Guilty of having fun when family member is suffering

25 Jul
Name Confidential

I have been in a dilemma for a very long time now. My mom's real brother is undergoing surgery, an infection was spreading all over his body and damaging organs. For 2 days, his status was crucial. However, he is recovering now or so I have been told. My mom and dad and other family members have gone to visit him. I stayed back because college. While they are gone, I waste a lot of time. I watch movies and go out with friends more often because they are not at home and I have the freedom. I feel too guilty for having fun when someone this close is suffering. I don't know what to do. Is it okay to have fun at this time?

Responses 11

  • Nimisha singh
    Nimisha singh   Aug 05, 2017 10:22 PM

    Hey there.

    I hope you are fine and doing well. 

    First i need to tell you that you dont need ot feel guilty. Everthings is going to be okay. And its not bad that you are going out with you friend and parting. According to me its completely alright. also in this situation are staying positive and are not letting the stressors affect you which is good.

    Also indirectly you are uplifting the moods of your parents. Imagine how stressed they would be and when return home they would see you smiling and spreading positivity, that would really make them realaxed and normalize them.

    what you can do is ask your parents if they need anything. Just help them out in doing the common things like preparing food and managing all the housing stuff. this feel really make them happy and they will forgets all there tension. And so if you help them out with theses stuffs you wont feel guilty while going out with your friends.

    I hope this helps 


    APOORVA PANDEY   Jul 30, 2017 10:34 PM


     More than anything else what is important is how you feel towards that family member. You are not physically present with him , but even when you are not there , you care for him and you think for his wellbeing. Obviously you cant stay away from him spending all the day pondering, crying and feeling bad about him. So if you go out with your friends to divert your mind, there’s no harm in that. It is so much better to be away from someone and still wish for someone’s well being rather than being with someone, without any true feelings.


    Don’t self blame yourself for  this. No need to feel guilty. If talking to him over phone makes you feel better, please do call him up and say a hi. He is getting well. So stay happy.


    Take care.



  • Deepti Trika
    Deepti Trika   Jul 29, 2017 01:42 AM


    Having fun is not bad and at this point, it is good or not, you are going to decide for yourself.

    If you feel guilty, which is a clear indicator that you think you're doing wrong, you should drop doing this, though not totally because you cannot be sitting alone at home all the time.

    If you think you are wasting time, then start utilizing your time. Start spending your time in a productive manner. You may stop feeling guilty that you are wasting your time. 

    If you feel you are taking undue advantage if yur time, then immidiately stop it. Start taking positive advantage of your freedom. How you can do that, you can decide that better for yourself.

    Had I been at your place, I would have tried a lot of dishes because no one is there to give me advices and suggestions.


    Having fun is not bad but taking undue advantage of your freedom may not be as good. It's okay to watch movies, but all the time, may be unhelpful. smile

    Hope you have a good day ahead. 

  • Shanmugi B.P
    Shanmugi B.P   Jul 26, 2017 07:20 PM


       Hope you are doing well. I can clearly understand about your plight situation. Having fun is your rights to enjoy your life. But also place, people and situation plays a huge role in that. If you smile when someone is at sad and depressed, it makes them to feel more depressed and in sorrow.  And also being a adolescent its common in nature. Everyone in this stage will feel happy without any stress. And also it’s the only stage to enjoy our life. If you feel guilty to have fun, you can better arrange some timings/schedule to visit him so that, you feel better. At least try to visit him once before recovers well or discharges from hospital.

      Also your parent’s will feel proud of you, taking care of your family. :) Life is only once. So , Be yourself, enjoy yourself. Once you see back your life, you should feel the fulfilled happiness which automatically puts you a great smile in your face. You should also be unique to shine in your life.

    Don’t take an example, be an example !!!!

    Hope, it helps you

    Take Care :)


  • sarah Sarosh Pavri
    sarah Sarosh Pavri   Jul 26, 2017 02:39 PM


    I'm sorry for what you are going through.

    I feel that it's not completely okay to laze around all day. Ofcourse you can't be sad about the situation all the time. 

    Let me give you a different perspective. I believe your uncle's recovery preocess is going smoothly so you don't need to worry about it. Your parents and relatives will put the least amount of pressure or stress on you because you have your college work to focus on. They are the one's who are under a lot of stress but they won't show it because they are trying to be strong around you. What I would like you to do is to help your parents as much as possible. Make their worries seem a bit less by offering to help every chance you get. in times like these, family should stick around and help each other out. It's okay to feel guilty and you can't change what happened in the past. But you can change the future. 

    Try doing small things like keeping the house clean, staying at home whenever your parents need you to. Try running errands once in awhile. 

    Remember that is okay to enjoy what you're doing and having fun. You shouldn't wallow about it but realize your mistake and rise above it.

