How do I be nice to people?

14 Jul
Name Confidential

Ever since I can remember, I've been an introvert. This has always made me be a lover of silence and solitude. Anything that disrupts these two things, frustrates me, to say the least. So when people come over to my place, I just hate it. I hate guests. People staying over for days, creating uproar and havoc. I want to be nice to them, but after a point it becomes tough for me to hide my frustration. I know in India we equate guests with the god. I know this is wrong but this is who I am. Can I do anything about it?

Responses 10

  • Shreya Narayanan
    Shreya Narayanan   Jul 30, 2017 03:41 PM

    Hey there,

    Introverts don't hate people,they just prefer reading a novel on a couch on a Saturday night than go out for clubbing. 

    You say you can not hide the frustration you feel when loud guests come over and stay, that's normal because you're afraid you'll lose your privacy for that period.

    Now, I'm not saying change your habit or stop being a baby about it because this type of problem is common in many households,but showing common courtesy would help improve your relations with them.

    I'm also not saying to go and chill with them all the time, because that would be trying to mould you which nobody wants. Just keep calm and let them be the way they are,most importantly be the way you are.

    Getting angry and shouting would only create a big drama and you know people love drama. They won't stop talking about it. If the guest overdoes it, politely tell them not to indulge in further disruptive activies.

    So my piece of advice would be simple,ignore and get busy with your stuff. Simple and cordial exchange of pleasantries wouldn't harm you and you know what to do if they get on your nerves. 

    Have a good time with your guests and may patience be with you.

  • Sukanya Mitra
    Sukanya Mitra   Jul 26, 2017 09:29 PM


    being introvert is amazing. and yes introvert do like silence and they like spending some quality time in silence with themselves and these are totally fine.

    go through this link and feel good about yourself first. :)

    now coming to your problem. you said when they disrupt your peaceful state, you lose your calm and react.

    one thing you can do is that inform your other family members about this or you can directly talk to the guest. so maybe they won't cross your path. but this wouldn't be effective much.

    see what you need to understand that everyone is different. you like serenity, you continue your day to day task with peace. but another person can do the same thing incomplete different way. and that is also okay. you need to embrace that. you need to accept their behavior. you need to accept yourself as well as them as they are. I know no body want to misbehave with their guest but it just happens, right? so the key is to accept them as they are. and whenever you feel restless say yourself " it is okay. they are not like me. I am accepting that fact " and with that let go your anger and frustration.

    hope this answer helps you. glad you shared with us :)

    take care...

  • Tanvi Kalra
    Tanvi Kalra   Jul 22, 2017 01:02 PM

    Hey! Being an introvert is not bad. Firstly,  be yourself. You don't have to be a people pleaser. As man is a social animal we need to share our space with others. Try by interacting with others or you can be a good listener. When you include others in your life, slowly slowly you will be able to interact. When you meet people who match your intellect; you will automatically become interactive. No need to worry much about it. Just try talking it out.

  • Mukul Arora
    Mukul Arora   Jul 22, 2017 12:52 AM

    Hello there!
    I've been an introvert myself . It's not that something is worng with you but you must be clear about the difference of being alone and being lonely. Being alone means as you said you do not like ay company nad crowd seems to annoy you. Now if you like this and if you are happy being so then it is just your nature and nothing to worry about. Anyway, in certain situation we prefer being alone not because we like to but because we think we will be safe alone and are afraid to take chances and afraid of excitement of being other people. That is the sign of loneliness and often depression. I am not saying it is necessary that you have depression, please do not get alarmed. But in any case as I don't have much info about your past life I can only suggest you to introspect yourself and see if you have became introvert after some specific life experience or trauma. In that case I would ask you to seek professional help and not because you like to be alone, it is because you need to open up and realise what has happened and what it did to you. 
    And if everything has been fine, thne i would suggest you do not need to be anxious about this thing, it is just your individuality and there is nothing wrong with it.Thanks

  • Harpreet Kaur Chhabra
    Harpreet Kaur Chhabra   Jul 21, 2017 05:03 PM

    Hey , 

    I can really relate how you feel when guests come over , I had the same emotions about it . But let's first talk about your affinity to silence and solitude .It is completely fine if you enjoy silence but when it comes to solitude, it starts deterioting your mental health once you become accustomed to it . Even an animal needs the company of other creature otherwise it runs mad , as it was established in a research work . I am not asking you to start socialising instantly , just start sharing your space , maybe with a pet , that way negative thoughts won't build up their influence around you . 

    When talking about guests , let's just assume you apply for your dream job and you dislike your colleagues because of their constant habit of interrupting your privacy or any other reason . What would you do ? Would you quit your DREAM job just because of some people ? Quitting the job because of some people obviously is a stupid idea .

