What does my ex/boyfriend mean?

07 Jul
Name Confidential

I was dating this guy for 3 years and our relationship is pretty on and off. We both talk sometimes. We keep having different phases where we love each other and then we don't, but that doesn't stop us from being with each other. The problem is that we have been in a long distance relationship the entire time so it is very difficult. Now he has started lying to me. He says he won't lie again, and he gives me proofs, keeps sending me pictures of him doing what he says he is doing. Should I completely stop talking to him and move on? 

Responses 4

  • shivani sinha
    shivani sinha   Jul 24, 2017 01:45 AM

         "Trust is like the paper; once crushed, will never be perfect again"

    I know its hard for you to trust your boyfriend back because, once the trust is broken you cannot expect the relationship to be same as earlier. It took you three years to trust him completely and a single lie has shattered it. I know it's heartbreaking when you do not get same loyality what you have given. But; the question is, do you always have been loyal to him? Yes, it is the biggest question, that have you not ever lied to him or cheated him? If yes, then i think you both stands on the same platform and you are equally to be blamed. Well in that case, i think you both should end this relationship and yes be honest and fair enough to him by admitting your mistakes and lies too. Don't blame to him for everything.

    But if your answer is no, then it totaly depends on the lies he have told you. If his lies were forgivable then you must give him one more chance. But this time when you trust him back keep your mind and eyes open. Do not trust him blindly and let him ruin your trust again. I think that Rebuilding trust when it's been broken is not dependent only on the person who has broken it, or has how many times they can prove they are honest. It depend on the person who has decided not to  trust  anymore. Though the person may be totally justified in his/her decision not to trust again and as long as they choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival and should be ended. If or when they decide to trust again, the hope is reborn. It's you who have to decide. Always remember one thing

    " Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn't figured out yet"

    ALL THE BEST.

    THANKYOU.

      

  • Priya Ratti
    Priya Ratti   Jul 08, 2017 12:55 PM

    Hi,

    I understand how difficult long distance relationships can be. The both of you are too far from each other than you would like, and that inevitably, somehow brings differences in the way you understand each other. 

    The most important part of any relationship is trust. See, when you meet the person everyday and interact with them face to face, building trust is easier. Now, in your case when the both of you don't meet for months together, this could be very challeging. So I suggest you introspect a little, and see if your relationship is built on trust or just mutual liking.

    If there was trust he wouldn't have lied to you in the first place. But it is also wrong to presume and decide by yourself why he did it. So, you could try and step into his shoes, and see things from his perspective. It is possible that he had no other option than to lie to you that one time. There could be a lot of possiblities, both positive and negative. So talk to him about why he lied to you in the first place.

    Secondly, long distance relationships are very notorious with this on and off feature. Sadly, two people who do not meet that often are usually too afraid to keep it going when they are apart. Distance sometimes makes people too vulnerable, while other times it makes the heart grow fonder. So here, it is you who has to figure out what you want out of this relationship. If you're serious about him, tell him. If you're not, ask him if he is. It is very crucial that the both of you are on the same page regarding your relationship. If it turns out that the both of you were looking for different things from the relationship, it would inevitably lead to heartbreak. So, sort that out.

    I hope this answers your question.

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Jul 07, 2017 09:08 PM

    Hey there!

    Hope are doing well.

    First of all, three good years are a huge time period to be with someone. It is easy to ask you to move on but it is equally tough to do so. I will never advice you to break up with him. All relationship do not always have a fairy tale romance. There comes a time when you want to run away from the person and also there are times when you want time to pause so that you can spend time with that special one longer.

    Long distance relationships are a tough call but what emerges out of it is a stronger bond. Of course you have been together for so long because of the love that keeps you from going away. Do not let that die. There are ups and down. Many people lie,break trust which is wrong but sometimes one lies because of the fear of loosing you without realizing that when the truth shall be revealed the bond might weaken.

    Let's not forget that he is trying to make up for his faults. To err is human,isn't it? I am sure there must have been times when you were also indecisive of his response and you did not tell something clearly. He is sending you proofs of the promises he is trying to keep up with, as a compensation of what he has done. I will not advice you to forget what wrong he has done but give him another chance. He might not be that bad either. Maybe it is situation that is at fault.

    You should keep connected and try to improve the situation if nothing gets better then you can think of slowly moving away.

    Hope this helps. 

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 07, 2017 04:57 PM

    Hey there! 

    It depends on you. 

    Do you seek comfort and warmth in this relationship? Do you think you will be better off without this relationship? Do you think your partner would also agree to terminate this relationship? 

    It would be wrong to terminate a relationship because you doubt that your partner is lying. Like you said, he has provided you proof to justify his honesty. However, you can and you should come out of this relationship if it's not how you would want your relationship to be. 

    See, all relationships are not about constant showering of love. However, if this relationship meets your criteria of a significant other then what's the harm being a part of it?

    There is always the option of taking a break from relationship where both of you can utilise your time off from the relationship to do other things. At the end of the day, both of you will know what is more comfortable and better for you. It should be a mutual decision therefore, whatever concerns you must be talked to with your partner. 

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