social image

04 Jul
Radhika Goel

I have a friend who was shy in school but studied really hard and did well for herself. Once she joint college she became very popular and is started doing well socially as well. She goes for parties, is running a startup and studies as well. However, she does not treat her friends well anymore. She gossips about everyone's secrets and only looks to make contacts in friendships and tries to see how those friends will benifit her in the future. I don't know what to say to her or show her what she is doing is wrong and how it willaffect her future relationships!

Responses 5

  • Rimi Sharma
    Rimi Sharma   Jul 24, 2017 05:30 PM

    Hey!

    Thanks for writing.

    Your friend is quite a lucky person to have got a friend like you. What I would do if I were in your place is I would tell her how much she means to me and I care about her. You should tell her what you genuinely feel, without being hurtful. I don't know about others, but I feel that if someone knows you’re genuine, they will listen to you and take your advice. So, take a chance and tell her what you think about her behaviour. And help her in making changes, little by little. Try to understand why she is doing all this. Don’t judge your friend for talking behind others’ backs and using people for her benefits. Try to look past that and into ‘why’ she has changed so much. A solution will come of that.

    If you don't see her making any efforts, even after you telling her, then silently step back. Sometimes you will notice her going back to her old ways after doing great with your advice. If you truly care for her that much, then talk to her AGAIN. Keep trying. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get a person back.

    I hope this helps! 

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Jul 08, 2017 04:21 PM

    Hi!

      Hope you are doing well.Maintaining a good character in society can brings us many goog realtionships and things.However,your friend maintains a bad character can affect her relationship with everyone.As she takks about the gossips and secrests fof your friends with everyone can create a bad impression on her.You should talk to your frriend about this and the effect of this in her future.

       By creating sociality will never accompany her till the end.A good friend is like a good caretaker,advisor,helper,protector always.No one can replace the friendship.You can talk with her about her worse behaviour and character.Being a good friend you have responsibility to make her  perfect for her life and society.If she is much important for you ,you should take the responsibility to shape her else you can never think about her.

  • Ravsharan Kaur
    Ravsharan Kaur   Jul 05, 2017 12:56 AM

    Hi,

    Life is always undergoing changes. It has its own ''pressures'' and ''obligations'' to deal with. We've all had our share of transitions and alterations in life. Change is inevitable. We deal with major conflicts and dilemmas while growing up. Your friend had her share of modification. Now, modification isn't necessarily good or bad. Infact, we can't possibly list down the pros and cons of a good or bad modification. It differs from person to person. How she sees her life at the moment is what she considers to be in the best of her interest. A little fame and success does no harm to anyone but it again depends on what is going on in one's mind while achieving it. If this friend of yours had turned into a gossip monger and a mean human being, then its time you stop telling her your secrets and maintain distance. It is absolutely normal for you to care for her well being but you can only provide your inputs by making her understand the harm she's been causing to you or anyone else. You can only put in your efforts till they are recognised. It happens in the rarest of the rare case that people continue putting efforts even if they go unnoticed. You can show your concern and love towards her and talk it out with her in a polite and a decent way. If she isn't willing to listen to it, then it would probably be in your best interest to leave her there, dealing with life and people as she wants to. There will come a time, she'll realise the harm she's caused herself and others. It will take time for this to happen and for her to have this realistion but its better late than never, right? 

    Good luck :)

  • Priya Ratti
    Priya Ratti   Jul 04, 2017 06:33 PM

    Some people are too goal oriented, and this makes them care for the future more than their present or the past. Your friend sounds like a person who's recently turned into more of an ambivert, and appears to be very ambitious, which is in fact a very good thing.

    But the sad part is that she, as you say only makes friends with people who may prove to be useful to her in the future. Well, in the realm of business this is known as networking, and it's actually a good thing. But this just goes on to show how as a person she does not care about forming an emotional bond with anyone. Sadly, she will have to bear the effects of all of her actions in the future. I'm afraid she will end up friendless, with no matter how successful start up of hers.

    Your role in this is minimal, to say the least. You can't change people, you can only change yourself. If she's turned into a gossiper, and doesn't care about friendships for the sake of love, then you can't make her or force her into or out of either one of these things. You could talk to her and give her an idea of what her future would look like with all the people in it whom she recklessly gossiped about or refused to make friends with. But if she does not listen, then don't lose your time. Some people have to learn through experience, and maybe that is what will work for her too. 

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 04, 2017 01:23 PM

    Hello! 

    Very few friends care about the well being of others. It's good to know that you are a well wisher and you take care of your friends. 

    People have a tendency to transform as they grow, it's just how dynamic human beings are. Things change, people change. This change could either have a negative impact or positive impact. It seems that your friend is on the negative track but has no knowledge about it. 

    As her friend I would suggest that you talk honestly with her about her changes behaviour. If she is mature, she will understand. If not then sooner or later she will realise the importance of true friendship on her own. Help her recall how she used to be and the good times she used to have when she was more real, I am sure even she has a slight idea about her behaviour and you might be able to open her eyes by enabling clarity. 

    It is not possible to make true friends by looking for benefit out of friendship. When things will become hard, she might have difficulty seeking help because she wouldn't have a true friend at that time. People wouldn't reciprocate because her downfall wouldn't provide them any benefit and the friendship based on this selfishness will go in vain. 

    Don't worry about how it will affect your future friendhship with her because you are only trying to do your part as a good friend and a friend who doesn't value your help doesn't deserve your friendship.