    What should we do then ? We should try to make it a habit of not letting anyone disturb our mental peace . I understand some people have this annoying habit of intervening  your personal space , but lets just gulp down the frustation and focus on our work . As even a minute of irritation or anger is harmful to health .

    I hope it would help you !! :)


  • Devanshi Padaliya
    Devanshi Padaliya   Jul 21, 2017 04:02 PM

    Hi. Greetings from my side. Hope you are doing well. As you said you that you don't like people around i would say there is nothing to be guilty about because I feel the same way its okay to want your own space and privacy. Not liking people around is just something you like there is nothing bad about it because you don't want to hurt others, right? It's just the matter of preferences. But as far as it is concerned with causing you to frustrate and get irritated its not right. For the sake of your parents or your family you should try and keep calm. I know it seems here that its easy to say but very hard to imply, but you could give it a shot. There are times when you don't like certain things but have to adjust with them. And what if eventually you might even start liking it. Like how when we all were young and were forced by our teachers to sit with someone we didn't even talk to and were far from our friends group, but eventually when we get to know that person,  it generally turns out to be our best friend. 


  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Jul 17, 2017 07:14 PM


       Hope you are doing well. I can clearly understand about your plight situation. First of all, I suggest you to change your character of being introvert. If you love to stay alone and in silence, you can’t share your happiness to double them and sadness to reduce them. Better you can create at least one or two friends who can help you better to resolve the stress or problems in your life. And If you love to be alone and introvert when you are besides with your guests. You can listen some music in your head phones, after 5mins of their arrival. Because If you start to listen up music whenever they arrive they feel guilty of your rejection.

    We should not hurt others by our activities. You can also read some books which can help you much better to stay alone. You can have some valid reason of being alone in front of your guests. You can also do something interesting like painting, playing some musical instruments, cleaning up your shelf or cupboard with music in your head phones, Which can also helps you to enjoy your silence and solitude and also helps your guest not to thing bad about your character of avoiding them.

    Hope, it helps you!!

    Take Care  :)

    APOORVA PANDEY   Jul 15, 2017 08:51 PM


    May be the traits that you have just described put you more in the category of an individual who dislikes company than an 'introvert' as you have described yourself. You need to understand first that introverts aren't those who dislike company or remain aloof all the time.

    having said that, I feel that it is always okay if sometimes you want to be alone or you do not like people to come over at your place. However, venting out such feelings of frustration at others can have a very detrimental effect on your relations with others.Try keeping your calm when such situation arises. Take solace in the fact that people will stay with you for a few days and then will go away. Meditate to keep your frustration levels under control.


  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Jul 15, 2017 11:52 AM

    Hello there!

    Please know that being an introvert is not at all bad. It is the conformity of enjoying your space and finding peace and comfort with yourself. Disruption of any daily life activity causes frustration. So it is totally normal. Guests are not always good. I am a single child so even I have always lived in a privacy more than others and have lived that way alwasy. It was difficult for me to live in a hostel. Even I get pissed when relatives come over disrupting my lifestyle. It is not always your fault. Maybe their behaviour is interfering our lifestyle,maybe they are not realizing the difference between guest and hosts. Also,some people are unable to think how the other person shall think,they always think in terms of ego-centrisim. The thoughts they have are being shared by all and do not understand the difference of opinions. 

    Although,this is a toatlly externally controlled situation so there is little we can do. However,we can try to keep our calm,stay and dine with them but for solace we can lock our room and mainatin our calm,go out for a walk,talk to our parents and wait for them to depart.

    Hope this helps!

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Jul 15, 2017 09:34 AM

    Hi there! 

    It's completely fine to be who you are. You are an introvert and you don't prefer socialising. That's okay. That's your personality. 

    However, sometimes we have to adjust to the changes in the surrounding. Things won't always be how you want them to be. If tomorrow you apply for a job and you don't like work related functions, you will have to swallow your frustration and make ways for it to work. Besides, a little bit of socialising is important for high emotional skills. 

    At this point of time, when you have guests and known people at your house, it's easier to learn how to adjust. With strangers, it will be relatively tough because they don't understand your ways and rules. 

    I won't ask you to completely change as a person. Just step out of your comfort zone a little, try to indulge more into social gatherings, talk to your guests. If it helps, talk about things you like or ask them how they are. People like talking about themselves, this way you won't have to talk much and the person would think of it as a fruitful conversation. 

    Incase you are too frustrated, go to you room and enjoy solitary. Take rest and then try adjusting again. 

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