Do I make my friend feel better or myself?

Responses 7

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Jul 30, 2017 08:40 AM

    Hello. It is natural to feel sad due to the loss of a loved one but you need to realise that everyone has to live and has to die on a specific day. You need to understand this and even make your friends realise this. Communicate with each other about the things you are going through as, when both of you will understand each other's issues you can help. And also don't keep talking about the dog and how much it had brought positivity and all that. It can bring in more grief. Maybe you can engage in some activity you like so that you are not over-thinking about it. Hope this helps. 

  • Deepti Trika
    Deepti Trika   Jul 26, 2017 11:57 PM

    Hello 

    I, myself being personally a big animal lover can totally understand the loss of a pet. Dogs are amazing creatures to be around with all the time. They are your best friends.

    So, loss of a pet is definitely heart-breaking but you see, dying is a natural mechanism and all living creatures have to die one day. It is definitely difficult to move in short time but accepting can make things a bit easier. In such cases, you can do little as much as being there with your friend. She needs you the most. You mere presence can help feel her calm and secure. 

    You are upset too. Try to resolve your issues. Share them with you other good friend who can help you in anyway. If they are way too serious, consider seeking professional help. 

    Try to keep aside your issues for sometime in a day and make time for her. If you will be able to help her in anyway, you will also feel good and relaxed. smile

    Do not worry. This is the cycle of life. With time, things are going to settle down and she will learn to adjust with new environment. 

    I hope it helps smile

  • Rimi Sharma
    Rimi Sharma   Jul 24, 2017 11:59 PM

    Hi! 

    What I believe is that if you are not healthy and happy yourself, you cannot make others happy. This is the same thing happening with you and your friend. If you are not happy and mentally fit, I don't think you’ll be able to make your friend feel any better. First, take some time out for yourself. Care for yourself. Love yourself. You need to feel better, too. Do whatever it is that you want to do, or feel that will lift your mood up, do those things and don’t feel guilty. We often forget to take care of ourselves due to so many things that we keep ourselves occupied with. So, when you go out, make sure your leave the sad person out and bring home a happier person!

    When you are at it, learn what is it that is making you feel so low.  Help yourself first. Ask yourself whether your feelings are rational  or not. Go back and see if there is any reason for your to be upset or not. Try to get yourself out of the sadness by focusing on good times of your life. I understand that you have gone through some rough days, but try to see the positive aspects that came out of them.

    Once that is resolved, tell your friend that you were not able to help her/him out in their time of need because you were upset too. I am sure that your friend will understand your situation the way you have understood theirs.

  • Manaswini Venkateswaran
    Manaswini Venkateswaran   Jul 11, 2017 02:47 PM

    Providing others with the help and support that they need has been shown to give one a boost. There's something about helping others that make us feel good about ourselves, so being there for your friend and trying to make her feel good might just lift your mood as well!

    Not to mention, it can give you a distraction from your own problems. It's temporary, but perhaps you'll be able to deal with it better once you've had a break from thinking about it. When I have a problem and I help someone who is going through something similar, I am better able to take my own advice later, having just given the solution to someone else.  

    However, don't make a habit of it or do it when you are absolutely not up to it. Make sure that you are as likely to receive support as you are to give it. Giving support to people who do not do the same for you can be incredibly draining. They'll get too dependent and draw on your emotional and mental resources.

    Taking care of your loved ones is very good but there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first as well sometimes.  

     

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Jul 11, 2017 01:41 PM

    Hello there!

    Hope you are doing well.

    It is important to feel good and at peace with yourself first in order to help others.It is the vibe that helps more than anything.It is great to know that you empathize with your friends but according to me,what is important is to let go of your bad feelings first.Please feel free to vent out your feelings,here.We are all here to help. With a stress free mind you can help your friend better.If you are yourself upset,it might worsen your friend's situation as well. She has a valid reason to be sad.It is animals that provide more comfort and loyalty towards us than fellow humans so it is normal.She will take time to adjust.It is as bad a slosing a loved human,perhaps worse.

    My bottomline will be that please try to channelize your anxiety and discuss your problem with someone,not your friend, and then feel better about yourself.It would be great to help your friend thereafter.I am sure you will be able to help her through.In the meanwhile,you can ask one of your mutual friends to talk to her or console her or you can talk about our problems to anther friend and then help this friend with the love and comfort she wants. 

    Hope this helps.

  • APOORVA PANDEY
    APOORVA PANDEY   Jul 10, 2017 08:53 PM

    Hey,

    May be you should try to bring yourself into a better mood first. Unless you yourself feel good, you will not be able to really render any useful help to your friend. Try to figure out the reason behind your mood. If you feel that the reason isn't really great, well then may be you can help out your friend first.

    Meanwhile, you need not directly discuss the problem with your friend, however you may go out on walks with her. That may help her as well as you to feel better. You may at such times, try to talk over with your friend and also try telling your state of mind to her. Such mutual conversations really help us feel less burdened.

    GOOD LUCK!

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 10, 2017 04:52 PM

    Hello there! 

    Its good that you have the ability to empathise with others and want to help. 

    Sometimes we should let others self-heal. Your friend won't have a person to handle her all the time. She will have to face circumstances where she will have to bounce back on her own without getting help from a friend. This one time will help her learn how to not rely on others all the time but be her own support. 

    For mutual benefit, I would ask you to express your share of problems to your friend and let her express her concerns. Sometimes all we need is a lending hear. Once you have expressed your sorrows, you might feel relaxed and light. This is also called as catharsis where you vent out your feelings to others in order to take off your emotional burden. This could be a good idea considering how both of you are in distress right now. 

     

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