Broken relationship

02 Jul
Name Confidential

Okay so, I and my partner were dating for almost 3 years. He was my first and even i was his first serious relationship. We are family friends and share same religion, socio-economic background everything. We were very serious about each other and like wanted to marry. But my parents caught me lying. They are ver conservative and matter escalted quickly as i lied and all. Things got very heated at both of our houses. We still dated for a while after that things were rocky but it was going. Then he broke up with me and said that it can't go one like this. We used to still talk as friends after break up but now it's been long since he stopped talking to me. And i am still not able to move on. What do i do?

Responses 6

  • Prasha saggu
    Prasha saggu   Jul 02, 2017 09:30 PM

    Hello dear, 

    I feel sorry for what you have been through and i know no words can lessen your pain but it is great deal that you have decided to move on. It is definitely not a matter of few days to forget someone who had been such an important part of your life and meant everything to you. Always know that everything happens for a good, this may sound cliche but yes it does. You may not see it now you but will eventually realize it later. Maybe what he did was for the good of both of you. Maybe he didn't want you get into anymore trouble because of him. Try to give him and yourself sometime. If things are meant to happen, they will. 

    There may come days when you are badly in need of him, when everything around you will remind you of him but just have faith in your love and yourself and know that what you are doing is for a reasons and for everybody's happiness. Try to keep yourself busy and engrossed in something that interests you. And if necessary talk to him for one last time as closure is important and you deserve to know where your relationship got to take you. If this detachment is temporary then even you would know that you need not cry over it as your union is certain but if he clearly mentions about not having any relation after this, you know that you are not going to waste your time and energy on such a thing. 

    I hope this helps. 

    Take care.

  • Priya Ratti
    Priya Ratti   Jul 02, 2017 08:42 PM

    I understand. Three years is a long time; and it feels even more when you fall in love for the first time and look back at it. It must've been difficult for you, lying to your parents. Dating is treated like such a social stigma; it isn't something that our society has known or followed. So obviously you had no choice. 

    But I feel here that if his family and yours were both known, and friends, as you say, you could've easily hinted your parents or rather, introduced him to them as someone you like. I understand you stated here that they are very conservative, but I believe it would've still been better you came out clean rather than them catching you orchetrating a lie. 

    But whats done is done. You need to leave your past where it belongs and look ahead. I know it always so happens that one person moves on easily while the other is still tangled up. It will hurt for a while, it is supposed to, and it might take long; but trust me, you'll come out stronger.

    Spend your time doing something, anything. The more you sit idle and think, the more it'll destroy you. Listen to podcasts when you lie down at night so your mind does not wander. Get a new hobby. These things will help you come out of it. 

  • Alankrita Turaga
    Alankrita Turaga   Jul 02, 2017 05:29 PM

    Hi there,

    Well, sometimes things don't go the way we want them to be.In your case its obvious that you both were serious about your future together due to so many perfect reasons that you stated and obviously who wouldn't be happy being in such a blissful relationship.

    Both the families are conservative as you stated and it clearly seems he has moved on.As you said he even stopped talking to you casually and you don't know what to do next. First of all i think that your ex-boyfriend has realized that its not really a good idea to be friends after break-up,which is actually true because it's not possible to be normal and act as if nothing has happened when your ex is right in front of you,and probably because of this reason he has clearly moved on and maybe focusing on his career & life.

    I can sympathise with you and what emotional trauma you are going through as 3 years is a lonf time. But just sitting at one place and thinking about it over and over again won't do any good to you,instead you are messing up with your mind.

    From what i can suggest you is to do two things : First,try your level best to contact him through your mutual friends,maybe if he changed his contact number or Social media accounts,and try to make a conversation with him and know the reason behind his ignorance for you.Maybe you can change certain things about you,which are reasonable.I'm not saying you to change yourself for others but at least look into it and then if he's willing to reconcile try to talk and convince your families.

    Second:If he's adament about moving on and unwilling to reconcile or at least won't even listen to you,it's best for you to forget about him and move on.

    I know the main question is "how to forget about everything and move on?" but that's the best & only solution for this problem.Because nothing is more important than you in your life.You are the protogonist of your life and you have to live like one.A Queen's life with pride. If he had the courage to move on then you also have,at least for the sake of your self-respect & esteem.

