sexual relationships before marriage..

03 Jul
Name Confidential


I am just about to move into my twenties. And having being brought up abroad most of my life, i always thought sex before marraige was only something that occured outside India. But when i moved back, i realised it is quite a common  thing among many of the teenagers in relationships. But at the same time, when parents are asked or questioned about it, they seem to mock it and live in denial about the whole concept. 

Will the Indian culture ever accept the occurances of sexual relationships before marriage as a legit and common thing as it is, or will they keep denying it altogether? What are some ways in which our culture could perhaps accept this new change?

Responses 4

  • Aishwarya K
    Aishwarya K   Jul 03, 2017 04:56 PM

    I can completely relate with you here. Even I was mostly brought up abroad and I had quite a few misconceptions about sexual relationships in India. I didn’t expect the teenagers or college students to engage in sexual activities, I thought they would be conservative, or at least I did not expect them to be so open about it. Yet, everyone is so open about it and it is pretty normal for teenagers to engage in sexual activities here. At the same time, parents are still pretending to be oblivious to the entire idea.

    However, let me tell you that parents all across the globe would be against the idea of their children having sex in their teenage years. According to what I have observed in different cultures outside India, parents usually discuss the topic of sex with their children and together they decide an appropriate age at which they would be okay with their child having sex. They explain things like using a condom and building trust with their partner.

    The difference between parents in India and those abroad is that parents abroad are aware about teenage sex, and sex before marriage, and it is not seen as a shameful act over there, whereas, parents in India choose to be ignorant about it. Parents outside India are against it for reasons like safety and protection; however parents in India are against it for reasons like honor and pride.

    So, I believe the main flaw in our culture is relating sex with honor and pride. I think it is absolutely absurd to believe that if a woman loses her virginity before marriage, the family’s honor and pride is lost. Therefore, we should focus on weakening the association between sex and honor through which I believe our culture will soon start to accept the idea of sex before marriage. 

  • Ishika Jain
    Ishika Jain   Jul 03, 2017 01:34 PM

    Different countries have different cultures. There is nothing wrong or right about a specified culture. Every culture has its own advantages and drawbacks. India is the country with large diversity of people of diferents religions, cultures, languages. The sexual relationships before marriage are often criticized by many people in India, whereas, with changing times, young generation has started realizing that there is nothing wrong in it. People are becoming more open minded. But yes, our parents see this as some sort of crime. But it has its advantages too. In western culture, there are maximum number of early pregnancy cases, abortion because of sexual relationships before marriage. There is some hold in India which prevents all these cases. If there are advantages then there are drawbacks too. In some schools or colleges, proper sexual hygiene training is being given. Many videos have been made about these issues to educate teenagers. So many steps are being taken to spread awareness, I hope one day, India will be able to accept these changes.

  • Sayantani Dey
    Sayantani Dey   Jul 03, 2017 12:57 PM

    Hi, hope you are doing well. Our Indian culture never supports this fact of being in a physical relationship before marriage. But history and mythology have evidence that it was not uncommon that time also. In mythology, we can see, many Apsaras (unmarried ofcourse), fell in love with various Gods and Rishis, and gave birth of children. When indian parents are reading these incidents, it is pretty cool, but when their children are doing sex before marriage or support this fact, it is becoming a big issue.

    Yes, the generation is changing, and new generation is very independent thinker. But we can't change their mentality who have already made their mind,that they will not support this fact, because, we only can change them who want to be changed.

    We should respect their thoughts, but it is not necessary to follow their path, as they want us not to do sex before marriage. People have their own physical needs, and every human being has a right to choose their own way, as they want to live,after some certain age.

    Parents also need to understand, that it is not a taboo. If they can't support their children, which is obvious maximum of the time, then they shouldn't interfere also. People can do some social campaign to spread the thoughts of this natural behaviour, but this is India, so it will be quite difficult to bring change!

    I hope my answer is helpful. Stay happy and healthy!

  • Alankrita Turaga
    Alankrita Turaga   Jul 03, 2017 12:20 PM

    Hi there,

    I know very well about this kind of cultural scenario in India,where the opinions about Sex or anything even remotely related is looked down upon and as taboo.Maybe because the opinions,thinking & mindset is rooted deep down in the ancient religious beliefs and norms which people have been following since ages.

    In abroad, such as in counteries like USA, Sex is a widely and openly discussed topic even on public platforms without any hesitation or reluctance and sex education is provided at school level to promote healthy sexual practices for genrations i guess.So,that's why over there parents could actually understand the adolescent minds of their kids and don't really put restrictions on them.I'm basically talking about the majority of population over there but correct me if i'm wrong.People are sexually independent because they view sex as a very common need just like food or water & don't take it as a big deal and in general they don't really like to get emotionally attached to their partners while dating until and unless they are really sure about their future together.And loosing virginity even at high school level is viewed as something very cool mostly by teenagers.

    Whereas coming to Asian counteries like India where basically the 'Kamasutra' was written,sex is something which is viewed by most of the people as something very personal and to be done with only one partner,generally the spouse.Here,people get emotionally attached and are taught since their childhood about this norm of being a virgin till marriage.Even purchasing condoms that too by women or having a child out of wedlock is considered as a taboo especially in rural areas of India.This is most probably due to lack of proper education and knowledge and silly superstitions.People hesitate to discuss about topics like porn or anyother related topic openly.

    But coming to your question of how India is not quite what u thought is.Well,in urban metropolitan cities the mindset is gradually changing of how people are perceiving the concept of sex,how children are given the right knowledge,education and guidance about this topic right from school level and how most of the urban families are accepting this change,due to media which really helps broadening up the mindset and thinking of the people such as there are movies like "Lipstick under my bhurkha" which i think is a trendsetter and is commendable to showcase the woman fanatasies realistically and also there are so many Indian web series on similar topics which are available to all and which is enabling the youth to understand sex in much more mature ways than just as a taboo.

    The only thing about the Indian families as to why they don't accept this cultural change easily is because i think they more concerned about "what others will think" "Having sex before marriage is a disgrace to the family" "it's impure" "being virgin is pure." That's why they are constantly in denial.

    And finally coming to the question of will they ever accept and what are the possible ways.Well,as far as i can say it'll really take a long time to see this kind of change maybe because of the western cultural influence which can bring about a positive change in the Indian Society regarding this issue and also the proper education,knowledge,guidance & as well as the openness of parents towards this issue & also the kind of cinema and television content and which can,perhaps make the people a little more open,free,broad minded,unorthodox about sex.

    P.S I'm not judging any culture in my response.