04 Jul
Radhika Goel

My grandfather has had two brain surgeries and is now completely okay. However, he is not strong enough to go to the shop and thus has to stay home. He spends most of his time watching telivision and directing everyone else around him. He wants everything to be done his way and ends up yelling at everyone. It gets quite frustrating for those of us around him to cater to alll his needs but we need to stay compassionate. I however find myself getting angry quite often, how can I control it? 

Responses 3

  • Anjali Khurana
    Anjali Khurana   Jul 22, 2017 04:03 PM

    you must remember that even though this is a huge lifestyle change for everyone in your family, it affects your grandfather the most. he has had two surgeries and now is no longer strong enough to even go to the market himself. naturally, this comes as a huge change and adjustment for any individual, as they have to make the transition from being self-sufficient to being dependent on others for help. he has aged as well and is simply trying to adjust to this setting, as you all are. so it's quite possible that his frustration stems from having to make this transition.

    of course, this is also difficult for other family members surrounding him. but you need to be more understanding and compassionate about his situation. spend more time with him. a lot of the times our elders also tend to feel isolated and this could be adding to his grievance. try playing board games with him, share details about your day with him, ask him stories about when he was your age and his experiences etc. find out how you can be of help. establish a connection, because all he needs right now is support. this will help you not only in bonding with him, but it'll also enable you to understand his position. you can also discuss with him how his irritability has been affecting the family negatively, and that you wish to come up with a solution that is convenient for everyone, all the whilst reassuring him that he and his health is the topmost priority of the family. create a bond of mutual understanding and comfort and it is bound to lead to more positivity for everyone.

  • Aishwarya K
    Aishwarya K   Jul 18, 2017 12:09 AM

    Hey, I can relate to your frustration because I am somewhat in the same position. I know you don’t mean to get angry and frustrated but it just happens sometimes. I guess it happens with everyone. It’s okay to feel frustrated sometimes but it’s important to express or release it in a healthy manner without getting angry. This can only come with practice.

    As people grow old they require more and more attention. They also want validation that their position and power at home is still intact. They may try to get this attention by asserting control over the younger members sometimes. It can be very tricky to deal with the elderly because although they have attention-seeking tendencies, treating them like children can make matters worse. They need to be given their autonomy so they should be able to decide everything about their own care and situation. Try to give them the most viable options instead of giving them orders. Ask for their opinions and ask for their advice when taking major decisions. This shows that their opinion still matters to you and it helps them feel a significant part in their life. Try to be more compassionate towards them and deal with your frustration more positively.

  • Priya Ratti
    Priya Ratti   Jul 04, 2017 06:11 PM


    I understand your problem. Sometimes we tend to get so wound up over the things people say and do. As you put it, someone constantly yelling at people and having things go the way he wants can feel very anoying. But here, you must remember that its your grandfather that you are talking about. As you earlier mentioned, he has gone through two surgeries; he might be better, but of course, things aren't the same. The thing is, as we grow older, we start aging backwards. What I mean to say is, that as our parents and grandparents grow older they start turning into small kids who want all their needs fulfilled at their demand and exactly the way they want. This is my oberservation and a theory, and something that is too true to not believe. 

    You're grandfather is sick and aging fast, so it would be better for you to be a little empathetic towards him. From being the head of the family, he has to stay and home, so he must be feeling very low, since everything that gave him confidence and self esteem got taken away from him; his job, his health. Now all he can do to make his presence felt is to yell and have things his way. So just do as he wants, be empathetic.

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