Why did I feel sad after meeting my old friends?

08 Jul
Name Confidential

I recently met with my friends from school, after a year. We used to be great friends, back then. But now suddenly after a year, when we met, it felt so weird and different. They have changed, I have changed too. I ended up feeling so sad later on. I got such negative vibes. Unlike earlier when being with them used to make me happy, this meeting left me feeling sad, empty and listless. I know they're still my friends and nice people after all, but I just don't want to meet them again. What do I do? Am I becoming one of those people who "forget their school friends when they get into college"? 

Responses 7

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Sep 18, 2017 12:46 AM

    Hey there! I hope you're doing well. 

    First of all I believe it is very important for you to realise that there is no such thing as a good or a bad person it is just that a particular situation makes us a good or a bad individual. Coming to your friend situation specifically I believe that it is not your fault at all maybe you are unable to adjust right now which is absolutely normal. There are times when we feel so taken away by things that we seem to move on so quickly that the people we have left Behind ISO away from us that we cannot go back and take them along and it is absolutely normal. It can also be that you have found a better company which is nice to say and I believe that if your friend also come to know about it they should not be jealous of it because we are your friends and friends are supposed to be happy about anything good happening in a life so they should be glad that we have finally a good company around. However it would be totally wrong to give up on that friendship totally and maybe you can recall the things that you have done together so that you realise how much they mean to you and maybe you can get back to them once in a while if not more.

  • Aishwarya K
    Aishwarya K   Jul 30, 2017 05:35 PM

    Hey, don’t be so quick to decide that you don’t want to meet your friends again. I am assuming that you just met them once after a long time and you didn’t feel the way that you used to before when you were with them. It is normal for you to feel strange because you were meeting them after such a long time, your friends might have also felt the same thing. It takes time for the level of comfort that you once felt around each other to kick in. It is possible that you and your friends were anxious to open up completely after a year which is what you might have mistook as negative vibes. There are so many possibilities like these which could have caused these misunderstandings. I think you should give your old friendship another chance. Let you and your friends settle down with each other so you can go back to sharing your deepest worries without any judgment.

    At the same time however, you need to realize that people change and you can’t do anything about it. The connection that you once felt with your old friends might not be there when you meet them again after a long time because of which you might not want to stay friends with them. But, that does not make you a bad person and it does not mean that you forgot your friends. When people change, their expectations from others change as well, so it is normal to want to hang out with different people.

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Jul 27, 2017 08:07 PM

    Hey. 

    I do not think that you're one of those who forget their school friends after they get into college. You still have value for your earlier relations, after all. It can also be that your friends could have become that way (God forbid if it is so). I think you should have a frank conversation with them about it- so that you can have a better picture of things. Even they can also realise if they want to be in touch with you or not. Perhaps they felt awkward seeing each other after a long span of time (maybe). Talking about it is the only thing which can help.

  • Anjali Khurana
    Anjali Khurana   Jul 23, 2017 09:32 PM

    a year is a long time for people to change and evolve. separation and distance obviously come into play when you spend that much time apart, particularly during that period between the ending of school and the beginning of college, because you go from spending 6-8 hours together every single day to hardly having the time to meet up once in a month. in school your lives were interwoven, you were all in one place, and the friendship could work more easily. now you are all on separate paths and are leading separate lives, some in different cities or countries altogether. it is a huge change for all of you to adjust to, and so it is entirely possible that you have grown apart.

    it is up to you to decide whether you'd like to give your friendship with them another shot or not. try meeting them once or twice, and then see how you feel. maybe you need to meet them more times to break down the awkwardness and the hesitance you all might be feeling. remember, every single one of you has spent a considerable amount of time without each other and are probably just trying to figure out how you fit into each other's lives now. other wise, just simply give yourself time to move on. it is entirely possible that you may have become different people that perhaps cannot get along anymore. sometimes people grow apart and that's okay, you will always have the beautiful moments of the friendship to cherish and look back on.

