There's no guarantee that the reason they acted that particular way was due to one of those reasons you came up with, but giving them the benefit of the doubt wouldn't hurt us considering its none of our business anyway. 

    Also, do this. Talk, talk, talk! Talk to the kind of people that you wouldn't usually talk to. Talk to asany different people as you can. We tend to judge more when we have one particular definition of what is normal, and that usually happens when we live only in our comfort zone. So step out, learn about different people, once you find yourself relating to and understanding even the kind of behaviours or people you didn't think you would, you'll find yourself to be a less judgemental person. 

    Also, the fact that you're even trying to be less judgemental and giving importance to that is a great thing, so don't worry, you're on the right track. 

    Good luck. 

  • Rashmi Kalra
    Rashmi Kalra   Jul 02, 2017 12:46 AM

    You know, I think all our lives the only thing we have been taught is to speak before we think, at least I have.

    Like our parents didn't per se teach us to judge people but we learned the socially acceptable thing is this and anyone doing anything opposite to it will be the one under the limelight, negative one of course.

    I used to do this too. There was a time when I would judge people on their choices and their life decisions but two years back, in college there was this class on counseling psychology

     Our lecturer was talking about being empathatic and how some counselors tell their clients that they know what it's like to be "in their shoes" when in reality, we do not. We have no idea what the client's gone through, we have no idea about what REALLY they have been feeling or how that situation has shaped them as a person.

    So that made me realise that I am no one to judge the other person for whatever they do or the decisions they make. I have no clue about what being "Them" is really like so I am no one to be a judgmental person here.

    Some people might not like my choices but they are my decisions, my choices and the consequences of it will be my responsibility. So Why judge them? 

    At least this is what I do.

    And I think, being opinionated and Bing judgmental are two different things.Often, people take you having an opinion on something as you being judgmental about it.

    Your opinion is what you think, what you feel about a particular thing/situation/person/circumstances. You have thought about the whole scenario and then you're presenting your views on it but being judgmental is totally different; it's not knowing someone's story and presenting your hypothetical views on it.

     

     

    Hope it Helped! :)

  • Rinkle Jain
    Rinkle Jain   Jul 01, 2017 03:54 PM

    Hey there,

    In my opinion, judging is a basic human instinct. From the moment we take birth, we are taught a various things about our environment, our society, people around us, regligion and various other complex systems. All this learning which may have happened by observing our environment or by someone teaching to us forms schemas in our mind. Everything we think about revolves around that schema(fixed framework of thoughts) or adds on to the exisiting schema. This causes stereotyping. When we are taught to think in a particular way, to look at things in a particular way, other ways may seem to wrong to us because they do not co-relate with our exisiting schemas and hence we form a biased opinion even though we don't mean to judge someone. Sometimes, we also judge people intentionally. We all have certain people we just don't like and it is very normal. We tend to judge them and find flaws in them so that we can satisfy our own ego. The best way to avoid judging others is by keeping an open mind and feeling secure with self. When we are open to new thinking, ideologies, we accept people for who they are and when we are secure with ourselves, we don't have a need to put someone else down to satisfy our ego.

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Jul 01, 2017 03:14 PM

    Hi!! 

       Hope you are doing well.I can understand your bitterness and plight situation.Never judge about someone you may think you have understood but you don't.Everyone are here to understand ourself not to understand other and create a relationship.Judgements can be done only after the best understanding in their behaviours.sometimes,our judgements can be wrong.

    If you judge a person as a wrong,then whatever the good he/she does then it only makes you to feel evil.If you judge a person as a right,then whatever the evil he/she does then it only makes you to feel as good.It's a human nature.Good or evil is only beyond the person's prespectives of how he sees.Judgements should be avoided.Whenever you try to judge about a person,just think that it's not my business to do that whatever he/she I must be good and do good.

      sometimes our prespective of judgement about a person may fails.And when we came to know about the real face then only the depression and stress is the thing we attain.So try to avoid judgementing about the people.

