Fear of losing people

12 Jul
Name Confidential

Our nature and personality is always undergoing changes as we progress through life. Speaking from my experience, I've turned from being an extrovert to an introvert. Talking to new people and engaging myself in new tasks is somewhat scary.

There is a constant fear I've been facing for years of losing the ones I love. This fear unintentionally causes me to drift apart, before others do. Overthinking and pessimism is what I've invited in my life as a result of this fear. What should one do to overcome this fear? Also, how cautious one needs to be while sailing in this boat called Friendship?

Responses 5

  • Aishwarya K
    Aishwarya K   Jul 30, 2017 05:28 PM

    There are some questions that you need to ask yourself which will then help you to make your decision. Do these people, that you call friends, love you enough to prioritize you when you need them? Do they have good intentions? Do they genuinely care about you? Do you sometimes feel that they only approach you when they need something? Is it possible that you might have misunderstood them? Did you ever try to approach them? Were they available when you did?

    Another aspect which is important to understand is that people do not magically understand our expectations and what we want from them. This is something that we often forget and always expect our loved ones to know what we want. Therefore, communication is key. Try to talk to your loved ones about what you expect from them, it might clear things up. It will also help you to get rid of your fear of losing your loved ones. You just need to make sure that people don’t take advantage of you. You can do that by giving yourself more importance sometimes when it is necessary.

  • Radhika Goel
    Radhika Goel   Jul 14, 2017 05:35 PM

    Hey, hope you are doing well :)

    Last year going from school to college, I experienced something similar. I was very comfrotable in initiating conversations with everyone and found myself feeling at home in most social settings. However, at college, I often stay in my room and spend more time binge watching shows than engaging with others. So, to answer the first part of your question, it is normal for people to change the way they wish to engage in difeerent settings. It is normal progression of life. This only becomes problematic when you feel uncomfortable as an introvert or an extrovert and wish to chnage that about yourself.

    Freindship is a beautiful gift. You parents are meant to love you unconditionally, however friends are the family you get in your life. You chose to spend your time with these people because spending time witht them makes you feel happy and you cherish them. These friends also help you when you are in a crisis and are there to support and love you. Thus, appreciating your friends and recognising their love for you can make your skeptical outlook towards love go away. To help yourself, you could engage in a few trust exercises with your freinds and spend more time with them.

  • SAKSHI BAJAJ
    SAKSHI BAJAJ   Jul 13, 2017 11:46 PM

    Hi,

    We all change constantly with our circumstances as you have mentioned. That is evolution. Who we become is a consequence of what we go through. We all have our share of ups and downs. We might have some pretty unpleasant experiences with people but that shouldn’t stop us from trusting new ones. We have to try, after all. And who we are as kids, or the type of personality we think we have, might not be real. It is just we don’t recognize that at the time. Maybe you were an introvert all along. Being an introvert is not wrong. It is just how certain people are. They can’t really help it and don’t have a choice. They are wired that way. Also, it’s not something that needs to be fixed. I know many people who like the way they are. It makes them happy. You need to recognize your needs. If being around people makes you happy, and you like going out, and are sociable, then this alienation might just be a phase. If you think your apprehensions are getting in the way of personal or professional progress, you can consult a professional therapist and seek the required help. Or you could work on your confidence by taking risks. You could approach new people, start a conversation rather than waiting for them. Another thing that you mentioned is fear of losing your loved ones. I assure you, it is something everyone goes through. We all are social beings and need people to survive. However, you need to tell yourself that people who genuinely care about and love you would not leave your side. You should be able to invest in good relationships and be with people who foster your existence rather than questioning it. When the friendship is real, you feel it. You get the vibes. You can also look for the traits that your previous failed or successful relationships had. You don’t need to be with people who don’t make you happy. Recognise what makes you happy and go after it. Hope this helps. Take care.

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Jul 12, 2017 12:45 PM

    Hello there!

    I can so much relate to the situation since I have myself experienced the shifts from being introvert to extrovert and vice-versa. In today's times,to my surprise we are moving towards individualistic culture where the love and affection is superficial that we find it difficult to connect with anyone.

    This can be rooted from something you have lost in the past that is stopping you from developing bonds.Please know that it is tough but important to engage in social relationships.It is not advisable to not believe in friendship because someone betrayed us,to not love again because someone was unfaithful. It takes a lot of courage to rise above such trauma but the darkness does not define you,how you move towards light is what makes you and strengthens you.I know better said than done but you can always try to interact with new people,not trust them instantly but try believing in them.You can revert to your family for support,for I am sure they shall not leave our side.

    In times when you feel awkward socializing,feel free to move away and enjoy your own space.That is equally important but make sure  this does not become a habit.

    If such behaviour is intervening in your normal routine,feel free to consult an expert from the site itself for they enlighten you better.

    Hope this helps.

  • Priya Ratti
    Priya Ratti   Jul 12, 2017 12:42 PM

    Hi

    I understand how scary it is to even think about losing the people you love. The possibility of losing them, is makes us feel so fragile and vulnerable. 

    However, this fear leading you to drift apart from them is something very different. The fear of losing people makes us love them even more, normally. But unintentionally drifting apart is something that probably suggests that since you are afraid of losing them, you're afraid of getting close to them. In simpler terms, this means that because you are aware of the fact that you might lose them in the future, you choose to not grow any more close or intimate to them, because in the long run they will leave you. This is what I think your fear is manifesting as.

    Do not let pessimism creep into your life. Cherish the people you love for as long as you have them, because after all, nothing in this world is temporary. All things end. We can't control that stuff. But what we can control are the moments we spend and the memories we make out of them. Live in the present, and know that you can only love your loved ones right now, at best. 

    Be positive. Hope this helped.