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 10, 2017 05:08 PM

    Hello there. 

    Its a skill to make friends. Many of us have problems making friends. It's true that we lose tough with our school friends as life happens. That does not mean you are any less of friends. You can't quantify it. 

    Lets face it, things change and we change. Even if you are not in touch with your friends for a long time, it does not mean you have to force friendship by staying in constant tough. Friendship is like an understanding. However, if you want things to be less awkward next time then I would suggest that you make efforts to enhance your communication with your old friends. It's obviously not easy to continue with the same school time, you both are mature now and have other priorities as well. 

    It is a possibility that even your friend felt like you did. Make you can talk to this out with your friend and make things a little less complicated. She used to be your great friend back then, I am sure she won't mind being open to you about this. Once this will resolve, you can know what changed and work towards a better relationship. 

  • Ravsharan Kaur
    Ravsharan Kaur   Jul 08, 2017 10:35 PM

    Hi,

    What you've gone through and what you felt about this situation is absolutely normal. Not only do situations and scenarios change, people are prone to change too. The friends you had in school shared with you an unbreakable bond back then because you met them on a regular basis, had normal interactions and knew that even if you meet after vacations, things would be normal for you guys because the whole "school vibe" made you comfortable and allowed you to trust the the situation and the bond you shared with each other.

    People make promises on their farewell days to be in touch. Infact this starts the day you enter 12th standard and people start sulking over the short time you guys have under the same roof before everyone is out there in their own world, busy and occupied. The numbered days make you live the most amazing memories and make you have a whole bucket of things to be remebered throughout your lifetime. 

    When you enter into college, you talk about the new incidents and people you meet. Everything's new and fresh. But as time passes by, the talks that lasted an hour are reduced to minutes and since you don't have anything in common to talk about, you are left with pointless discussions. This is what happens in most of the cases. There are a few out there, who actually make a worthwhile effort to be in touch and work on making the bond grow stronger than ever. But, sometimes people fail in doing so. And, its okay. You guys would still be talking on personal chats or groups but it wouldn't always remain the same as it once used to be. This occurs due to a changed set of priorities, understandings, time management etc. I've heard people say that they have friends who they don't talk to on a daily basis but when they do it's like they never stopped talking. You feel sad and empty on meeting them because the purposes and the times have changed.

    Not wanting to meet them doesn't mean you're the person who forgets their friends when you get into college. Your behaviour towards each other is likely to affect your relationship with them, but just accept the truth and know its okay for you to feel this way. And, this is a phase too. It shall pass away soon and who knows you might want or feel something different later on.

  • APOORVA PANDEY
    APOORVA PANDEY   Jul 08, 2017 10:00 PM

    A few days back, even I met some of school friends. The faces were same, their habits were similar, but still I came back with a feeling of being unfulfilled. I didn't really feel sad. But at the same time, I felt  that meeting with them may be didn't give me as much pleasure as it used to give me back then in school. These were very faces with whom I used to giggle away my school days, whose very presence or absence made or marred my day.

    I gave it a thought. And then I realised , a few things-

    • I was seeing them face to face after an entire one year. A hell lot of time. during this one year, the only way I was connected to them was whatsapp or a few occasional calls sometime. Nothing else. I realised that may be it was the effect of that. May be this was our renewed ice breaking session.
    • I just pondered over the setting where we met- a restaurant. A place where we definitely cannot go about doing all our madness as we used to do back then in school. May be my inability to realise this at that time dampened my mood a bit.
    • Also, tgis never meant that they mean something less to me or that I have become one of those people who forget their school friends once in college, its just that as we move on in life. We are not able to hold on as much to those people who once meant our world to us. That's alright. It does not imply that you have changed for the bad. It's just that suh changes are necessary.

    The crux is simply that - I am going to meet my friends again, soon .This time at my place and not at a restaurant .

    I suggest the same to you. Simply.

    GOOD LUCK!!