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Jul 25, 2017 10:44 PM

    Hello. Firstly, you're able to understand the seriousness of the situation and then experiencing guilt is a good sign and morally speaking, it will not at all sound good that you're hanging around with your friends. Perhaps your parents would not want you to be too much involved in such affairs and rather focus on your academics and being sad or brooding over your uncle's illness would not do any good, right? From that outlook, maybe having a light moment with closed ones- whether it is your family or any friend who knows about the familial problems going on. In that case your present activities may not look as bad as you feel.

  • Mehak Ahmed
    Mehak Ahmed   Jul 25, 2017 06:25 PM

    Hi! I'm sorry to hear about your uncle and I hope he recovers soon. I think that you should first accept your acts and forgive yourself. Its okay. And if possible you should visit him or call him regularly, this will help you feel better. Its fine to distract yourself by enganging in fun activities but remember that the reason for you to not go and visit him was your studies. So make sure that's your foremost priority and you do full justice to this because this will help you get over your guilt that you actually worked and studied, the reason because of which you couldn't meet your ailing uncle. Once you've given just and considerable time to this, its fine for you to go out with your friends becasue you're fulfilling your responsibilty of being in touch about his health and also being productive. You too deserve a break!

  • Radhika Goel
    Radhika Goel   Jul 25, 2017 02:55 PM

    Three years ago, my grandfather was also hospitalized. He was at the hospital for a long period, about 8 weeks. During this time, I was not allowed to go the hospital and got reports only at night when someone came from the hospital. Some days I would find myself helpless and worried and on other days I would try and forget and enjoy myself. So, I understand the position you are in. What I will suggest is this; You should not sit around and mope all day because there is nothing you can do from home except hope for good health and recovery but at the same time you should not take advantage of the freedom you now have because of it. You should try and spend your time doing productive things or anything that would help your parents go through this hard time like taking care of yourself and your house. It is important that you forgive and forget and do the right thing whenever you decide to do so.

  • Mukul Arora
    Mukul Arora   Jul 25, 2017 02:43 PM

    Hello there!

    First of all I must say I can understand because many people wonder about the same thing feeling guilty about this. And I must tell you this regardless of anything you should not feel guilty about such. I understand that he is very close relative who you didn't see at such difficult time but try to make sense out of this. He has family with him, your parents are already with him. Neithery your presence or your absence is going to cause trouble to him. He will be alright. You stayed behind for college purpose and what you do in your free time is your choice. Just because somebody is not good of health it doesn't make any sense to hurt yourself in anyway .Feeling guilty or not enjoying is'nt gooing to make any affect on his health but still if you are burdened then you can take a day off to go and see him once and see that he is doing well and then you can come back.Even he might not want you sacrifice your everyday activities .He would like you to enjoy your life . 

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Jul 25, 2017 02:07 PM

    Hello there!

    I am so sorry to hear about your relative and hope he recovers soon.

    Coming to your situation,I believe that we often prioritize our feelings more than others and I do not see any harm in it. 

    See,now a days we all are so busy in our nuclear families that the bonds the previous generation had cannot be developed by us,so we all are not very attached to our relatives,altogether. Maybe,you are not that clcose to him and understand that we all are born to die.That is the end of everything. What matters is how you have been to that person. 

    Deep down,you are sure he will recover,or do not really know what is actual state is,so you cannot show feelings when you do not know the intensity of the illness.

    So,it is fine that you are going out with friends because you do not get to do these things otherwise. Also,it is good that you are distracting your mind from the worry. 

    Being far away from your uncle,you can give sympathy and support over calls. Support your mom and family,when they are back. Do not indulge in something you might regret later. For now,I see no harm in going out. Hope this helps!


  • Sukanya Mitra
    Sukanya Mitra   Jul 25, 2017 10:54 AM


    I know what are you going through.

    At your age, it is very natural to waste time. you stayed back because you have to attend college and during the time when you were not involved in studies, you did all the stuff what is making you feel guilty. you feel guilty due to two reason. one is you are not studying and second is your uncle is ill. now, the thoughts which arose in your mind are quite natural. happens to everyone. but you need to understand that being in guilty and regretting your act will not put anything in correct place. what you have to do now is rectify. but before you try to introduce changes you have to let all this go. this means you have to forgive yourself for all this. think as I shouldn't  have done this but now I forgive myself and from now I will take care not to repeat all this. See, forgiving will take off the guilty feeling from you and then only you would improve. its works like this - if you are angry at someone, you don't want to talk to them. so you will not try to resolve the issue with him/her. the same thing happens with yourself too. 

    it's ok what you have done. but now keep in the notice to never repeat it. after all, no one is perfect. everyone has flaws. it's good that you shared with us. :)

    I will pray for your uncle's good health.

    hope this answer helps you. :)

    take care.

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