Should I stop isolating myself?

03 Jul
Name Confidential

I have these phases where I like to indulge in what others might call loneliness. I don’t feel lonely at all. I love it. I like to completely isolate myself from others. I don’t reply to people on Whatsapp. I don’t use Social Media. I just like being at home with my family. I do my work, I read articles, I watch shows and I eat. Also, this is not a short phase. It could go on for a month at least. Sometimes I get scared that it would harm my relationship with my friends but then I don’t do anything about it.  I go to the extent of lying to my friends about my whereabouts so I don’t have to meet them. Do you think this is harmful for me? Should I stop doing it?

Responses 5

  • Shivangi Srivastava
    Shivangi Srivastava   Jul 04, 2017 12:04 AM

    Hi there,

    I hope you’re doing well. Trust me there is nothing to worry about. We all go through such phases in life where we tend to shut off ourselves from all kinds of social media and other people around us. It is perfectly fine and healthy, provided it’s only a phase and is temporary. I say this because human beings are known as social animals, we need to interact with people. Spending time with oneself isn’t a bad thing at all. It is quite healthy and also very necessary in today’s world of super active social media that is filled with gossips and other things. Also, spending time alone helps in dealing with the ongoing stress that one might be dealing with, it acts as a break from the usual routine. This kind of break is essential as it helps a person in doing self-introspection. This leads to knowing one’s true desires, needs, and wants. It helps a person to cherish all the achievements s/he has made yet and also helps in coming up with great and creative ideas to fulfill their upcoming dreams and targets.

    It is a good thing that you do not COMPLETELY isolate yourself, you like being with your family. Also, another appreciable thing about you is that you’re productive. It is nice to know that you do your work, read articles, watch shows and treat yourself. To keep yourself entertained is quite important to regain your peace and mental health.  It is not at all harmful for you. It starts being harmful when you completely stop interacting with people, even your family members. When you stop treating yourself, do not do anything to keep yourself happy and entertained, it is then you should start worrying. Happily, this is not your case.

    Stop worrying so much. I hope this helped, take care. Have a happy day! :)

  • Manaswini Venkateswaran
    Manaswini Venkateswaran   Jul 03, 2017 10:51 PM

    What other people mistake as loneliness is actually solitude. If you are happy being alone, I don't see why you should force yourself into outings and hangouts that you won't enjoy as you'll be wishing you stayed home the whole time. You're probably just an introvert who enjoys solitary activities and derives energy from spending time alone. 

    That being said, you should make sure that your friends understand that you're not avoiding them because you have a problem with being around them. You need to come clean and try to explain your love for being alone and that it's nothing personal. If they still don't understand, there's nothing you can do about it. 

    Apart from this, you should try to make time for your close friends and other loved ones as well. Step out of your comfort zone to see them at least once in a while. You may be able to go without meeting them for long periods of time but they may not be able to do without seeing you.

    Make sure it doesn't affect your important relationships and friendships. Having a good support system always pays off, so don't push away those who want to be there for you. 

  • Minaish Dhabhar
    Minaish Dhabhar   Jul 03, 2017 09:36 PM

    Like you mentioned, you go through these phases. This is not a personality trait, you just feel the need to take a break sometimes. And you know what? I think we all should follow that. 

    In today's world there's so much emphasis laid on social media and socializing and connectivity...that if you look at it, there's actually very little connectivity anyway. 

    I think we all need to take a step back and connect with ourselves. In this rushed life, we often forget to treat ourselves like a friend and that is by far more important than replying to texts or using Twitter. 

    I also love that you said you enjoy being with your family. Not many people remember to give enough importance to their families anymore. So while you think you're isolating yourself from relationships, you're actually building and nurturing more true relationships than others are. 

    Just make sure you give some of your time to friends and colleagues as well. You can learn a lot from other people so let yourself take the time to get comfortable with some others and form valuable relationships with them. Just don't let anything feel forced. 

    Take care, and don't worry. What you're doing is perfectly normal, as long as you're not continuously isolating yourself. 

    APOORVA PANDEY   Jul 03, 2017 07:52 PM


    If your situation is phasic, then that's alright. One needs time for oneself, alone sometimes, it's okay! I say that even if such phases remain for a little longer( a month as you say), I don't feel it's problematic. Because even when you do so, you are not completely disengaging yourself from all the activities- you still spend time with your family, eat, watch shows and read articles. I don't see any problem with this.

    Just be a little careful that during such phases you do not completely break away all your contacts with your friends.Be in touch with them. You need not over indulge yourself but need to keep them in the loop.

    At some point of time , everybody needs breaks. In your case, they are just a bit longer!Don't worry. Just go ahead.



  • Reshma Venugopal
    Reshma Venugopal   Jul 03, 2017 06:46 PM

    Hello there, and thank you for your question. 

    I think I would know so many people who say or "wish" they could just be lonely. I know for a fact that these people don't really mean it and will fail in just 2 hours of trying to get away from the social circuit. They say all of this because they get too much attention and due to which, they want to run away from the daily drama. So really, what you are doing is quite commendable. 

    Now let us get one thing straight, loneliness has for a very long time been considered to be unwanted. Nobody ever openly admits that they can actually go days without social interaction. However, recent research has proven that if an individual indulges in loneliness on their own accord, then it can be proven to be a healthy means of trying to figure themselves out and it can be proven to be quite therapeutic.

    On the other hand, too much of loneliness, as you have mentioned may be related to certain mental illnesses. Disorders such as depression have been highly linked to making loneliness a good thing. In order to see if that is really the case, ask yourself some questions such as; is there something you in particular hate about being in a social setting? What bothers you about a social interaction? Is this got something to do with your childhood? Are you parents the same way? Have you always been an introvert or is it a recent finding? 

    These questions can help guide you and help you understand the severity of the problem. I am not saying that being lonely is a bad thing, in fact having a social media detox and getting away from people for a little while is fine. It helps you discover yourself and helps you grow. And most importantly, it doesn't make you dependent on someone. However, the duration of your loneliness is not healthy. And the way you spend time with yourself is also not as healthy. You see humans are social beings, and their happiness is almost always manifested in social interaction. 

    Maybe you could choose healthier ways of being alone for example:

    1) Rather than binge watching shows and eating, go for a walk by yourself,

    2) Try to meditate 

    3) avoid staying in closed doors all the time

    4) Try to get some fresh air and aim at using your solidarity for the betterment of your health .i.e. exercise. 

    All of these are just suggestions, and I am in no place to tell you that you are unhealthy because I don't have a clear picture. However, I would like to say while being alone is fine in many cases, the duration of it is not healthy. So maybe take my advice, and don't prolong the duration of your solidarity. If you can't do that then I advise you to see a therapist or a psychologist. 


    Good luck :)

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