Should I fulfil my parents' dream or mine?

08 Jul
Name Confidential

I'm in my first year of college, committed to my studies, and all my extra curriculars are in line too. In short, I'm doing really well and I'm happy. But, my parents want me to pursue IAS. I scored well on my 12th board exams, and they think I have the potential. I think I have the potential too, but its not what I want to do. They want me to join coaching, but I know its just going to put me off my on going course at college, and I won't be able to give my 100% to either of the things. They're not forcing me, its a choice. I want to make my parents happy, but I just can't go for IAS. Should I think about it or let it go?

Responses 7

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Sep 18, 2017 12:43 AM

    I hope you're doing well. 

    It is really nice to see that somebody is so focused and dedicated towards to goals and it is also very nice to see that you know and you have a clear idea of what you want from my life which is a great achievement in itself. The most important thing that you need to realise here is that ur parents are your well wishes and they want us to do things which they think are the best for us it is not their fault either they think we are immature enough and specially in India where children do not have any say in their life decisions. I think the best thing you can do here is to directly go up to your parents with a very clear idea in your head about what you want from your life and presented very systematically and so impressive in front of your parents that they find the idea to be irresistible so that they help you out in every possible way and try to understand you and do not impose their decisions are suppressed urges on you. First of all it is clearly important for you to also realise your true potential and maybe if your parents of pushing you for civil services then maybe you can give it a shot but you can also tell them that if there are other things in your life you tell them that you will give it a shot later in life.

  • Aishwarya K
    Aishwarya K   Jul 30, 2017 05:43 PM

    Hey, I can understand your situation. We all know that our parents only want the best for us. Most of the decisions that we take they are often under the guidance of our parents. Our parents’ approval and support matter a lot to us. So it is normal for you to want to try and align your goals and plans with their expectations and their plans.

    You mentioned that they are not forcing you, but somewhere you still feel compelled to do what they are asking you to do. You also said that you want to make your parents happy. In this case, you need to understand that your parents will be happy when you are happy. Perhaps they believe that pursuing IAS will secure your future and make you happy. If that is not how you feel, then you should talk to them about it. Patiently try to explain it to your parents that you are more focused towards your college courses and that you have other plans.

    You need to openly talk to them about what it is that you really want to do. Tell them what you are passionate about and how preparing for IAS is not something that you want to do at all. Share with them your achievements and extra-curricular activities that you are participating in. They will be able to understand you better this way.

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Jul 27, 2017 08:30 PM

    Hello. I think you should go for a field wherever your interests lie in. Try to find it out. You can talk to any of your siblings, close friends and even to your parents. You can tell them that is not where your interests lie in and you want to go for some other career option. Your parents will never want you to do anything which you do not like. Perhaps they might be disappointed by your lack of interest but later they will accept it. I have seen this in my case as well. You are in first year so I presume you have a plenty of time to think about it. I'll advise you to think with a clear mind and not taking any impulsive decisions, take up internships in different fields. This will not just help in gaining exposure but also realising your skills. Hope this helps.

     

  • shivani sinha
    shivani sinha   Jul 22, 2017 12:28 AM

      "you know your ability, you know your reality; so, choose wisely                                            and independently"

     Yes, this is true. Leave behind what your parents wants from you, for now just focus on yourself. Think that what can you do better. Never blame anyone for your bad performance; remember each one know about their weakness and now it's person's choice to choose between their weaknesses and their strength. Parents might tell you to do or to do not do certain things, but if we know that what we are ggod at one thing and other thing is just bnot our cup if tea then fight for it. Here fighting doesn't means to fight physically but mentally and emotionaly. 

    Make your parents understand your dreams and capicity. they will understand becaus they are your parents and they only want your good. Make them understand that your happiness doesn't lies in civil services but in something else. You can do another thing i.e, ask your parent to spare you some time, ask them to give you some time and promise them that if your inerest won't  work out well then you will go for civil services. in this way you won't be hurting your parents and yourself as well. our parents know us better and also to uor capacities. So what if their interest doesn't match with yours, dont ignore their advice. some how or the other it will surely help you out. Parents just wants our life to happy and secured either your way or their ways, it doesn't matter.

    smile

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 10, 2017 05:01 PM

    Hi there! 

    I understand that career decisions are tough to take. In India, our behaviour is guided by our parental demands as well. Infact, it is dominated by them. In few families, parents are liberal with what their child should do while in others, they burden them with their own aspirations and aims. This dilemma of obliging to parental expectations takes a roll on youngsters. We don't want to upset them or threaten us for being a selfish child. Most times, we succumb to their needs. However, it's  should not be encouraged. In the long run, this doesn't benefit anyone. You pursue a career which your parents ask you to do, at the end, you are unhappy because you don't feel the competence or drive to work in that field. Eventually you quit your job. Parents will be dissatisfied again. 

    It sounds like your parents aren't forcing you to choose IAS, they have merely given you a suggestion. It's up to you to decide for yourself. If you enjoy what you are pursuing currently, then don't worry you are doing the right thing. However, if you have the slightest of doubt to divert your career track, think again and rationally. 

    Your parents will be happy as long as your happy. Besides, the age to appear for civil services is 21. You can join coaching and work for it once you are a graduate. 

  • Reshma Venugopal
    Reshma Venugopal   Jul 10, 2017 11:18 AM

    Hey there!

    Congratulations on your 12th board exams. First things first though, you need to understand the difference between pursuing your dreams versus pursuing your parent's dream. While many think it goes hand in hand, especially because we base most of our happiness on our parent's happiness. While that is a sweet thought, it becomes highly impractical for us. And yes, our parent's mean well but sometimes, they may try to make us fulfill their dreams on to us. 

    In this light, I think you are lucky that this isn't a forced decision, and if you are fairly sure that you can do well in the field you've chosen, then nothing else should matter. If you ever have the slightest doubt about something, then it is always better to stay away from that. Because let us just say that you do pursue IAS, and you do actually make it. But then when you actually begin doing your work, will you really be happy? Will it be worth it? Remember if you love your work, then it won't seem like work. And that will make you a happier and healthier person in the long run, both mentally and physically also. 

    Be wise, and think about your future self, and go for what you are more comfortable with. 

  • APOORVA PANDEY
    APOORVA PANDEY   Jul 08, 2017 09:29 PM

    Its quite commendable that you are able to manage things well and carefully balance between your studies and extra curriculars. Not many possess this virtue.Appreciate yourself for this.

    Now understand, just as you want your parents to be happy, they also want to see you happy. Considering the kind of intellect and talent you have, your parents might have thought that you can very well go into the civil services and may be even succeed at it. If anything, it reflects the faith your parents have on you. As you have yourself pointed out, it's a choice - a mere suggestion from your parents - about something that they think you can attempt and excel as well. 

    Now you need to understand that since it isn't a forced opinion being thrusted on you and that what your parents simply is your bright future, you just need to talk it over with them.Talk to them about how your interest lies somewhere else and how by directing your efforts that way , you can very well succeed in life. I am quite hopeful that considering the kind of supportive parents that you have got, you will very smoothly be able to talk it over with them.

    Also realise that by doing so, you are in no way going against your parents. You are just trying to simplify the things for yourself and your parents. That's the best choice for you.

     

    JUST GO AHEAD.

    GOOD LUCK!

Book an appointment