    Hope,it helps you    :)

  • APOORVA PANDEY
    APOORVA PANDEY   Jul 01, 2017 01:08 PM

    Hey,

    It's really very true that human beings by nature judge others on very minor signs, such as the way they dress , the language they speak etc. That is central to human nature.  May be this aspect of human nature is quite resistant to change. However one thing that we all can do is to avoid such judgments from taking overt forms. Judgements are integral to human beings,'discrimination' shouldn't become.

    It requires  greatamount ofunderstanding to prevent oneself from doing so. However, one way to break our myths is to have interaction with those against whom we form various stereotypes. Greater interaction helps break various prejudices agsinst others and prevents us from disriminating agsinst them.

  • Manaswini Venkateswaran
    Manaswini Venkateswaran   Jul 01, 2017 10:35 AM

    We are conditioned to be judgmental and evaluative of others. That is something that could take ages to change or may never change at all. We can't help judging people but we can control whether we act on that judgment or not.

    For example, I might judge someone for the clothes they wear or their hairstyle. This is something I'm conditioned to do. However, even though I don't personally agree with something they're doing, I won't tell them to do otherwise because it's their life and their choice. I judge, but I don't express these views out of decency and respect. 

    I guess the main thing that people need to know is that as long as what someone is doing doesn't harm you or society in any way, it is none of their business. Live and let live. Everybody should be able to do their own thing as long as they're not harming anyone else or preventing others from living their lives as they want to. 

    We should also remember, before judging anyone, that not all of them have had the same privileges that we have. We have turned out a certain way as a result of things we did or didn't get. Not everyone's level of privilege and deprivation is the same and we should try to be more understanding. 

  • SAKSHI BAJAJ
    SAKSHI BAJAJ   Jul 01, 2017 12:50 AM

    Hi,

    As you stated above, no matter how hard we try, we do form certain conceptions about people whether we want to or not. Years of conditioning has made us judgememtal and no matter how much we deny it, we do judge people based on their looks. I think one of the first steps towards being non-judgemental is to inculcate the values of empathy. Empathy goes a long way in buildings strong relationships and cementing it with trust. When you try to understand another person's circumstance without forming an opinion about it, you realise that we are all humans and we make mistakes. If we try to understand the reasons behind people's actions , this world might become a much better place to live in. Being a sensitive person doesn't happen overnight. It's a journey. With each person you come across in life, your horizon and understanding of human beings expands and your mind broadens. That is how we stop judging people. We start accepting them for who they are, with all of their flaws intact. We can't keep looking for perfection in people because that doesn't exist. What we can do is accept those flaws and turn them into something beautiful. If we all try to do this, we might build a world that's compassionate and loving. And what i personally do to avoid judging others is, even if a judgemtal or harsh thought crosses my mind, i do not say it out aloud. That way i do not send it out in the universe, it stays within me and i get rid of it that way. I believe in this. And it works for me. We are all trying to be the best versions of ourselves each day. Let's give each other a chance and send out as much love as we can. Hope this makes a difference. 

  • Shriya Naidu
    Shriya Naidu   Jun 30, 2017 11:39 PM

    Hi,

    Being non-judgemental can be a hard task especially in a country like India where people are judged for not taking up science as a main stream in their 12th grade. It is a good sign that you have identified the need to be non-judgemental because the process starts with internalisation and introspection. Many people judge and pass comments without being aware of how rude they’re being to the other person. The part about being judgemental that actually causes problems is when these thoughts are voiced out against another person. India is filled with such examples. So is the world.

    As you rightly pointed out being judgemental is partially human nature but it isn’t a good trait. It can be decreased by first; being aware that one is being judgemental. Once that is done, the person realizes that whatever they are thinking is not based on complete and factual information and they may be completely wrong about the person in question because they don’t know the personal situations of that individual. Second, if judgemental thoughts have been formed it would be in the best interest of all for the thoughts to be kept private. If the thoughts are voiced out there is an increased chance of a growing prejudice and the person in question would feel insecure and ridiculed. Third, a person needs to develop an attitude that every person has a story of their own and imagine someone judging them according to what their interests are. That way they would get an idea about how offensive it is and it doesn’t help anyone to be judgemental.