When is it time to move on?

09 Jul
Minaish Dhabhar

Hello everyone,

So I've got a question that I know a lot of people probably have different solutions to, and there isn't a fixed right answer, but I was hoping a psychologist's insight might help. 

So after a break up, a lot of the time, there's a choice people make between hanging on and trying to make it work, and moving on? But how does one know which is the right choice? And when is the right time to decide that trying to make it work isn't going to help and that moving on is the best solution?

Thank you. 

Responses 5

  • shivani sinha
    shivani sinha   Jul 24, 2017 02:12 AM

    Hello;

    We always get to hear that when two people are in love they fight the most, or where there is love people fight with each other, or person fight most from whom he love the  most. These all saying must be true because i also believe that some small fight is necessary to keep love awaken. Fights add more spice to love life and people know to get eachother a bit more. But, these fight shoud not be on big platform and self respect of either should not be harmed. Both girl and boy should give priority to their self respect and always stand for it, because a person who stands for own respect will always respect other.

    Love does not holds you back, it rather make you free; free to achieve your dreams. Love give you strength to face the world and achieve your dream. So, always keep in mind or just ask onself a question that has this relationship helped me to grow as the person or has pulled me down; you will get your clear answer.

    Going back to the person whom we broke up is not the big issue but the important thing is that; is that person worth giving the second chance or will i be happy and grow in my life? You will get your answer.

    I know it's difficult to rebuild trust again but ask the above question and answer will strike your heart first and trust what it says.

    Have the good life.

    THANKYOU. 

  • Mukul Arora
    Mukul Arora   Jul 23, 2017 03:17 AM

    Hi there, 

    I would just like to start this answer by saying "there is never to predict too ssoon that this partner is my right choice" . I don't think if there is any criteria of finding and choosing an ideal relationship. Because everyone is dofferent having different rquirements for their prefect partner. It is the life experience of every particular person which can help them decide that their choice is not wrong. For that they can only understand people,be with them,talk to them and shall be patient before making any judgement and if it turns out to be good then perfect otherwise there is only one way ahead by moving forward . It clearly require someone to be very strong to trust in relationships and love again and again. 

    And to answer you second question I would say the right time will be when the person who just went through breakup has recoverd and not desperate or depressed because at such times people end up making wrong decission. One must take time to recover and recall everything that has gone wrong and shopuld evaluate it. It will take time and some good hand of friendship if someone has been through really bad breakup from a long term relationship. But time is worth it rather than making decission again at weak times and later regretting it. SO only when the person is table and is able to think reationally then onlyperson should look forward to new realtionships. 

  • Manaswini Venkateswaran
    Manaswini Venkateswaran   Jul 11, 2017 03:06 PM

    To know what needs to be done, the best thing you could do is to look at the whole situation objectively. If you've tried everything you can to make things right and none of them have worked, it's time to leave. If the person won't budge and nothing will change, it's a lost cause. 

    It's good to try to keep the ones that you value but your efforts to keep them will only matter if they want to stay. You can't force someone to stay in a relationship that they don't want to stay in.

    Even if you think they might change their mind, just preserve what's left of your dignity and let them go. If it was meant to be, they'd find their way back to you. There's only so much time you can spend trying to convince them to stay. 

    Moving on seems to be used synonymously with not caring, which I don't think is true. You might care about someone very much but you might have still moved on from them after realizing that things wouldn't work and you are better off apart. 

    Moving on is learning to survive on your own. That doesn't mean you stop caring. It just means that you got a hold of your life and are trying to make it in the world. 

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 10, 2017 01:42 PM

    Hi there! 

    Every person reacts differently to a variety of situations. It's hard to make the best decision because we lack insight and critical thinking. 

    We make rash decisions and choices without thinking of its consequences. This results in later regret. 

    In the case of a relationship, people choose to make things work instead of moving on. Why is that? Because people want to stick to their commitments. They deny that things can't work. It's tough for people to realise that things are over, they live on hope. They hope for things to get better one day. I can't say prioritising your decisions based on hope is wrong, afterall it is the one thing that encourages us to wake up and work. The question is, why can't we let go of hope if it makes us unhappy? Isn't happiness more important? A person who is blind in love often fails to acknowledge the fact that he/she isn't happy anymore and that is the stem of further unhappiness. 

    Lets give intuition an important role here. People say you know the relationship is over when you miss the memories more than that the person. You just know when things are over. You will know when you don't have the energy to make things work, when you can't compromise or adjust anymore. 

    One solution to ask yourself 'do you see yourself with that person in the next 10 years?' This question raises insightful concern and makes one aware of what he/she wants. 

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Jul 10, 2017 01:23 PM

    Hello there!

    I appreciate how you have put up the answer. 

    There comes a time in every relationship where we doubt the love,affectio.It is normal but it is important to realize when things get over the top and stopping then is the best thing to do. Often,the question of staying or leaving depends on the situation. If it is the first time and then person is guilt about his wrong deeds,he deserves another chance.To err is human,isn't it. Often what happens is the person takes us for granted and hides things and indulges in the same things again,this kind of behaviour should not be tolerated. It is better to move away than it keep on being betrayed. If things get worse, better to side ways. I know it hurts a lot and it takes years to heal but it is better to leave something that is causing so much pain. We can also consult our friends,whom we trust to get a clearee picture. We can try to understand the other person's perspective sometimes what happens is that he sees no other choice and indulges into wrong doings but do what your heart thinks is right. Any act of betrayal should not be ignored,ever.

    Hope this helps.