How do I tell someone I'm not interested?

04 Jul
Name Confidential

There's this boy who just won't stop texting me! He's a senior at college, and although he's passed out now, and I'm in my second year, it feels too awkward to talk to him. I'm not interested. But, I don't want to sound rude or mean. I don't wanna be the prson who shuts people down. What to do?

Responses 7

  • Rimi Sharma
    Rimi Sharma   Jul 24, 2017 07:26 PM

    Hey!

    You are not the only one going through this. There are many guys and girls out there who have been, at least once in their life, been pursued by someone who they were not interested in.

    From this post, it looks like you are not interested at all. There are two ways to approach this situation: being honest, or being tactful. Instead of telling him directly and honestly, I would suggest that you be honest, but not bluntly so. For example, instead of saying “You messages make me feel awkward”, try saying “I don't see any scope of a relationship working out between us. Sorry”. And remember, even though he asks you for an explanation, you do not owe him one. It is entirely your decision to not want to talk to someone.

    I can only provide probable solutions, but you have to do the right thing yourself. Just be sure that you don’t hurt his feelings by being rude or straightforward.

    If you’re bothered by the frequency with which he texts you or calls, you can simply tell him that you’re busy with studies or work and so on. Sooner or later he will understand that he is not needed, and will stop messaging your completely. But whatever it is that you say, be sure that he understands your situation.

    If nothing of the aforementioned things work out, take drastic actions. Block him from messaging apps, phone calls and social media. And tell your friends and family about it, too.

    Take care!

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Jul 08, 2017 05:14 PM

    Hi!!

       Hope you  are doing well.I can clearly understand your plight situation.Better you can talk with him about your bitterness and your dejection with him as soon as possible.Because as time passes away then the relationship and care of him towards you can become stronger.So,you should reveal about your dejection as soon as possible.Also suggest you to not to avoid him completely.So that he can take some bad decisions.So make try to understand about yourself to him.

       Everyone has the right to express their feelings and right to talk.So,express your feelingd to him.Also,you can have some secure like your brother or friends in this matter.so you feel secured always.Don't hesitate to express your dejection.False hopes are always better than tru dejection.

    Hope it helps you

    Take care   :)

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 05, 2017 01:54 PM

    Hi there! 

    I know sometimes we face this dilemma where we don't want to offend others by being honest. Unfortunately, honesty is the only solution. What can help this situation a little is providing logic to your honesty. 

    When you are uncomfortable talking to this guy, you must tell him because forceful talking is not interesting for anyone. Tell him how you find it a bit awkward because you are not interested. Tell him how you have no intention to disrespect his effort but you cannot carry on living a lie. 

    Be polite and soft because these might hurt his feelings. Don't get too emotional and do not let the situation stay awkward for you. If something is bugging you, there is always solution. 

    I understand that he is your senior and you are don't want to be rude out of respect, it is indeed very kind of you but like you said, he has passed out and you are not interested, I suppose the right thing would have been that he doesn't contact you. You can start ignoring his messages or replying as less as possible or give him subtle hints about you are busy and not interested. If things still don't help, you can block him. 

  • SAKSHI BAJAJ
    SAKSHI BAJAJ   Jul 05, 2017 02:08 AM

    Hi, 

    You need to understand that consent is very important and people in this country have a very hard time processing that. We are far from practicing the concept of consent. The reason I'm saying all this is because, in this case, your consent is not being taken and you being a nice person, not wanting to sound rude, are not realising that. If that boy continues to text you, without you wanting him to, then you need to shut him down. Be as straight and clear as possible that you do not wish to engage with him in any manner. Male entitlement makes it so hard for them to take no for an answer. I suggest that you do not encourage such behaviour because that is not being rude or anything. It's about expressing your wishes clearly and taking a stand. Never find yourself in such a compromising position. If you don't stop him now, he might get ideas that you are interested in him and are just playing hard to get. Yes, that's the psyche behind such actions. Because it is presumed that  NO doesn't mean NO. I really hope that i am making sense to you, and you do what is right. Take care. 

  • Prasha saggu
    Prasha saggu   Jul 04, 2017 11:22 PM

    Hey there,

    Some people and situations can be tough and getting out of them even tougher. It is hard to be rude to someone but it is important to take your stand in a firm and polite way and be assertive. You obviously cannot and won't tell him that you are not interested in talking to him but you have to take a stand for yourself. Be assertive.

    1.Tell him that you have to focus on your studies and you are busy with it so cannot spend much time talking to him or anyone. State your priorities clearly to him. 

    2. Rather than giving him any false hopes, which he may develop eventually, ask him politely to give you some space and try to mention that he sometimes disturbs you and puts you into problem.

    Make sure that you put things clearly before him as you need to do this someday or the other. 

    Take care. 

     

  • Reshma Venugopal
    Reshma Venugopal   Jul 04, 2017 10:49 PM

    hey there!

    I'd like to begin by saying you are not alone in this. I think on average 8 out of 10 women go through this, and I have been through the same thing before. So I get what you mean, and I know how awkward and annoying it can be. This guy would not stop texting me on different social media. I did not know him and I didn't know where he got my information from. But it was annoying and despite telling him to stop texting me and that I am not interested but he wouldn't stop. 

    When it all began, I too was scared about downright rejecting this specific person and telling him to stop with the texts. But I realized he only knew very little about me and was only interested based on my profile pictures. So I decided that there is only one thing to do, and that is to just ignore him. While I ignored him, I could still see his messages and they did urge me to reply to him but I resisted it. Sooner or later, he started messaging me on other social media, and it was getting too much, Thankfully for me, I never stayed in one place for too long. I used to travel abroad all the time, so the threat of him physically confronting me was nil. So I decided to simply block him everywhere possible. And it was as easy as that. He realized I am not interested through actions. 

    So don't be afraid to block him, because the more you tell him the more agitated he will feel and not back down. So just quietly block him. And please let an adult know about this. It is important someone knows about this situation because then you won't feel so scared and alone if he tries to pull something on you again. 

     

    Hope this helps. 

  • Shruti Gupta Dehradun
    Shruti Gupta Dehradun   Jul 04, 2017 09:23 PM

    Hey,

     The situation you are in right now is very common. I have been there myself and I know how awkward it gets to tell the person who is bothering you in some way or the other to stop doing it. Your situation is complicated because the person is your senior. In such a scenario, the best way is to tell him politely and explain to him why his messages are bothering you. If you do not want to be too direct, you can indirectly convey to him that his messages are uncomfortable for you. Do not disclose too much about yourself to him and reduce your replies minimum words. If you are too open about yourself or you are explaining yourself too much, it would imply to him that you are interested even when you are not. Once he starts realizing that you are not showing any interest in the conversations you share, it will not take him long to know that you only talk to him as a senior and nothing else. 

    Please understand that expressing your will is not considered rude. The tone you use matters here. If you are to convey a rejection, do it in a very humble manner. The person will understand your situation. All the very best.