    Take it as a challenge and never giveup.Focus on your career and future plans.Start a vocation or develop a new hobby which will keep you distracted from all the emotional turmoils and start socializing more and more and widen up your circle.Once you are successful you'll meet hundereds of men,infinite times better than this person,and i'm not just saying this,because if you loose hope you'll be helpless and hopeless in life and who knows what'll happen tomorrow ?

    And also if you won't give up on the worst,you'll never get the best!

    So i would like to say that it's best for you to follow my advice and then decide what to do in life,because at the end of the day the ultimate decision is in your hands.

    Stay positive,never loose hope and keep looking forward to your bright future.

    Goodluck.

  • Shivangi Srivastava
    Shivangi Srivastava   Jul 02, 2017 04:52 PM

    Hi there,

    I am extremely sorry for everything that you’ve gone through. I understand how hard it is for you to face such a situation. I also understand that 3 years is a long time and that how difficult it must be for you to accept the reality and move forward in your life. Well, my dear life isn’t a wish granting factory and sadly, not everything that we desire is meant for us. Understand that it is not very easy for parents who are so conservative in nature to accept something right out of the blues, especially in your case when you two tried to hide it from them by lying.

    Now coming down to the current situation of you both, to be honest, it is often seen that it is veary hard for people stay remain just as friends and continue talking to each other. I’m sure you both tried very hard to at least save your friendship, but it’s alright if you couldn’t. Believe me, it’s not easy being friends, that too when you’ve been in a relationship for almost 3years. I believe that he has stopped talking to you in order to give space to both of you so that you both can move on from each other and march ahead in life.

    Moving on is not an easy task. The duration that one takes in moving on from a person depends from person to person. One might take a week, one may need a month and the other may take years in doing so. You need to realize the urgent need to move on in life, to be at peace with yourself. Holding on to the past and past relationships never lead to anything positive in life. To be able to see or feel new things in life, you’ll have to let go of the past.

    I hope this help, please take good care of yourself. :)

  • Rashmi Kalra
    Rashmi Kalra   Jul 02, 2017 02:53 PM

    No matter what everyone tells you, breakups are hard. It's never going to be easy to move on; kinda like easier said than done.

    You'll get the flashbacks of your time spent with him and you'll miss him whenever you'll see or listen to something you both shared. So yes, it's not easy. Definitely difficult when you had a three year long relationship.

    But have you heard that quote, 'You have gotta stop watering a dead plant?' 

    That's what the first thing you have to do and what he's doing. He's stopped trying/ talking to you because:

    1. It's really difficult to treat someone you loved as their friend one day.

    2. He's trying to move on and it's his way of making you understand that you both aren't meant to be and you have to realise that.

    So, move on.

    Try to distract your mind, indulge in things you love. Its not going to be easy and you'll take a lot of time to heal but you will.

    But, if you think you really love him and he's all the hassle and fights with your family, then don't let him go. Try to talk to him and if he's not with anyone now, try to convince him for you both to get back together.

    Then try to talk to your family about it.

    Decide what is it that'll make you happy and then take one day, one step at a time.

     

    All the best! 

  • Melissa D'souza
    Melissa D'souza   Jul 02, 2017 02:01 PM

    Hello,

      I am extremely sorry for what you have been through but I am pleased to know you are trying to help your self now. 

      Every relationship has its own troubles.You mentioned your parents caught you lying.Are you referring to lying about dating? Dating in India isn't always welcomed with the same response as it is abroad. You also mention that ost your parents finding out ,y'all dated for some time.Later he broke up with you. Were your parents fine with you two being friends? 

     You also mention he stopped talking to you after sometime. Do you still try to contact him?

    It is always difficult once a relationship which was cherised and valued comes to an end. However if you're determined to not let it get the best of you;you can definitely overcome it.

      Focus on the things that helps you distract yourselve when you think about the time you spent together.If it is drawing,then draw a lot more often.

      Have you tried your best to rebuild the relationship? If you have and the efforts were futile then no need to worry.You did your best , there maybe something better awaiting you in the future. 

      Not all relationsips are meant to last,but every relationship teaches us something which is always valuable.

     

    Goodluck and I hope you will be able to find happiness soon.