How to overcome worries?

12 Jul
Ayushi Jolly

I met this 21 years old girl in college who has recently graduated.She is a bright student and believes in practical knowledge and exposure.Recentl,she could not clear the entrance exams to any top universities.Being a psychology student,it is difficult to manipulate her since she herself knows the tricks.She feels that her life has lost purpose and has started considering herself as a failure,which she certainly isn't. I tried explaining that this is not the end of the world.How can I help her? Also,how can she personally improve her morale?

Responses 5

  • Shreya Narayanan
    Shreya Narayanan   Aug 04, 2017 05:59 PM

    Hi,

    Simply grin at her and say 'failure is beautiful', she'll be confused,so are you reading this now.

    Just like success,failure has equal chance of being beautiful. Through failure you can understand so many new things,like the areas or fields that inspire you and motivate you to do something,then about those areas which you do not like or you're weak in,etc. That is why I say,failure is beautiful.

    Now,preaching would be annoying for her, because she already knows the tricks like you say,so tell her to take a vacation. I did the same and now I'm starting afresh. I knew I did not wish to pursue C.A and so,I took a mini vacation to Chennai to meet my friends and I came back,now back to a fresh start.

    People need to understand that failure needs to happen with everyone once a while,only then a person would learn when to be haughty and when to be humble.

    Improving the morale needs to be done. Close friends need to stay with her and remind her of her time when she was happy.Accepting failure is the first step to success.

    Hope my above words have enlightened you in some way. Thank you 

  • Rimi Sharma
    Rimi Sharma   Jul 24, 2017 12:04 AM

    Hey, there! 

    Thanks for the post!

    It is indeed sad to see people who were doing so well in life giving up on their hopes and dreams after losing one fight. But, it’s okay as long we have people who care. Because no matter how much we stray from our paths, people who care always bring us back.

    I think there is no need for manipulation. Being a psychology student does not mean that she knows what’s happening to her and she can get out of it herself. Had it been so, she would never have been in this situation. What you need to do as her friend is to show her the light of hope that is still there, meaning the opportunities she still has to excel in her career. You can tell her that she can prepare for this one year and give the exams again. One exam does not define her future. She has been doing well all this time and she will do well again. It is only a small hurdle which will make her stronger.

    Try explaining to her everything, being as genuine to your feelings as possible. With people like her, I think they need people to tell them the truth rather than just consoling for the sake of consoling.

    If she does not seem to listen to you advice, I think it would be better to step back. Maybe she will soon find her way of it her herself.


    I hope this helps you and your friend. Take care!

  • Radhika Goel
    Radhika Goel   Jul 16, 2017 12:29 AM

    Hey, hope you are doing well :)

    No matter how many posts we read about getting yourself back up once you fail or continue to try until you succeed, we find it difficult to practice it when we actually face such a situation. In times like these, we need to be reminded that we are better and that hard work can do wonders. Despite the fact that your friend knows all the tricks, you need to use them because she cannot administer them on herself. You can use success stories of people who failed and then worked hard to achieve what they wanted from your

    First, you should help her evaluate her choices. Is she passionate about pursuing psychology and if so you can use success stories of people who failed and then worked hard to achieve what they wanted from your acquaintances or other famous people. If not, present to her other options. Make her realise that there are several opportunities awaiting her and that she cannot let one failure define her life.

    Hope you are able to change her perspective!

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Jul 12, 2017 10:27 PM

    Hi!!!

       I can clearly understand about your plight situation.As being a psycology student and with these depression is quite wonder.You can help your friend in many ways as you also be in the field of psycology.You may also come across many lessons and learnings of these types of trauma.she may suffer from depression and stress of being dejected of something that happens in her life.

         As you have been mentioned in your post,being dejected in exams is such a part of our life to be come acrossed.If she feels depressed of her failure then she can't achieve in the following events of her life.Be calm and don't lose her self-confidence level.Always support her and boost her to cope up with her results.

      You may suggest her to consult some counselors to reveal the depression behind her.You can also prefer her some online counselors like eWellness Expert.They are the best online counselors who can resolve all kind of depression and stress.

    Hope it helps :)

     

  • Reshma Venugopal
    Reshma Venugopal   Jul 12, 2017 02:55 PM

    Hi Ayushi!

    I believe you have probably done or said what most of us would have done or said if we were in the same situation. So I will probably suggest something that might not be one top of everyone's list of doing things. 

    At this point, no matter what you say or anyone say's might not be a reasonable answer to her. Failure often has devasting effects on one's mind, and while we are supposed to learn from failures, many will take it in the most negative way possible. Your friend has clearly created a wall around her after this failure. She has given up hope because of this. And perhaps one reason for this is because she has never failed before. And even if she did, she probably did not take it too seriously because it was a small matter. And maybe this is what you could use to restore her faith in herself. Tell her this is probably one of her first major failures, and this does not prove anything, because if she survived the parts that a lot of us have had issues with, then she should be good. Ask her to stop playing the victim because that isn't going to fix matters. I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes with people like this, telling them facts and being stern and also showing tough love is the best way forward. 

    I also think it is important that you ask her to get out of her shell and do more activities that she is already good at. If she is good at a sport, ask her to do more of that because she will feel more motivated and less depressed. Ask her to start mending her mistakes, maybe go for a re-sit of the exam, or look for another viable alternative that she could do (maybe a change in course). 

     Also let her know, that it is not a must to be in a top university to show your worth. She can give herself a new chance by going to her second last or last option for university and take a transfer for next year to the top ones. This will keep her motivated to work better and harder and hence will be able to see the results. 

    I think in her case, in particular, it is important that she takes actions rather than just say things. Because she clearly has the potential to do greater things with herself. 

     

    Hope this helps.

     

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